Lost and Found

Chapter One

I hid in the closet when I heard the car pull up. Voices grew louder as the front door opened. One belonged to my mom; she was slurring her words and giggling. Clearly she was drunk again. The other voice was deeper, a man’s, not one that I recognized. I shrank back as far as I could and covered myself with my dirty clothes.

I’m sure she’s here somewhere, my mother was saying. I could hear footsteps on the wood floors. Korinne! Where are you, Korinne? I stayed quiet. Come out, come out, wherever you are. The closet door opened—I held my breath. Where did she go? she muttered, before walking away. Sorry, baby, she must have run out.

I heard the man’s voice again, angry at first, but then I heard the usual moans and groans.

I woke up to my body aching and a chill running through me. I must have fallen asleep in my hiding spot—which was neither comfortable nor warm. It was quiet enough that I risked peeking out from the closet. I didn’t know what time it was, but it was dark. When I was sure nobody was awake, I crawled out and tiptoed to the bathroom. The girl in the mirror looked back at me. She had light blonde hair pulled back in a ponytail. There were bags under her dull blue eyes. Her skin was ghostly pale. She was thin and malnourished. I leaned in closer. She was hard to recognize, that girl in the mirror—me.

I snuck back to the closet and slept until morning.

Korinne! Mom yelled. Korinne, if you’re here, you get out here right now!

I jumped up and scurried to the kitchen where my mother was standing. Morning, I muttered.

Where were you last night? she demanded.

Out, I lied.

Humph. She pursed her lips at me. Next time, you better be here, or you won’t get breakfast. She threw a half a donut on the table. I grabbed it and shoved it in my mouth before she changed her mind—which she had done many times before. Don’t forget your vitamins. She pointed at the cabinet and then left the room.

Slowly, I went to the cabinet and got out the bottle labeled vitamins. I had known for years they weren’t actually vitamins, but I didn’t know what kind of pills they were. The one time I tried to stop taking them, I got violently sick, so I started them right back up. I never wanted to feel that bad again, so I continued to take them. I never cared to find out what they were.

I got dressed and walked a mile to the old, rundown school. Bricks were missing on the outside and the ceiling was falling down on the inside. The only reason I showed up was for the free food. I hated school. The teachers there didn’t care. If even just one of them did, I wouldn’t still be living at home. A caring teacher would have asked about the bruises around my neck or seen the look in my eyes. I didn’t learn much. There wasn’t enough funding for books or supplies. And I didn’t have any friends.

I was a loner, an outcast, and most of the time I liked it that way, but every once in a while, I got lonely. The food, as bad as school food was, got me through the week. There was never a promise of dinner on the table or even food over the weekend. When it did come, it was usually cold or leftovers from some meal a guy had bought my mother. The food at school was the only food I could rely on.

The next night, when she brought a man home and called for me to go to them, I did. And when that dirty man started touching me, I closed my eyes and went to my peaceful spot until it was over.

I got eggs and a muffin for breakfast.

My name is Korinne Cooper and I’m twelve years old.

Two Years Later

High school had started a week ago. It wasn’t any more special than middle school had been. My mom’s hairdresser friend chopped off my hair and dyed the tips of it pink for the occasion. The kids I didn’t know from other schools stared at me. Some whispered or pointed. I pretended not to care and tried to just get through the day without being noticed.

My second week of school, I got called down to the office.

Mrs. North wants to see you, the plump secretary said when I walked in the office. She knocked on the school counselor’s door and then held it open for me to go in.

Maybe someone finally noticed. Maybe a teacher had seen the fat lip I had last week. Maybe someone reported that I was crying in the bathroom Monday because I was hungry.

Nervously, I walked inside. Mrs. North, who I had only seen roaming the halls, sat at her desk. She had short, black hair and a square face. Seated across from her were two professionally dressed people. They nodded to me. I shifted my gaze back to Mrs. North, who spoke.

Korinne, this is Mr. Edwards and Mrs. Timmons, they are from child services.

Ohhh-kay. I was confused. What’s going on? I asked.

Your mother has been arrested and you have been placed in the state’s care.

Chapter Two

Mrs. Timmons’ dark brown hair was pulled back into a tight bun and her eyes were set into her head a little too far. Did you hear me?

