Sister Lilian Ultimate Pregnancy, Birth and Parenting Guide

Sister Lilian

Ultimate

Pregnancy,

Birth and

Parenting

Guide

Human & Rousseau

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While every attempt has been made to ensure the procedures and medications recommended in this book are reliable and safe, the author and publishers cannot accept any responsibility for any damage that may occur as a result of following the author’s advice. In addition, the recommendations are not intended to replace regular visits to healthcare professionals.

Introduction

A calm, confident mother makes a happy home.

One of my mothering mantras is that it’s ultra-important to let go of mental and emotional clutter so that you can be fully relaxed as you go through pregnancy, experience birth and raise your babies. The other is that simple steps have profoundly positive effects. You have the right to a good mothering experience, Mom (and Dad to a good fathering one).

This guide offers you what I believe to be the truly essential information, perspectives and tips to assist you along the way. You may think you need a massive manual, but in fact the knowledge and instincts are within you. I see my role as being the facilitator to help you unlock your innate abilities and intuition. The guide also includes the essence of pregnancy, birth and childrearing, because they are all vital, integral links of the chain we call parenting. There is a cascade effect between each phase, and for the best experience it’s good to start at the beginning.

Of course, every parent encounters challenges; some smaller, some huge. Parenting is the great leveller. Remember, though, every difficult day will pass and every moment of sunshine will live on in your family memory bank forever. Keep centred, trust Mother Nature, stay positive and take each and every mini moment as it comes.

Every mother, father, baby and child I have ever encountered on my life and career path lives in the pages of this guide, and I dedicate it to you all.

My very best wishes for your personal parenting journey!

Sister Lilian

SECTION 1: Pregnancy

CHAPTER 1: ARE YOU READY FOR PREGNANCY?

CHAPTER 2: YOUR BABY’S PRE-BIRTH DEVELOPMENT

CHAPTER 3: PREGNANCY PANTRY

CHAPTER 4: EXERCISE WHEN EXPECTING

CHAPTER 6: SKIN HEALTH, BEAUTY AND CONCERNS IN PREGNANCY

CHAPTER 7: EXPECTANT HEALTH

CHAPTER 8: THE SERIOUS SIDE

CHAPTER 9: PRACTICAL MATTERS

CHAPTER 10: PREGNANCY FROM A FATHER-TO-BE’S PERSPECTIVE

CHAPTER 11: A MEDLEY OF IMPORTANT AND INTERESTING PREGNANCY TOPICS

CHAPTER 1

Are you ready for pregnancy?

Increasingly women and their partners are realising that preparing for conception, pregnancy and parenthood is the very best form of preventative health and wellbeing.

THE PHYSICAL AND EMOTIONAL BASICS

In a nutshell, you shouldn’t take any chances when it comes to what you can control – after all, you’re growing a whole new life! For the best possible outcome, there are three basics to think of:

1.You need a healthy body

For the best pregnancy you ideally need to invest time and effort to attain glowing health before you conceive. A healthy, active lifestyle before, during and after pregnancy will make your whole experience better and easier. Nutrition is truly fundamental to wellbeing. It’s simply not good enough to continually compromise on what and how you eat in pregnancy, as you are now growing a baby. Your pregnancy wellbeing is also directly related to your diet. In addition, understanding the cause of niggles and discomforts and the best, natural ways to relieve them, will make your pregnancy so much easier.

2.You need a healthy mind

While you might find it easy to conceive, be mindful of your reasons for wanting a child and the responsibility awaiting you. Pregnancy is a special window of opportunity to develop your emotional resources, and the impact will be felt for generations to come. Optimism and consideration of people and the planet are just as important.

3.You need a healthy relationship

Babies don’t save marriages and life partnerships, yet it is amazing how often couples in an ailing relationship pin their hopes for family happiness on having a child. Yes, children can bring out the best in you but having a child will seldom heal a deep rift permanently. Before you embark on the road to parenthood, be honest with yourself – are any problems you and your partner are experiencing deep and longstanding, is there mutual respect, do you enjoy a wide variety of similar interests and friendships, and do you support each other in your personal ambitions?

