The Shortcut To Happiness: Your No-B.S. Guide to the Journey of Joy

Chapter 0

(I’d call it an introduction, but then you

probably wouldn’t read it... I know I wouldn’t)

"You only live once.

But, if you do it right, once is enough."

Mae West

When I was growing up, from 5th grade to college, several adults felt it necessary to tell me something they probably thought was sage advice. Almost verbatim, they all said: You need to get out of your own little world.

Trust me, if you tell someone that, they are going to think What the hell are you talking about?! In 5th grade almost all my classmates hated and persecuted me. In high school my family life was beyond tumultuous. In college I was struggling to survive in a mad, mad, mad-times-infinity-mad world that no one had warned me about or helped me prepare for.

That statement, Get out of your own little world, puzzled and frustrated me. Whose world was I supposed to be in, theirs? All the adults who gave me that advice were excruciatingly miserable human beings. If they were expecting me to adopt their world as my own—Hell no! Why would I want to be miserable like them? I actually enjoyed my world to some degree. My world was filled with books and music and the great outdoors—a sort of haven from the madness.

None of the adults giving me advice had a clue what was going on in my world. They never bothered to check in with me or find out. They simply judged me and how I was living my life. They figured I should do what they did: conform and be like everyone else. They probably thought I should be practical and follow the norms. Well, anyone who knows me knows I am not one to follow the norms.

Luckily, there were just a few adults who took notice and asked what was going on in my world. They learned that my path was a tremendously painful and often lonely one. Their messages were also almost verbatim, yet much more helpful. They said: I don’t envy you… But I like the way you think. These guiding angels couldn’t save me from my life but they let me know I wasn’t totally crazy. In fact, maybe I had a good head on my shoulders. They taught me that the way I think is an asset to my life.

If you are seeking greater happiness and fulfillment in life, the first thing you should understand is that the way you think is either an asset or a detriment to your happiness. The battle of happiness vs. unhappiness is all in your head. The purpose of this book is to share my own perspective on the world and how it has helped me enjoy life—even in the face of soul-crushing adversity. Hopefully a new perspective can help you do the same in your life.

So, who am I and why should you give a crap? I wish I could say I was someone important like a reincarnation of the Buddha, or a famous TV or radio personality. But I’m not. I’m not a doctor or an accredited specialist. I don’t have a degree … I’m not even a drag queen version of Mother Teresa. I am just an ordinary Joe who has learned some tough life lessons the hard way. But, I do have a good head on my shoulders, a positive outlook on life and a desire to share the important lessons I have learned so you can get from here to happiness much, much faster.

What qualifies me to write a book? Well, Life. Life qualifies me. Life is a far better teacher than any school, university, guru or book. One simply has to be a good student in order to learn what Life has to teach. I was born into a difficult life that I had to overcome in order to find true happiness. My path forced me to learn how to be happy, something that was not taught at school, home or at church. Sure there were happy moments, but happiness is not just a place in time and space. True happiness is a state of being that you create within yourself, and, once there, is very difficult to take away.

I was raised from the 70’s to 90’s in a large, strict, religious family. Out of eight kids, I fall in the middle. My childhood was not all bad, but it was full of abuse—physical, verbal, emotional and sexual. I was subjected to things that would make most people’s toes curl. In my childhood, there was no safe place—not at home, school or at church. Home was full of neglect, abuse and all around craziness. At school, my peers taunted and bullied me. Church was no better than school. Most of the kids at church were just as intolerant and contemptuous of me as the kids at school. I hated going to school. I hated going to church. I hated going home, but as a kid, you don’t have much of a choice. Somehow you just accept that This is life, and go through it as best you can.

The other no-fun part of my childhood was I was a gay little boy, although I wasn’t fully aware of it. I knew that I was different, but I also somehow knew that I had to hide it, because neither religion nor society were very forgiving or accepting of people like me. In fact, I lived in sheer denial of my sexuality from as early as I can remember until I was almost twenty because if I was that, then I would certainly be condemned to hell, ostracized by my religious community and my family, it probably meant I was a pervert, and I’d certainly be effeminate and queenie just like they were portrayed in the media. To a queenie young kid like me, it meant the end of the world and that was way too much stress to bear. But I bore it in fear every day; fear that I might be that, and that I might be found out.

