Zarda: The Journey Begins

Oregon

My name is Zarda…..My name is Zarda…..My name is Zarda…..

Having hardly slept, my eyes flutter open, and I slowly rise from my warm childhood bed to greet the rosy dawn.

This is a good day to be reborn as a strong female and begin my foretold journey into womanhood. This is a good day to face the unknown.

Today is the final day of my Woman Rites. For Nineteen life years I have followed the tradition of the Goddess Nede, my family and the Temple preparing for my woman’s journey. Each new life year since I was nine, Morrigan, our Priestess, had given me a task to learn, practice and share at the Temple. First I helped the Temple teachers with the young ones. Then Morrigan took me into the woods and fields to recognize and gather herbs and wild plants used for healing. I have become an above average horsewoman, become proficient with the bow, sword, and hand to hand combat under the tutelage of my father King Hector. In the Temple kitchen, I worked long days preparing nourishing meals. Morrigan instructed me in prayer rituals, winemaking, dress, bathing, housekeeping, fire, and sacred sex. My favorite, though was being trained as a Temple dancer. What joy there is in rhythmic movement. These last two moons I have fasted, chanted, meditated, danced, and found my silent times. I feel clear, strong, and full of the Goddess spirit. This is the culmination of my life’s preparation under Morrigan, my teacher, Rhiannon, my mother, and my father, Hector. Soon my journey toward womanhood will begin. I will travel beyond these familiar walls. As the only daughter of Rhiannon and Hector, my education for this Woman Journey has been carefully planned since the Day of my Birth.

How blessed am I to have such a loving family…This is a good day to be reborn, I mutter, as if trying to convince myself. Slipping into a simple blue dress, I throw my arms out wide and lift my face to the rising sun. I sing, This is a good day to begin my journey toward womanhood! Suddenly anxious, I whisper, "and step through the Iron Gate into the unknown…. alone.".

Never again will I walk the blessed halls of our marble Temple, or ride through the woods to the sea, or lie among the wildflowers in the fields. I have never been alone. With my large natural and extended family, I have always felt safe and loved,

How blessed am I, I whisper, even though my eyes burn with tears.

I was chosen by the Goddess. My mother, Rhiannon, was visited by a messenger who imbued the Goddess spirit into her womb. However, mother fell very ill soon after the visit, and even the healing powers of her sister, Morrigan, were tested in that period. Frustrated and grieving, Morrigan had taken Rhiannon to the ocean and perched on the rocks with her sister’s burning body in her arms. Morrigan cried to the birds and fish and the floating weed to take the illness from her sister. Morrigan had tended the sacred fire, chanted, fed her numerous healing potions, and finally sponged cool sea water over Rhiannon until her skin was encrusted with the salt-minerals, but to no avail.

After three suns and three moons, Morrigan slept from exhaustion, still holding Rhiannon on her lap. She awoke on the third dawn to see that the tide had crept in and all of Rhiannon’s body was covered with white sea foam. Afraid that she was drowned, Morrigan carefully brushed the foam away from Rhiannon’s nose and mouth. She bent to kiss her and the eyelids moved.

Soon my mother’s eyes fluttered open and she whispered, Her name is Zarda and she is to be a woman among women. The Goddess has spoken.

I hold this story of my beginning in my heart, especially when we go to the sea. I would cover myself with sea-foam and give thanks to the Goddess for life.

Folding my single blanket, I fluffed the straw mattress on my simple wooden bed, and think back to the previous evening’s Tim of Questioning in the Temple. It was my last initiation test. I can hear Morrigan’s words.

Who are you? asked Morrigan.

I am Zarda, daughter of Rhiannon and Hector, student of Morrigan, chosen of Arduina.

What is your purpose?

To seek the truth and heal.

How will you do this?

I will take a journey.

Where will you go?

Through the iron gates of Nede, into the dark woods and beyond.

Who will lead you?