I just stood there, not sure what to say. How was I supposed to respond to that?

Korinne? Do you understand? Mr. Edwards asked, raising his bushy eyebrows. He was older than the woman and the gray was starting to take over his hair.

I nodded numbly.

When is the last time you saw your mother? Mrs. North asked.

I shrugged. Couple of days ago, I guess. She comes and goes.

Get your stuff and we’ll go to our office, Mrs. Timmons told me.

I nodded, turned around, and left the office. I walked slowly to my locker and turned the knob until the door popped open. I wondered for half a second what happened to my mother. How had she gotten arrested? It didn’t matter. I was being taken away from her. I had no idea what that meant. I should feel scared, but I didn’t.

I shoved my belongings into the worn backpack I’d had since sixth grade and then closed the locker. The bell rang and the hallways filled with students. Many of them shot me funny looks and called out Freak! as I walked back to the front of the school.

Mrs. Timmons and Mr. Edwards were waiting for me. They ushered me out the front door and into their car. We’re going to stop by your house, Korinne, so you can get anything you might need.

I nodded and thought about what to pack. It wasn’t like I had any special things. When we got there, I hopped out and let myself into the apartment. They followed me in. I went to my room and grabbed my brush, my only book, a couple pictures, and some clothes. I looked around the bleak room; there wasn’t anything else to take. No stuffed animals, no music, no purse, nothing. I stopped in the bathroom for my toothbrush and then headed to the kitchen.

The social workers were busy walking around the apartment. I opened the cabinet and took out the vitamin bottle. Grabbing a couple pills, I downed them real quick. I wondered if I’d be searched. Should I dare try to bring them? I grabbed a few and stashed them in my pocket, deciding I would come back and get the bottle later.

I stepped into the living room.

Are you ready? Mr. Edwards asked.

I nodded.

We got back in the car and drove silently for a few minutes. We’ve been working on getting you an emergency placement.

Whatever that meant.

Mrs. Timmons was on the phone all the way to the office building. Come on, Korinne. Let’s go inside.

I followed them inside and down a long, dark hallway. The office was crowded with people in business attire. She led me to an empty room. Sit in there, please.

I threw my backpack on the table and sat in one of the hard, orange chairs. I was feeling okay, thanks to Mom’s vitamins. After about ten minutes, I got up and started walking around the room. I didn’t like waiting. It was odd not to know where I would sleep that night. What if it was worse than home? Was there anywhere worse?

It took another thirty minutes for Mrs. Timmons to come back in. I found you a place to stay for a while.

A while? I asked.

We will have to see what happens with your mom.

Oh, I muttered.

Do you want to know where you’re going? she asked.

Sure.

You don’t talk much.

I shrugged. Nothing much to talk about.

Mr. and Mrs. Green will be your foster parents. They have three teenagers there right now, so hopefully you’ll fit right in.

Hmmm. Somehow I doubted that.

You’ll have to start a new school, she informed me.

I shrugged. No biggie. I wasn’t attached to the one I was in.

After it was clear I wasn’t going to say anything, she said, Well, c’mon, I’ll take you over there.

I grabbed my backpack and followed her back to the car. Is there anything you want to talk about? she asked.

Why did she get arrested?

Drug charge. She waited. Anything else?

Um…no.

Well, if you have any questions, feel free to contact me.

’Kay, I said, then added, Thanks.

I watched out the window as the houses went from small to larger. Mrs. Timmons pulled up in front of a white house with blue trim. There was a fence around the yard—to keep people out or kids in. She led me up to the front door and rang the bell.

An older lady with graying hair and glasses answered the door. Hello, she said sweetly. You must be Korinne.

I nodded. This was all so new. I had no idea what was expected of me.

Please come in. She stepped aside, allowing both Mrs. Timmons and me to enter the house.

The house smelled of bleach. It stung my nose a little. I noticed that Mrs. Timmons’ nose scrunched up. She must not have liked the smell either. She handed Mrs. Green some paperwork. Just sign like normal.

Mrs. Green walked over to a table and started signing the papers. Is this one a troublemaker? I overheard her ask.

