Quest I On?

Quest I On?

By Peter Yelm

Copyright 2014 Peter Yelm

Smashwords Edition

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TABLE OF CONTENTS

Eternal Hope

Back to the very Beginning

Frank’s Tale

Father, Son and Unholy mess

Just a silly misunderstanding

A Passion Play

At the end of the Northern Line

To see the Sea

A gnashing of teeth

Appendix - A Daymare

Postscript

Second time around

Third time around

Chapter One - Eternal Hope

For God’s Sake! I exclaimed inwardly, aware of the empty void that was my solar plexus and the feeling of nausea that was its companion. As an Investigative Journalist I’d been in Court numerous times, but never before had I been so shocked and bewildered by the Jury’s verdict – Guilty of Murder.

The outside World no longer existed; as my inner thoughts rampaged through the jungle, which was the proceedings of the trial, in an endeavour to make sense of this enormity. How could they reach such a decision? How much pain and suffering do the members of an Old Bailey Jury expect someone to withstand before they mentally break; becoming something other than oneself? Firstly, her Father, Frank, endures a slow death from extensive burns; simply because he was unlucky enough to be in a restaurant, frequented by MP’s and Government Ministers, when a terrorist bomb was detonate. Then she subsequently discovers that he has bequeathed half of her inheritance to Josh Stein – whom is a complete and utter stranger to her, her Mother and all their family and friends. Finally, to add to her grief and humiliation, she confides in me that Josh thereafter subjected her to terrible psychological taunts about her early childhood; relating personal information to her which she believed he had no way of knowing. God! Faced with such circumstances I would have killed him myself!

Issie’s a beautiful, intelligent, considerate and well mannered young woman – how could she become a murderess overnight? I know that inherently she bore no bitterness, no hate, no malice or violent tendencies; all these negative emotions must have been invoked within her by Josh’s actions. Josh got what he deserved – why unduly punish Issie? Why couldn’t the Jury comprehend the immense pressures Issie was under at the time she murdered Josh? I really did believe that they would conclude, that what she had endured was clearly abnormal and would have impinged on the normal functioning of her mind; rendering her incapable of rational thought and actions. This, as the Judge clearly directed in his summing up, would be sufficient to establish grounds of ‘Diminished Responsibility’ and consequently a verdict of Manslaughter. As it was, Issie now faced a minimum term of 13 years in prison before she would even be eligible for parole.

More thoughts began to race through my mind as I tried to make sense of what had happened, interrupted only by the continued churning in my stomach; when I was startled by a hand on my shoulder. Looking up, after a few moments, I realised it was Tanya. I had noticed her earlier, talking quietly with Josh’s parents, Mary and Rupert, and was surprised to see the affection they bestowed on each other as they parted, especially considering that Tanya had acted as a witness for the Defence.

Richard, she said I’m so sorry! She smiled at me sympathetically and realising that I was unable to muster a response she added How’s about we go and get drunk?

We ended up in a pub called ‘The Paternoster’ near St Paul’s tube station. I don’t recollect how we got there; we just walked side by side, not saying anything, giving each other time to contemplate what had happened and a reciprocal smile of companionship now and then whenever our eyes met. As we entered, Tanya immediately made her way towards a corner containing a comfortable looking sofa situated next to large glass panel which had an uninterrupted view of Newgate Street. We would be publically on view but our conversation, if we eventually engaged in one, would thankfully be private. Before sitting she stopped and looked at me for approval which I ceded with a simple nod - as I felt indifferent to life, never mind where we sat. Before seating herself, whilst arranging the various cushions to suit, she requested a glass of dry white wine and I made my way to the bar. Whilst waiting at the bar to order, I offered a little prayer in the hope that God would give Issie some comfort as she faced the travails of Prison Life – it seemed appropriate given the pub’s name. I also deemed to try to shrug off the melancholy that had pervaded my thoughts and body; whilst in my mind simultaneously realising, that to do so would be a formidable task.