Arduina will lead me.

What is the message of this Temple that you will carry on your journey?

Love all who cross your path.

Why do you undertake this journey?

It is the will of Arduina. It is my purpose.

Wherein lies your strength?

My strength lies within.

What will you take upon this journey.

My truth.

What is truth?

Love is the truth.

What is love?

Oneness with all.

Who can take away your love?

No one. Love is.

Are you ready for your Day of Woman?

I am.

I felt sure of the answers. I would speak true today before the village and my family as I declare my womanhood. However, there is a niggling worry in my heart that says beware.

Opening the door of my sleeping room, I pick up the ewer of water and the plate of bread and cheese and put them all on the table. I drink the clear water and eat some bread and cheese. Then, placing my Temple Rug upon the stone floor, I begin my morning meditation.

In my body I feel the cool stones and welcome their responsiveness to my sitting upon them. The birds sing in tribute to the joyful awakening of another life day. Thank you, birds for your joyful song. Sun flows through the small patterns window and I revel in the warmth on my skin. Thank you, Father Sun, for your gift. Soon my inner self appears in sea-foam form, spraying upon the cliffs of the sea.

Zarda, Zarda.

Slowly I become aware of someone touching my shoulder. I leave the frothy sea-foam for the solid world of my stone room.

Zarda, Priestess Morrigan awaits you at the Pool for your final purification, speaks Ailedil.

Ailedil and I have played together all our lives. She is like my sister and I have insisted that she attend me during all these ritual days. Ailedil sleeps in an adjoining room. We have chanted, walked in silence, and meditated together. She will take my place in the Temple and assist Morrigan in her teaching.

We walk arm in arm to the Pure Pool of Love. Our height and form, strong stride and uplifted heads make up appear a mirror image of the other. We are truly sisters in spirit, if not in blood.

Morrigan stands at the far end of the circular pool, her magnificent form aglow in the sunlight. She wears only a light transparent morning gown and her femaleness is indeed enhanced.

I walk directly to my teacher and am enfolded in her arms and kissed tenderly upon my forehead.

This is your day, Zarda, Our poets will sing of it for many turns of our beloved sphere.

Removing my gown, I walk slowly down the colored tile steps into the steaming water. Soon I am standing in the center of the Pure Pool of Love.

Morrigan sits on the steps to the north. Ailedil to the south.

Zarda, who is woman among women, cleanse your body as you have cleansed your soul so that you may receive your womanhood in the pureness of love.

As Morrigan speaks, Ailedil brings lavender perfumed soap and a dried sea sponge. I take them and stroke each part of my body carefully then sink to the bottom of the pool. Upon arising from the water, Ailedil pours liquid lavender soap into my hair and helps me rub it into foam and once again I go under the water. When I reappear Ailedil guides me up the steps. Morrigan wraps me in large absorbent sheets and we move to the sun lounge to dry and relax.

When my hair is dry and combed I hear the sound of the flute in the Temple. My favorite melody! Jumping from the couch, I pull Morrigan and Ailedil to their feet, and begin skipping around and about. Morrigan smiles. Ailedil joins me in dancing up the Temple path.

Applause from the Temple dancers greets us as we enter the Dance Arena. Quickly joining hands with the nearest dancer we begin the intricate series of steps I have been performing since I could walk. What joy is felt in this Dance of Life today!

Once the seven sections of the dance are finished, I go the well to draw drinking water. I drink from the common silver cup, offer some to Ailedil, then splash water on my childhood friend. We both laugh like sweet little girls.

Morrigan interrupts the water play with a tray of sweet bread and fruit. By the time you finish eating, the oil will be the right temperature for your massage.

* * *

Relaxed, rested, and again dressed in my simple blue shift, I walk to the Garden House for my last meeting with my mother and Morrigan. All of my life I have been preparing. Soon I will leave on my journey. As I enter the House I remember other times in this place. It is a space to come and dream according to my mother. I like to sit quietly in the late hours of the day and let my mind travel she had said.

