Songbird

Chapter One

I WAS SIX WHEN JACE died.

He took me to the park while babysitting me. He always did things like that. At sixteen, he was my superhero. It didn’t matter that we only went there so he could make out with his girlfriend, Kayla. What mattered was he took me.

Mom and Dad never bothered. Dad was always too busy working or drinking, and Mom couldn’t leave the house or people might have questioned the bruises lining her jaw.

That last day at the park, I felt like a beautiful bird. I sat on the swing with Jace behind me, pushing me higher until I soared toward the sky, the air rushing through my hair. I gripped the chains harder and let go at the highest point, gliding down to the ground. I landed on my feet, and, with a laugh, I let myself crumble on to the prickly grass before rolling over.

Dani Blair Mays, I’m gonna get you!

Before I could scamper away, he pounced on me, tickling me. I giggled uncontrollably until he finally let me up. I hugged him around his waist. There wasn’t anyone I loved more than Jace. He spun me in a wide circle, and my legs flew out. When he stopped spinning, my feet dropped back to the ground, and my knees gave way. I held on to him, laughing as I let myself sag against him.

Hey, squirt. Kayla’s here. You’ve got thirty minutes.

He gave me a shove toward the playground, and I ran for the equipment then scurried up the rope ladder, climbing in to the large, red tunnel bridge. This was my hiding place. From outside, no one could see me, but I could see out. At some point, a teenager had taken a cigarette and burned holes in to the plastic, creating perfect peepholes for me.

I pulled a marker from my pocket and scrawled my name inside the tube. I didn’t like peeking out when Kayla was there. They were always kissing. Yuck!

I didn’t mind Kayla. She was always nice to me. Not like Jace’s last girlfriend. Kayla sometimes even pushed me on the swing while they talked, her black curls bouncing around her pink cheeks. I wanted hair like hers. The kind a person wanted to pull out straight then let spring back into its wildly haphazard place.

Most important was that Jace loved her. He always said things like, Kayla likes roses. Kayla’s gonna be a lawyer.

That he loved her was enough for me.

I put the cap back on the marker, and was shoving it in to my pocket when I heard the first blast. I twisted around and plastered my face to the side of the tunnel, staring through the hole in terror at what I saw beside the swings.

Boy, I told you to get your ass home!

Daddy.

His blue Chevy was parked crookedly, one of its front tires pushed up on to the grass. He was weaving his way toward Jace, flailing his arms, holding his gun in one hand. My heart thumped wildly, and my hands slid along the warm plastic as sweat slickened my palms.

I’d never seen Daddy with his gun before. He quit the force before I was born. My stomach churned and cramped, seeing him hold it now.

Dad, I did go home after school. Mom told me to take Dani out while you guys went to Grandma’s.

Jace moved in a wide circle, forcing Dad to turn. Once Kayla was out of his line of sight, she ran. I wanted to run with her. I wanted Jace to run, too.

Well, I don’t see the little shit, now do I? Saliva sprayed from his mouth. You’re always goddamn mouthy, aren’t you? Stop moving!

Dad, I dropped Dani off at Samantha’s. I was just about to go get her, okay? I’ll meet you back at home. Jace took a tentative step to the side, but froze and lifted his hands up as the gun pointed directly at him.

Shut up, boy! I’ve had enough of you and your piss ant sister. Your mother is a goddamn whore, and ain’t either of you mine. She’s been sucking my money away ever since I met her. I shoulda kicked the three of you out years ago.

I didn’t understand what he meant, but the words filled me with fear. When Daddy started with the yelling and cussing, it was never a good sign. Jace usually ended up with bruises. I didn’t know why they called it black and blue. Our bruises always went from black to purple. Sometimes green. I’d never seen Daddy like this outside, though. He was always real careful to be nice when we weren’t at home.

Dad, I’m gonna go get Dani now. I’ll bring her right home. His voice soft, he stepped back, away from my secret hiding place. I could see the terror on his face. His eyes darted around the park, looking for help or a place to run.

I said, stop moving! Daddy’s words rang through the park, followed by another boom.

The terror on Jace’s face faded, replaced by shock and pain. A red bloom formed on his white shirt, a brilliant flower. His legs gave out, and he dropped to his knees, then fell on to his side. Gasps and sobs of pain floated through the air to me. My fingers dug at the red plastic tunnel. Daddy stood there staring at Jace, his eyes as wide open as his mouth. I wanted to scream at him to go away, but fear choked my words.

"Oh shit. Oh shit," Daddy repeated as he ran, stumbling toward his car.

I squeezed my eyes shut as the engine revved and tires squealed as he pulled away from the curb. When the screeching echo receded, I opened my eyes and peeked out through my hole. He was gone, and Jace lay on the ground, not moving.

I bolted from my secret spot and jumped from the tower. I heard a loud snap, at the same instant an excruciating pain exploded in my ankle, but it was nothing compared to the pain ripping my heart apart as I watched Jace continue to gasp for air. I tried standing, but couldn’t. I dragged myself to his side and tugged him over on to his back.