I don’t think so. No record, no bad school reports, doesn’t talk much, Mrs. Timmons answered. She turned to me and handed me her card. Call me, day or night, if you need anything.

I nodded and muttered, Thanks.

Mrs. Timmons said goodbye to Mrs. Green and went out the front door. Even though I had only known her for a few hours, I felt safe with her and was a little apprehensive now that she was gone.

Mrs. Green looked me up and down before saying, You can put your bag upstairs in your room. First door on the left. You’ll bunk with Tanya. Then come on back down and we’ll talk.

I nodded and went upstairs. The first door on the left led to a room with white walls and brown carpet. There was nothing hanging on the walls. Two beds covered with blue comforters jutted out from the wall. There was one desk and one dresser. The closet was half-full of girls’ clothes.

The room was more than I had at home. After putting my bag down in the closet, I sat on the bed and glanced around, wondering how it would feel to live here. Would I get along with the other kids? How were the Greens as parents? Would there be food to eat?

A few minutes later, I found Mrs. Green in the kitchen. She handed me a sheet of paper. Those are the rules. You go to school, you come back, you help out around the house. I don’t take any bull from anyone. You do what you’re told. You understand me, don’t you?

Yes, ma’am, I muttered.

You are quiet, aren’t you?

I shrugged. I had learned not to talk much. Talking led to me getting into trouble, especially with Mom. Better not to talk.

Hmmm…well, read the rules and sign ’em. Then you can help me with dinner. The others will be home soon.

The rules stated a nine o’clock lights out, no swearing, no fighting, and other pretty basic stuff. I signed the paper. What would you like me to do? I asked.

She took the paper and shoved it in a drawer. Can you cook?

No, ma’am.

Nothing? Her jaw dropped, just a little.

I shook my head.

Your mother didn’t teach you any basics?

I almost laughed. My mother didn’t show me squat. She didn’t cook herself!

Okay, well, take these carrots and go wash them in the sink, then bring them back to this board and chop them.

I followed her instructions as she watched me. It was a little odd that she was just watching, but once I started chopping, she continued putting the cheese on top of the chicken.

Good. Do you like Swiss chicken casserole?

I had no idea what that was, so I shrugged.

Have you ever had it before?

No.

What do you like to eat?

Nobody had ever asked me that before and I really didn’t have an answer. Anything is fine. Food had been a luxury in my house. I certainly didn’t complain about any of it.

Mrs. Green looked me over like she wasn’t sure what to make of me. She hmmm’d again and went back to cooking and coaching me on what to do.

Just as we got dinner in the oven, the door opened and three teenagers bounded into the kitchen. They all stopped short when they saw me.

Kids, this is Korinne. She’s going to be staying with us. Mrs. Green adjusted her glasses.

They introduced themselves as they helped with dinner. Tanya had dark brown hair, dark eyes that looked almost black, and a thin figure. She was pretty, especially when she smiled. Jack was the bigger of the two boys. He looked like a football player with his stocky figure. His light brown hair was cut short, and his hazel eyes watched me curiously. Jon was the other boy, thin, tall, opposite of Jack. His hair was lighter, a dark blond, and he had blue-gray eyes.

A man with gray hair and a big bald spot on the top of his head walked in. He took my hand with his own warm palm and introduced himself as Mr. Green.

We all sat around a big, wooden table for dinner. The food was like nothing I had ever tasted before. It was mouthwatering good! I caught Mrs. Green watching me a couple of times. I ate everything on my plate and when she offered more, I ate that too. After dinner, I stayed to help clean up.

You let me know if you’re hungry, she told me.

Feeling fuller than I ever had, I said, I’m good, thanks.

You won’t go hungry here. It sounded like a promise. I nodded before going upstairs to my room.

Tanya was sitting at the desk doing some homework. Hi. She smiled at me when I walked in.

Hi.

Will you be going to school with us? she asked.

I guess.

She tossed back her hair. It’s a good school.

I nodded. Almost any school would be better than the one I had just left. I was more worried that I would have a hard time in a good school with teachers who cared than being in a bad school. Catching up to where the other kids were would be hard. I wasn’t looking forward to that.

Is this your first foster home?

I nodded.