I have done that many times, spirit traveling to exotic lands. Morrigan liked to tell stories here, and I always looked forward to the part where she would let me invent a new plot, or a special ending.

Good Woman’s Day, dear daughter, speaks my mother as she draws me into a close embrace. I will always remember the timbre of her voice as I lay my head upon her breast.

Mother moves three chairs together, her rose gown swishing a soft song on the inlaid dark wooden floor. Morrigan places one white candle on a small table in the center.

Zarda, daughter of Rhiannon and Hector, student of Morrigan, chosen of Arduina, what do you ask upon this Day of Woman? Morrigan whispers so her breath will not disturb the candle flame.

Morrigan, my teacher. Rhiannon, my mother. Arduina, my guide…I ask to be a woman among women.

Are you ready for the trials of this journey?

Yes, my mother, I am.

Are you ready for the isolation of the journey?

"Arduina will never let me to be isolated. My inner love will shine like a star to light my way.

Do you want to heal others?

I will heal as I have been taught.

I, Morrigan, Priestess of the Temple of Nede, hereby declare Zarda ready for the Cloak of Arduina and the Staff of Woman.

I, Rhiannon, Mother of Zarda, wife to Hector, and sister to Morrigan, give to Zarda this rose quartz crystal, the living symbol of love. Mother rises and places the small pink crystal, hung on a delicate silver chain, on my breast.

Morrigan places the feathered cloak of Arduina upon my shoulders. I collected every feather on this cape during my life years, and it has been woven expertly by a woman in the village of Nede. A maple staff she places in my hand, and places a kiss on my forehead. This wooden branch I had found on my first solo forest walk. It has been smoothed over the years by my father, and painted with Temple symbols by Morrigan. A true personal treasure.

Mother also kisses me on the forehead and, together, the sisters say, It is done. Walk Zarda, woman among women. Begin your journey.

We stride side by side through the Garden of Blessings to the Temple Gathering Place, and to the waiting crowd of Temple maidens, extended family, and villagers. As we step upon the stone platform happy cheers erupt, but are silenced by me as I hold up my staff. Lighting the Sacred Fire, I speak in my most commanding voice. It is done. I, Zarda, am woman among women, and start my Life Journey tomorrow!

With that declaration, a chant of "Zarda, Zarda, Zarda…. goes up, music begins and I find myself toasting my father with a silver goblet filled with our best red wine.

* * *

What a day! I am excited and exhausted, and shaky. I may have drunk a tad too much of our best red wine. It is no matter. Do I have all my things packed? I must check. Staff against the wall. Yes. Pouch with necessary herbs and medications from Morrigan and my mother is on the table. Yes. Feather cape hanging on a hook. Yes. Water bottle on the table. Yes. Handmade natural leather boots from my father stand near the door. Yes. Pack that I made with the help of my father sitting on the chair. Yes. In the pack are three outfits. One long dress of soft chamois decorated with wooden and glass beads. I spent many moons working on this. A long skirt and blouse woven and sewn by the Temple maidens in a variety of lavender hues. Yes. Perfect for dancing. A simple short cotton tunic and short pants for walking. Yes. I love how the fabric used in making each piece is so comfortable and beautiful.

Everything is here.

I take off my celebration clothes and my sandals. Folding them carefully I put them on the table, then slip into my sleeping gown. Walking outside, I gaze toward the moon, full in the sky. Dear Arduina, this is my last night in my blessed home. I thank you for your love. May I share that love on my woman’s journey. Please stay with me, I whisper, knowing that Arduina will always be there. Walking inside to my bed, I lay down to sleep. Closing my eyes, I try to slow my breathing so sleep will come. I try and try. Finally, I open my eyes. I am too anxious. I must go to the Temple and ask for continued strength on my journey.

