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    How Possession Can Help You Lose Weight
    How Possession Can Help You Lose Weight
    How Possession Can Help You Lose Weight
    Ebook76 pages39 minutes

    How Possession Can Help You Lose Weight

    By Chris Dolley

    3.5/5

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    About this ebook

    “I lost so much weight I could float above my bed!” - Lida Blair

    The hilarious new spoof diet book from New York Times bestselling author, Chris Dolley. This book covers everything from ‘the science of possession’ to ‘Crapper Clinic’s Demon Dating Service’ that ensures clients are possessed by the demon most compatible with their slimming needs.

    This is the diet book that everyone is talking about. Some of you may have read about the clinical trials undertaken by Stepford University – one of the leading universities on the PLANET with more likes on Facebook than Harvard and SIX times that of Stanford!

    Or maybe you watched Chelsee Chambers test the diet on Extreme Celebrity Weight Loss. Or caught the Projectile Vomiting video on YouTube...

    The Possession Diet is the ONLY diet guaranteed 110% effective by the FDA (Federal Demon Association) ... and it’s ALMOST NEVER FATAL!

    Read the testimonials. Read about Astral Exercising and Head Spinning. Try the recipes...
    If you want to know how to lose OVER THIRTY POUNDS in ONE day (without using a chainsaw) this is the book for you!

    Brick Crapper has seven doctorates awarded by the Internet’s leading universities, and is a judge on America’s Idlest Loser. Like Brick, this book is both short and funny.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherBook View Cafe
    Release dateApr 30, 2013
    ISBN9781611382532
    How Possession Can Help You Lose Weight
    Author

    Chris Dolley

    Chris Dolley is a New York Times bestselling author, a pioneer computer game designer and a teenage freedom fighter. That was in 1974 when Chris was tasked with publicising Plymouth Rag Week. Some people might have arranged an interview with the local newspaper. Chris created the Free Cornish Army, invaded the country next door, and persuaded the UK media that Cornwall had risen up and declared independence. As he told journalists at the time, 'It was only a small country, and I did give it back.'In 1981, he created Randomberry Games and wrote Necromancer, one of the first 3D first person perspective D&D computer games.In 2004, his acclaimed novel, Resonance, was the first book plucked out of Baen's electronic slushpile.Now he lives in rural France with his wife and a frightening number of animals. They grow their own food and solve their own crimes. The latter out of necessity when Chris's identity was stolen along with their life savings. Abandoned by the police forces of four countries who all insisted the crime originated in someone else's jurisdiction, he had to solve the crime himself. Which he did, and got a book out of it - the International bestseller, French Fried: One Man's Move to France With Too Many Animals And An Identity Thief.He writes SF, Fantasy, Mystery, Humour and Memoir. His memoir, French Fried, is an NY Times bestseller. What Ho, Automaton! - the first of his Reeves and Worcester Steampunk Mysteries series - was a finalist for the 2012 WSFA Small Press Award.

    Read more from Chris Dolley

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    Reviews for How Possession Can Help You Lose Weight

