Diary of a Mad Black Witch

CHAPTER ONE

And I saw a gaggle of geese four strong as I closed the store this evening. There were too many people around to clap them away without being noticed, so I shooed for all I was worth. If I wasn't sure about Ilsa's barbecue thing tomorrow I would be now. At this point, cancelling would only mean rescheduling. Deep breaths.

P.S.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Apparently, my definition of barbecue differed a bit from Ilsa's. I heard the word and I thought a bunch of people, a grill, some meat, side dishes and the like. A party of the summer sort. Emphasis on party and bunch of people. Yeah, not so much. Ilsa's version included food (probably the only reason I made it through the two hours of unsettledness), but the only people involved were Ilsa, her new hubby, the guy who saw me at her wedding and thought me cute, and me. That was it. Her barbecue turned into a surprise double date. Neet.

I should have heeded the goose warning.

The baldness, I could have dealt with. The rest, however…

I knew what Ilsa did for a living, body removals with a side of crime scene clean-up for the Denver Police Department. I'd known since she sought me out to cleanse a scene of an angry ghost after she washed away the physical remnants of the murder.

The death and bodies in her life never bothered me. It stood to reason that most of the people she associated with worked in similar fields. My gag reflex could handle talk of the specifics of rotting bodies, even while eating, but it's not exactly come-hither conversation for the one you're trying to impress.

It was bad, Psyche. He drawled, completely not picking up on my disinterest in the topic or him. The man had died against the door three weeks before we got there, so we had to push his rotting body as we opened the door. My cell fell out in the process. Dropped right into a puddle of melting fat and blood.

Be still my aching loins.

The conversation came to a halt once we all filled our plates and sat down. In front of a movie. Watching Tolkien's finest was not a problem, but not the best activity for two of us to get to know each other. Though, at that point I was more than done with him.

I mean, woo-hoo. He had a steady job. But I was pretty sure more than just the scent of it lingered on him. In my experience, closeness with death always greyed a person's aura. I had no intention of removing my patch to verify. Looking at more than the physical surface of him did not appeal, though I would do it if exposing my dark eye to him shortened this new version of Hades. Of course, if my missing hand hadn't scared him away…

I could have won an Oscar for my reluctant exit. All sighs and furrowed eyebrows. Owning my own business sometimes had its advantages.

Best. Weaseling-out excuses. Ever!

The grocery store was packed when I walked in, just adding to my happy, happy mood. I only made it through the produce section before I had to bow out without anything substantial. Convincing Nev to go halfsies on ordering food would be easy. The demon loved Indian as much as I did.

Just before the turn onto my street, two geese sat in the middle of the sidewalk. Two small gaggles in the same twenty-four hours. Not good.

I wondered a moment if they came because of my surprise double date, but I'd rarely seen retroactive flocking. Anyway, the date hadn't been bad enough to whip up the kind of misery geese so happily fed on. Something was going on.

Pulling the headphones off told me it was something big. Alarms and sirens sounded close. Ominous smoke billowed into the air from a nearby, but beyond the Barbecue Hut to my right.

My heart choked off my air for a beat or two. Anything but my shop.

The geese waddled in my direction, making me rein my reaction in. I took a quick look to make sure no one in the Hut had eyes on me, glad that I had switched to the sunglasses so most of the movement was hidden. There didn't seem to be anyone on the street ambling about. Odd for Capitol Hill at this time in the afternoon, but it worked well enough for me. I clapped them away.

It only took a couple to shoo them. The sidewalk looked a little worse for the wear by the time they flew off—I really needed to take the time to practice and learn my range and power—but I was in too bad a mood to care.

Turning the corner revealed that my building wasn't the one on fire. Relief overrode the sadness I should have been feeling at someone else's loss of property. Coming close enough to see that it was the apartment building rubbed away the relief. Property was one thing. I didn't want anyone dying to save my own skin. Anyway, the energy my building teemed with would squelch any simple fire. The idea of a more subtle and deliberate fire rode my nightmares. If anyone else knew the scope of dangerous items I kept behind layers of power, they would have nightmares too.

More geese shuffled around and through the people gawking at the fire from a safe distance, all honking their pleasure with the situation. Still, I nearly walked past the conflagration without stopping. It was none of my business. Then I heard a familiar voice. I don't understand it. No normal fire would jump the soaked line like that. Just try and keep some of it out while we wait for the TA's. Frustration seeped out at the last. He hated calling on the Institute as much as the police did.

I followed the irritated voice, weaved through the lookie-loo's straining for a better view, and headed straight to Marshal Bill. What up, Bill?

Psy. Even better. He kind-of-smiled at me. The desperate expression disappeared into his usual business mask as he continued. We can't get the fire out. As soon as we move from one area to the next, the old area flares. I can't smell accelerant and it moves like it's anticipating us. It has to be arcane.