Getting out of bed, I slip my feet into my sandals and quickly open the door to walk to the Temple. Once there I go to Morrigan’s sleeping room and knock. Come in, I hear and softly open the door.

Pardon me, Morrigan. May I speak with you?

Of course, Zarda. Could you not sleep?

No, I am too excited and anxious.

Sit here with me, Zarda, and tell me what troubles you.

You, my mother and father, and all the Temple Maidens have taught me well since I was born. I feel I have listened and learned, but suddenly in bed tonight I seemed to have lost all knowledge. I am afraid to leave this home and go on this journey into the unknown, I whisper, feeling as a small girl again.

Morrigan looks at me and sees tears forming in my eyes. She pulls me to her breast and puts her arms around me. This is natural, my sweet girl. You are stepping beyond the bounds of your comfort. Up until now, we have led you along a path. Now you go where there is no path, and you will make your own trail. You will use the lessons taught here when the time is right. You will meet each challenge with love, for that is the truth. The Goddess Arduina will be with you each moment. To become a woman among women is your destiny. Know that my arms hold you now and forever. Morrigan continues to hold me until she feels my breathing slow to its normal rhythm. Then she pulls back, kisses me on the head and stands me on my feet. Taking my hand, we walk to the door. Open the door, Zarda. This is the first step on your journey.

I kiss Morrigan on the cheek and walk through the door. My feet take me to my mother’s door. I knock.

Come in, speaks my mother, Rhiannon.

I open the familiar carved wooden door and walk in.

Sitting in a chair by the small table, mother says, I have been expecting you, my wonderful daughter. Holding out her hand to bid me come, she continues, Sit next to me in this other chair and tell me what is troubling you. You have been to see Morrigan, correct?

Yes, mother. I fear that I will lose all the knowledge I have been taught and will dishonor you, my father, Morrigan, the Temple, and Arduina. It feels overwhelming to step beyond the gates of home into the unknown.

Mother takes my hand in hers and speaks, The only thing that is ultimately real about your journey is the step you are taking at this moment. Each step will lead you where there is no path. Each step is a new step on your woman’s journey. That is all there ever is. Tears well in my eyes. Mother moves to the rocking chair my father had made for her when I was born. Please come and sit on my lap, my loving daughter, and we will rock, as we did when you were small.

Wiping my tears, I move to my mother’s lap. I am larger than when I was four life years, mother. We both laugh. Then mother rocks, hoping to rock away all my fears.

* * *

I had slept little when I hear Saranyu’s first footstep through the door. Leaping up and standing on the bed, I greet her. Good morning! What brings you to the woman among women’s rooms so early in the morning? Or be it night and mine eyes have chosen the wrong name for one of my several aunts?

Your father, Hector, would have a few last words with you. He will meet you near the gate. Go quickly, replies Saranyu as she walks to the balcony to have her tea and wait for the sun to finish its ascent out of the hills.

What a fine day this is. I have earned my woman’s place and go forth into the world to establish myself. Surely I AM the most blessed of all women. My journey will be as exciting as any of the teller’s stories. My journey will take me to unknown lands. My journey will be enchanted.

I fondle the family gifts laying on the carved wooden trunk near my bed. The very same trunk that my father made for my twelfth life year celebration. Mother had handed me this soft leather pouch at the Woman among Women’s celebration. It contains items I will need to heal and protect. Morrigan gave me this carved box of delicate glass vials, filled with multicolored seeds, and powders. My loving father had presented me the soft natural woman’s boots, made by himself, to keep me connected to the earth. Picking up Mother’s gift pouch, I remember her serious words.

My daughter, this pouch contains things you will need on your journey. Use these gifts well and they will serve you for many life years. Your beauty and strength and love will bring you wisdom. Remember what you have been taught and return to us when your journey is done.

