Walking Behind Schizophrenic Eyes

review.

Dedication

To my mom and dad; thank you for your love and support.

I love you; I love you; and my mental health recovery would not have been possible without your guidance and support.

Author

Acknowledgment

I would like to thank the RCMP and nursing staff and doctors at the Alberta Hospital Ponoka; Alberta Canada for treating me with dignity and respect.

Preface

Thank you for giving me this honor to create and share information designed to help all of us understand more about schizophrenia.

Those suffering from schizophrenia see the world in a different way, although they may share with others the same feelings, thoughts, and reactions to the world around them. It is their interpretation of those feelings, thoughts, and reactions and communicating with others that can make life a challenge for them, complicating their relationships with those around them in unimaginable ways.

Perry paints a picture of how schizophrenia can destroy one’s life and family.

Perry wished his family could have read the information compiled in the e-book Walking Behind Schizophrenic Eyes when he first experienced schizophrenic symptoms he did not understand.

Perry originally started writing his story to fight his mental disability into an e-book to help understand more about how or why the schizophrenia condition he faces entered his life.

Perry is a fighter like you; he is in search of safe ways to improve his mental health or gain more understanding about the sickness schizophrenia. However not from a medical doctors prospective; but a patients prospective on what they see and how they think when fighting the various mental illness conditions that help create schizophrenia.

During his struggle Perry has been able to write out what he can see in his mind; as he faces the mental sickness of schizophrenia attacking his brain; and how this war in his mind changed when he was given a chemical injection designed to restructure his brain.

In this true story his goal is to keep his mind active and create mental habits he describes and shares with the reader; that can add insight and knowledge; that may help guide us all through the murky environment of gaining insight and a partial understanding of schizophrenia insanity.

Schizophrenia can involve persistent and upsetting thoughts in the mind (obsessions) dysfunctional compulsive behavior patterns that take the form of rituals used in part to control anxiety; provoked in part by the core behavior patterns taken by the actions of the person fighting schizophrenia.

The video Perry created on himself and the e-book Perry has written may help people doing research in schizophrenia; and may also lead them to many new discoveries. Discoveries that point in the direction that schizophrenia are a combination of many psychological disorders interconnected in a sickness that shape the world of the person suffering from schizophrenia.

When Perry was first diagnosed with schizophrenia he searched for reading material that he could understand. Information that explained his mental illness; however most of the information and research he gathered was written by brilliant doctors; however beyond his comprehension.

Perry felt lost with the belief that no person he encountered could explain what a patient is suffering from when fighting schizophrenia; or how that person may think about their reality deep inside of my mind; or how their life could unravel inside the brain right before their eyes.

Living as a mental health patient; Perry wanted to find answers and a clear understanding of what is happening to his thought process running deep within his brain; and share his research findings using a funny, sad and compelling story with interested readers like you.

As Perry pioneered through his mind for answers he kept records to share with himself through reflection; revealed in the e-book Walking Behind Schizophrenic Eyes. Perry succeeds at tracing back his life on paper and shares his experiences and thoughts portrayed in an interesting, provocative story shared with the reader.

Perry kept track of most of his changing mental habits patterns as he faced; the challenges of fighting schizophrenia in his life; as described and written in this e-book.

Many brilliant doctors have written books on the subject of schizophrenia; and yet not many books have been written from the patient’s perspective; so I sincerely believe Perry has an interesting story to tell; full of first-hand research and ideas to share with the reader.

Perry presents the information in a clear story; written in an uncomplicated straightforward fashion without the need for a dictionary to help the reader understand the schizophrenic disorder he faced.

In order to understand the schizophrenia; you first must understand the person. In the story to come you will accumulate detail information that helps you acquire a bird’s eye view of how a person like Perry thinks suffering from schizophrenia.

As schizophrenia wraps around his brain; read his explanation for reasons why his new behavior triggered by his habits and thought patterns change his life; and how this change in the formulation of ideas shaped his behavior.

Understanding some of the habits patterns associated in this documented case study of a person suffering from schizophrenia; this literature may even give the family member’s reader’s better insight into the schizophrenia mental illness.

This information may also provide a glimpse of an inside look from a safe distance; on how the schizophrenic patient can feel when these mental illness condition changes occur inside their brain; naturally making changes their life.

In this e-book Perry has done his best to help explain how people can create mental habits that create insanity; and how the outcomes of these new mental habits created; will end up recreating a schizophrenic person’s behavior patterns that shape their world.

Please remember the research in this e-book is useless unless it is experienced first-hand.

Your happiness is possible when you make the conscious choice to be happy; and shift your world in a fashion that naturally increases your level of happiness stimulating the positive attitude and creativity that shape the outcome of your life.

Our brains are like a single processor computer. Each of our brain only has a limited number of resources to experience the world. So in psychology science; happiness is a choice about how we consciously or unconsciously choose to devote those finite resources we have in life.