No wonder Marshal Bill looked glad and not to see me. He'd gone from suspicious hatred of me to my best friend when I cleared out the poltergeist who followed them back to the station from a house fire. Less so, when I refused payment. As I had for Ilsa, I became his go-to for fixing weirdness. I would have been more flattered if he saw anything else when he looked at me. But, as usual, I was well-remembered, greatly appreciated, and sought after for nothing relating to my lady parts.

When I managed to pull my gaze from his pretty, sooty face, I saw he was right. It didn't take a fire expert to see that it flitted about abnormally. Dodging around the blast of the hose like a living thing. I stepped closer, even to the front man on the hose, and lifted my sunglasses to look with my dark eye unhindered.

Most of the fire was normal, though something decidedly not normal twisted it. Natural as the rest of the flames, certainly, but not normal. I caught sight of a tail first, flickering in bright blue, green, and red fire. When it passed the window, I saw the whole lizardy length of it.

I'd only read about Salamanders, but there was no mistaking we were dealing with a fire elemental. A fire elemental with a blue-white, shining leash around its neck. I dropped my glasses back down.

Gods above and below, I knew right then nothing good could be going on here. Arson was one thing. Arson using elusive magical creatures meant we were against a bad guy with power and knowledge of things beyond most agents in the Theurgy Institute.

What do you think?

I did my best not to let Bill know how much his sneaking up behind scared me, but my jerk at the sound of his voice might have given me away. Turning toward him as if nothing happened probably didn't cover it. He needed to see me as competent. Or something.

Instead of answering, I passed my bag of groceries over to him, and stepped forward. None of my books gave clues of how to speak to a Salamander, so I waited for it to pass my direction and went for as much politeness as yelling permitted. Excuse me, Salamander, may I speak with you a moment?

It paused. Then the hose turned on him and he flickered away. My head swiveled toward the hose men like a possessed woman. Don't do that. Keep the rest from burning if you must, but when I call it over here again don't try to extinguish it. I didn't change my volume for the much closer front hose man.

Call what over? he huffed out.

So pretty. And nothing else. Damned shame. Less of a shame if he took his shirt off, but a shame nonetheless. Point the hose to the other side of the building until I'm done.

He didn't turn his head to ask, Chief?

Do as she says.

I loved being questioned without being questioned directly. But Pretty Boy acquiesced, so this was not the time to pounce.

The water pointed toward the other end of the building drew the Salamander halfway toward me before I called out again. What's going on, Salamander? What are you doing here?

I couldn't blame its skittering around the side of the building when I addressed it.

I must burn it all.

Its voice was surprisingly cool. I don't know why I expected hissing and sizzling. The voice also sounded something else as well. I didn't know enough about Salamanders to hazard a guess beyond his answer didn't feel final. It creeping back around to the closest corner to me confirmed my guess. I pressed my luck. Why?

It must be burned, leaving no evidence of the torture. Its eyes caught mine. Eyes of purple fire. I cannot leave until this is done.

I wondered why it decided to tell me this. Did you kill someone?

No.

Okay, is there a body in there?

Yes.

A voice closing in from behind me shouted. What is this daft woman doing talking to a burning building?

My time was about up, but I got the feeling that the Salamander was not at all happy with what was going on here. He didn't need to speak to me at all, let alone tell me about torture and a body it needed to burn away. Um, would you want to come with me? Not sure where that came from.

I can't. It jumped toward me, but the leash snapped it right back onto the side of the building.

Get her away from there! The voice was almost on me. Few people would have the audacity to order firemen around. If I looked back and saw the voice belonged to a cop like I knew it did, I would be forced to do exactly what he said. I had to think fast.

Can you jump to the bush?

It did so without answering. I stepped forward to meet it, ignoring the officer's increased bellow. The Salamander didn't look any different to my dark eye when I pushed the sunglasses up on my head, other than the cutting light of the leash around its neck which came into view. The sharp light wound around three times then buried itself in the core of the fire lizard. The other end wound around the building then out in a direction I couldn't follow against the sky. The bush burned too quickly for me to tell any more than that.

With more haste than care, I grasped a hold of the leash with my dark hand. A quick twist-jerk snapped it in two. Much easier than I thought.

An arm slipped around my waist, lifted me and walked me back from the building. I let him, sorry that I dragged the Salamander along with me. It scuttled along after me readily enough.

My sunglasses settled back in place before the stopped us by the firemen.

What the hell were you thinking? That is a fire. Fire is hot. It can and will burn you. His voice came out like he spoke to a simpleton who had just killed his reserve nerve. I should arrest you for stupidity for pulling that.

Yep, cop. Didn't get a good look at him until we were all the way back to the hose-men and he set me down. A few inches taller than me. Short, dark hair. Green eyes, though not as green as Nev's. Pointy chin below anger-thinned lips.