What’s your story? she asked.

I shrugged. Nothing exciting. Opening up to strangers—or anyone—wasn’t my thing.

Her eyes met mine. I was pretty sure she could tell I was lying, but she didn’t call me out. Instead she started talking about herself. My mom is crazy, literally. I got put in foster care a few years ago after she had some sort of mental breakdown. I’ve been here for about a year. You’re lucky, coming right here. It’s a good home.

I looked down, thinking about my mother. I wondered—just for a minute—how jail was treating her. My mom was arrested. That was all I said. Tanya didn’t push anymore.

I lay awake most of the night. I thought I might cry for home or my mother, but no tears ever came. I wondered if Mr. Green would come and want to touch me, but he didn’t.

Anytime my mother was home and had a man in the house, she called for me. The only breaks I got were the nights she didn’t bother to come home or the times I hid, which were few and far between. It must have been close to four when I finally relaxed enough to fall asleep.

Chapter Three

The next day, I was registered at the school and started classes right away. My head began pounding around lunchtime and I knew it wouldn’t be long before the nausea set in. I had to get home. I skipped out on the last period of the day and took the city bus back to my house and got the bottle of pills. I rode back quickly so nobody knew I was missing.

Outside of the Greens’ house, I found a rock and hid the bottle behind it. I knew they wouldn’t last forever. But, if I was careful, I would have enough to get by for a few weeks without getting sick. I wasn’t sure what to do after that.

I grew more comfortable at the Greens’ as the days passed. They were always very kind to me, letting me eat when I wanted to, including me in family movie and game nights. When my clothing allowance from social services came, Mrs. Green took me out shopping.

What do you like to wear? she asked.

I don’t know. As long as they’re clean, I’m okay with whatever.

Mrs. Green stopped walking and faced me. Korinne, you have money to spend on clothes. You can buy whatever you need or want with the money. Now, what would you like?

I’ve never been shopping for clothes before, I admitted.

Never?

No. My mother would just bring home a few things here and there.

She cursed under her breath. Well, then, let’s find out what you like. She led me into the big, overwhelming department store. We went to the juniors’ section and she showed me different things. I chose a few pairs of jeans, some T-shirts, and a hoodie. It was getting chillier out and I needed something to go over the short-sleeve shirts. Now you try them on.

Why?

To make sure they fit. If they don’t fit, we get another size.

Oh. I always had to just wear whatever she brought, didn’t matter if it didn’t fit.

Now it matters. Go ahead and try them on. She pointed to the dressing room.

I took my time looking at myself in the ginormous mirrors. I had put on a few pounds in the last couple of weeks and my face actually had a little bit of color in it.

I only had to switch one pair of jeans out for a different size. Thank you so much, Mrs. Green, I said when we got back to the car.

You’re welcome, Korinne. But you don’t have to thank me. It’s your right to have clothes that fit and my duty to take you to get them. Although I enjoyed it. She smiled genuinely at me.

Me too. I returned the smile. I got a feeling this was what a mother was supposed to do with her child. I wondered why my mother didn’t. Did she hate me that much? Why did she even bother to have me?

Every few nights I would have nightmares, usually about my mother and her boyfriends. Sometimes they would scare me so bad, I wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep. Tanya was a deep sleeper and never woke. I was glad because I didn’t want to have to talk about them.

Finding someone at school to help supply with me with more pills wasn’t too hard. After showing the shady-looking boy one of the pills, he said, Benzos? Shouldn’t be a problem. I handed him the money.

After eating lunch, I went to the media center and sat at a computer. In the search engine, I typed, ‘Benzos.’ I’d finally know what it was my mother had been giving me all these years. Benzo was short for Benzodiazepine, which was a medication with sedating effects. My mother had been sedating me my whole life. The bell rang and I closed the browser and hurried to class.

As I expected, school was difficult, but unlike my previous schools, the people here cared. The counselor and teachers worked hard to help get me on level, but I worked hard too, putting in a lot of time and getting some extra tutoring. I figured it was worth it in the long run. Maybe if I could get myself on track with school, I would have a chance in life. This was the first time I had ever felt like maybe there was hope for my future.