    3.5/5

    37 ratings27 reviews

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    • 3/5
      Pretty funny.
    • 3/5
      This is an easy-to-read, entertaining mix of modern media parody and tongue-in-cheek puns. Light and witty, though not much different than the fare available elsewhere.
    • 5/5
      Well thought out. By the end of the book I was wondering if I could actually try this diet :) It was cute and believable thanks for the diversion on my day off :)))
    • 4/5
      A fun short read. If you are looking to lose some weight- then possession might just be the route for you to take. Told in the standard weight loss manual fashion this book covers it all- from the types of possession that will work with your personality to the various methods the spirit and/or demon provides. It even has a helpful FAQ section.If you enjoy satire and have a half hour to spend - pick it up. You are bound to be amused.
    • 4/5
      How Possession Can Help You Lose Weight is a hilarious parody of modern diets books. The chapters walk the reader through all the steps to making your thin dream come true! Sharing insight from Science and Clinical trials to Exorcism and Side Features (they aren't side effects, they are opportunities) all the while injecting humor and not a small amount of infomercial talk. They even include a helpful calorie counter, which you can access easily through the links in the Table of Contents.This is a great pick for a quick chuckle and as I found out, a great little pick me up on a bad day.
    • 4/5
      Have you tried every other diet and came away unsatisfied? Then you should try Possession! In "How Possession Can help you lose weight" Brick Crapper explains how this diet works and assures the readers that it is almost never fatal!This is a short and very funny spoof of a self-help/diet book. Chris Dolley manages to cover the subject coherently with many references to scenes from well known horror movies. I greatly enjoyed this novella and can recommend it to anyone who is familiar with the horror genre and likes a good laugh!
    • 4/5
      "How Possession Can Help You Lose Weight" is perfect if you're looking for a fun, quick read. A hilarious satire of the dieting industry, the scary thing is that it could almost be advertising for a real diet plan. Particularly funny is the section on side effects--sorry, "side features"--which includes such gems as slight coma and loss of your eternal soul. The book also makes good use of the e-book format, with links to different sections appearing throughout the book, allowing you to choose what order to read things in. My one complaint is the length--the actual book is only about 40 pages long, with the rest being descriptions of Dolley's other books. If I had purchased the book, rather than receiving an early reviewer copy, I would have been disappointed by the length (it took me less than an hour to finish). That said, if you're looking for a funny, fast read, this book will keep you laughing, even if you're not reading for all that long.
    • 3/5
      it was deep but not my cup of tea
    • 3/5
      Cute satire of diet fads and celebrity endorsements. Brick Crapper MD and his Crapper Clinic hit just about every diet joke. Projectile vomiting and head spinning included. Not a cohesive read, more of a read in the bathroom while making room for your next meal read. A book to nibble at with a chuckle not a guffaw.
    • 4/5
      I received this book from the Early Reviewers program. This a satire on a self help weight loss book. It was very funny. Not much substance but a great palate cleanser between other books.
    • 4/5
      So the cover is a bit freaky. That's your first couple of calories lost right there -- grosses you out so much that if you're sitting there trying to read while eating potato chips, well hey - those potato chips are gonna stick in your throat a bit - ewwwww!!Chris Dolley takes on the diet marketing industry in his digital book, "How Possession Can Help You Lose Weight". It's filled with many statistical references - many from Facebook (& we ALL know that what you read on the internet is TRUE) and useful tidbits like a calorie counter (eating your small next door neighbor is only 80,000 calories) and recipes (Financial Analyst Prepared Five Ways). He also warns how if everyone were to congregate in Miami, the US would likely sink & tip Alaska up. (We'd better stay evenly distributed across the US, eh??)I, myself, was extremely interested in the chapter on "Cursing As A Slimming Aid", since my children have been complaining about my "potty mouth". I'll need to let my children know about Dr. Crapper's groundbreaking research and analysis that shows "cursing increases heart rate, stimulates oxygen flow, and BURNS calories". Hmmph. Why am I not thinner?This is a great book to give a little comic relief to all the diet philosophies around. Some of the humor is so subtle that you need to read carefully to make sure you catch it all - so just think about the extra calories THAT will burn! Since this is a massive spoof, all Snarky Mom can say is, "Snnnnnnnnaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrkkkkkkkkkkkkk!!!!!!!"
    • 3/5
      I was an early reviewer for this. It was funny and a quick read. I don't know if I would have wanted to pay for it though. Good, fast entertainment overall.
    • 4/5
      I read How Possession Can Help You Lose Weight in a day. It is like a "real" diet and health book. The tone is very serious and humor is great. There are some parts such as quantum giraffe and exorcism were well written. It's a fun little book, if you've ever read a diet book, don't miss this. It can even help you loose weight by not possession but laughter.
    • 2/5
      I read Dolley's Reggiecide, and found the steampunk story amusing, if not thoroughly entertaining. I think Chris Dolley may have some latent talent, but it needs some work.How Possession Can Help You Lose Weight isn't the right kind of work. The humor (if that's what you want to call it) is forced, more in the way of nonsensical, and an attempt to go over the top - but instead of making it over the top, Dolley more or less just slams into the brick wall.The best things about the book are (1) it is very short, and (2) I got it free as an early reviewer.I would recommend the book only to those who have the same sort of fascination with Chris Dolley that most motorists have for traffic accidents - you might want to take a quick peek, but you really don't want to be involved in one.I'm sure there are some people who really like this kind of writing - they're the kind that keeps the quality of television at its lowest levels.
    • 3/5