IS AGE A FACTOR TO CONSIDER?

There are advantages and disadvantages to all possible ages and circumstances to consider when planning for a baby. It is a very personal decision but one worth investing time and energy in making. Here are some pointers to bear in mind:

•Emotionally one is more mature and able to deal more easily with the ups and downs of parenting at a slightly older age, though one is more young-at-heart and optimistic when younger.

•Patience, resolve and tenacity are virtues that are required for parenting and may be lacking in younger parents, though they may have the important ability to be playful.

•Financial concerns are often substantially less when older – it’s not that having a child has to cost so much, but rather the extra strain money worries bring to families. However, wealth does not guarantee a happy home.

•Older parents may have become so used to their independence that being on 24-hour call might be quite challenging, while younger parents might take this in their stride because they are often more flexible.

•While older parents have the benefit of having had a taste of the big, wide world, younger parents will still be able to enjoy this selfish phase when their children have flown the nest.

ARE YOU READY FOR BABY NUMBER TWO?

Deciding when to introduce a new baby to the family is a very personal decision, but here are three things you should take into consideration:

1.Age gaps

There’s no correct age gap between children – there are advantages and disadvantages to both small and large gaps. A large gap will mean that all the hard work that comes with having a small baby will start all over again, but it can be easier on Mom. A gap of less than two years brings with it a phase of intense work and you’ll need plenty of support, but then you get all the baby stuff over and done with fairly quickly.

2.Individual circumstances

Of course, you’ll need to assess whether you can afford another child and the time away from work. Also, if your firstborn has health or behaviour problems, the strain of having children close in age could be greater.

3. Practical issues

It’s generally easier to raise two children, as they’ll quite soon entertain each other, giving you some free time. Children also learn about sharing, conflict resolution and the need to respect others when they have siblings. There’s almost always a little jealousy from the older child when a new baby arrives, but a bit of patience will help you through this phase. Remember, don’t put pressure on your older child to be big – he’s still your baby, too.

THE TOP FIVE NO-NOS IN PREGNANCY

As you prepare for pregnancy, bear in mind these top five things to avoid in pregnancy to help ensure your baby is as healthy as possible. In fact, start even before you plan on falling pregnant, as those early weeks of pregnancy are the most important for development.

1.Alcohol, smoking and recreational drug use: A baby’s body can’t process these substances in the same way an adult’s can. Rather be safe than sorry and avoid these completely. These substances affect your baby’s growth and health, and may put him at risk of addictions later in life.

2.Dietary cautions: Avoid any foods your immediate family is allergic to, products that contain raw egg, fish-based sushi (veggie sushi is fine), undercooked meat and soft, aged cheeses. Some toxins can cross the placenta to your baby and a diet high in allergenic foods can trigger allergy symptoms in your baby after birth.

3.Certain medications: Ask your pharmacist or doctor before you take any medication you are unsure about, as many have not been tested for safety in pregnancy.

4.Certain beauty treatments: Things like nail polish, hair dye and body lotions could contain chemicals that are best avoided in pregnancy, especially in the first trimester. Do not use sunbeds at all as these may cause Baby to overheat.

5.Undue stress: During pregnancy, put your feet up, relax and think about your developing baby. Take time to enjoy the small things in life. Your birth will be easier and Baby will be more settled and relaxed after birth.

CHAPTER 2

Your baby’s pre-birth development

It is exciting to track your baby’s growth, but there’s also something wonderful about knowing a mysterious miracle is unfolding inside you. Here’s a brief overview, trimester by trimester.

THE FIRST TRIMESTER

The first trimester lasts from the start of pregnancy until 12 weeks. Most of your baby’s development takes place in the first trimester. Take a look at some highlights:

•In the first month after conception, Baby grows 10 000 times bigger than the original sperm and egg cell – the fastest rate of human growth ever!