As time marched on, I hit my teen years with all its agonizing awkwardness. Deep depression hit and I hated myself with an obsession. I always went the extra mile to do everything I was supposed to, but no matter how hard I tried, I always felt worthless and unworthy. Looking back, I honestly don’t know how I made it through the next decade or so. My life was filled with darkness and the heavy burden of all eternity was upon me. I contemplated suicide almost daily. Sometimes I would self-mutilate just to flirt with temptation.

When I questioned my life, I got this vision of a deep, dank well—so deep that no light could reach me and I was consumed by darkness and aloneness. Life felt like a constant scramble to find my way out of the well with hardly a foothold or crack in the wall with which to climb up. Every day I would climb three painful steps up only to slide three steps back. Or more. I cried out for help, but no one could hear me. Only sheer will drove me onward with a desperate hope that there must be a light at the end of the tunnel. Somewhere. If there was light, I aimed to find it. If God gave me any gift, it must be the ability to hope beyond the hopeless.

Year after year I inched my way up the sides of my deep, dark well, trying to find myself and sort out my extremely-upside-down world. Most of the time, I didn’t know if I was even making progress or not. I just kept going because that’s what life was, and only eternal damnation greeted me if I didn’t.

At one point, not knowing where else to turn, I sought counseling. This only made things worse because the counselors kept telling me (almost word for word), Well, you seem okay to me! They told me this knowing I was on the brink of suicide. What the hell?! Trained psychologists were no help, religious leaders were unhelpful, even the heavens themselves were closed off to me. Though I was keeping all of God’s commandments by letter and spirit, God (the man-in-the-sky kind) gave me no peace, no hope, no love, no answers—nothing. I felt like I was treading water in an increasingly isolated ocean, with not even a floating log to buoy me up. It was obviously time to end things once and for all.

You may be reading this book sideways about now, thinking, You’re opening a book about happiness by talking about suicide???

Yes, I am. Sharing this brief overview of my painful past is simply to say that if ever anyone has been legitimately unhappy, I have. If ever anyone has sought happiness, I have. If you’ve ever been unhappy, then I can understand where you’re coming from. I may not be an authority on happiness because of a degree or a certificate, but I am an authority on my life. I have fought hard to find happiness—real, true, enduring happiness—and I have found some. Lots, in fact. By sharing my story, you can start to understand where I am coming from.

Telling you of my unpleasant past isn’t to get pity points. Sadly, many people have suffered far worse. Many are suffering now. What matters most is not the nightmare I lived for the first quarter century of my life. What matters is what came next—my first major breaking point.

I was stuck; really stuck, with no more options. I basically ran out of the will to keep trying. At the moment I was about to end it all, an epiphany struck. All this time I had been doing the things I was raised to do, believing that it would make me happy, or at least create a satisfying life. But it didn’t. Doing what others told me I was supposed to do actually made me the unhappiest person alive. What I had always considered the inviolable Truth rang in my ears—loud as church bells—as supremely untrue.

The epiphany was that my life was my own and no one else’s. It wasn’t worth wasting on pleasing others. Nor was it worth ending without having explored it fully. If I was going to be happy, I needed to do something drastically different from what I had done thus far. So, perched on the edge of life and death, I made a pact with myself—the most important decision I have ever made. I vowed to:

Follow my heart and

live without regret

Many years of trial and error have taught me that this is a great recipe for living life the right way. The heart is your gateway to truth. The mind can get filled with all sorts of fables and falsehoods, but the heart somehow hungers for truth and recognizes truth when it finds it. I knew that following my heart would take me on paths that were forbidden, yet there was a calm assurance—a quiet knowing—that my heart would not lead me astray. I chose then and there to trust myself and devote myself to finding true happiness.

So, I put my feet at the edge of the darkness (what I had been taught all my life was darkness) and stepped out. I left my religion, accepted my sexuality, quit college, moved to another city, and started life anew. Everything changed—not just my life circumstances—my whole approach to life. Life didn’t get much easier at this point. These new changes in life came with all new problems to solve and adversities to hurdle. I stumbled, tripped, faltered and fell. Because of this new, deeper level of personal probity and self-trust, life became easier to handle. The landscape of all my problems brightened and I started enjoying a breathtaking amount of personal freedom.

Once you find personal freedom, you want to keep it. Many people think of personal freedom as simply doing whatever you want. The problem with that philosophy is that most people aren’t sure what they want. Living by sheer whim can land you in hot water and usually binds you to a life of bouncing from one unpleasant reaction to another. This is the opposite of freedom and happiness.