Do you scan the world to fill your brain with all the weaknesses you have; and the problems; the errors; the stresses you have in your life? The result of that behavior pattern is to have no brain left over for seeing the other positive ways we can be grateful for the present moment; the meaning embedded in our lives; and the work you do on a daily basis to empower that life through the ways of transforming this present reality into the forms of a more successful life.

It is not necessarily the reality situation circumstance that shapes us; but the lenses in which we view the world that shaped our experience of reality. If we can change the lenses in which your brain viewed the world; through education and reflection; not only can we create the positive type of leadership; we can raise our health outcomes and ripple this effect out to people around us.

Success is not where you are; it is how far you have come since the day you started.

All of the events in this story are true and based on experienced events that happened; and only the poetry is based on fiction.

CHAPTER ONE

THE HOSPITAL

Doctor Lector; I have given the patient his medication; and he is back typing out his life story and writing poetry on the computer in the hospital library.

The video production department has finished his video file; and when you have the time please click on the link below and watch the patient video file.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_DnOC8ZPMOA&feature=youtu.be

Poetry

Insanities Companions’

Deep in my mind; can you see them too?

I start to laugh; I see my crazy crew

Voices or images that come and go

My insanity grows with the more I know

Many voices different from the other

One loves me acting like my mother

While others are nasty at times

Making me agree to horrible crimes

I am locked away

Watching my mind decay

Insanity rotting my brain day-by-day

Desire to create happiness drifted away

A mind trained to remember my past

A habit formed can last-and -last

I remember being healthy and free

I feel sorry for myself thinking of me

I sit alone paying for my crime

A criminal mind most of the time

Relentless voices never stop talking to me

Harassing me with images I can see

Tell me where to go; who I should see

Listen to words promising to help me

I never speak to people I see on the street

Lost in my mind I plan my retreat

Feeling uncomfortable when I walk

Feeling angry or frustrated when I talk

I scream stop talking to me

Fighting voices in my mind I can see

Sexy whispers in my ear

Anger into frustration becomes clear

I can have any woman I see?

I stalk dark streets hunting free

I crave sex to vent my rage

Voices tell me about a war we wage

Darkness of the night I prowl into the light

Looking for the girl to complete my night

Ritual voices become my habit

I hunt the girl like a white rabbit

I scream out-loud into the night

Sexual anger fuel an elixir just right

A dark knight screaming to feel right

Angry wild man howling in the moonlight

People I meet run away scared

Wild eyes run away unprepared

Chasing random people looking scared

Power to control stalking the unprepared

Yelling I chase them down the street

Voices cheer me on fight the stranger I meet

Fear cast into my eyes

I carry a butcher knife screaming lies

I hunt the ones I chase

With a red painted face

My screaming face

Creating fear my victim’s embrace

A powerful one haunting the night

The dark skies I chase when I fight

Chase a woman falling down a set of stairs

Hover over her body; a voice yells who cares

Voices whisper smell her skin

Scents of perfume fuel my desire to sin

Voices yell I hunted her down

A man looked on with a frown

I want to run then hide

Is she alive or has she died

I feel trapped afraid to talk

He dialed his cellphone; began to walk

I try to run but voices tell me to play

You caught her have your day

Wonder if she is dead

I carefully hold her head

Lifeless body on the ground

Voices tell me take what you found

Two men in uniform run down the stairs

My voices tell me who cares

One pulls a gun I drop my knife

Is this a girlfriend or your wife?

Sweat covers my face seeping through paint

She fell down the stairs; she felt faint

He picked up my knife; I am under arrest

Voices telling me to spit on the woman’s chest

Obeying the habits in my mind will grow

Police tell me I am the criminal they know

They have been looking for a man like me

I no longer scare innocent people walking free

Those we deem insane diagnosed by our health professionals are merely those who have gotten caught in a loop of negative emotions; programs and habits of thought that from which they are unable to extricate themselves on any type of consistent basis.

LIVING ON THE RUN UNDERCOVER

Twenty years of smoking marijuana and cigarettes nonstop have come and gone.

My lungs feel crippled; and through fear of getting cancer I am forced into making a choice to quit cigarettes or marijuana. Guess which drug won on the mental battlefield deep inside my brain.

When my eyes opened I am living on Siesta Key in Florida.

I could feel my brown cat curled up sleeping by my side. Every night this month; I have slept on the floor in my bedroom. I do this because I will hear the footsteps outside of my window if someone tries to sneak up on me.

The 911 tragedy has just occurred and my business instantly capsized leaving my finances in shambles. The entire USA economy is frozen.

The government politicians have gone on national television asking the population to help the government fight terrorism. After watching the newscast repeated every day I feel stress compounding in my mind; I decide to stand up and help the country I love; I have decided to join the politician’s in the fight against terrorism.

Every day I watch the television and I see the Trade Towers explode in the sky and fall; I have become psychologically fixated on the disaster.

I feel brain washed by the media presentations; and my mind is overflowing in ideas to help the government fight terrorism. Every day you hear about more people that have died or been crippled in the 911 tragedy; and how the USA is going into a war on terror; this visualization created deep inside my mind prompts me to act.