•By around week four, the cluster of cells has formed an inner and an outer group; the inner group will become your little baby, while the outer group of cells will become the placenta.

•By six weeks, you’ll be able to see your baby with the naked eye and hear his little 2mm-long heart beating during an ultrasound.

•At week eight, major organs have formed and have started very basic functioning. Baby is essentially a complete human being at this stage, even though he’s only the size of a small apricot. It’s in this week that Baby’s eyes, nose and lips start forming.

•Fingernails start to form at 11 weeks, and by the end of your first trimester all organs and systems found in a newborn baby are present.

•Your perfect but skinny baby swallows amniotic fluid in the womb from week 12 and at the end of the all-important first trimester, Baby is about 8cm long and weighs around 45g.

THE SECOND TRIMESTER

The second trimester of pregnancy stretches from week 13 to week 28 and is often called the honeymoon phase, because most women feel on top of the world. Take a look at some highlights:

•At the end of the 14th week, Baby will have his own unique set of fingerprints, while his footprints will form in week 15. Baby will also start to respond to any bright lights you shine on your belly.

•By week 16, an ultrasound scan may show if Baby is a boy or girl, and in just another two weeks or so you may start to notice your baby’s sleeping and waking patterns.

•By week 20, Baby will be able to hear your heartbeat, breathing and even your tummy grumbling; he may even move at the sound of your voice! It’s common to start feeling these movements at about 22 weeks, although some women do feel them earlier.

•At the end of your sixth month, your baby will blink when he’s startled by loud noises.

•By the end of the second trimester, at week 28, Baby will be able to detect different scents and can distinguish between sweet and sour tastes.

•By the close of week 28, Baby weighs 1.1kg or a little more, is 34cm long, his movements are vigorous and he may be able to breathe alone if born now, although a lot of lung development is still necessary.

THE THIRD TRIMESTER

Week 29 marks the start of the third and final trimester of pregnancy. You may feel more uncomfortable but this is an important phase to ensure that your baby is perfectly ready for birth and life outside the womb. Take a look at some of the highlights:

•At the start of your third trimester, Baby weighs about 1.2kg.

•By week 32, fat layers start accumulating underneath Baby’s skin, making him cuddly for birth.

•At week 35, Baby’s brain is still growing at a rapid pace, and this won’t slow down anytime soon.

•Even during these last few weeks, Baby is still growing and maturing all the time, and all the finishing touches are taking place.

•By week 37, Baby could arrive at any time but unless there’s a medical reason not to, it’s best to wait for labour to start naturally. Hang in there, Mom, you’ll be cuddling your little one before you know it!

•At week 37, Baby weighs in at about 2.9kg or more, he may well have reached the 50cm mark and his skeleton starts to harden.

•Growth continues at a rapid rate and by the end of week 38, Baby weighs about 3.1kg, and is anything from 48–50cm long.

•By week 39, the hair on Baby’s head may have grown up to 4.6cm long, and his skin is very sensitive to touch all over his body.

•Week 40 is in theory the end of pregnancy but many first-timers go all the way to 41 or 42 weeks and it is best to let Mother Nature take her course, while keeping track of regular movements by Baby in the womb – a sure sign that all is well.

•By the end of week 40, Baby weighs between 3.2kg and 3.8kg on average and is about 50cm long.

•Most first pregnancies end spontaneously around week 40–42.

How amazing is this?

An ovum is 0.8mm in diameter and a sperm is 0.05mm long. The fusion of these two cells results in the birth of a bonny baby that weighs between 3.2kg and 3.5kg!

CHAPTER 3

Pregnancy pantry

You’re not alone if you’re confused about what you should and shouldn’t eat during pregnancy. There are just so many mixed messages in the media, from health professionals and passed on to you by well-meaning friends and family. And yet, healthy nutrition is supposed to be something easy to achieve, because Mother Nature intended it to be the cornerstone of prevention, maintenance and cure when it comes to illness, energy, growth and development.

