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    Jokes: Clean Jokes
    Jokes: Clean Jokes
    Jokes: Clean Jokes
    Ebook135 pages1 hour

    Jokes: Clean Jokes

    By Funny Guy

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    About this ebook

    Hundreds of clean jokes for you, your family, friends and kids.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherGalaxy e-Books
    Release dateJul 29, 2011
    ISBN9781465850546
    Jokes: Clean Jokes
    Author

    Funny Guy

    Funny Guy is always happy because he takes every thing in this world as a big joke.

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      Clean jokes know one has ever heard , so ketchup and read this story

    Book preview

    Jokes - Funny Guy

    Jokes

    by

    Funny Guy

    Smashwords Edition

    Copyright ©2014 Funny Guy

    All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without written permission from the author, except for the inclusion of brief quotations in a review.

    Chili garden

    An old man lived alone in New Mexico. He wanted to spade his chili garden, but it was very hard work.

    His only son, Francisco, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament...

    Oye Francisco, I feeling pretty bat cuz I do not think I will be able to plant my chili garden this year. I just getting too old to dig a garden, but if you waz here, all mi problemas wood be over. I know you wood dig the plot for me. Siempre, tu poppy

    A few days later he received a letter from his son...

    Dear Poppy, Por favor, no, don't dig up the garden, that's where I buried the BODIES! Love, Francisco

    At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police showed up and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.

    That same day the old man received another letter from his son...

    Dear Dad, Go ahead and plant the chili now. It's the best I could do under the circumstances. Love, Francisco

    *

    The Sign

    A man was driving down a local street one day and approached a stop sign. He barely slowed down and ran right through the stop sign after glancing for traffic. What the driver didn't know was that a policeman was watching the intersection. The policeman pulled out after him and stopped the car two blocks away. Policeman: License, registration and proof of insurance please. Driver: Before I give it to you, tell me what the heck you stopped me for, man. Policeman: Watch your tone sir; you ran the stop sign back there!! Driver: Man, I slowed down, what the heck is the difference!?! The police officer pulled out his night stick and began smashing it over the man's head and shoulders. Policeman: "Now, do you want me to just slow down or stop!!!?

    *

    Don't step on it

    Two children went into their parent's bathroom and noticed the scale in the corner.

    Whatever you do, cautioned one child to the younger one, don't step on it!

    Why not? asked the sibling.

    Because every time mom does, she lets out an awful scream!

    *

    Balance

    God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God. Where have you been? God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction, and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, Look, Michael. Look what I've made. Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, What is it? It's a planet, replied God, and I've put Life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance. Balance? inquired Michael, still confused. God explained, pointing to different parts of earth. For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor. Over there I've placed a continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people. Balance in all things, God continued pointing to different countries. This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice. The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a land area and said, What's that one? Ah, said God That's Washington State, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful mountains, rivers and streams, lakes, forests, hills, plains, and coulees. The people from Washington State are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent, and humorous, and they are going to be found traveling the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, high achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats, and carriers of peace. Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then proclaimed, What about balance, God? You said there would be balance. God smiled, There is another Washington...wait until you see the idiots I put there.

    *

    Drag

    Fred got home from his Sunday round of golf later than normal and very tired. Bad day at the course? his wife asked. Everything was going fine, he said. Then Harry had a heart attack and died on the 10th tee. Oh, that's awful! You're not kidding. For the whole back nine it was hit the ball, drag Harry, hit the ball, drag Harry.

    *

    Never got caught

    An applicant was filling out a job application.

    When he came to the question, Have you ever been arrested? he wrote, No.

    The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the previous question, was Why?

    The applicant answered it anyway: Never got caught.

    *

    Karate Dog

    Harold's new job had him working really late. He decides to get his wife a watchdog. He goes to the pet store and asks for a doberman. The employee said, If its a guard dog you want I have a dog just for you. The man walks to the back of the store to get a dog and comes back with a little poodle. Harold says, This small thing, a watch dog? You're kidding, right? The employee says, No, this dog is special; he knows karate. Karate? I don't believe it, Harold says. The employee puts the dog down and says, Karate the sign. And he points to a sign advertising dog food. The dog runs up and rips the sign to shreds. Harold is amazed at this. The employee then says, Karate the chair. And he points to a chair in the corner. The dog runs up and rips the chair to shreds. By now Harold is convinced. I'll take him, he says. When he gets home

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