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    One Hundred Delightfully Delectable Jokes
    One Hundred Delightfully Delectable Jokes
    One Hundred Delightfully Delectable Jokes
    Ebook101 pages1 hour

    One Hundred Delightfully Delectable Jokes

    By Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly

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    About this ebook

    This is a compilation of one hundred (generally inoffensive) jokes, some short, some long. Each joke is given a title and is numbered, and there is a list of the jokes by title and a list by number.
    They vary in length - from very short (a couple of lines) to fairly long (more than a couple of lines).
    After the main body of jokes there is a section which explains each one for readers who might not have fully understood the joke.
    This could be useful for readers who are not native speakers of English - or even readers from other parts of the English-speaking world where the humour (or humor) of some jokes may be incomprehensible or opaque or even missing.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherEbenezer Jackson-Firefly
    Release dateFeb 7, 2016
    ISBN9781310337796
    One Hundred Delightfully Delectable Jokes

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      Book preview

      One Hundred Delightfully Delectable Jokes - Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly

      One Hundred Delightfully Delectable Jokes

      By Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly

      Copyright 2016 Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly

      Smashwords Edition

      Text of front cover: Risus Omnia Vincit (motto of the World Laughter Association) / One Hundred Delightfully Delectable Jokes / Readers’ Comments / Most excellent (E J-F) / Superb (E J-F) / Wonderful (E J-F) / Unputdownable (E J-F) / More Readers’ Comments / Buy it now! (E J-F) / Buy it now! (Walter Ego) / An admirable literary gem (E J-F) / Cast in order of appearance: / A red T-shirt / A white saucer / Two brown chocolate buns / A greenish mandarin orange / A yellow banana with black and brown spots and patches on the skin / And that’s it. / Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly / in collaboration with his alter ego Walter Ego / (President and Vice-President of the World Laughter Association)

      Explanation of a couple of phrases from the cover: Risus Omnia Vincit = laughter conquers all / Walter Ego suggests the phrase ‘alter ego’.

      COPYRIGHT

      This literary masterpiece from the hand of the eminent jokester Mr. Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly is the result of many months’ toil (or so he tells me) by the light of a flickering candle flame in his freezing prison cell. Hard labour was the sentence for his misdemeanour (of which he was totally innocent, of course) and it is hard labour that has produced this book.

      For the reason of the hardest of hard labour required to confect this book Mr. Jackson-Firefly would prefer it if one were to purchase the book rather than acquire it by nefarious means which do not put coins into his pocket.

      We appreciate your collaboration in always been and will continue to be, all being well and if fate continues to smile on me, Mr Jackson-Firefly’s amanuensis, tea-maker and dogsbody,

      The Editor.

      LIST OF CONTENTS

      1. INTRODUCTION

      2. CONTENTS: JOKES BY TITLE

      3. CONTENTS: JOKES 2501-2600 ACCORDING TO NUMBER

      The jokes begin here:

      4. ONE HUNDRED JOKES

      5. DON’T GET IT? THE JOKES EXPLAINED

      1. INTRODUCTION

      (An introduction written by the above editor of the book, and reviewed by a second editor). This is the twenty-fourth volume from the prolific hand of the eminent manufacturer of jokes, riddles and limericks, Mr. E. Jackson-Firefly (E for Ebenezer, of course). It has been meticulously prepared over two months in a dark cave which he uses as a study (he has since been released from prison), situated by the clearing in a pine forest where he has his abandoned Austin Seven in which he resides.

      He has carefully counted the jokes and can assure the reader that there are one hundred of them. He also gives his personal guarantee that all of them are funny. (Second Editor: The guarantee is not to be taken as an indication of the quality of the jokes. Indeed, it is best ignored altogether).

      Recently Mr Jay-Eff, as lazy people call him, has been campaigning for the sequence of the alphabet to be changed. He recommends the one in the list printed in the book ‘Codes and Secret Writing’ by Herbert S. Zim. This gives the English letter frequency sequence as ‘ETA ONR ISH DLF CMU GYP WB VKJ XQZ’. Mr Jay-Eff believes it is a lot easier to remember than ‘ABC...’ and makes a pleasing change from the clichéed arrangement of letters which we have all learned by heart.

      Using letter spellings, we would have ‘ee tee ay / oh en ar / eye ess aitch / dee ell eff / cee em yew / gee wye pee / double-ewe bee / vee kay jay / eks cue zed’. This letter sequence could be used to promote world peace, to halt climate change and to eradicate disease, he believes.

      And recently again, Mr Jay, as extremely lazy people call him, has campaigned for the schooling of youngsters to take place during the night, from ten in the evening until six in the morning. In this way noisy children will be safely in bed when he wants to walk in the town, and he’ll not have to put up with the throngs of shrieking sprogs busy shoplifting sweets and soft drinks and magazines in the newsagent’s when he goes to buy his philately magazine or a bar of 99% chocolate.

      Readers of ‘The Gazette’ might have noticed a letter on the Letters Page last week by Mr (as absurdly lazy people call him). In it he called for the lumpy white and grey clouds which rarely seem to leave the sky above his home to be coloured brightly, either by airborne dyes or laser lights, if there is no way of blowing them back over the sea. The days will not then seem so gloomy, and spirits will be uplifted by swirls of post-box red and royal purple and primrose yellow and Lincoln green. It attracted great attention, and even a reply this week by somebody calling himself ‘Man in the Know’ who heartily backed the suggestion (myself, in fact).

      As in the other collections, we have added a section ‘Don’t Get It?’ This explains what the joke might be about. Some readers are puzzled after reading some (or most) of the jokes. They will be equally puzzled after reading the explanations.

      In fact, these explanations might be useful to readers whose first language is not English. Probably, however, they will be of no use to anybody, and Mr Jackson-Firefly will have wasted valuable joke-writing time unsuccessfully explaining the jokes he’s already written.

      Another advantage of including explanations is the book seems more substantial and less flimsy. This is also the reason for riding this irrelevant introduction. (Second Editor: Well, done, First Editor, the book is now quite some weighty tome).

      There is an eccentric numbering system for the jokes which Mr Jackson-Firefly is keen to patent. A search for the joke by adding the letter x to the joke number either at before the first digit, at the beginning, or after the last digit, at the end, should bring the reader to it instantly. Likewise, by adding the letter z at the beginning or the end of the joke number we have made it possible for the reader to find the explanation of the joke rapidly and easily and efficiently. (Second Editor: has nobody pointed out that this won’t work with a e-book?)

      Mr Jackson-Firefly has recently been studying his family tree, with the help of the parish registers of Saint-Kinfrith-in-the Slough and a large magnifying glass, and he has discovered that he is a descendant of Eoanthropus dawsoni, or Piltdown Man, the remains of whom were discovered over a century ago in the pretty East Sussex village of Hoax. A newspaper cutting in one of the registers refers to the discovery of this illustrious ancestor, and there is a

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