NUTRITIONAL BASICS

In a word, what every pregnant woman should do when it comes to food is – relax! This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t care about what you eat, or that you can ignore all warnings. What it does mean is that you have two powerful allies to help you have the best pregnancy nutrition – instinct and Mother Nature’s bountiful pantry.

In a nutshell, use these principles as an overall nutrition guide:

•Eat more plant foods: That’s fruit, vegetables, pulses, legumes, nuts, seeds and grains, with these forming the bulk of your diet. Of course, the less refined the better and preservative-, colourant- and GMO-free. If you can use organic or home-grown produce, that’s a bonus.

•Eat fewer animal foods: Not only are these linked to increased disease patterns, animals are often reared using antibiotics and synthetic hormones that you will ingest. Slaughtering procedures cause a rush of adrenaline and cortisol in the animal and these hormones are retained in the flesh and may influence your pregnancy and birth hormones adversely. Dairy products are also animal foods and it is a myth that you need cow’s milk for healthy skeletal development of your unborn baby and your dental health. If you do eat animal produce, choose medication-free, free-range and organic options.

•Include foods in all the vibrant colours nature provides: This is what most people would do if they were attuned to their instincts and, interestingly, this is nature’s way of ensuring you get all the different nutrients you need – so eat with your eyes!

•Keep meals simple: Balance is not essential in each and every meal but can be achieved over the course of a day or even a week. Don’t use too many ingredients at the same time and you’ll find that your digestion will work more efficiently.

•Don’t eat for two: Simply follow your appetite when it comes to quantity, as long as it is for healthy foods. Many expectant women prefer smaller meals more frequently, to sustain them throughout the day while keeping them feeling comfortable.

•Reduce or preferably avoid food additives: Basically this means that you should eat as little processed, refined food as possible. Remember that fruit is Mother Nature’s fast food – perfect for snacking.

•An occasional lapse won’t harm you or Baby: Eat healthily most of the time and your body will accommodate the occasional treat. Be honest with yourself though, and aim to eat good food at least 80% of the time.

•Don’t drink large amounts with meals: This hampers digestion because the enzyme-containing digestive juices become diluted. In effect, your food will not be utilised optimally and you will be more likely to suffer from indigestion.

•Avoid fasting: Fasting is not advisable at any stage of pregnancy, either for Baby or Mom. As a result, religions that practice fasting mostly make provision for partial abstinence. Unstable blood sugar levels, dizziness, low blood pressure and dehydration risk are all reasons why one should not fast.

Superfoods for two

Include these seven foods in your diet regularly throughout pregnancy, while enjoying an abundance of fresh, seasonal fruit and vegetable varieties, and you and your baby will be in tip top health.

1.Dates: for Essential Fatty Acids (EFAs), energy and stable blood sugar

2.Avocados: for many necessary nutrients, EFAs and efficient digestion

3.Coconut: for immune system strength and circulation system protection

4.Grapefruit: for regulating and controlling cravings

5.Beans of all kinds: for protein, iron, fibre, folic acid and calcium

6.Green veggies: for folic acid and calcium

7.A little good quality honey: for its antibacterial properties

Caution: Baby-growing in progress!

Some foods are associated with increased allergy risk, toxic bacteria or excessive discomfort in an expectant mom, so you’d do well to avoid or reduce these six:

1.Allergy-risk foods like dairy products, refined grain products (bread, pasta, cakes and biscuits), shellfish, eggs and peanuts

2.Exotic mushrooms, onions and garlic

3.Tree and ground nuts – though preservatives or rancid produce is the real problem

4.Animal food pâtés

5.Blue-veined and aged soft cheeses

6.Dried meat products like biltong

HEALTHY HYDRATION FOR TWO

Water plays a vital role in the body. It transports nutrients and oxygen around the body and carries waste out of the body. It regulates body temperature, cushions and lubricates the joints, and keeps mucous membranes moist. Without enough water, you’ll get dehydrated very quickly, causing a range of problems like constipation, confusion, reduced energy levels, poor protein uptake and muscle deterioration.