Following your heart will lead you to your bliss but it can seem like a nebulous way to live life. It can take time to relearn how to discern the whispers of your heart from the murmurings of your mind. You need a few rules to keep you on track. This is where the live without regret part becomes important. While rules may seem like the opposite of freedom, these rules will help ensure and strengthen your personal freedom.

Living without regret means three things:

1) Do your very best not to harm yourself or others,

2) Heal the hurts you do cause (even if by accident),

3) Learn from your mistakes so you don’t repeat them.

If you don’t learn from your mistakes, if you don’t correct your mistakes or if you are reckless when you know better, then you have reason to regret. Live without regret so you can confidently say about your life: Once was enough.

What about that deep, dark well? Let’s just say I started seeing a light at the end of that tunnel. The light grew brighter day by day. As the years rolled on I continued to do soul-searching, truth-finding and immeasurable amounts of healing from my past. Eventually, I could see out of the well—enough to make out a beautiful blue sky and clouds floating by. Brief, inviting breezes of the fresh air outside grazed my cheek and beckoned me to continue climbing. My soul ached to be free, so I climbed.

Today, I am free of that well of spiritual darkness and depression. It used to consume my life. Now, I never even think of it. I get to play and run free in the warmth and light of love and joy. Sure I still have weaknesses and shortcomings, but I understand that my imperfections are perfect in their own way. Sure I have bad days. Having occasional bad days is just part of living a good life. There are many life lessons yet for me to learn. Nevertheless, I can genuinely say I feel whole again and that I’m happy. And…this is only the beginning.

While you may not have lived through soul-crushing abuse, I’m sure you understand pain, suffering and uncertainty. Perhaps you never felt stuck at the bottom of a dark, isolated well, but you have probably felt loneliness and despair. Perhaps you’ve never considered suicide an option, but I’m sure you’ve wished for a way out of your troubles. Everyone feels these things on some level. For that I have great empathy and a deep desire to see your pain, suffering, darkness and loneliness lifted. And, I assure you it can be.

Sometimes I wish I could give people my own happiness so they could be happy, but you can’t just give someone happiness. Everyone has to find their own. It’s just as well, because things not fought for are rarely appreciated. You know the adage Give someone a fish, they eat for a day. Teach them to fish, they eat for a lifetime. This book is my way of sharing what I’ve learned about happiness so you have the tools to create happiness for yourself, every day for the rest of your life.

The journey of joy is life. The quality of your journey—how much joy you have—depends on the quality of decisions you make and the perspectives you choose to harbor about life. This book is meant to help you develop perspectives and make choices that will help you get the most joy out of life possible. The ideas in this book will give you clarity about yourself, your purpose in life and your ultimate destiny. This is not a medical book or a book of science or psychology, it is a book of philosophy and practical spirituality. I call it layman’s wisdom, the lessons I have learned in life. I always say there is no better teacher than Life, and I seem to be on the fast track!

Though I am no longer religious, I remain deeply spiritual. These days my approach to spirituality sits on the practical, realistic side of the fence. By nature, spirituality represents those things in life that we feel on a deep, personal level yet do not have a clear, concrete explanation for. You’ll notice that bits and pieces of my philosophy resemble ancient philosophies of the East and West, modern philosophies, psychology, existentialism, shamanism, Native American beliefs, New Agey stuff, even modern science and pop culture. That’s because I’ve followed my heart to the Truth, and the Truth can be found everywhere. People just choose to parcel up the truth in packages of all different shapes and sizes. As a habit, I try to pare truths down to the simplest, most basic form without all the extra stuff.

My definition of God is, All that is. To me, spirituality describes the unseen world of energy and interconnectedness that we all experience, but don’t fully understand; at least not with our heads. Science is just barely starting to dive into these realms. I love science, but it is limited to what we can physically quantify and test, and there is far more to the Universe and the human experience than what we can comprehend with our finite little brains. Indeed, the further we peer into space, or the closer we look at the tiniest bits of matter, the Universe is always larger and smaller than our ability to grasp. The things of eternity are best discerned by the heart and spirit. Whether you worship a deity, chant over crystals or rely on pure, scientific evidence, the concepts in this book can be easily assimilated and applied to your own belief systems.

The truth is, you can’t get out of your own little world—it’s all you have. But you can expand your world. You can rearrange your world to make it a wonderful place. That’s what this book is about—how to make your world a place you want to be. So, let’s talk about this world of ours.