Are you expecting someone else? Tanya enquired seriously, as I placed the tray of drinks on the table containing three double Grouse, a pint of Young’s bitter and three large glasses of dry white wine.

I can’t stand queuing, I replied prosaically and you did suggest getting pissed - so this will do for starters.

She entered the spirit of the occasion and downed a glass of wine in one, whilst I similarly got stuck into the Grouse. Neither of us had anything to say. I know I was still in a state of bewilderment and as I stared unseeingly out of the window, no thoughts of trivial conversation entered my head. Then midway through her second glass of wine Tanya eventually looked straight at me and said sadly, I felt it should have been Manslaughter you know, Issie had been through so much. I nodded my agreement and smiled at her; it was nice to know that I was no longer in a minority of one.

After a short time without further conversation, during which I began to feel uneasy about my silence, Tanya suddenly spoke again, Why do you think Issie killed Josh? She paused momentarily and then without waiting for an answer continued, He could be a selfish bastard, as I said in Court, but on the other hand if you acquiesced, he would become the kindest person you could ever wish to meet. I really hated testifying about our sexual relationship, it made me feel like a slut, but I suppose the Defence needed whatever it could get in its attempt to show Josh in a bad light. She took another gulp of wine and with her eyes fixed firmly downwards towards the table where she had replaced the glass, she continued, Josh had such a huge sexual appetite, demanding sex at least twice a day and not always in the privacy of our own flat. He loved taking me out on his bike, at nights and at weekends, to find strange places where we could have sex – park benches, alleyways, over the bonnet of parked cars - the weirder the better as far as he was concerned. Whilst having sex it was solely about him getting pleasure; I often felt just like an object to be fucked and that I could have been anyone. He particularly liked to hear me scream, as it made him climax, so I use to fake it just to end the ordeal. She looked up at me, her eyes thoughtful and sad. Then the hint of a smile appeared on her lips as she continued, Afterwards he was a totally different person, all sweetness and light. He’d kiss and cuddle me and tell me how much he loved me – truly affectionate. When he was like that I was so happy, so much in love with him she began to quietly sob. I really did love him she said wiping the tears from her eyes I really did love him when he was Jekyll and I had to make do when he was Hyde.

I reached out and took her hand, feeling ashamed of myself for not being more sensitive to her loss. (She and Josh had been an item for about four years before he suddenly dumped her, without any explanation, approximately eight months before he was murdered.)

She squeezed my hand and offered a brave smile saying Do you think he had sex with Issie; even though she adamantly denied it? Do you think she couldn’t stand him when he was Hyde and that’s what made her flip?

Don’t beat yourself up Tanya, I replied Issie never said she’d had sex with Josh to me and you know that, although she confessed to murdering him right from the very beginning, she has never said why. I thought for a moment about this before continuing Even if she did have sex with Josh and he treated her badly, surely she would have just moved on, not murdered him! Issie’s a beautiful girl who had plenty of male admirers, she could pick and choose, so whether Josh was Jekyll, or Hyde, it wouldn’t have been a sufficient motive for her to kill him. In fact, during our talks together, she gave me the distinct impression that she didn’t particularly like Josh, but only spent time with him to try and figure out why her father had left him such a large chunk of the family business in his Will.

Tanya gave me an understanding smile, squeezed my hand tightly and then released it saying Yes, I suppose you’re right. She sat quietly for a few moments staring at the passers-by and then said hesitantly Looks like my testimony was a complete waste of time. I’m even beginning to think that because Josh had dumped me, the Jury simply thought that I was acting like the ‘jilted girlfriend’ and exacting my revenge by depicting him as a pervert.