Three months later, life changed again. Mr. Green had a stroke and needed round-the-clock care. Mrs. Green was a mess and she apologized over and over to us when she told us she couldn’t have us there anymore. We were being moved into other homes.

Jon and Jack were sent to an all-boys home. Tanya and I were being placed with different families. Before I left, Mrs. Green pulled me aside. Korinne, I hate that you have to go.

Then don’t send me away!

You are a sweet kid. I don’t know where you’re going, but I hope that you stay on track. You can make it. Believe in yourself.

I nodded sadly. The tears wanted to come, but I wouldn’t let them. I tried to stay strong, but this hurt me worse than being placed in foster care in the first place. Thank you for everything.

She took my hand. I know you’ve had it hard. You ever need something to eat, you come here. You understand?

Yes, ma’am.

After she hugged me, I grabbed my bag and headed out with Mrs. Timmons.

The second home lasted just over a month. The house was a pigsty. They had six foster kids and about twice as many rodents. Four of the kids were under the age of eight and the adults didn’t seem to care much about them. It’s about the money, the other teenager, Ashley, told me, killing a roach crawling on the kitchen counter.

The foster parents were constantly yelling at us. They regulated how much we ate, how much we showered, and I didn’t see one cent of my clothing allowance.

Ashley and I were expected to take care of the younger kids, and other than small talk, Ashley didn’t seem to want anything to do with me. I didn’t mind. I didn’t want anyone prying into my life.

Mrs. Timmons stopped in for a surprise home visit and discovered the situation. All the foster kids were immediately yanked from the home.

I arrived at the third home—a group home—the day before Christmas. There was a tree, but no presents, no warm and fuzzy feeling, nothing. My placement there ended when some girl punched me and I hit back. Mrs. Timmons picked me up. What happened? she asked.

Does it matter? I asked, mad that I had to move because of someone else. She lied and because she had been there longer, they wanted me out.

Yes, it does.

I sighed. She hit me. I hit her back.

She started it?

Yes.

She nodded like she believed me.

We rode in silence the rest of the way. I had an emergency placement for a week and then once again Mrs. Timmons picked me up. An opening became available at a foster home I think you’ll fit in at. The Petersons are one of the few who like to take in teens.

I was glad to hear we were headed for a family home. The only good thing about the group home was the easy access to drugs. I had been able to use some of my allowance money for pills with another girl there. Now, I’d have to figure something else out.

It was late morning when we arrived. The house was two-story, red-brick with a front porch. As we approached the door, I took note of the swing on the porch. I could enjoy that. Mrs. Timmons rang the bell. I could hear footsteps and the door swung open. Mr. and Mrs. Peterson were a middle-aged couple. Mrs. Peterson had shoulder-length blonde hair. She smiled and shook Mrs. Timmons’ hand. Mr. Peterson had a full head of brown hair, showing no signs of balding. He also had a full beard. His hazel eyes were kind and gentle.

Come on in, they welcomed us.

Please sit down. Mrs. Peterson showed us to the couch. Korinne, is it?

Yes, ma’am.

Welcome to our home, Korinne.

Thank you.

Mrs. Timmons handed them my paperwork. She showed them where to sign and put them back in her folder.

Anything we should be aware of? Mrs. Peterson asked.

I don’t think so. I think she’ll be a good fit. I’m glad everything worked out with finding Amber’s aunt. It was good timing.

Yes. She called us yesterday and said she’s happy. I like it when there are happy endings, Mrs. Peterson said. They must be talking about someone who had just left. What happened to your face? Mrs. Peterson asked me.

I glanced over at Mrs. Timmons and she answered for me, She was in a group home and another girl hit her. Although Korinne defended herself, she isn’t violent or a danger to anyone.

The three adults stood up and walked to the foyer. I heard Mrs. Peterson ask, Are you sure? I have to think about the other kids.

I looked down at the ground, waiting for Mrs. Peterson to say she wasn’t comfortable having me in her home. I’d never be good for anyone. I was worthless and didn’t deserve a home.

Chapter Four

W e’ve been working together a long time, Mrs. Timmons said. "I would never place a violent child in your house. You’ve got good kids here and I wouldn’t put any of you in danger. Please trust me on this. Korinne is a