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    Stand Back! I am a SpeedyBoarder
    Stand Back! I am a SpeedyBoarder
    Stand Back! I am a SpeedyBoarder
    Ebook64 pages52 minutes

    Stand Back! I am a SpeedyBoarder

    By Ayman Gabarin

    ()

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    About this ebook

    Are you a SpeedyBoarder? Do you even know what SpeedyBoarding is? Do you love or hate budget airlines?
    Only a few years ago, budget airline travel was mainly used by package holiday goers but today, travelling on budget airlines is mainstream for those traveling on business, holiday makers and people with second homes.
    Airlines such as easyJet and RyanAir are now among the largest European carriers having introduced a new flying business model and a unique passenger experience.
    We have budget airlines to thank for bringing down the cost of short haul travel and opening up new markets. Passengers, however, complain endlessly about budget airlines but come back for more attracted by reasonable prices and reliable, frequent service. We are fascinated by the experience and fly-on-the-wall documentaries dedicated to budget airlines and the airports they operate from play on our television sets daily.
    This book examines some of the odd practices of budget airlines and their passengers offering mainly humorous observations and sometimes useful advice.
    From booking your 'cheap' flight which can end up being far more expensive that you thought possible to landing at an airport hours away from your advertised destination, this book examines whole experience from start to end.
    A particular focus of the book is the examination of how business executives and holiday travelers alike compete to board flights first detailing the 8 types of SpeedyBoarders:
    1. The Knob SpeedyBoarder:
    You want to be first in the queue but being there too soon makes you a knob. Detailed instruction on how not to be a knob and when it is safe to line up
    2. The Queue? What Queue? SpeedyBoarder
    Some people ignore the whole queuing thing and go to the front. Learn how to put them in their place firmly but with grace
    3. The 'My name is Brian' SpeedyBoarder:
    Some SpeedyBoarders try to smuggle others who are not SpeedyBoarders while boarding or try to reserve seats once they are on board. Learn your rights and how to deal with these stressful situations
    4. The 'I don't belong here SpeedyBoarder:
    Some SpeedyBoarders sneer at the process while wanting to be part of it. Learn how to spot them and how to stare them down
    5. The 'I paid for this but I am too fragile to partake' SpeedyBoarder:

    Prepare yourself for your first SpeedyBoarding experience; possibly one of the most terrifying experiences you have had in your life. Learn how to handle this stressful situation and how to make the most of it.

    6. The 'why am I last to board the flight' SpeedyBoarder:

    Don't get left behind; learn how not to be the last to board

    7. The 'I don’t make ANY sense' SpeedyBoarder:

    This type of SpeedyBoarder fights tooth and nail to get on first and then select a crap seat. No, I don't get it either

    8. The ‘Stand back, I am NOT a SpeedyBoarder’ SpeedyBoarder:

    A special type of knob who pretends not understand the system and try to board with of SpeedyBoarders - repeatedly - even though they have not paid for the privilege.

    Learn why SpeedyBoarders board ahead of families with children and those requiring assistance and why it is far better for budget airlines not to assign you a seat. And more.

    Follow us on Facebook and Twitter and share your SpeedyBoarding experience.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherAyman Gabarin
    Release dateJan 10, 2012
    ISBN9781466118874
    Stand Back! I am a SpeedyBoarder
    Author

    Ayman Gabarin

    Name: Ayman Gabarin Age: 46 I work for a software company and live between the UK and France. I therefore travel a lot... frequently on budget airlines. My preferred airline is easyJet. How budget airlines - and their customers - behave lead me to say ‘someone needs to write a book about this’. Well, here it is!

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      Book preview

      Stand Back! I am a SpeedyBoarder - Ayman Gabarin

      *****

      Stand Back! I am a SpeedyBoarder

      By

      Gabarin, Ayman

      SMASHWORDS EDITION

      *****

      PUBLISHED BY:

      Ayman Gabarin on Smashwords

      Stand Back! I am a SpeedyBoarder

      Copyright © 2012 by Ayman Gabarin

      This book is a work of fiction and any resemblance to persons, living or dead, or places, events or locales is purely coincidental. The characters are productions of the author’s imagination and used fictitiously.

      This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy.

      *****

      to my fellow SpeedyBoarders

      You know who you are.

      This book was conceived whilst queuing to board an easyJet flight in 2010.

      *****

      Chapter 1: INTRODUCTION

      So-called ‘experts’ have been predicating the death of business travel for years. Technology, they argue, has made business travel an unnecessary waste of time and money. Rather than kill a day or two travelling for a two-hour meeting, why not have a conference call or even a video conference call instead?

      Yet we are travelling more on business than ever before (yes, while taking our laptops, BlackBerrys and iPads with us). Why? Because we all know that telephone calls and video conferencing can only go so far. To close that deal, cement that partnership or gain an advantage over the competition, you need to be there in person. Nothing replaces human interaction. People buy from people, etcetera etcetera.

      While business travel is here to stay, for most of us, the days of travel in business class on scheduled airlines are gone forever. The combination of a world financial crises and the emergence of a new breed of reliable, well run budget airlines, at least in Europe, has spelt the end of overpriced business travel.

      Budget airlines have taken over and are here to stay.

      Oh how we miss those leather seats, warm towels and the smugness of an assigned seat. Now it is a cheap flight on a budget airline and if you want that gin and tonic, it comes in a plastic cup (no ice nor lemon of course) and that will be £ 4.70, thank you, sir.

      And don’t even think about expensing that drink.

      Flying has always been gruelling and budget airlines have managed to make it even more stressful by the single act of not assigning seats in advance. And then, surely in an act that started as a joke, they decided to charge passengers for the privilege of being first to get on planes.

      It is a jungle out there and the scrum to get on planes first is the ultimate challenge.

      Oh yes. I WILL board first. I paid for being a SpeedyBoarder (admittedly as have most of the other passengers) but I will be first.

      No matter what it takes.

      So… Stand back! I am a SpeedyBoarder.

      Chapter 2: GO! GO! GO!

      My breathing is controlled and my senses heightened. I can hear my own steady heart beat and smell the enemy. I am completely ‘in the zone.' Years of operational experience and training take over and I am aware of all threats and dangers around me. 10 o’clock. Male. In his thirties. Has been edging forward ever so slowly. The tips of his shoes are now a few millimetres ahead of the lady who is to my left.

      She has been pretending to search for something in her pull-behind regulation-sized carry-on bag while trying to gain valuable territory and squeeze ahead of me.

      No chance.

      My elbow is extended casually as I pretend to check emails on my iPhone while blocking her advance in the process.

      I can sense but not see an advance from a couple behind me. Middle aged, ex-scheduled airline types and probably John Lewis store card holders.

      The most ruthless challengers of all in this dangerous exercise.

      They have made good progress over the last three minutes capturing strategic territory in their quest to advance to the front of the line.

      Two strangers, business combatants

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