She had held me close and I had tasted the salt of her tears as we embraced in the Temple hall. As I had passed the glowing embers of the sacred fire last night, its flame seemed to wave good-bye. I had dipped my left hand into the sweet bowl of Goddess perfume and my nostrils had been filled with the sweet scent of herbs and flowers carefully prepared by Morrigan and Idun. The time of childhood was over. The time of woman was beginning.

* * *

I see Hector sitting in his favorite leather chair near the fire in the stone Gate House. He nervously drums his fingers on the wooden chair arms until one of the many cats jumps onto his ample belly and starts to make a nest.

Down with you Nephele. Go find your mistress and tell her to hurry here before I….

He is interrupted by my appearance -—the object of his impatience. I pause in the door, waiting for an invitation to enter, as befits the daughter of the King.

Hector is struck again by Zarda’s beauty and the grace of her movements as she walks toward him, her feather robe rustling with each step. At birth, her thick hair and strong voice had told him this one was indeed different. At the Temple School, Rhiannon and Morrigan, and Idun talked of no one else. Bright, eager, sensitive, and strong in all areas of study told them that Zarda indeed had been chosen for the Journey. Now the time was here. Now was the beginning. With each step Zarda grows from baby to child to youth to woman. Her figure is Woman, and Hector is proud and sad. Proud to have helped bring such a special daughter into his world. Sad to see her leave his world, even though he knows she has been trained for this Journey all her life.

Father Hector, you called me? Saranyu came to my room with the first rays of the sun, as is her habit.

Yes, my daughter, let me walk you down the path to the Gate. I could not let you cross into the outer world alone. My heart will be empty without your bright and shining smile.

Father, may I ask you a question?

Of course, sweetness. What would you want to know?

Last night I spoke with Morrigan and mother about my fears of leaving this, my home, for an unknown journey. Will I remember my lessons when needed? Will I follow the path of truth and love? I am anxious and worried…

Hector looks at his lovely, strong daughter, and sees the tension in her body, and the tears on her cheeks. Let us walk into the sun.

Hector tosses a sheepskin robe over his shoulders against the morning chill and rises to his full height. Putting his long arm around Zarda’s shoulders, they turn and walk through the open door to the garden. As they walk through the iris and roses and blossoming trees, their breathing regulates itself to their steps and their moods.

Dear beloved Zarda, you are strong so you can be gentle. Educated so you can be humble. Fierce so you can be compassionate. Passionate so you can be rational. Disciplined so you can be free. Remember that being brave is less about being not afraid, but going forward in spite of the fear.

The Iron Gate appears suddenly and we both stop, knowing this is the end of the beginning.

My daughter, my joy, know you are loved. In your journey love all that cross your path. The Crown of Woman, which you have earned, suits you better than any other. Use your gifts for enlightenment and growth. You have within you more love than you could ever understand. I hear Ama ringing the bell of the day. You must leave. Walk in beauty.

We embrace. Hector’s strong arms crush my body to his chest. I can feel his whiskers on my face and smell the musky odor of his maleness. Something wet touches my forehead. I look up suddenly to see my father silently crying. He slowly releases his hold on me, presses two fingers to his lips, and touches my forehead with the same two fingers, spreading the salty tears across my brow. As he turns to leave, the ancient gates begin to creak and groan in their opening.

This is the day for which I was born, but I am torn. Lifting my sack to my shoulder, I pick up my staff I had dropped and stride through the Iron Gate, without looking back.

The heavy iron gate clanks shut, the echo ringing through the empty courtyard as I feel coldness grip my heart for the first time. The Journey has begun.

Walking on, I resist the urge to look back. The sun, the excitement and the physical exertion finally take their toll and I trip over the small root of a tree that has emerged into the narrow foot path. As I fall, I furtively look behind, but the sun’s glare prevents me from seeing the familiar gates of home.

Lying on the ground, I recite the chant of initiates and wait for an answer.

"Wheel, wheel spinning, spinning; Wizard, wizard grinning, grinning; What will be my future fate? What lies for me beyond the gate?