His eyes were closed, his raspy breathing barely there.

Jace? Jace? I sobbed.

His eyelids fluttered open, but they didn’t look like his eyes. My reflection stared back in the glassy surfaces. I could barely see the soft blue for the large black pupils.

Hey, Dani girl. His words were stilted, coming through between his gasps. You okay?

Why did Daddy shoot you, Jace?

I don’t know, squirt.

His words disappeared in a cough, his lips tinged with red.

Are you gonna be okay?

I’d seen lots of blood before, when Mama had a bloody nose after Daddy hit her, but never this much. His shirt was saturated, and with each frantic beat of his heart, more pulsed out. I gagged as a warm metallic smell drifted from his wound.

Yeah, squirt. I’m gonna be fine. It just hurts a bit. I wanted to believe him. Why don’t you sing to me? You know I love to hear you. I’ll close my eyes, and you can sing me to sleep.

Tears rolled down my face and splashed on to his pale cheeks. I didn’t believe him, but he wanted me to. I knew he wouldn’t sleep, but I could pretend. He taught me how to pretend when Dad pushed me down the stairs and broke my arm.

This time, I pretended Jace was going to be fine. I pretended for him.

"This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine. This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine. Let it shine, let— My singing stopped as heaving sobs wracked my small body. His eyes were closed, and I couldn’t hear his gasps anymore. I rested my head on his chest. He didn’t move. I’m gonna let it shine, let it shine, let it shine..."

The wails of police sirens drowned out the rest of the song, and once the screaming cars pulled up to the park, everything became a blur.

Chapter Two

AS STUPID AS IT SOUNDS, school had always been my favorite place. It started in kindergarten when I realized that school meant I didn’t have to stare at Dad sitting in his chair, waiting for him to tell me to get him another beer. Then in first grade, it meant I didn’t have to sit at the table all day as Jace’s memory clung to every item in the house—his coat still hanging in the closet; his toothbrush standing in the holder next to mine.

Second grade let me hide from the deteriorating state of my mother. Even with Dad in prison, she couldn’t break loose from him. While the sweet memories of Jace haunted me, she was consumed by guilt and resentment. Dad’s liquor bottles didn’t stay closed. Instead, Mom found solace by following in his footsteps, and I faced multiple foster homes.

By fifth grade, I had a new school and yet another new family. At that point, I didn’t go to school to hide, because, there, in Mr. Finch’s homeroom, I found a good reason to want to be there. I found Reece Tyler.

Seven years later, Reece was not only my best friend but also the one person I loved more than myself.

Yo, Dani! You still with me? Reece’s deep voice shook my mind out of its wandering.

Yeah. Sorry. I was just thinking. I arranged my math book carefully in the locker and grabbed my English textbook from the bottom of the pile. I smoothed my hand along the spines of the remaining books, pushing them back in place.

You know, one day I’m going to invade your locker with all my stuff.

I glanced in to his locker, and snorted in disgust. Papers and empty Gatorade bottles threatened to spill out.

I can’t believe you can find anything in there.

He slammed both lockers shut.

So? he asked, looking expectantly at me.

What?

I knew you weren’t listening, he said, rolling his eyes. I asked if you’d go to Homecoming with me this Friday. You know, as a friend?

My heart thudded. I swore it skipped a beat, but, as always, it stuttered with the realization that he wasn’t asking me on a date. Reece was in to girls with mini-skirts and tight shirts. Not Danis in jeans and tees.

Why? I asked, moving down the hall, forcing him to walk with me.

Uh, because I want to go with you?

The fact he asked rather than said it only confirmed what I already knew.

Get real, Reece.

All right. I asked Jenn, but she’s already going with Trace.

Jenn with the big boobs.

So, why ask me? If you want to make her jealous, you’d be better off asking one of the cheerleaders.

He blushed and ran a hand through his shoulder-length light brown hair—his attempt at rebelling against his strict parents, though he normally hid it with his baseball hat.

I gave an internal groan. Don’t tell me—you did, and they all have dates already.

Come on, Dani. It’ll be fun. Have you ever been to one of the dances before?

I felt the sting of the question. I wanted to shout yes right in his face, but the threat of humiliation burned before I could. The fact he didn’t remember taking me to the Valentine’s Day dance three years ago only proved how lost any hope was.

I glanced up at his pleading face. Brown, puppy dog eyes stared in to mine. He knew how to wrap me around his little finger. I never could tell if he knew why it was so easy for him to do, and, frankly, I wasn’t sure I wanted to know. That I’d been in love with him since fifth grade was pathetic enough without him knowing.

I have a lot of studying to do, I said, trying valiantly to hold on to my willpower.

Bull. You’re the smartest girl I know. And, he said, wrapping his arm around my shoulder, you clean up pretty nice.