Well? he barked at me.

I turned to the firemen. Let 'er rip. There's a body in there someone tried to get rid of.

The cop whipped me around with a hand to my shoulder. How could you possibly know that?

He told me. I jerked my chin to the Salamander for the cop's benefit in case he missed it in his unnecessary rescue of me. Regretting even more the pencil skirt and deep-V tank top I wore to the surprise double date, I squatted down. Sorry about the leash still on you. I'll find a way to get it off completely when we get to my home.

What in the hell is that? The cop half-stepped back then regained his lost ground. When I looked up at him, his face showed nothing beyond bored cop, but the way the question burst from him told the truth in him.

Mundanes. They can never handle something just a little outside their norms. I told him, It's a Salamander, as gently as I could, before going back to addressing it. That is, if you wanted to come home with me.

Its gaze fell surprisingly heavy on me; the momentary flicker of its red-fire tongue in the air between us did nothing to lessen the pressure. When it nodded, I felt like I had passed some sort of test.

The only thing is, I have a lot of books and, I thought of a bland word since the cop was listening intently, other items that I would rather not have incinerated or singed.

It dipped its head once. Have no fear of that, miss.

You can call me Psy.

One more dip of its head.

Psy, what? The cop.

Part of me wanted to lie to him. For a multitude of reasons. The sensible part of my brain said the possibility existed that he hadn't heard of me. Not every police officer knew my name. Psy for Psyche, but that's my middle name. Last name is Sapiens.

Black Witch. His eyes widened and his lips puckered. Fabulous. He knew me right off, without knowing me. P. Psyche Sapiens, black witch extraordinaire. Simultaneously off my gourd and solving arcane problems no one else understood. I started fifty feet below rock bottom with him. Since he was a cop, though, I held back in assuring him that I was indeed black and indeed a witch. I preferred to spend my day on this side of a jail cell.

When he got his reaction to me under control, he hit me with, I'm going to need you to come with me to the station.

And there it went. But he hadn't read me any rights, yet. Perhaps things weren't as bad as they could be. I had to ask, Might I be able to inquire as to why? with all of the politeness I could manage

His eyebrow climbed his forehead as he put the little notebook away. You have knowledge of what set this building on fire.

I guessed the reason had some validity, but I didn't trust the suspicion in his voice. So, I turned to the Salamander.

What about you, Salamander? Would you come with me to the station, and maybe answer a few questions? I wasn't about to make it come. It had been forced into enough today.

I didn't pressure it to answer either. Waiting for its response meant the policeman had to wait too. I kind liked the idea of making him cool his jets a moment or two. For whatever reason, he had rubbed me so very, very wrong. And with odd quickness.

Purple fire eyes burning up at me, the Salamander finally answered. If you wish me to come, I will come.

Not quite the answer I sought. I stretched my dark hand out, stopping when it shrank back from the touch of it. Fire was not fearful, its elemental less so. Something horribly criminal had occurred here. If it was in my power, I would right this wrong. What I wish is irrelevant, Salamander. This is your decision.

It said yes, the cop's voice jumped into the quiet between us, Come on, Miss Sapiens. The more you try to stall, the worse it will be for you.

My gaze never left the Salamander as I answered, smooth as cream. As in most things, Officer…what was your name?

Holmes.

Right. Officer Holmes, a fear-fueled yes and a yes are not the same thing. One is consent and the other smacks of rape. I figured if I didn't look at him he wouldn't decide it an attack on his character. Hopefully.

A skinny, red tongue of flame slipped from the elemental's mouth and hissed along the tips of my dark fingers. I held still through the warm tingle and his silent judging after. This was not the time to spook him.

I will go with you.

I couldn't help my smile. Excellent. When we're finished, I can take you…can you travel with me, like in the car, without burning things up?

Certainly. The cool voice sounded matter-of-fact.

I acknowledged the answer with a nod before I stood and turned to the police officer. Lead the way, Officer.

He did. Lead me all the way to the back of his cruiser. I could have protested, I certainly wanted to, but I just didn't want to drag this out any longer than it needed to be. Since he hadn't read me my rights, I figured I could fight any trumped up charges he might think to lay on me. The impulse to argue anyway tickled at me, until I caught sight of a familiar blonde bob bouncing to a familiar, pointed step.

I ducked into the car before my sister caught sight of me and pulled out my phone. It only rang twice before the demon picked up. What up, Nev. I'm gonna be a little later than projected.

The pause before he answered spoke volumes as to his feelings on the subject. What happened? Are you okay? His voice certainly didn't give anything away, but it wouldn't. Not yet.

Fine, Nev. The fire just down the way had a little arcane complication and I'm heading to the police station.

