Whole

Whole

By Wendy Brumback

Smashwords Edition, May 2011

Copyright 2011 by Wendy Brumback

Cover Photo by Sarah Wilson

Cover design by Wendy Brumback

THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

All scripture quoted from this edition are marked (NIV).

"Scripture quotations taken from the Amplified® Bible,

Copyright © 1954, 1958, 1962, 1964, 1965, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation

Used by permission." (www.Lockman.org)

All scripture quoted from this edition are marked (Amplified Bible).

"Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson,

   Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved."

All scripture quoted from this version are marked (NKJV).

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Whole

By Wendy Brumback

Part I

Make no mistake about it – life is hard. So many things happen to us throughout our time spent on this earth, and sadly, some of those things are not pleasant. We walk away from these situations feeling as if we will never be the same again. Nothing looks the same to us anymore and we let those negative emotions take hold in our hearts, grabbing hold, leaving its permanent mark. It is as if there has been a chunk of our hearts scratched, sliced through, torn open, ripped out; leaving us wounded. We wonder if we can be whole again.

The answer is yes. What we have accepted is that our lives will be different and changed by these events - that we will not have the life we had before. We accept this theory believing that God has simply put us on a new path; one we will follow and filled with just as many wonderful things as we had before. Our experiences shape who we are and we will find many more places to go and people to love.

But what if I told you that it doesn’t have to be that way? We can find the life we had. It is not as if those experiences in our life don’t have an impact on us. We have to accept that they have happened, we even have to remember them from time to time, but they do not have to take control over us, they do not have to lead us down a new path.

No matter what path you follow in life it is similar everybody else’s. It has its smooth parts and it’s rocky ones. We try so hard to find the smoothest path to follow in life, but those don’t exist, and if they did could you ever really even call that path a life? It would be nothing more than surviving. That path may seem fine for the time being, but eventually you will start to feel a little sad about it, you will remember the life you once had, and you will miss it. Do not fear that road, it may have lead to something that has wounded you, but that does not mean you have to stay wounded. So do not fear it, for God is with you along your journey. He is there to lend a hand. We must look to him to guide us.

The Hole

Our lives will continually be filled with trials and tribulations. This is in part what life is, filled with uncertainty. Change comes every moment of the day. You will always have a choice to make. These choices are usually typical: What to eat or what to wear. However, every so often, you have a bigger choice to make: The job you take, a vacation to plan. You try to put yourself in happy environments; ones that give you moments filled with joy. Sometimes however, your choice will produce an unpleasant result. When this happens you usually take action to correct it. But, what happens when someone else’s choice causes you pain?

The events of your life you have no control over are often the ones that cause you the greatest suffering. When a loved one dies, abuse, hateful words, attacks, being ignored; all this and more, you have little to no ability to stop from happening. Because of this, you may choose to withdraw, become depressed, or even angry. What we often forget is that God can, and will, heal all wounds; large and small, we only have to let him. This can be a difficult thing to do. Sometimes we struggle to let go of these emotions; we have dealt with them for so long that the only relief from the pain they caused is the control we exert in holding onto those emotions.

Here I must take the time to explain that not everyone experiences the same sufferings, nor do they in the same ways. For some they are internal, and for others they are external and they come in all shapes and sizes. But, you should never ignore any wound, no matter the size. No wound should be discarded as unimportant. You need to fill every hole, mend every tare. The heart is meant to be whole and holy; not filled with holes.

In order to mend your heart you must first determine what type of hole hinders it. Letting God in to heal you may happen instantly, but for so many of us it will be a process filled with ups and downs. However, you can take comfort in knowing though that however many steps it takes to get there, God is with you along the way. "And I will walk in and with and among you" Leviticus 26:12a (Amplified Bible). A good first step to take is determining what type of wound you have and what caused it.

There are two basic types of wounds. The first is the open wound. This is laid out for the entire world to see. It is often caused by, but not limited to, the loss of a loved one. Many people know and see your pain. You couldn’t hide it if you wanted to.

The second type is the hidden wound. Someone hurting you often causes this. A childhood abuse, fight with a loved one that ends bad, and physical loss all fall into this category, and like before, it is not limited to only these events.

The Open Wound

Here you feel as if someone grabbed and ripped. You feel as if everything in your heart can, or is, spilling out in front of you, exposing your wounds to others.

I have an old friend who knows this type of pain. He is an amazing man and his insights into a life with God are beautiful. He seeks after God in everything he does. Because of his outgoing and cheerful personality he is an amazing public speaker. Back in college we always asked him to talk at our functions; even after he graduated and moved away we were always asking him to come back and talk with us.

It was soon after that we found out he didn’t always feel like accepting our invitations. That was fine in and of its self - until he told us why. He said he did not feel he should speak with other people about God, that he wasn’t a good enough Christian. He had lost someone close to him and because we all knew what had happened, we could all see the effect the event had on him. He even felt that his not being good enough was apparent to the world as well, that it was exposed for anyone to see. He couldn’t understand why we would want someone like him to tell us about God.

His wound was deep and he struggled to find a way to let it heal. In his case guilt was holding him back; making him feel as if he would dishonor the memory of the person if he let go of the emotional pain of the loss. I’ll talk more about guilt later, but you can see here that for every hurt in your heart there is a cause and effect; the what - what hurt us, and the why - why we don’t fix it.