      This rather slight ebook is the most recent release of Brick Crapper, MD (aka Chris Dolley), a prolific author of Science Fiction, Fantasy, and Mystery books (primarily released as electronic chapbooks), many of which have a humorous bent. One of his books, French Fried, has even made the NYT Best Seller List, no mean accomplishment.The premise of this work is clearly laid out right in the title: what better way to lose weight than to allow yourself to be possessed by a demon? What with all the head-spinning, projectile vomiting, astral projecting going on, he proposes that the lucky applicant will lose all the weight they want to in no time. It's a spoof of diet fad books, and as such has all of the requisite sections: testimonials, recipes, disclaimers, and a description of the many options available to the potential dieter. Things are a bit muddled at times, with a strange admixture of demons, aliens, dearly departed loved ones, celebrity ghosts, and various other mythological monsters being offered up as potential "partners." But hey, if vampires can suddenly start sparkling in the daylight, maybe werewolves can start possessing people as well.It is, as I've noted, a slight work, coming in at less than fifty pages after all of the ads for other books at the end are omitted. It is also entertaining, although at times it does appear to be trying a little too hard. At its heart, it's a one-trick pony, and carrying a single joke through to novella length while maintaining the humor is perhaps asking a bit too much. That said, I would be willing to take a look at more of Dolley's work, should it cross my desk.Steve's Grade: CA short spoof of dietary fads that does a good job of mimicking its source material, while losing a bit of steam toward the end.
    • 4/5
      (Long time reader, 1st time reviewer....)'How Possession Can Help You Lose Weight' was a fun, quick read. I won't go as far as to say that the book kept me entranced, but I will say that it was a good read. Having an almost 'infomercial' feel, the book laid out a well sounding plan on how to lose grams to many many pounds within a short period of time, all the while tossing out more and more information making the idea sound better and better. From the Concept through the Demon Dating Questionnaire and ultimately the end of the book, it flowed nicely making it quite fast and memorable.
    • 4/5
      I am giving this 4 1/2 stars instead of 5 because I was sad to see it end. I just wished it went on longer. But I guess it's a good thing that I wanted to read more rather than less.This book had me chuckling right from the first page. What a funny concept.I know that this was a parody of all of the millions of diet books that are out there, but in my head I kept hearing one of those late night infomercial guys narrating the story to me. That just heightened the humor for me.Not to give out any spoilers, but the testimonials and compatibility test had my sides splitting. Although the book on a whole was a hoot.This is a fast read though...so expect to finish it in one or two short sittings.If you need a laugh, I suggest this book.
    • 3/5
      What a funny parody of all the diet books out there on the market. Demon possession what an orginal though in weight lose.
    • 4/5
      "How Possession Can Help You Lose Weight" is a quirky take on the highly popular diet and weight-loss books in the market nowadays. At the start, I felt that how is the author going to take content fit for a 1-page satire into a whole book. But never the less Chris has kept on a smooth flow while building a sales pitch like none other. Although others have mentioned its too short, I am happy with the length of the book keeping in mind the content and topic. Its a short read for those travel times and is quite hilarious at times. The demon dating questionnaire and calorie counter are fun additions. The one thing I dint like is the long set of reviews for other books written by the other. It would have been great to keep 2-3 book references of the popular ones to maintain the reader's interest. Overall, being my first book for an Early Reviewer's copy on Librarything, I have enjoyed the experience and looking forward to reading others!
    • 3/5
      This is a light, fun, tongue-in-cheek lampoon of "magic pill" diets. Not much else to say.
    • 3/5
      This was an amusing and short read. That is probably why I forgot to review it for so long. There is nothing very memorable about this satire on self help books. Over the top pushing to use demonic possession to help you lose weight is the theme here. If it hadn't felt so much like watching an infomercial or listening to a self help guru it would have been a better and more funny read.
    • 3/5
      I couldn't wait to start reading this and, especially at the beginning, there are many delightful read-out-loud-to-friends moments. The premise is unique, but right around the chapter on the “Science of Possession” it seems it begins to lose its charm and I found myself skimming and skipping ahead. The organization is a bit scattered, and unsurprisingly the infomercial-like tone becomes a bit annoying. Still, there’s something about this book that makes it worth reading, and for the price there are a lot of quote-worthy moments. Read this when you’re in the mood for something original and fun.
    • 5/5
      Book Info: Genre: Self-help SatireReading Level: YA on upRecommended for: Anyone who likes a laughMy Thoughts: This was hilarious! Think about one of those late-night television commercials and then make it a book, and that's sort of the idea behind this. I laughed like crazy through the whole thing. There's not much I can say about it; since it's satirizing a self-help book there isn't really a plot or characters. But if you like a laugh, you'll definitely want to grab a copy of this book.Disclosure: I received a copy of this from the LibraryThing Early Reviewer's Program in exchange for an honest review. All opinions are my own.Synopsis: Includes chapters on Head Spinning and Other Exercises, Choosing the Best Demon, Astral Jogging, Projectile Vomiting for Beginners, Testimonials, and a calorie counter for those hard-to-categorize ‘new’ foods.
    • 3/5
      I received this book through librarything.com Early Review program.This little book is an infomercial for a company called Crapper Clinics, run by the author Dr. Brick Crapper, MD. The Crapper Clinics' POSSESSION DIET screens the patient, matches the patient with a suitable demon, organizes the possession of the patient by the demon, supervises the weight loss and handles the excorcism once the desired weight is reached. The process is almost never fatal.Once upon a time this fun little book would be a favorite in guest bedrooms and downstairs bathrooms along with joke books and old magazines. It is a very short read and I am not sure whether the electronic format does it justice.
    • 1/5
      How Possession Can Help You Lose WeightBy Chris DolleyPublisher: Book View CafePublished In: Date: 2013Pgs: 59Summary:How demons, spirits, and astral projection can help you burn calories and diet. Projectile vomiting and head spinning as exercise regimens.Genre:diet, parodyFavorite Character:N/ALeast Favorite Character: N/AFavorite Scene:N/APlot Holes/Out of Character:N/ALast Page Sound:Well...Author Assessment:I enjoyed the book. I would look at other writings by the author on a case by case basis.Disposition of Book:e-Book.Why isn’t there a screenplay?N/A...but who knowsCasting call:N/A
    • 3/5
      Pretty funny.
    • 4/5
      How Possession Can Help You Lose Weight was a fun, very quick read. It had the whole infomercial speil down, with all the twists and turns. I actually laughed out loud. My only problem with the book was it was too short. The last portion of the book was filled with reviews of other books written by the author. I could have done without that part of the book. Other than that I would recommend this book as a quick funny time killer.