Any avid student of history can tell you that the entire course of humanity has been one giant bowl of shit-soup. The millennia of mankind have been filled with war, famine, violence, hatred, apathy, despotism, despair, plagues, pestilence and all-around-just-plain-shit-soup. Today, we still have oppressors, growing class disparity, worldwide conflict, holocausts and genocides (yes, modern day ones!), global environmental crisis, diseases-run-renegade and unbridled hatred. Corrupt governments abuse their power, terrorism is a household word and people are too busy texting to do anything about it.

On top of that, life is not fair. It shits on some and shines on others. It shits on many who don’t deserve it and shines on many who never earned it. Life has never been fair. The question of happiness is not whether life is fair or not. Happiness isn’t about whether life is easy. It’s about having and using the proper tools to create genuine satisfaction in life. Through it all, there’s a longing in every human being that drives us onward: the desire to find some peace and joy in life for ourselves and for our loved ones. So long as we all have this desire in common, it is possible—for ALL of us.

The truth is that you can’t get out of your own world. You can expand your world and make it a better place. I wrote this book because I believe one hundred percent that this world can and should be a better place. I believe that humanity can and should be better. While most people are setting out to get an education to survive in the world, I believe the education in this book is far more important. The education in this book will help people to thrive. To thrive in life we must stop white-knuckling trivialities and seize the power of the present moment. If we keep getting tripped up on the pebbles of pettiness we won’t make it very far on our journey of joy. It’s high time we lifted our gaze and focused on the bigger picture.

What is this book? This book is my revenge upon the world. What kind of world would subject people to abuse, violence, darkness and oppression? The kind of world that needs to change, that’s what. Though I was raised by well-meaning parents, teachers and mentors, they could only teach me from within the confines of darkness and ignorance that society had passed on to them. It took many years of struggle before I realized that things are not as I was taught, or as I had learned. If we are going to break the bonds of ignorance and darkness that bind the world, the change must begin with you and me.

My revenge is to shed the light of truth and love upon the world so that we may be free—so that you may be free. My revenge is to speak words of peace and kindness as often as possible so that there is no room for fear, hatred or pettiness. My revenge is to appeal to the greatness within you and encourage you to reach for your brightest dreams.

I’ve laughed and cried many times in the writing of this book, sometimes both at the same time. Not because I’m a great writer or a complete boob, but because the topics within touch my soul deeply, as I hope they will touch yours. I hope that you will be moved to action. I hope you will be inspired to be good to yourself and to others. I hope you will look within and begin to realize your own nobility and greatness.

If I can help you shed the shroud of fear and darkness by living a life of peace and joy, then I will have gotten my revenge upon the world—and what a sweet revenge it will be!

SECTION 1

GOD

Chapter 1

THE FIRST SECRET TO HAPPINESS

The first secret to happiness…

Is…

Are you ready for this?...

Be happy!

{The End}

What… Think you missed something?

You thought there would be more to it than that?

I’ll say it again:

The secret to happiness is to

BE happy.

If you don’t believe me, take a few minutes to mull it over.

Ask yourself:

What more could there be?

What more could there be?! you say, I can think of a million things. That’s why I’m reading this freakin’ book! Okay, don’t get sassy, it’s just a question. And there’s a great answer.

A secret is a secret because few people know it. The funny thing about the secrets to happiness is that they have been known for thousands of years. They have been shouted from the rooftops, declared by sages, and proclaimed by Wise Ones of the ages. The reason the secrets to happiness are secret is because few people are actually listening. We humans have an incredible knack for ignoring wisdom until it’s too late.

Deep down you know it’s true: the secrets to happiness, health, peace and well-being are all very, very simple. It’s just that we—due to our human nature—refuse to accept simple answers to our problems. We have a million and one excuses why we can’t be happy. Somehow we think we can dismiss the answers we don’t want until the answers we do want finally, magically become the right ones. So we continually deny the truths of the universe in deference for the fiction in our heads. This is why we’re always searching for a better answer to our problems.

Mother Teresa said, There is no key to happiness. The door is always open. All we must do is walk through; a simple thing, if not always easy. It all comes down to whether you really want to be happy or not. If you really want to be happy, you will be. If you’d rather hold on to your excuses, you may get some sense of self-satisfaction, but you won’t be happy. Not truly. Instead, you will wrestle with life and the thoughts in your own head.

Everyone’s journey of joy is different and unique. We each have to find our own way to joyful living. The point of this book is to help you find your path and walk it with power. The knowledge in this book will help you find your door to happiness and give you the tools you need to walk through.

Why happiness? Why does happiness matter? Is happiness just a pipedream? Why should we bother trying to be happy when it’s tough enough sometimes just to