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The Internet Dating Bible: An Unintentional Self Help Book for Ladies in their 30's and Beyond...
The Internet Dating Bible: An Unintentional Self Help Book for Ladies in their 30's and Beyond...
The Internet Dating Bible: An Unintentional Self Help Book for Ladies in their 30's and Beyond...
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The Internet Dating Bible: An Unintentional Self Help Book for Ladies in their 30's and Beyond...

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Want a line of quality men waiting to meet you? Want to find your authentic voice? Want to quickly learn how to navigate sites and how to communicate in this new world of internet dating? My friends, this book is definitely for you. Download a sample and see for yourself!
LanguageEnglish
PublisherBookBaby
Release dateMay 24, 2013
ISBN9781626759572
The Internet Dating Bible: An Unintentional Self Help Book for Ladies in their 30's and Beyond...

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    Book preview

    The Internet Dating Bible - Elisha Weinberg

    Prologue

    Before we get started, some thoughts on a Journey....

    I'm 40 now. I have a lot of years of dating in my bones. And until about four years ago I would have said it was responsible for some of my worst memories.

    Some people are lucky. They meet someone in high school who ends up being a perfectly perfect match and boom: married, kids, white picket fence, dog.

    Some people aren't.

    I fit somewhere in the middle of those two categories.

    I don't know if there is Karma involved in the process of finding true love. I'm not sure it matters. But I do know there is a longing that has us making stupid mistakes, usually repeatedly.

    When I was younger, I hadn't yet figured out to lead with my heart. So I learned to be crafty. I didn't wait for that magic moment during a full moon to take my soul mate down to the water where we could bathe in moonlight and lose our virginity.

    I decided going to college a virgin was a horrible idea, so I propositioned a friend and got the deed out of the way—over and over again during lunch—guaranteeing I wouldn't have to wait to find out what it was all about.

    Does that make me weird? Probably. But I got to take control of a situation that scared me, which made it seem OK.

    When I got to college, the number of boys was overwhelming. I was at an extravagant buffet, afraid to put anything on my tray in case something better was available down the line.

    Then one night, about six months into my first year, I went to a concert. I think it was EMF or the Soup Dragons or something similarly one-hit-wonderish ... and I see this boy. He's glowing, angelic. Super tall, long blonde hair, dancing as though no one's watching—I happen to find that super hot.

    I feel a plan forming inside me. I'm dancing behind him when I see him whisper to his buddy that he's getting some water. I nonchalantly keep him behind me and head to the water fountain. I make sure to bend over suggestively while drinking, and make eyes at him before I walk back into the gym.

    I return to where his friend is. He whispers to his friend again a little while later and I do the water fountain trick again.

    I ended up doing it three times without saying anything. The fourth time, when I turned around and saw him there I stopped and said, Are you following me?

    He looked at me like I was crazy. I know he was a little confused because he clearly was initiating, but I was in front of him each time.

    What? he stammered.

    Every time I turn around at this water fountain, you're behind me. What the hell? I was half-flirting, half-accusing.

    He just shook his head and stepped forward to get water. I walked back to the opposite side of the gym, where he can see me dance. Now I dance like no one's watching ... but, of course, I hope someone is.

    The show ended and just as I planned, he came over while I'm fumbling with my sweater, trying to waste time before I'd have to leave.

    Hey, do you want to come to a party with me and my friend? It's just off campus, he asked.

    Excuse me? First you follow me all night, now you want me in your car and I don't even know your name? I gave him a little smile so that I didn't frighten him off.

    It's Sam. Do you want to come or not?

    If I can drive your car I'll come.

    Are you crazy? He almost yelled this, an irresistible glint suddenly in his eyes. I felt a strange comfort with him, like we'd been friends for years. I don't even know your name and I'm supposed to let you drive my car? My car that I paid for by myself!

    Then no deal, I said. You could get totally drunk and then I'm stuck somewhere and have to take the drunk bus back to campus. No thanks.

    Jesus. OK, if I get too drunk to drive, you can have the keys, OK?

    I agreed. And he did get too drunk and I drove him back to my room, and we were inseparable for three years.

    But that just happened. It was a spur of the moment thing that called out to me. There was no premeditation. No dating. It just happened.

    And then it never happened again. For years, that kind of unmistakable spark evaded me. So I turned to the needs of my body and had lots of meaningless, well-protected sex. But no relationship. I always waited as long as I could, until I needed someone just to feel like part of the human experience again. I wanted a partner, but never found someone I actually wanted to spend time with.

    When I was at my lowest, I met the man who would become my first husband. We worked together. He was sweet and stable. It was easy. I was away from everything I knew, broke, confused and incredibly naive. He courted me and I allowed it, sharing with him 10 years of my life.

    So when we split—amicably—a few things had happened. It was 10 years later. Everyone was online. I'd come to detest bars. It seemed like all my friends were married and all of their friends were married. That made meeting someone, or getting fixed up, kinda out of the question. And to complete the circle, I had no luck hanging out in the produce department, waiting to be snapped up by some hot yoga instructor who could cook awesome vegetarian food.

    Of course, my problem is a common one now. Where does a single, lonely, healthy, relatively well-adjusted lady find a man? If friends aren't going to set you up? And there's no one interesting at work? And nobody makes a move at Whole Foods? Then Internet dating's your best bet.

    When I got out of my marriage I was confused and I was very very very horny. I even posted a personal on Craigslist. I figured I'd always had luck finding furniture on there, maybe I'd have some finding a man.

    I found two well-written, sexy posts, and replied to both with my manifesto. I got the same strange, conservative Christian message back from each of them, which felt like a really, really bad omen for me. (Not everyone's had the same experience there. My friend met her wife on Craigslist, so ... maybe it's a good place for lesbians?)

    Then, in a desperate moment, I took the next step and joined Match.com. It was a lonely Friday night. I'd just eaten an entire pizza. All I wanted was human companionship.

    I didn't know anything about Internet dating. All I knew was that, suddenly, there were mountains of men. Suddenly, the buffet I'd seen in college was back.

    And I didn't have to go to a loud, smelly bar. And I could see their philosophy before meeting them. And I could see—in theory—recent photos of them. Even if I didn't email anyone, there was something

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