How To Keep Sparkly Emo Vampires Off Your Lawn
By Mike Cooley
3/5
()
Currently unavailable
Currently unavailable
About this ebook
Back in the day, we never had a problem with these pesky sparkly vampires. Oh, we would get an occasional deer in the yard, or a squirrel, or even a raccoon, but never vampires. It was a peaceful, quiet little town in the Pacific Northwest called Spoon. We never caused anyone any trouble and they left us well enough alone.
But those days are gone. Now these emo vampires are everywhere. Not to mention those dang waxing werewolves. It's getting to the point where you can't even have a beer in the backyard without some blood sucking freak moping about.
**Now including the bonus short: Powerpoint Zombies**
Mike Cooley
I have been writing science fiction and fantasy stories for many years. My writing has an edge to it. I enjoy exploring the dark and surreal landscapes of the mind. The first two novels in my Legend Of The Crystals series are out (Crystal Warrior and Crystal Origin). Book Three (Crystal Legacy) should be out in 2013. I also have a science fiction short story collection out called Skin Of Giants, a Twilight Parody called How To Keep Sparkly Emo Vampires Off Your Lawn, and a poetry book called She Stands At The Precipice My Lovecraftian horror novelette, Eater Of Eyes, just came out. Thanks for reading! Mike
Related to How To Keep Sparkly Emo Vampires Off Your Lawn
Related ebooks
Rock 'n' Roll is Undead Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5All I Want For Christmas Are My Two Front Fangs (A Wicked Ways Companion Novel #1.5) Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsWhat the Fang?: Undead Ever After, #1 Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Blood Dolls: Blood Vice, #4 Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Bad Blood Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Iron & Velvet Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Con Morte Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsExes and Exorcisms: Forbidden Fangs, #2 Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Hundred Acre Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsLucky Supreme: A Darby Holland Crime Novel (#1) Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Rise of the Transgenics Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsHow Green Was My Lovely Big Sleep Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsZero Hour: Order of the Dragon, #0 Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsA Viola Roberts Cozy Mystery Collection Box Set One-Three: Viola Roberts Cozy Mysteries Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsFiend Street Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsFang Girl Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Complete Christmas Cozy Collection Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsNightmare Magazine, Issue 117 (June 2022): Nightmare Magazine, #117 Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsDesire: A Novel Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Chainsaw Honeymoon Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsVampire Prince Exiled: Vampires & Chocolate, #1 Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Cain's jawbone Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5The Camden Killer: Harrison Lake Investigations, #1 Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsTales From The Belfry Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsZero Hour: A Vampire Urban Fantasy Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsDance With the Dead: A PC Donal Lynch Thriller Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5V for Vampire Hunter: Hunter V, #1 Rating: 1 out of 5 stars1/5Top Dollar Zombies Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsNo Beast so Fierce Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsA True Crime: A brand new unmissable psychological thriller full of twists Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratings
Humor & Satire For You
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Dad Jokes: Over 600 of the Best (Worst) Jokes Around and Perfect Gift for All Ages! Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5The Best Joke Book (Period): Hundreds of the Funniest, Silliest, Most Ridiculous Jokes Ever Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Everything Is F*cked: A Book About Hope Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Anxious People: A Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Screwtape Letters Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Solutions and Other Problems Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Best F*cking Activity Book Ever: Irreverent (and Slightly Vulgar) Activities for Adults Rating: 2 out of 5 stars2/5Mindful As F*ck: 100 Simple Exercises to Let That Sh*t Go! Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5101 Fun Personality Quizzes: Who Are You . . . Really?! Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Everything I Know About Love: A Memoir Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Tidy the F*ck Up: The American Art of Organizing Your Sh*t Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5How to Be Alone: If You Want To, and Even If You Don't Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Dirty Spanish Flash Cards: Everyday Slang From "What's Up?" to "F*%# Off!" Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Love and Other Words Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Shipped Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The 2,548 Wittiest Things Anybody Ever Said Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Go the F**k to Sleep Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5And Every Morning the Way Home Gets Longer and Longer: A Novella Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Plato and a Platypus Walk Into a Bar...: Understanding Philosophy Through Jokes Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5I Will Judge You by Your Bookshelf Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: the heartfelt, funny memoir by a New York Times bestselling therapist Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5My Favorite Half-Night Stand Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5I Can't Make This Up: Life Lessons Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Yes Please Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Cheaper by the Dozen Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5How to Be Perfect: The Correct Answer to Every Moral Question Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Soulmate Equation Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5
Reviews for How To Keep Sparkly Emo Vampires Off Your Lawn
7 ratings2 reviews
- Rating: 2 out of 5 stars2/5Well, parts of it made me laugh, but not enough to give it high rating.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5I absolutely loved this book. Hands down it is probably my favorite read this week. It had me smiling from the get go, a hard task considering I was sick and sleepy. I accidently stumbled on it while searching for something to read and hopefully wear my eyes out so I could fall asleep. Lucky me this was what I stumbled on. This spoof is one of those short reads you want to read over and over again. No matter how many times it will keep you smiling and even laughing at some parts as it makes fun of a certain series despite never saying names. Once you read the first chapter you will know though. I read it twice trying to find that quote that stuck out at me, but the truth is I loved the entire thing just as much. I even recommended it to my fiance, someone who seems to have a deathly allergy to reading a book. Who, after hearing a short summary, is thinking about reading it.