Rehearsals and Regrets: Reconciled and Redeemed, #2

Copyright © 2014 Michelle Lynn Brown

Rehearsals and Regrets - Volume Two in the Reconciled and Redeemed Series

Cover Design by Psalm 40 Publishing Services

Image © Wavebreak Media Ltd, Bigstock Photo (48697304 & 52296064)

Image © 14ktgold, Bigstock Photo (7210544)

Image © Lozas, Bigstock Photo (40029235 & 25587860)

SCRIPTURE QUOTATIONS are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright ©1996, 2004, 2007 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

No part of this publication may be reproduced in any form, stored in any retrieval system, posted on any website, or transmitted in any form without written permission from the publisher, except for brief quotations in printed reviews and articles.

This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author's imagination and are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to locations, actual events, or persons, either living or dead, is coincidental.

Dedication

For Nicole

Thank you for singing your song so passionately.

For Barbara

Thank you for sharing your story & your friendship with me.

Acknowledgements

In gathering research for this book, God led me to Choices Pregnancy Services in Pittsburgh. This wonderful organization provides a variety of services from free pregnancy tests to abortion recovery counseling for both men and women. I would like to thank the center, especially Laura and Allyson, for their willingness to share their time and information to help make the characters in this book realistic. If you would like more information about their centers, please go to  www.pregnancychoice.org . If you would like to donate to this ministry, visit www.choices-for-life.org .

I will always be grateful for the hard work of my editor, Nat Davis of Davis Professionals, and the Christian Indie Author’s Group for their wisdom and guidance.

Many thanks to my beta readers, Amy, Brenda, and Lacey.

My guilt overwhelms me – it is a burden too heavy to bear.

Psalm 38:4‬‬‬

Prologue

Lauren McKnight sat at the edge of the dock, leaning against the tall white column of the pavilion. The lake spread before her, a glassy green reflection of the mountains on the other side. There was no wind and the lake was flat and still.

Hey, Sis, her brother Ian called as he came running down the dock. Your dress just arrived.

His voice trailed off and his gunmetal grey eyes flashed in anger when he saw the bruises on her arm, small ovals of hate and anger.

Which one? He growled his voice cracking and changing mid-word. At thirteen, he was already a head taller than she was. Rail thin with a mass of jet-black hair not unlike her own, but with eyes as shiny and cold as a gun.

I don’t want to talk about it, Lauren evaded. If she confessed that their mother had spent the morning viciously attacking her, Ian would step in. That would upset her mother, who would take it out on their father. Like a never-ending cycle of anger, her dad would turn his drunken rage on Ian.

But your arm...

I want to see my dress. Standing, she brushed off her backside. Lauren smiled up into eyes that knew too much, had witnessed too much, and experienced more pain than anyone should. Especially a young thirteen-year-old boy.

Ian was about to argue, but she linked her arm in his and they walked back to the house.

Once inside, she opened the box from the dress shop and gasped at how beautiful it was. Lauren had loved it when she tried it on in the store last month, and she couldn’t wait to wear if for Kyle tonight. 

Well, Ian prompted her. Aren’t you going to get ready? He’s going to be here in a couple of hours.

They shared a look. Bound by more than just blood, they were bound by the sickness that invaded every corner of their home.

Go get ready for your prince, Ian said with a sad smile.

Two hours later, she stood before the full-length mirror in her bedroom. Her petite frame was wrapped in a long pale pink chiffon gown, with a rhinestone-encrusted empire waist and ruched bodice. Her ebony hair fell straight down her back. It was a simple style, but it was the way Kyle liked it best.

She brushed her bangs back from her forehead and took a deep breath. Just a couple more months and I will be free from this home and free to be with Kyle forever.

Lauren hadn’t stepped two paces from her room when she tensed at the sound of her mother’s shrill voice.

Oh, don’t you look lovely?

The sarcasm dripping from her mom’s mouth tasted like bile in Lauren’s throat. She braced for the verbal assault she knew was coming.

Remember what I warned you about, the woman squawked like an angry parrot.

Wanting to get out of there unscathed, Lauren just nodded.

Oh, you think I’m joking? She screeched, coming to stand before Lauren, so close that she could smell the liquor on her mom’s breath.

I don’t, I...

I know what it is. Her mom cackled. You think your precious, saintly Kyle won’t try anything. Her mother grabbed her arm, causing Lauren to wince as her fingers pressed hard on the bruises she’d made just that morning. She pushed Lauren back into her room and forced her to look in the mirror. Darling, you look like you are begging him to take it a step further.

Lauren saw her mom’s face reflected in the mirror, a twisted mask of rage and disgust. He may seem all clean-cut and kind at dinner, and maybe even while you’re dancing. But trust me, give him a chance and he will...

Lauren closed her eyes and closed her ears to the foul words rolling off her mother’s tongue. He’s not like that! Her mind cried.

And when he’s done, then so are you. And if you find yourself in the family way, he will make your life miserable. You remember that tonight!

Lauren ran from her mother and out to the front door, nearly colliding with Kyle.

Hey, he said, steadying her.

Your mom? He asked taking in her tear-stained face.

Yes, I just want to get out of here. She scurried to his car and slipped into the passenger side of the car without waiting for him.