Your developing baby’s first home is in a bag of waters. Although hydration isn’t the only thing that can affect the amount of amniotic fluid, severe dehydration can reduce the volume and keep your baby from developing well.

To keep well-hydrated throughout pregnancy, you need to heed your thirst signals or drink 1,5–2 litres of good quality water or other healthy beverages a day. It’s easy to do this – drink five glasses of water and three cups of other healthy beverages, like rooibos or green tea.

Remember not to drink large volumes with a meal as this dilutes the gastric juices, making digestion less effective. Take note of these special pointers:

•The body’s natural excretory cycle is in the early morning. Drink a mug of hot water in the morning if your bowels feel sluggish, and eat breakfast foods with a high water content, such as most fruits, to help stimulate kidney and bowel function.

•Add a little agave syrup or granules to your healthy tea if you are anxious or highly-strung, as sweet flavours can alleviate anxiety and give you extra energy.

•According to Chinese and Ayurvedic medicine, bitter flavours help improve memory, so if you’re struggling with pregnesia, drink a cup of plain rooibos tea twice a day.

•If you’re not sure about the safety of your water supply, use a home filter system or boil water before use.

•A bottle filled with water, iced rooibos tea or another healthy beverage will keep you well hydrated and comfortably cool if you sip on it during your work day.

Water is the only liquid that’s essential for humans. Of course, some herbal teas (made with water) will contribute to your enjoyment and healthy hydration levels. It’s important to know which beverages must be reduced or avoided:

✗Avoid all alcohol as there is no proven safe level.

✗Try to drink no more than one cup of coffee a day, and ensure that it is good quality coffee – very few instant coffees are good.

✗Limit herbal teas to no more than three fairly weak cups a day, as these may accumulate in your system and some are associated with discomfort or risk in pregnancy.

✗Gas cooldrinks often contain caffeine and have an unacceptably high sugar content. Artificial sweeteners in diet drinks are often harmful for you and Baby too.

✗Commercial fruit juices are often not pure fruit and may be full of unhealthy preservatives. They also contain large amounts of sugar.

✗Freshly squeezed fruit juice in moderation is healthy, but when juiced, the fruit sugars are released very quickly and may cause a sudden spike of sugar in your system. Fructose release is much slower when eating the whole fruit.

ESSENTIAL NUTRIENTS IN PREGNANCY

For those who like to engage their brains more than their instincts when it comes to nutrition, the following section will be a useful guide. It is important to know that many of the most essential nutrients for pregnancy can be found in rich abundance in plant foods, though in pregnancy a good quality supplement is generally advised. These six important nutrients are abundant in plant foods:

✓Iron can be found in green vegetables, fruits, nuts, seeds, raisins and avocados.

✓Folic acid can be found in green vegetables, avocados, spanspek, green melons, grapefruit, naartjies, oranges, pears, strawberries, almonds, hazelnuts and sunflower seeds.

✓Calcium can be found in figs, gooseberries, avocados, dates, grapes, guavas, kiwi fruit, lemons, mangoes, melons, oranges, pawpaws, pears, prickly pears, prunes, nuts and seeds.

✓Magnesium can be found in bananas, nuts and seeds.

✓Vitamin A can be found in red, orange and green veggies and highly coloured fruits like mangoes (note that mega doses of supplemented vitamin A are not advised, but dietary inclusion is safe and essential).

✓Zinc can be found in nuts, seeds, legumes, soya and grains.

A closer look at nutrients

Many people have a deeper interest in understanding the nutritional value of the food they eat. But resist the urge to over-analyse each mouthful, because if you mostly eat healthily and include plenty of fresh produce, chances are you will have a balanced – and healthy – diet. You may, however, find it helpful to know a little more about macro- and micronutrients, as well as some important minerals in pregnancy.

Macronutrients are proteins, carbohydrates and fats. To stay well nourished, we need to eat these in the correct proportions. To help you achieve this, eat most of number 1 and least of number 8, whether pregnant or not:

1.Raw, whole fruit: Eat fruit that is seasonal and ripe; you can eat it freely, but preferably raw. Eat sweet and acidic fruits separately for optimal digestion.