The open wound often causes extreme self-image difficulties. You may see yourself as unworthy, undesirable, unlovable, unwanted, and even worthless. The bible tells you that this is not the case. That in fact we are all created in his likeness and created for a purpose. God wants you, and he loves you. He has made everything beautiful in its time. Ecclesiastes 3:11a (NKJV).

You can have a happy life with an open wound, but there will be nights in which it will drain you, making you feel run down and empty. You can laugh, but there will be times you will feel as if something is missing. You can be successful and gain everything you thought you ever wanted, but in the end you will realize that you still need more.

Open wounded people can have a life that looks successful on the outside. You might have the house, the career, the spouse, and the kids. Others think you have everything they ever wanted, when in truth it is a life filled with turmoil. You try to over compensate your loss by filling you life with as many possessions as possible; using that to fill the void left by the scar. But, in the end it is never enough. You must in turn, after gaining something, seek another object, or set another goal. It is not only a way to try and fill the void, but a way to avoid it as well. Sometimes it seems that if it is ignored it long enough, you will turn around one day to discover that it is gone.

The open wound holds a sadness unexplained by anything else. Even when someone can relate, it still seems so different, simply because it is your loss. And truth be told, it isn’t the same. No one has ever had the same relationship you had. No one lost exactly what you lost. However, you can find comfort in the realization that God does know, that he does understand. He not only walks your paths with you, but he is planted in your heart, feeling what you feel. The burdens you bare are his to bear as well. He knows your heart. The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart. Psalm 34:18a (NKJV)

The Hidden Wound

The hidden wound is internal. Many people would never even guess you had such a wound in your heart. For some, you put a smile on your face and walk out the door. Everyone likes you. They all think you’re so sweet or cool. You can even convince yourself that all is right with the world - until you go home at night and sit down alone. When you have a moment to sit and think that is when the reality hits - you feel like a fake and you wonder if you will ever be as happy as you pretend to be.

For others this wound can cause you to withdrawal, preventing you from doing many things in life you would otherwise rather be doing. People may know why this has happened to you; however, they struggle to understand why you don’t snap out of it. They can’t understand why you aren’t going back to being yourself. The wound is still so fresh for you, but others can’t see it; which can make it hard for them to understand.

I myself struggle with hidden wounds. I have dealt with tiny open wounds as well, but my big one came in the hidden wound form. As a child I had been subjected to name calling and pranks. This went on for several years and escaladed from just a few kids on the bus, to the kids in my class, to a good chunk of the student-body as well. The school was only about 250 students, but it felt like the world to me.

I felt so lonely and so lost. When my family finally moved and I started making friends again I was much happier, but only when I was with others. At home at night I would still cry. I would still look in the mirror and wonder why I had to be so ugly. Everyone thought I was so sweet and nice but I thought I was a phony. The inside of my heart was so torn up; so battered and bruised, I thought I deserved to be in my world of hidden depression. How could I ever mend such a wound?

The hidden wound can sometimes be hard to detect. With the open wound people can see it. They know you had the loss in your life. They saw what happened to you. Your friends are there to help. God wants there to be people to help mend your hidden wounds as well. He lets people see bits and pieces of your heart. You have to be willing to open up about it as well. Your friends want to help, no matter what type, or what caused your wounds, but sometimes you have to be blunt about what has happened to you.

The hidden wound is often held onto because of fear, the fear of letting go. You can actually become comfortable with your pains, fearing what can happen if you let them go. You think it would be great if you weren’t a fake, but you still have doubts in your ability to succeed. Is the job of your dreams going to be all right? What if you can’t handle it? What if you’re not meant to have kids? What if you will be a horrible parent? You are scared that you will fail.

I’ll let you know one thing right now. Failure isn’t as bad as all that. Yes, it doesn’t feel real good when it happens, but the ride you take to get there sure is a blast. The ride is the whole sundae, cherry and all. Your accomplishments are great, but they are not the cherry. They are the beginning rush of starting a new journey. And if you look at failure as a chance to devour another bite of ice cream, then you will feel that adrenaline rush, and you will still have your chocolate swirl sundae with nuts, whipped cream, and the cherry on top.

With the hidden wound you often live in the shadows, afraid to move forward in life. You become comfortable in sadness. If anything you believe that if you keep yourself away from things then you can’t get hurt again. Then all you have to feel is what is already there, no more worrying about taking on additional pain. When you are lucky enough to find a spouse, it is because they came to you. They stuck around until you believed that they cared about you, even if you couldn’t figure out why. Sometimes though, even you don’t open up your heart completely to them. You fear that they will walk away if they see what is there. And the reality is that you want them to stay, you need them there, to open up to with the whole truth, to pray with, and to hold onto.

Another problem with the hidden wound is that even when you do open up you often leave things out and keep part of your pain hidden. This falls into the whole they won’t like me if they see the truth assumption. You think why would they, I don’t even like myself! But you must remember that if you are willing to accept others for who they are, then chances are they feel the same way about you.

Your wounds keep you from the things you most desire. You cannot follow God’s plan for your life if you don’t open yourself up to others and to God. You must close these wounds in order to live a well rounded and fulfilling life.

Healing

It is