The God of Second Chances: Experiencing His Grace for the Best of Your Life
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A second chance . . . all of us have needed one at some point in our lives.
As children, we beg our parents to give us "just one more chance." As adults, we turn our pleadings to God for another opportunity, just to start over again.
In this revised and updated version of The God of Second Chances, author Stephen Arterburn takes us through his own journey of pleasure-seeking and ambition to a life-changing encounter with the reality of God's grace. Arterburn is painfully honest, sharing his personal experiences with sexual immorality that culminated in the abortion of his child. It was then, desperate and at the end of himself, that Arterburn cried out to God for a second chance.
Through his willingness to share his struggles, Arterburn helps us to confront our failures and reach out for God's restorative touch. With a gentle humor, he encourages us to look beyond ourselves and discover the joy in serving others and investing in the things that really matter. In doing so, we will learn what it is to be restored to God through unconditional surrender and receive healing from the scars left by our own mistakes.
Stephen Arterburn
Stephen Arterburn is a New York Times bestselling author with more than eight million books in print. He most recently toured with Women of Faith, which he founded in 1995. Arterburn founded New Life Treatment Centers as a company providing Christian counseling and treatment in secular psychiatric hospitals. He also began “New Life Ministries”, producing the number-one Christian counseling radio talk show, New Life Live, with an audience of more than three million. He and his wife Misty live near Indianapolis.
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The God of Second Chances - Stephen Arterburn
THE GOD of
SECOND CHANCES
Experiencing His Grace for
the Rest of Your Life
nSTEPHEN ARTERBURN
God_of_Second_Chances.qxp_0001_002Copyright © 2002 by Stephen Arterburn
All rights reserved. Written permission must be secured from the publisher to use or reproduce any part of this book, except for brief quotations in critical reviews or articles.
Published in Nashville, Tennessee, by Thomas Nelson, Inc.
Published in association with the literary agency of Alive Communications, 7680 Goddard Street, Suite 200, Colorado Springs, CO 80920.
Scripture quotations noted NIV are taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION ®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Bible Publishing House. All rights reserved.
The NIV
and New International Version
trademarks are registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by International Bible Society. Use of either trademark requires the permission of International Bible Society.
Scripture quotations notedThe Messageare fromThe Message: The New Testament in Contemporary English. Copyright © 1993 by Eugene H. Peterson.
Previously published as a portion of Surprised by God, a Focus on the Family book, Tyndale House Publishers 1997. Also previously published as a portion of The God of Second Chances, a Focus on the Family book, Tyndale House Publishers, 1999.
ISBN 0-7852-6569-4
Printed in the United States of America
02 03 04 05 06 BVG 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
To my wife, Sandy
Thank you for walking with me through
this most difficult journey. You are one
of God’s special children, with more talent than
two or three people combined. When I met you,
I discovered the most fascinating woman I had
ever met. You are still that today. I love you very
much and thank you for giving me a second
chance when I have blown it. Your grace
is a mirror of God to me.
CONTENTS
PART 1 :A Soul Damaged
CHAPTER ONE
The Journey of Life: Two Paths to Choose From
CHAPTER TWO
False Gods: Lies Disguised as Truth
CHAPTER THREE
Materialism: The Desire to Acquire
CHAPTER FOUR
Pleasure: Feel Good Now, Pay Later
CHAPTER FIVE
Power and Control: The Seduction of Self-Sufficiency
PART 2 :A Soul Restored
CHAPTER SIX
The Path Less Chosen: One Way to Restoration
CHAPTER SEVEN
True Faith: Set Free to Follow the Narrow Path
CHAPTER EIGHT
Deny the World: Learning to Hold Things Loosely
CHAPTER NINE
Deny Yourself: Giving Ourselves Away for the Sake Others
CHAPTER TEN
Giving and Serving: Investing in Things That Really Matter
CHAPTER ELEVEN
The Place of Pain: How Suffering Refines Our Faith
CHAPTER TWELVE
Christ’s Wounds: The Consequences of His Grace
Notes
Part One
A SOUL DAMAGED
One
THE JOURNEY OF LIFE
Two Paths to Choose From
They called it the golden egg. I called it the Big One. It was Easter, and I was a three-year-old on an egg hunt. This was serious business. Candy, you must understand, was an extremely important part of my life. A lot of children had come with the same intent I had—to gather up as much candy and as many eggs as possible. I couldn’t count at that time, but I remember thinking, There must be a hundred kids here.