Wheel, wheel spinning, spinning; Wizard, wizard grinning, grinning; What will be my future fate? What lies for me beyond the gate?"

The rumble in my belly reminds me that I have not eaten. Wanting to remedy that, I shift my body to lean against the trunk of a large tree. My eyes are attracted to the exposed root that caused my fall and I gently stroke the top of the root and then the top of my head where the blood is still drying. The sun is full upon my face. The warmth is soothing and friendly to my body.

Then I remember the spinning wheel and a fragment returns to me from a dream. Your task is died within the yarrow. What does it mean?

My task is to accept all in love. I have barely started and I am feeling nervous and fearful. What would happen if I chose to turn around and return home?

Oh Morrigan,’ I say out loud. I need your earthly counsel. What have you told me about yarrow? It is an herb. A perennial. It makes beautiful flower arrangements. It is hardy and has a beautiful golden color, like the sun. That does not give me much information. Oh, my head is aching and my stomach empty. A drink of water, some bread and cheese from my pouch may help."

Opening my pack, I select my repast, and take a long drink from my leather water bottle. Then I pour some of the water on the top of my head, take a cloth from my pack, and dab the water and the blood from my hair. I rest beneath the oaks shade, enjoying the subtle taste of the cheese and the hearty texture of Idun’s bread.

My mind reviews happy events from the Temple and my home. Thoughts of my loving family, the warmth of the Temple fire, the Pool of Love, and Hector’s spring garden in riotous bloom brings a smile to my face. The Goddess is within me. I love her fiercely.

Finally, refreshed and feeling cooler and stronger, I pick up my pack and staff, then move out of the tree’s shade and cross the open meadow. A wisp of smoke can be seen in the distance.

Perhaps there would be soup and a bed and friendly people if I follow the smoke.

As I walk through the grass, an old melody comes to mind and I begin to hum the tune. My step changes and I notice the sparrows and the robins, the hawks and the crickets. My head is clear and the world once again looks magical and inviting. As I clear the grassy meadow and step upon a well-used path, my step becomes a hop and then a step-hop and then a skip! The improvised humming echoes my joy of movement and love of life. I continue skipping down the path until the incline is too steep for the rhythm and, laughing childishly, I jump to a halt.

Out of breath and sweating, I sit on a rock and rest and take a drink. Through the still evening air, I hear the sound of flute and drum and, looking hard, the flash of a ribbon or flag. The smell of the smoke is stronger and, quickly putting my water bottle away, I pick up my staff and purposefully walk toward the irresistible sound of music.

The evening star is visible and the sun setting when I enter the outskirts of the village. Every hut, no matter how small, has feathers attached to the door and ribbons flying from the roof. No people are around, yet every door stands open and the inside of each looks clean and cheery and inviting. Tired though my body feels, I am merry and want to join the celebration. It feels as if they are welcoming me…. on this…. the first day of my journey.

As I come closer to the village center the sounds of music and laughter are louder and the mixed smell of smoke and food assaults my nostrils, making my empty stomach churn again.

No meat today comes loud and clear through my mind, which is now filled with bells, and drums, and songs, and laughter. I hear Morrigan’s advice, but put it aside and enter the central area. Immediately I am surrounded by well-wishers who put a flower wreath upon my head and a cup of wine in my hand. Flowers are everywhere; especially golden yarrow. The scent of poppies and daphne mingle with the perfume of the women and the wine. Before I can sip the wine, two women up and propose a toast to me in the name of Amaat, the Goddess of Truth that comes from the Sun on Wings of Gold. I drink with the women and, when we have all put down our cups I find mine empty. A roving wine bearer fills it quickly and, arm in arm, I am taken by the women toward a large house bedecked with flowers and ribbons and feathers of many colors. Inside is a large pool. The women disrobe and invite me to enter the water and bathe with them. Eager to shed the dust