Oh. Why did he sound so relieved? Do you need me to close the store tonight?

I hope not, but if I'm not back by 4:00, go ahead. And the grocery store was a little too jitsu so—

Indian?

Beautiful. Sometimes, it was like he could read my mind. My treat.

It's my turn.

I wasn't going to argue whether he was right or not, especially since his voice had dipped into his lower, stubborn tone. Fine. I'll call with my order on my way back.

Good. And P.S.?

Yes?

Give the coppers hell. His shark-tooth smile came through loud and clear in his tone.

Oh, Nev. I smiled at the fire elemental floating curled up in the air just above my lap. The idea of petting him with my dark hand tempted me, but fire could be unpredictable. Despite his relaxed pose and the slowed flickering in his flames, I didn't want to set him off. If you only knew the irony of that statement.

What do you mean by that?

Then again, as a demon, he sank into the same bucket of irony as the Salamander. Never mind. You'll understand when I get there.

You know how much I dislike suspense. His words came out with a preciseness I knew to be the beginnings of true irritation.

"Deal with it. I get to go to that police station and I caught sight of my sister at the scene as I was getting out of there."

He hissed. I'll get you extra naan.

You're beautiful.

You're teasing.

I'm leaving.

I'd already pulled the phone away from my ear when I heard him half shout, Wait, P.S.

Eyes to the begrimed ceiling of the cruiser, I sighed. What, Nev?

Good luck.

There he went again. One moment more annoying than a hyperactive two-year-old with a cacophonous toy. Forcing a smile out of me in the next. Of all the demons who could have pushed through the portal to hell and other planes in my basement five years ago, I'd really lucked out with Nevin.

I thanked my lucky stars more often than not to have him living in my basement and working in my store. But I did not thank him. Demons had funny ideas when it came to debts between people and how thanks played into it. Instead, I let a heavy breath out. I will certainly need it. See you when I get home.

CHAPTER TWO

Note to self: Always, always, always heed the warning of geese sightings.

P.S.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The police station hadn't changed in the two decades since I had been there last. Still the same buzz of resentment passing between captured and capturer. The same rows of desks without privacy surrounded by offices of the higher-ups. It might have even been the same linoleum, yellowed as it was. The same stench.

I could have done without the trip down memory lane. So long as we didn't revisit the loss of my hand and eye, though, I would suck it up.

Eyes followed my progress behind Officer Holmes. Maybe it wasn't my progress so much as the glowing piece of living fire bounding between the officer and me. The Salamander was odd enough that I could understand it garnering the attention of criminal and cop alike.

Officer Holmes' desk sat right in front of the captain's office. He'd either done exceptionally well or tremendously bad enough to warrant the high profile position. I hoped it was the former, though his attitude and the Spartan clutter on his desk made me think he was nowhere near the star performer.

He gestured toward the chair in front of his desk with a dismissive and condescending wave. Things were going swimmingly already. I sat.

His brows pinched in the middle and his nose twitched. Take off your sunglasses.

I reached for my pocket. His hand jerked to his gun. I said take your sunglasses off.

Apparently, the whispers he'd heard of me didn't lay out the most basic facts. I held my hand out in the most non-threatening manner I could and nodded. I have an eye patch in this pocket and I need to put it on before I take the glasses off. I can grab it out from my pocket, you can and hand it to me, or I can continue wearing the sunglasses. Your choice.

The line between his eyebrows didn't lessen any, but his lips turned down as his eyes flitted over me in a more detailed survey than he had taken before. They settled on the hand I still held in surrender between us.

You have twelve fingers?

Clearly not a detailed enough survey. I raised what remained of my left forearm, which amounted to a little over half, if one didn't include the length of the missing hand. Most people didn't count my dark hand. Most people didn't know about my dark hand. The corners of his mouth sank into a further frown. Not sure why he frowned; he wasn't the one missing parts.

Just the six, actually, I answered once he had gotten enough of an eyeful of me. Can I grab my eye patch now?

He gave me a stiff nod. I didn't know what his problem was, but I wasn't the one who'd peed in his coffee. And it wasn't my fault that he hadn't noticed my absent left hand or the edges of scarring that showed around my dark and mirrored glasses. The lack of observance lent itself to my dunce of the department theory.

Doing my best to ignore his severe attitude issue, I pulled the eye patch out and slid it behind the left lens of the glasses. The wraparound coverage of the eye patch was a relief. This building had enough protective Margins and anti-magick spells to make my dark eye go blind. The glasses let flashes and streaming sigils flicker around the edges.

I held the patch in place with my forearm and used my hand to stretch the elastic into place. That done, I slid the glasses off just as he'd asked me to. All of it I did without breaking eye contact. I didn't want him to get the impression that I was ashamed of anything I did.

Watching his reaction was paramount as well. The eye patch gave the altered vision of my