Because I was so young, my mom let me watch the organizers hide the colored eggs and chocolates on the green rolling field where the hunt would take place. Before long, I had spotted the man with the Big One—a jumbo-sized, cream-filled chocolate egg wrapped in gold foil. He was off to the side of the field, jamming the prize egg into a hole where a water faucet pipe came up through the ground. I might have been only three, but I wasn’t a fool. I knew an inside tip when I saw one. Call it a competitive edge in the bunny-eat-bunny world of Easter egg hunts.
All the kids were herded behind the starting line. Most of the others were much older and bigger than I was—but not wiser. With the wordGo! the hunt started, and I made a beeline for the Big One. It didn’t matter how many colored eggs or chocolates lay in my path; I didn’t stop to pick up the lesser, almost meaningless morsels. My legs, being puny threeyearold models, couldn’t take me there fast enough. Relatively soon, however, I reached my destination. I glanced around. I was alone. The egg was mine, all mine.
But as I reached my hand into the shallow hole, my peewee face formed an expression you see only in old Hitchcock movies.
Huh? There’s nothing here. The hole is empty.
Furiously my little hand searched again and again for what I knew was to be mine. It was not there. I couldn’t believe it. I put my basket down and tried the other hand, as if the egg were there but I had lost the ability to feel with my right hand. My left hand also seemed to be numb since I again came up empty. I lay down on the grass and peered into the six-inch hole. I wasn’t going to move until I found it. I started digging and pulling grass around that hole, but nothing I did uncovered the golden egg I had seen placed there.
At age three I wasn’t able to consider the possibility that the man had moved the egg after I turned and walked back toward the starting line. I continued to search frantically while precious minutes slipped away and the other kids gathered up handfuls of goodies.
A loud scream from across the field broke my concentration. In an old oak tree, between two branches that hung low enough for kids to reach, a child had found the Big One. Lesley Waters. I still remember her name. As I ran across the field in disbelief, fake green grass flew from my otherwise empty basket. Looking around, I saw that all the other children’s baskets were full to overflowing. When I spotted Lesley with the Big One, I started to cry. My mom came and made my brothers give me some of their candy. Talk about adding insult to injury—now I had a small pile of handmedown candy.
From the certainty of a sweet and calculated victory came the bitter taste of defeat. Still, the day wasn’t a total loss, for I learned a valuable lesson: What promises to bring happiness and fulfillment often leaves us empty. Unfortunately it was a lesson I’ve had to learn again and again.
Most of us spend considerable time and energy searching for the Big One—whatever it is we think will bring lasting joy and satisfaction. We dream about it, sweat over it; even do without other, smaller things in its pursuit. For we know once we have achieved, possessed, owned, romanced, or conquered the Big One, our lives, once and for all, will be happy and fulfilling. This is true of most humans, not just three-year-olds on Easter egg hunts.
We desperately do not want to live our lives unloved, unknown, and feeling unalive. We search for meaning, pleasure, esteem, recognition, and freedom. These are not bad goals. The problem is how we try to achieve these goals, what path we take to attain them. We see the Big One, and we’re sure it will bring us happiness. It might be in a pile of money, in the heart of a future spouse, on a nameplate on a desk, on the eighteenth green of a posh golf course—or, for that matter, anything that represents success in terms the world understands.
Proverbs 14:12 addresses our quest for fulfillment: There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death.
Often this death means not a literal trip to the grave but a spiritual death, which includes perpetual longing, emptiness, and futility. It is the feeling of a three-year-old in the giant green field, holding an empty basket with fake green grass stuck between two of your six teeth. The pursuit of the Big One has been not only a waste of time but also an utter embarrassment. You end up hating Lesley Waters, even though you would rather not. You just can’t stand the way she dances around the oak tree.
The way that seems right to a man
might be called the broad path. It is full of all the pleasures of this world. Here, you find money, sex, and power, which promise happiness but deliver deep emptiness. What seems so certain to fulfill you turns out to be an illusion. In the end the price you pay is your soul.
God desires more for our lives. He wants us to travel the narrow path, which brings fulfillment and meaning. The Bible tells us that those who follow this road must be committed to self-sacrifice, delayed gratification, responsibility, and integrity. Part of the problem facing Christians is embracing the promises of God. We too often mistakenly think of Him as the Great Killjoy, performing acts of magic, complete with thunder and fanfare, to keep us miserably on our knees. Actually, though, Jesus said that a life committed to following Him will bring joy, freedom, intimacy, and genuine satisfaction. He said, I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full,
and If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love . . . I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete
(John 10:10; 15:10-11).
But the fulfillment of these promises comes by walking a path we would never expect. The path to joy is a narrow one, and God continues to surprise us along the way. As Jesus said, Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it
(Matt. 7:13-14).
With so much hope available to all of us who struggle, it is sad that we often find ourselves in seemingly hopeless situations. We’re bombarded with endless pitches for the something that’s guaranteed
to bring happiness, and we