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    Breaking The Tear Cocoon
    Breaking The Tear Cocoon
    Breaking The Tear Cocoon
    Ebook131 pages1 hour

    Breaking The Tear Cocoon

    By Paddick Van Zyl

    ()

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    About this ebook

    What takes place inside of us when we grieve the loss of a loved one, child, spouse or a pet? Why do some people seem to get over their loss with ease while others seem to suffer extreme pain and turmoil?

    Our mourning is as unique to as as our fingerprints and personalities. No one grieves in the same pattern or style and the process of mourning is a very personal experience that should never be rushed, dismissed or taken lightly. As you journey through loss, acceptance and making sense of life after death, may you be comforted and surrounded by the love of God.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherPaddick Van Zyl
    Release dateFeb 26, 2015
    ISBN9781310391972
    Breaking The Tear Cocoon
    Author

    Paddick Van Zyl

    Ordained minister of the gospel with a passion for books, writing and teaching. A philosopher at heart. Enjoy good food and good company..... "There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you..." Maya Angelou

    Read more from Paddick Van Zyl

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      Book preview

      Breaking The Tear Cocoon - Paddick Van Zyl

      Breaking The Tear Cocoon

      To Mourn Is To Cleanse The Soul

      Copyright 2018 Paddick Van Zyl

      Published by Paddick Van Zyl at Smashwords

      Smashwords Edition License Notes

      This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your enjoyment only, then please return to Smashwords.com or your favorite retailer and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

      Table of Contents

      Dedication

      Acknowledgement

      Prologue

      Chapter 1- Trauma Defined

      Trauma and Scripture

      Trauma, Grief and Bereavement

      Chapter 2- Loss

      Why Do We Experience Loss?

      Bringing Comfort Through Words

      Chapter 3- Grieving

      The Process

      The Experience of Grieving

      When Grief Becomes Complicated

      Emotions

      Chapter 4- Coping With Loss

      When Children Grieve

      Speaking For Myself

      Chapter 5- Different Types of Loss

      Losing A Child

      Grieving For A Pet

      What About Suicide

      Divorce And Grieving

      Chapter 6- To Forgive

      Conclusion

      End Notes

      References And works Cited

      About The Author

      Connect With Paddick Van Zyl

      All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the New Spirit-Filled Life Bible, New King James Version, Copyright 2002, 2008, 2009 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

      Italics used in Scripture and quotations have been added by the author for the sake of emphasis.

      Cover image:

      First Published by Paddick Van Zyl in May 2015, Second updated in September of 2018

      Dedication

      This book is dedicated to Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior and my amazing wife,

      Roelien, who assisted me in the writing of this book.

      I also want to dedicated this book to those who have lost a loved one and who is currently struggling with the emotional pain of grieving

      Acknowledgement

      Thank you to Jesus Christ, my Lord, for the ability to mourn and share His love.

      Thank you to Roelien Van Zyl for helping me with the editing and layout.

      Prologue

      Since August of 2015, when I first published this book, I have had to deal with and am I currently dealing with mourning and loss of my own. No, it has not become easier. Yes, I have learned a bit more about life and myself and mourning, which I wish to share with you in the pages following.

      Contrary to popular belief, we all experience grieve at some point in our lives due to the loss of a job, a pet or a spouse and learning what to expect and how to deal with this grieve is of utmost importance en-rote to emotional healing. God has equipped us with emotions and processes in our makeup to handle trauma and loss. Many individuals choose to ignore these emotions and processes which usually leads to greater emotional, psychological and physical stress.

      In Breaking the Tear Cocoon, Pastor Paddick Van Zyl examines the process of loss and grieving and what the Bible has to say about life and loss. Find out why tears are so very important as one of the many steps in grieving as wells as being better equipped to be a support structure for someone experiencing loss.

      "This is not a DIY manual or a quick fix ‘how-to-get-over-your-grieving-in-five easy steps’. Rather it is a book that looks grief in the face and tries to understand the different processes involved when we lose someone dear to us- to death. It addresses issues that involve the path of loss and healing. Grieving is a very unique and personal experience that cannot and should not be compared to how another individual experiences the process. Just like our fingerprints and personalities all differ, in like manner the way we experience life and loss differs vastly. The modern day culture we live in has tried its utmost to make us believe that we can and should control everything that happen to us and sadly many individuals have become masters at this ‘control game’, forgetting that some things in life simply do not adhere to control like we would like to do. Grief is but one of these. As the popular television series, Gray’s Anatomy aptly notes:

      ‘The very worst part of grief is that you can’t control it. The best we can do is try to let ourselves feel it when it comes. And let it go when we can.’

      Sorrow and grief has its own manner and style of dealing with life and loss. It does not do well being dictated to. To learn to yield to and let it have its way in our lives, offering it the proverbial path of least resistance, is prudence and wisdom. My prayer for each one reading this book is that you will glean something from the pages following to take with you on life’s journey which may help you when you are faced with loss."

      Pastor Paddick Van Zyl

      Chapter One

      Many trauma survivors struggle with the same basic gut-wrenching questions: Can I trust God again? Will others understand my shattered soul? Julie Woodley TCW

      Trauma Defined

      When we experience an unforeseen or unplanned event or situation, we are most likely experiencing trauma. Trauma causes a state of shock to our body but also our emotions and our thought patterns. The international Society for Traumatic Stress Studies or ISTSS defines Traumatic Stress¹ as: ‘Traumatic events are shocking and emotionally overwhelming situations’ we face in daily life.

      It is natural for people who experience or witness them [traumatic events] to have many reactions….some of these are intense fear, horror, numbness or helplessness. These events might involve actual or threatened death, serious injury , or sexual or other physical assault.²

      While our reactions to traumatic events vary significantly, it has been observed that common reactions include: anxiety, terror, shock, upset, emotional numbness and personal or social disconnection. It is normal for some to not be able to remember significant parts of what happened while on the other hand they are plagued by parts of memories that return in physical or psychological flashbacks. Other associated reactions may include: nightmares of the traumatic event, depression, irritability, sleep disturbance, dissociation and feeling jumpy.

      If we were to give a diagnosis for Acute Stress Disorder or ASD³ it may be describing experiences of dissociation [feelings of unreality or being disconnected

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