Okay, Kyle said, following her in confusion. As they drove away, they sat in silence. After a few moments, he asked, Do you want to talk about it?

No! She shouted, and then lowered her voice. I just want to forget about her tonight. It’s our senior prom. This is supposed to be a magical night!

Magic, she thought, I think that’s what it’s going take to wipe my mom’s words from my mind. Reaching for Kyle’s hand, she laced her fingers through his.

Magic, Kyle said with a small laugh. I will try my best to deliver a magical night.

LATER THAT EVENING, as they neared the bridge that would take her back to her house, Kyle pulled off onto a side road and led her to a waiting rowboat.

Do you think you can get in with your dress?

She nodded and took his hand.

They rowed out to their spot, a small island in the middle of the lake, no more than twenty feet wide on either side. He helped her out of the boat and grabbed a basket she hadn’t noticed until now.

You planned this? She placed a hand on her stomach and willed the butterflies to cease.

I’ve been planning this all year. He whispered as he helped her sit down on the blanket he had just spread out.

Her mom’s words threatened to surface, but she wiped them from her mind before they could take root.

When Kyle was sitting down next to her, he pulled her into his arms so her back was snuggled up to his chest.

The evening was still warm, but a gentle breeze drifted off the lake. They sat like that for a while, wrapped in each other’s arms, comfortable in the silence that surrounded them.

Did you have a nice time tonight?

I did, she said softly. It was like a fairy tale.

You look like a princess. He pressed his lips against her temple. So does that make me a handsome prince?

Yes. She traced the valleys between his knuckles before lacing her fingers in his. And you swooped in tonight on your white horse, she giggled, I mean blue sports car, and saved me from my wicked mother and father.

I wish I could take you away now, he whispered against her ear.

She turned in his arms, gently cupping his face. I love you. Thank you for loving me so much. Her thumb brushed his clean-shaven jaw, and then brushed at the tawny hair curling just above his ears. The way you love me, the way you make me feel when you look at me, she lowered her voice and added in a shy whisper, or when you kiss me, it really does make me feel like I’m in a romance book.

He bent and kissed her softly, and she blocked out all of her mother’s comments as they sprang to the forefront of her mind.

I love you. He said again, brushing another soft kiss against her lips. I can’t wait until we have our happily-ever-after.

TWO MONTHS LATER, LAUREN sat in her car, taking a steadying breath, willing herself not to vomit. She felt both numb and fully aware – like she was wide-awake in the middle of a nightmare. Justifications, reasoning, and prayers sprung to mind – but she shoved them all aside.

Regrets give you nothing but heartburn and heartache, Lauren repeated her father’s familiar phrase to the empty car.

Lauren looked down at a business card someone had handed her. Crossroads Pregnancy Clinic was emblazoned in bold letters across the top of the card. We offer compassion - not condemnation. Let us help you with your choice.

It had a cross with a sun behind it, and the Y in pregnancy was actually a road, with the longer part of the Y leading to the cross.

Clever, Lauren arched her eyebrow, then unrolled her car window and let the card flutter to the ground. I’ve already made my choice – and the last thing I deserve is compassion.

Chapter One

The doorbell rang, and Lauren Ballard pulled open the door. Two men stood on her doorstep, a Bible in their hands. God’s mercy is available to all who seek Him.

Lauren opened her mouth but jerked her head around as she heard the faint cry of a baby. She surveyed the room but it was empty. She turned back to the men at the door, and the one extended the Bible toward her. It was worn, the leather cracked and faded. With a shaking hand, she ran her hand across the cover. Kyle, his name whispered across her mind. This was Kyle’s Bible.

She reached to take it from the man, but her hand jerked back as the crying began again, this time louder. She left the men at the door and searched behind the couch, behind the chair. Where was it coming from?

Are you searching for Him? The man said from the doorway.

No. She shook her head frantically. Don’t you hear the baby? He’s crying for me. Where is he?

The doorbell rang, pulling Lauren Ballard out of her dream. It took her a moment to clear her head, and then she reached over to Kevin’s side of the bed, patting the cold empty space where her husband’s warm body should have been. Bolting upright, Lauren threw off the covers and swung her legs over the side of the bed.

Kevin had been working on a project these past few months, often causing him to get home late. Despite her mental reminder, panic mobilized her, and Lauren reached the door with a speed faster than her body should have been capable of achieving at 2:45 in the morning.

Yanking open the door, her warm breath expelled in a rush as she spotted the two police officers who stood on her porch.

Mrs. Ballard? Lauren offered a brief nod in response to their question. Can we come inside? the male officer asked. A look of regret was folded into the weathered crinkles around his eye.

The unspoken news swarmed around her brain, buzzing frantically, stinging her with frightening possibilities.

Kevin? She felt dizzy and reached out to grasp the doorframe.

Perhaps we should go inside and sit down, the female officer suggested.

She nodded numbly and allowed one of the officers to take her elbow and escort her to the living room.

The man looked ridiculously large seated on her small floral upholstered wingback chair, his hat in his large bronze hands. He cleared his throat. I'm sorry; your husband was in an automobile accident tonight. Mr. Ballard and his passenger were both killed. The paramedics were unable to revive them.

The female officer chimed in her regrets. I’m sorry for your loss, ma’am.

Questions formed her in mind but failed to leave her lips, which opened and closed in their attempt