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    Once Upon a Beanstalk
    Once Upon a Beanstalk
    Once Upon a Beanstalk
    Ebook81 pages1 hour

    Once Upon a Beanstalk

    By Kate Avery Ellison

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    About this ebook

    In this humorous collection of fairy tale mashups combining modern day technology with fairy tale sensibilities, Rumpelstiltskin and Red Riding Hood are married and running a royal wedding planner venue, Rapunzel has been rescued from her tower and is about to start her happily ever after, and the Grimm Brothers are a group of notorious thieves who are forced to rescue a kidnapped princess in order to avoid execution.

    This collection includes the short stories "Once Upon a Wedding," "Once Upon a Heist," and "Once Upon a Beanstalk."

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherKate Avery Ellison
    Release dateSep 3, 2011
    ISBN9781466191501
    Once Upon a Beanstalk
    Author

    Kate Avery Ellison

    When I'm not writing, I enjoy watching NBC comedy shows, playing video games, and eating ice cream cake. While it’s true that I'm currently working on a zombie novel, don’t let that fool you. I am decidedly Team Unicorn.

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      Book preview

      Once Upon a Beanstalk - Kate Avery Ellison

      Once Upon a Beanstalk

      (And Other Fairy Tale Mashups)

      A collection of short stories

      By

      Kate Avery Ellison

      Smashwords Edition

      This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

      copyright 2011 Kate Avery Ellison

      This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. No part of this book may be copied, reproduced, or distributed, either electronically or otherwise, without written permission from the author.

      Once Upon a Wedding

      Rumpelstiltskin hadn’t spun gold in years, not since he quit baby-stealing and went legit, but right now the decorators were running late—some nonsense about billy goats blocking the bridge to the wedding venue—and Rumpel’s people had to have something to use for decorations around the reception site. So here he was, the straw beneath this fingertips turning into sparkling garlands. He’d never dreamed he’d be spinning gold again, but … sometimes you just had to do strange things when you were in the wedding business.

      The straw erupted into sparkling, spun gold beneath his fingertips, and hired elves scooped it up and dragged it away to string along the pews in the church and around the tables in the reception hall. The gold sparkled in their hands like captured sunlight, and Rumpel sighed a little with nostalgia as he watched them. Nothing looked as pretty as fresh-spun gold.

      His headset crackled to life. It was his wife, Red. Rumpel, you there? We have a situation.

      He leaned against the spinning wheel. What is it?

      It’s gonna be weird, Red warned.

      He was used to weird. In this kind of business, you just had to be. One time, they’d had to wheel the bride down the aisle in a gurney. The lucky lady was asleep until the officiator declared the happy couple man and wife and her new husband laid a big wet one on her. Rumpel had never seen anyone look more bewildered than that poor girl, waking up to an auditorium full of people and a red-faced, beaming prince. She’d smiled for the pictures and danced beautifully at the reception, though, which was more than he could say for the late King Charming’s second wife at her wedding. But then, she’d turned out to be a witch in the end.

      It figured.

      Spill, he said, bracing himself for the worst.

      The bride saw that we were going to be serving apple turnovers at the reception, and she threw a fit. No apples, she says. Apparently they ‘leave a bad taste in her mouth,’ and I don’t think she was making a pun.

      No apples, he repeated. That wasn’t so bad. It was best just to go along with these things. Are peaches okay? Do we have peaches?

      I’ll find out. Oh, and the one of the groomsman is missing. He didn’t show up for the pre-wedding pictures. Nobody can find him.

      Missing groomsman. Got it.

      He’s really short, white beard, pointy hat. I’ll send over the assistant to help you look.

      Thanks, Red.

      Once upon a time, Rumpel used to be a criminal. Used to run a racket spinning gold from straw and tricking people out of their firstborn children. But crime didn’t pay—literally, since the king had caught on and installed those fairy-gold-detectors in all the kingdom shops—and now he could barely believe how far he’d come. He’d gotten married and started his own business and everything. The work was hard, but he had to admit, he kind of liked it. R & R Wedding Planning and Comprehensive Services—We’ll Put the Happily in Your Ever After! Had a nice ring to it.

      And the pay was fantastic, because he was the best in the business. Red made all the cakes and contracted all the caterers and the photographers and the tux rentals. She had a good, sensible head on her shoulders, she was steady in a crisis, and she was darn good at making cakes. Together they ran a slick—but totally legal—operation.

      The new assistant was waiting in the hallway, breathless and flustered. Did Red tell you? One of the groomsmen is missing. Nobody can find him anywhere, and the ceremony is close to starting!

      Did you check the men’s room? He remained calm. Something always went wrong with a wedding. With any luck the guy was just getting a little stage fright and hadn’t run off with a bridesmaid. Or worse, with the bride. That’d happened a few times, and it made things very awkward for everyone, especially when the groom was a tyrant king with a tendency to sentence people to death.

      The assistant nodded vigorously at his question, dragging his attention back to the present. Checked every stall. Nobody in there but a frog.

      Rumpel frowned. Frogs could be trouble. Witches were always turning their enemies (usually smug princes, it seemed) into amphibians of some kind or another, so you had to be careful you didn’t accidentally step on the next heir to the kingdom while you were taking a leak.

      But then again, sometimes a frog was just a frog.

      Red’s voice crackled over his headset again, and he cupped one hand over his ear to hear her better. Ten minutes to prelude, everybody. Rumpel, have we found that groomsman yet?

      Working on it. Rumpel turned back to the assistant. Check the foyer. Maybe he’s just mingling with the guests. Maybe he thought he’d get a drink and then he got lost.

      Her expression said she found those things unlikely, but his assistants weren’t paid to argue. She tucked her clipboard under her arm and disappeared down the hall. Rumpel started in the opposite direction.

      Weddings were all the same. Just about everything that could go wrong did.

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