    Book preview

    How Possession Can Help You Lose Weight - Chris Dolley

    Table of Contents

    Yellow Smiley Demon

    The Concept

    The Science of Possession

    Clinical Trials

    Choosing the Best Demon

    Head Spinning and Other Exercises

    Cursing as a Slimming Aid

    Exorcism

    Side Features and Other Things to Watch Out For

    Testimonials

    Demon Dating Questionnaire

    Recipes

    Calorie Counter

    Acknowledgements

    About Brick Crapper M.D.

    The Noro Diet

    Other Books by Chris Dolley

    About Book View Café

    The Concept

    Green Horned Demon

    Houston, We Got a Problem

    The United States is the fattest nation on the planet. Kevin Jones, Twitter’s most popular statistician with over two million followers, has calculated that, if current trends continue, the average American will weigh over ONE THOUSAND POUNDS by the year 2300! That’s enough to make America sink by EIGHTEEN INCHES! Even worse, if enough Americans gather in one place — like Miami for Spring Break — it could cause the whole continent to tip over — sinking Florida and lifting Alaska THOUSANDS of feet into the air!

    Move over global warming, the planet’s BIGGEST threat is global fattening.

    But What Can We Do, Brick?

    We need to lose weight fast. I don’t need to tell you that there are HUNDREDS of diets out there. But only one is guaranteed 110% effective, and that’s the Possession Diet. It’s fast. It works. It introduces you to new, healthier foods. And it’s almost never fatal.

    But how does it work?

    In the coming chapters, I’m going to take you through a step-by-step explanation of everything you need to know about this amazing diet — from the science behind it to a list of specially designed recipes.

    Let’s start with the concept. We’ve all heard about possession. A person is possessed when a spirit or demon slips inside their head. But only recently have researchers realized that being possessed can help you lose weight AND improve your diet.

    That sounds amazing, Brick, but, come on, how does it work?

    Well...

    1. You’re Eating for Two

    And those spirits have enormous appetites. It’s been clinically proven that a spirit needs at least 1,500 calories a day to survive — some even more than that. That’s 1,500 calories of YOUR daily intake being removed FOR FREE! That’s the equivalent of THREE mature Venezuelan tapeworms!

    2. Improve Your Diet

    Spirits have cravings — they’re only human (well, some of them are) — but the amazing thing about these cravings is that they are SLIMMING POSITIVE! That’s right, spirits don’t crave sugary foods, or fat, or chocolate, or deep-fried carbs. They crave HEALTHY foods like raw liver and bugs and those tiny dried-up foods you find in old attics and the better-stocked graveyards. And those cravings become YOUR cravings. It’s like a magic diet pill that takes away your craving for BAD food and introduces you to the GOOD.

    And, even better, it doesn’t last. Once you’ve been exorcised, the new slimline you can return to enjoying your old favorite foods!

    3. Astral Projection — The Safe Way to Exercise

    Astral projection is a way of using your mind, or, in this case, your demon’s mind, to create a second body. A second body that feeds off YOUR energy and burns YOUR calories. It’s the safe way to exercise — remotely. You can be as vigorous as you like, WITHOUT straining your own muscles.

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