Just in Time

Just in Time

by Montez Thalman

Smashwords Edition

Copyright © 2014 Montez Thalman

All rights reserved.

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Table of Contents

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 1

I lay naked, curled up under the soft white comforter, praying this morning would be different from every other in the last ten years, especially after the horrifying night before; but it wasn't. Dan referred to the ritual as his wake-up call: I knew when his breathing changed, this would be no exception. I felt his rough hands groping my body to touch and feel the private parts he thought belonged to him, then rolling me onto my stomach. Face down on my pillow, he raised my hips to enter from behind with such force I couldn't help but cry out. The muffled sound meant pleasure to him, only increasing the power in his rhythmical thrusts until finally collapsing upon my limp body. He rolled off and out of bed without a single word, and I was left feeling used, sad, and empty. This morning, though, my heart definitely felt different. It was broken.

I heard the door slam. Dan had left for work.

I was afraid to get up and face the mirror, vividly recalling Dan's fist last night as it hit my face. Remembering the strange uncontrolled howl that came out of my mouth as I had stumbled to the floor in excruciating pain, there were flashes of light, then everything went black. This morning the right side of my face felt stiff and swollen to the touch, and I was well aware of my throbbing headache, but now it was the pain in my eye and blurry vision that made me feel frightened. It would take me a few minutes to slip into my robe and make my way to the bathroom. I was in total shock when I saw the monstrous reflection in the mirror. I could barely see my eye under the swollen eyelid, and the broken blood vessels were everywhere along my check bone all the way to my ear.

Dan had gone to work, and thank God the kids were still with my mom. I made my way next door to Betty's house, where I stood with tears running down my face, waiting for her to open the door. Oh my God, my God, Melissa, get in here, she yelled.

In less than twenty minutes I was in the passenger's seat of her car on my way to her doctor's office. Later I would learn that there was damage to my ear, causing permanent hearing loss; three fractures to my eye socket; a mild concussion; and nerve damage to the right side of my face, causing numbness, which might or might not go away.

That was finally it! I accepted the truth: After thirteen years in an abusive marriage, I realized no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't fix it! I stayed at Betty's for a couple of days. Dan stayed out of town for work, and my mom still had the kids. She loved having them stay with her for a few days during her only week of vacation each year, and they always had so much fun.

Dan had always threatened, if I ever left, he'd take the kids and I'd never see them again — as if being beaten and the threat of killing me while holding a knife to my neck weren't convincing enough. The kids had been starting to fear him too, and his raging temper surfaced more often now. I had always been able to hide what was really happening, but now that they were older, I really couldn't do it anymore.

A slip of the tongue from his drinking buddy had led me to finding out about his ongoing affair with Angie, a woman from work. The news was heartbreaking. We were a family in my eyes, and I never expected anything like that, even if we were having problems.

********

One night shortly after that, Dan never came home. He just left, leaving me feeling devastated, and very scared to be on my own with the kids — six, eleven, and twelve — and no money, no job. I had never wanted my marriage to end. Being a family meant everything to me.

I found out that Dan had quit his job and moved in with Angie. My mom could barely make ends meet herself, so I had no choice but to go on welfare and food stamps while I looked for work.

I thank God every day for an angel by the name of Mrs. Ann Ackerman who took a chance and gave me, with no experience, a full-time office position with Sears.

Dan rarely saw the kids after that. I knew they missed him, but it was all for the best.

Chapter 2

Eight months after Dan left, I found myself staring into the eyes of the man in the pulpit, longing to reconnect with the God I had depended on as a child, leaned on as a teen, and listened to as a young adult. I felt as if Pastor Richard were speaking to me, as he spoke of God's desire to love us, even with our flaws. I had believed that Dan not being able to love me or to be happy with me was in some way my fault. I searched for forgiveness.

During the following year I became a member of the church, attended Bible classes, and found new friends at I'm OK, You're OK book group meetings. No one was more important to me than Pastor Richard. He was sixteen years older than I, and he became the father figure I never had. I felt cared for, loved, and special — to God and to the man.

We started to meet a few times a week for coffee just to talk. It felt natural. It was so easy for me to open up. I told him everything about my past — the good and the bad — and I was honest to a fault sometimes. He was attentive, engaging, and I believed truly interested in what I had to say. We often laughed together, and when I cried, every once in a while I'd see a tear in his eye. Because of the closeness we felt, Richard began to share his hidden fears, things he had never revealed to anyone. As a child he never felt loved except by his grandma, who lived with him, and his sister Stephanie. Richard had a father who was abusive in ways I can't even bring myself to talk about. I think that is where we formed a strong personal bond.

It wasn't until an unexpected sexual encounter that I realized the reality of the friendship. It happened one night after book group, when I was taking my turn to stay late to clean up. My friend Judy had to leave, so I was left on my own to wash the dishes and put everything away before returning the key to Pastor Richard's office. Everyone had left and his door was closed, so I lightly knocked, and heard him call, come in. I proceeded to rush in — keys in hand, carrying a few books from the church library, my purse, jacket, and scarf. For some unknown reason, I tripped over my own two feet, falling flat on my face, which sent everything flying. I screamed, he screamed, we scared each other to death. Then we laughed so hard, I thought I'd pee my pants. Our arms intertwined as he awkwardly tried to get me on my feet. Our eyes met as our lips softly touched, and with only a few kisses, we were back on the floor. It all happened so fast, I think we were both in shock when it was over. I started to cry and ran out.

I stayed away and couldn't bring myself to talk to him, filled with the shame and guilt of what had happened. Not long after, Richard's wife Susan died suddenly of an aneurism, which threw me into a deep depression. Knowing how I must look in the eyes of God, I didn't feel worthy of His love or forgiveness. Yet I prayed over and over again, anyway. No one found out about our unlikely relationship, but we knew.

********

It was well over a year before I believed I had been forgiven, and was finally able to forgive myself. Then one Sunday afternoon, I ran into Richard, while we were jogging along the beach. We were able to sit in the warm sand, and once again, just talk. Richard had retired from the ministry and seemed quite happy. We spent hours catching up, playing in the water and running along Carmel's white sandy beach. It was a beautiful day, and a wonderful surprise!

From then on, we often met for coffee, like the old days, to talk and laugh. We became friends again, and through it all, grew even closer than we previously were. With Richard, I experienced so many new things — my first fancy restaurant, eating salmon, the zoo, museums, and art galleries, to name just a few. He seemed worldly to me. He knew everything about everything — history, politics, sports, and movies — and what he didn't know he had an opinion about. And I've certainly always had my opinions, so our conversations were never dull.

Richard was a little quirky, and drove me crazy at times: his radical driving; talking with his mouth full; and then there were those squeezes, I call them,