2.Raw salads: Start or replace each main meal with a mixed salad to help reduce your consumption of unhealthy food and to give you a vitamin and mineral boost.

3.Vegetables: Lightly cooked or steamed ensures the best retention of nutrients.

4.Pulses, legumes and beans: Peas, lentils, chickpeas and most bean varieties supply quality protein, but check that produce has not been genetically modified.

5.Grains: These should be as unrefined as possible so that there is a slow and sustained release of food sugars (foods with a low glycaemic index), rather than unhealthy spikes, and preferably choose grains without chemical additives. You have an array of choices, including barley, millet, rye, wheat, sorghum, maize, rice and many more.

6.Meat, poultry, fish and eggs: Reduce the quantity of these in your diet, choose free-range produce without hormones and avoid processed meats containing additives.

7.Dairy products: Reduce the amount of dairy products in your diet and when you do consume them, choose those that are free of hormones, artificial sweeteners, colourants and preservatives. Milk, cheese, yoghurt, buttermilk, cream and related foods are all dairy products.

8.Fats and oils: Restrict but don’t avoid these completely – make sure you select good quality, virgin, cold-pressed oils.

Micronutrients are the vitamins and minerals our bodies need traces of to develop and function healthily. A deficiency can cause serious health problems. They are found in food in small but sufficient quantities.

Some important vitamins:

•Vitamin A: For the metabolism of essential fatty acids and a healthy digestive tract, lungs and mucous membranes (avoid large doses, which may be associated with birth defects). See Essential nutrients in pregnancy for a list of foods that contain vitamin A.

•Vitamin B2: For energy metabolism, and for growth and development of body tissues in Mom and Baby. Food sources include legumes, nuts, green vegetables, whole grains, dairy and eggs.

•Vitamin B6: For the growth of new body tissues in Mom and Baby, and to help treat nausea. Food sources include whole grains, nuts, dairy and eggs and lean meat.

•Vitamin B12: For division of blood cells and to help prevent anaemia. Food sources include organic fruit and vegetables (not washed with chemicals), lean meat and poultry, dairy and eggs.

•Folic acid: For healthy neural tube development in Baby. See Essential nutrients in pregnancy for a list of foods that contain folic acid.

Some important minerals:

•Iron: For strong body tissues, optimal oxygenation and to counter infections. See Essential nutrients in pregnancy for a list of foods that contain iron.

•Calcium: For healthy muscles, skin, bones and teeth, and the prevention of eclampsia and cardiovascular disease. See Essential nutrients in pregnancy for a list of foods that contain calcium.

•Magnesium: Works with calcium and prevents spasms. See Essential nutrients in pregnancy for a list of foods that contain magnesium.

•Zinc: For healthy formation of DNA and body tissues, and healthy immune system development. See Essential nutrients in pregnancy for a list of foods that contain zinc.

•Iodine: Essential for the production of thyroid hormones in Mom and Baby, and important for normal development and metabolic processes; may also help prevent pre-eclampsia. Lodine is found in seafood and other seaweed and iodised salt.

PREGNANCY CRAVINGS

When you’re pregnant, it’s important to interpret your cravings healthily. Feel like something sweet? Have a banana or a date. Craving something savoury? Eat an avocado or some olives.

Eating smaller meals more often also helps to control cravings. If you’re emotional and in need of a little extra nurturing (which, let’s face it, is very likely in pregnancy), don’t turn to comfort foods but rather chat to your partner or a good friend, and explain that you simply need a little extra TLC.

Don’t worry about strange food combinations (as long as they are healthy) or an aversion to foods you may have enjoyed previously, like meat – this is common and may even safeguard you and Baby. If you have an inexplicable need to constantly suck or chew ice, it’s probably because you feel much hotter in pregnancy and is nothing to worry about.

Cravings you should worry about

The craving to lick, taste or eat