New Zealand Listener

Political superpowers unmasked

They try to be modest about it – well, not Shane Jones, obviously – but our political leaders are frequently pestered by the Marvel superhero movie franchise.

The superpowers concentrated in our Parliament are not widely appreciated, but are highly developed in many of our senior ministers and frontbenchers.

Jones is one of the very few superheroes who’s “out”. As everybody knows, you can run, you can hide, but there’s no escape from … Bombastador. With his blistering vocabulary and marae-strength te reo, our Regional Economic Development superhero can verbally strafe entire industries and mighty corporations from any distance.

Bombastador has a seemingly generous side, aerially topdressing provincial New Zealand with loans and grants, but this is, in reality, a subtle reign of terror. The people know they have no choice but to use this funding for Self-Improving Projects, such as jetties and roundabouts, whether they need them or not, otherwise Bombastador will give them his trademark Pompousonic Talking-To.

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