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    The Princess & the Penis
    The Princess & the Penis
    The Princess & the Penis
    Ebook51 pages36 minutes

    The Princess & the Penis

    By RJ Silver

    3.5/5

    ()

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    About this ebook

    A beautiful, chaste, and completely naive princess encounters a strange lump in her mattress. The lump soon morphs into a shape familiar to everyone but her, triggering her curiosity and her father's greatest fears. He frantically tries to intervene, but having a large phantom phallus in a curious maiden's bed is never a good combination.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherRJ Silver
    Release dateDec 6, 2010
    ISBN9781452373300
    The Princess & the Penis
    Author

    RJ Silver

    My name is RJ. I’m a man who writes quirky romantic humor books. That alone should tell you that I'm psychologically imbalanced. Most people ask me why I write. The answer is simple. Like most men, I get in a lot of trouble with the woman in my life. When she's really angry at me, and I'm hiding from her, writing is the one thing I can do that doesn't make any noise.

    Read more from Rj Silver

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    Reviews for The Princess & the Penis

    3.5/5

    72 ratings10 reviews

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    Review must be at least 10 words

    • 4/5
      HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. That's all I have to say about this book. READ IT. It's hilarious! hahaha
    • 5/5
      Fun little adult fairytale that for a short story offers a comic relief between typical romance novels. Naive Princess Amalia tries to explain to everyone the lump that comes to her bed every night.
    • 4/5
      Okay so I'll admit, the first time I saw this book I was immediately skeptical. I saw that it was a free e-book though so I decided to give it a shot.

      The princess being in complete and utter denial of what she was doing absolutely hilarious. Simply put? This book was outrageously funny.
    • 3/5
      A very cute retelling of Princess and Pea fairytale- But in this case instead of a pea its an enchanted penis! Its available free on Goodreads and recommend it if you have a few mins to spare and need a good laugh.
    • 3/5
      Well I didn't see the ending coming. So it was extra fun for me. Clever, even if the writing stumbled a bit once or twice.
    • 4/5
      3.5*Book source ~ Free on AmazonI think the title is pretty much self-explanatory.An entertaining read and certainly not as naughty as I thought it was going to be considering the title. Talk about extreme lengths though. Heh eh I said extreme lengths. *snorts* But really what I meant was the King really wants to make sure his daughter grows up ignorant about the facts of life, so when this innocent Princess is getting nightly visits from a phantom phallus she is completely clueless as to what it is which leads to some interesting situations for the royal family. And that ending? LOL
    • 1/5
      Not very funny childish humor very sexist and gross. 1970s white man humor. Wish I could post this review with no stars. The minimum is one. Please fix this Scribd
    • 3/5
      Once upon a time, a young naive princess unwittingly encounters a giant disembodied penis in her bed, poking her in the butt. She has no idea what it is as she’s been kept in the dark about male anatomy and sex by her stubborn father, the king. All she knows is that she likes the way it feels...between her breasts and legs much to the shock/horror of her family. Moral: Sex Education is good. Forewarned is forearmed and all that.

      Anyway, Prince Rupert hearing of her innocence and virtue begins to court the princess but all she wants to do is spend time with her penis. One kiss and the penis is now attached to a man –Prince Longwood of Shlongdia. Poor Rupert never had a chance against such large family jewels!

      You can't help but laugh at the princess's hilarious descriptions and the aunts' knowing comments.
    • 3/5
      Okay, so this is the real reason why I purchased an e-reader. So I can comfortably download and read priceless freebies like this. Seriously, with a title like this I couldn’t resist. So hear me out on my three star rating…this was actually pretty damn funny.

      As you can guess this story is a spinoff of the fairy tale story The Princess and the Pea, except instead of a pea it’s a penis of mythical proportions poking the princes in where else, but her rump. hehe. Oh it gets better folks. The princess is a really innocent girl thanks to her overprotective father so she has no idea what is keeping her up at night. When she describes to her parents what is poking out of her mattress that is when the mayhem ensues as they try to get the penis out of her mattress. I’ll keep the details to myself, but I will say there were some hilarious scenes and lines which made this a decent read.
    • 4/5
      The jokes never stop, the innuendoes hilarious, the lump impressive and cuddly. This quick romp with an innocent princess and her growing lump had me laughing so loud I had tears. This is a fairy tale for grown women to dream about. I'll revisit this kingdom for a fun quicky many times.

    Book preview

    The Princess & the Penis - RJ Silver

    The Princess & The Penis

    RJ Silver

    Published on Smashwords

    Copyright 2010 RJ Silver (www.rjsilver.com)

    Cover By Katrina Joyner (www.spearcarrier.daportfolio.com)

    Smashwords Edition, Licensing Notes

    This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with. If you're reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then you should return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the author's work.

    CHAPTER 1: A LUMP IN THE RUMP

    A long time ago in a small kingdom far, far away, there lived a beautiful young princess named Amalia. She was so beautiful, flowers leaned toward her when she walked past. Birds and butterflies fluttered around her to get a closer look. Even women who might normally turn green with envy, turned pink with admiration instead.

    She was not only beautiful but kind. In the small village outside her family’s castle, she served hot meals to the hungry, handed out blankets to the cold, and gave hope to the despondent. The people called her an angel.

    Amalia’s father, King Norwood, loved her so much, he wanted to protect her from all life’s dangers. To keep her safe from the greatest danger of all – men – he surrounded her with three chaste companions and a special troop of guards sworn to defend her virtue. He forbade all single males over the age of twelve from approaching her. He blocked all love songs from reaching her ears, all romantic stories from passing before her eyes, and even made it a crime to discuss such matters with her.

    In short, he wanted to keep her as pure as fresh snow, as innocent as a fawn, until her beauty, kindness, and purity attracted a crown prince from one of the big kingdoms. He hoped such a union would not only make her happy, but would also help his small, impoverished kingdom of Westwich survive.

    By the time Amalia turned eighteen, the king’s plan seemed to have worked. Eleven princes had asked for her hand in marriage on reputation alone. The king had rejected all but one: Prince Rupert from the mighty kingdom of Arginy, who was now on his way to meet her. Everything was going perfectly – Amalia’s gilded cage had not a single scratch – until one morning she arrived for breakfast in the Great Hall, rubbing her eyes and yawning.

    Why so tired? asked Queen Isabella, Amalia’s ageless and graceful mother. Did you not sleep well, my dear?

    It’s my bed, Amalia answered drowsily. There was a lump under my rump all night long.

    A lump? said the king, who couldn’t bear to see his daughter suffer the slightest discomfort. That’s unacceptable. I’ll have the steward replace your mattress right away.

    Thank you, Father, said Amalia, as she gently massaged her behind.

    * * *

    The next morning, Amalia entered the Great Hall with the same look of sleepy discomfort on

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