I would have said no. I should have said no. I wanted to say no. But I couldn’t. It was Reece, and I could never say no to him.

All right.

You’re an angel! He gave me a quick peck on the cheek, then tore off down the hall to his class. I’ll love you forever, he shouted back at me, grinning widely.

Blood rushed to my cheeks. It didn’t embarrass me that he’d yelled it in front of almost a hundred other students. It was that he didn’t mean it. At least, not the way I wanted him to.

He’d used the same line on me almost since the day we met.

It was my second day at another new school, and, by that point, I’d learned the rules of surviving as the new kid. Sit down, shut up, and hand over any lunch money you have to the first person who asks.

Can I borrow your homework? The boy sitting next to me leaned closer. His hair was styled in an awkward bowl cut that made him resemble a stuffed mushroom. I’ll love you forever.

No you won’t, I said.

I will. Promise. He smiled widely, dazzling me. I never break my promises.

I lent Reece my homework that day, and every day that followed until Mr. Finch caught us in the act. Reece carried my backpack to detention, and I fell in love. He stuck by me. I knew then I could trust him, and, for me, that was all that mattered.

After detention, I didn’t give him much of a chance to not be my friend. I did everything I could to make him want me around. Even when he asked me to do the craziest things, I did them, and not once did he turn on me. When I got in trouble for pulling off one of his practical jokes, he stepped forward and shared the blame.

When I asked him why he didn’t just let me take the heat for it, he said, You’re my friend, Dani. That’s what we do. ‘Sides, how can I love you forever if you’re always stuck in detention alone?

Seven years of hearing that line never changed the thrill it sent through me. I watched his head disappear in the crowd and sighed at my weakness. I should have said no.

English class raced by; the monotony was broken only when, with fifteen minutes to go, the classroom door opened and in walked a new student. There wasn’t anything spectacular about him—just cute in an army guy kind of way. He had short black hair and thick brows that hovered over his dark eyes. All he needed to complete his look was a leather jacket and motorcycle.

Good morning. You must be ... Colin, Mrs. White said, checking her roster. She motioned for him to take the only empty seat two rows over from me.

He strutted casually to the desk and sank in to the chair. He glanced around, making eye contact with those staring before settling on me. I quickly averted my eyes. He watched me every second of the fifteen minutes. I shifted in my seat, my skin crawling. I couldn’t, for the life of me, explain what it was about him that caused such an extreme reaction. I just knew I didn’t want anything to do with him.

I raced to the cafeteria after class, knowing if I got there early, Reece would sit next to me, but if I were even a minute behind him, he’d be flanked by girls—girls I didn’t bother competing with. Sliding on to the bench, I threw my lunch on the table. Reece arrived minutes later, and the creepy guy from English class was forgotten.

So, what’s up with Neuro and Gramps? he asked as he sank down beside me.

I grinned at the names he’d given my foster parents. They suited them to a T. Paul was nearly seventy, and his wife, Martha, tended to be a bit neurotic on occasion. Not that I didn’t love them. In the years I’d been with them, they’d been good to me, giving me a home and a taste of what a family should be.

Paul’s started golfing, and Martha’s still determined to add Stewart to the end of her name. Prepare yourself to be inundated with cookies when you come over today.

Chocolate chip? he asked, and I could almost hear him salivating. I’d never met another person with such an obsession with chocolate.

Martha? Make plain old chocolate chip? Not a chance. Cranberry walnut.

He groaned and shoved his sandwich in his mouth. Ever since we were caught sharing homework, Reece had been coming over after school so we could do our assignments. Even though we didn’t have the same classes now, we kept it up. Mainly because he needed the tutoring.

A bunch of Reece’s friends invaded our quiet table. I suppose, in a way, they were my friends, too. I socialized with them, and they included me in conversations and weekend activities, but if it weren’t for Reece, I doubted any of them would bother including me. I was one of those cool by association anomalies.

So, Dani, you going to the Homecoming dance? Jenn asked from across the table. Beside her, Trace snorted. It was well known that I didn’t do dances.

I wondered if Jenn knew Reece had asked me to go with him, but the innocent smile on her face said no. She’d been chasing after him for almost a year. I didn’t understand why she’d said yes when Trace asked her to go with him, but I was prepared for her to be pissed.

Reece answered before I could figure out what to say. She took pity on me after I begged her to go with me. You know Dani; she hates that kind of stuff.

You’re going with Dani? Disbelief rang through her voice.

Um hum, he mumbled around another bite of his lunch. I’m going to owe her big time for saving me.

He shifted to look around Jenn. I tried to scoot over so I could see what he was looking at, but didn’t see anything interesting. He swallowed and turned to me. Who’s the new kid?

What? I asked, confused by his change of topic.

He pointed, and the entire table turned to see who he was pointing at. It was the new guy, Colin, from my English class. The whole lot of us stared at him. He stared back—at me. I leaned in to Reece, trying to escape Colin’s eyes.

"So? Who