You’re at it again Tanya I said strongly there was a lot said in that Old Bailey courtroom; who’s to know what the Jury believed? You gave an account of your relationship with Josh over the four years or so you were together. How you met, his love of bikes, all sorts of things about him and it was clear in everything you said that you loved him. The detail of your sex life was only a small fraction of what you recounted, so don’t over emphasis it. I realise that it must have been very difficult for you to discuss it in open Court, but you need to let the experience go! I felt badly for having spoken to her in this way, but I was trying to stop her blaming herself for everything. My testimony was probably not worth a jot I continued before she had time to respond, saying that Josh subjected Issie to taunts about her early childhood and that she was greatly troubled because she couldn’t comprehend how he knew such details. I took a drink of beer before adding Thinking about it now, even though Issie confirmed this when she gave her evidence, the Jury probably concluded that she just concocted the story and then told me in an effort to give it some credence. What I related was simply hearsay. After all, the details she claimed Josh knew, would have only ever have been known to her, her Father, her Nanny and maybe one or two of her very close childhood friends – how could Josh have obtained such information?

Tanya downed her last glass of wine and with a nod of affirmation said OK, I hear what you’re saying, and as a wide smile crossed her lips and illuminated her eyes she concluded so do you want the same again?

I didn’t have time to respond, she was already squeezing past me on her way to the bar. Whilst she was gone however, I had time to myself - to ponder. The first thing I realised was that the hole that was my solar plexus had been filled with a nice warm feeling. I’d relaxed a lot and the whisky had done its job of quelling the nausea. The second thing I’d cognised was that during the conversation I’d had with Tanya I had gradually begun to feel that maybe the Jury hadn’t made such a big mistake after all. The prolonged court proceedings had clouded issues with claim and counter claim; much like a gladiatorial contest where the adrenalin of the fight can detach the onlookers from the life struggles of the individuals concerned. Sometimes tiny things took on huge significance and as you get engrossed in the detail, you then lose the larger picture. It’s such a strange environment to be in; so very detached from the real world but yet so very real. Two totally separate worlds which function independently of each other but are yet so interconnected; a cosmos within a cosmos.

Now I was back in, what we recognise as, the real world, I found that I was once more able to focus my thoughts, without the proceedings of the Court moving my attention uncontrollably from one item of minutia to another. Having re-found myself, it was now dawning on me that with Issie remaining silent on why she killed Josh; the Jury probably took this as an admission that she had something to hide. Furthermore, as she stood to regain the whole of her Father’s business in the event of Josh’s death, the Jury had also been presented with a perfect motive. Add one and one together, then with such assumptions, a Guilty verdict is clear cut and any possibility of Diminished Responsibility goes out of the window. The Jury’s verdict now seemed very plausible, but I was still not convinced. Issie was very well off with what she had inherited; I can’t imagine she killed Josh to retain the other part of her father’s fortune. Why then did she kill Josh? If not for money, then for what - Sex? I don’t think so as I explained to Tanya. So, was it something to do with the relationship between her Father and Josh Stein? I there and then resolved to review the whole sorry story, for there were far too many unanswered questions for my enquiring mind. However, I further recognised that I was on the cusp between being sober and drunk - such that any meaningful analysis would have to wait until tomorrow at the earliest.

Tanya eventually returned, followed by a muscular young lad carrying the tray of drinks. As he placed the tray on the table, Tanya smiled at him with that wondrous smile, which few women possess, that makes us men do whatever they want for a trifling Thank you. He returned joyously to his mates at the bar; his ego and libido transformed. It was nice of him, wasn’t it? asked Tanya, not really requiring a reply. I’m feeling much better she said, and after a short pause It’s nice to know men still find me attractive; my self confidence took a very big hit when Josh finished with me and I’ve really struggled since.

I can’t understand why I said sarcastically you’re not the ugliest women I’ve seen this week!

Although not facially beautiful, but a bit of a ‘Plain Jane’, Tanya had an exquisite figure. Long slim legs that extend for miles all the way to a very special rear (Very few women can wear skin tight leather pants like Tanya can!), a slim waist and well proportioned breast that inevitably raise the question of ‘Boob job?’ in my, and I’m sure, other men’s minds. However, as she wasn’t in the least bit vain, unlike the majority of modern women, I concluded that they were highly likely to be silicon-free; the thought of which then began to arouse me sexually.

She picked up a glass of wine from the tray, thankfully unaware of my thoughts, and raised it towards me saying ironically "Thanks for the