For two weeks I have watched television nonstop; every time I get a security anti-terrorism idea I fax the written note to the governors’ state office attention Jeb Bush. I keep watching television to see if there is any change after I send the government my ideas; and sure enough the government is acting on my recommendations anonymously faxed to them.

Five more weeks pass and my brain is fixated and riveted to the disaster unfolding on television.

The war on terror I am watching unfold on television will kill over a million people by the time the USA war operations are completed.

Unfortunately I neglect to spend valuable marketing my business and my investor’s interests; and my business opportunity start to crash and burn; along with my opportunity to reside in Florida; I am out of money and financial backers.

I have one more week in Florida; forced to leave the state in order to survive. I love living in Florida.

The stress of losing my business combined with the visualization of the 911 attacks on television combined with an understanding of the war on terror; creates stress in my life; and today I hear security people voices in my head that have challenge my mind; I think I am snapping more each day.

This stress is further fueled by the fact; I do not want to leave Florida or the woman I planned to make my wife. I told my investors I never will give up; I tell myself I will keep fighting to pay them back every penny they invested in my operation; until I am killed or go insane.

I feel like the politicians I faxed have me under constant surveillance; and I am running away from the government’s’ spy agency constant surveillance program and voices that have penetrated my skull.

I am an illegal alien living in the USA.

I have not left Florida for two years; and I know I will be deported if the USA government figures this out. Every day I feel like the government and my anti-terrorism work is swallowing up another piece of my brain and life.

Somehow I have to stay alive and save what is left of me.

I am packing everything I own into boxes that magically appear on the street in front of my house. The government software voice speaking in my head has led me to believe; I will be given a golden handshake and paid one million dollars for my intelligence and time working with the government.

The many voices in my brain; I hear talking to me through the turned off television told me; when I am finished my belongings were going to be put into a museum right beside Winston Churchill’s display.

The voices talking to me inside my head praised me over and over for all the battlefield war operations I designed; and anti-terrorism security ideas I created sent to the government.

The voices told me I am so important; the Presidents security team will be the only people that hear me in this private communications network; and the information is so classified; I should not write any information on paper and just speak out loud into the microphone implanted inside the television set in my room.

I am not sure if I can trust the government voices speaking to me deep inside of my mind. I know I have the family genetics to do this work; because at one time in his life my dad was trained in the military Special Forces in the Canadian army.

All week I have been moving my personal belongings over to my friends’ garage. I told Sean about my intelligence security work with the government; and then he looked at me with a funny look on his face.

I am not sure if Sean is involved with the government voices I hear in my head.

Sometimes I think the government has already paid Sean off to help control me; and I think the government has hired Sean to watch over me.

Every day I watch hours of intelligence reports sent through the television newscasts and then I speak out loud to the television for hours every day. I know the government has put a camera in the television I watch.

Every day in my house I go to work to empower the government. I want to prove to the government I am intelligent and a good worker.

Every day in my house I work on different classified security issues as I watch my television. Then the voices I hear inside my head have long conversations on the strategies we develop together to solve the crisis portrayed on television.

Through the television I told the government I am almost out of money; and I will need to get paid some money for my time.

I wonder if the government will pay me the million dollars the government voices in my head promised me.

I think the government is putting me through a test of pressure inside of my mind. I wonder if I am being groomed for the C.I.A.

The government is full of smart people; and I know they need covert spies like me to help them fight in the war on terror. I have caught the government leaders speaking on television making too many mistakes with the country security and the security of the President.

I know that with my comments today I have ticked off the director of the C.I.A. I told him that he could not guard his grandmother; let alone the President of the USA. I sent the message through my television to the director of the C.I.A; and the next day my mom and dad call to tell me my grandmother was dying.

On television I have saved thousands of lives with my propaganda mini movies created on my computer that is hooked up to the internet.

I create mind blowing movies filled with strategy and psychology that through the science of guilty by association the visualization can shift the directions of foreign policy and homeland security directly off of my home computer.

With my marketing ideas to rebound the collapse of the stock exchange in the USA; shifted in part by my ideas about Enron strategies; I have made the United States government millions of dollars in profit.

Most of my work involved sitting at home and merging different companies and ideas and psychology science strategies.

Creating new capital for companies through amalgamations and corporate takeovers became my specialty; with the new capital created more jobs were created and the stock market slowly recovered. This seamless covert operation created strategies that naturally created accomplishment; in the end made the President of the USA untouchable by any person who opposed his operations.

The investors and oil companies and weapons manufacturing companies made millions understanding my science; because they knew what stock to buy before the merger or war took place. Much like the people in charge understood what stocks to buy prior to the 911 attacks create by others in the world; long before I entered the picture.

Wall Street and Allan Greenspan loved the way I mixed and blended companies and science. During my work I watched the stock market soar. The DOW Jones industrial average went from sixty five hundred to ninety seven hundred.

My propaganda movies became the government’s worst headache; when I was not paid any money; I made copies of every propaganda movie I made. The copies of my work are my only link to the government; and I have hidden seven cd copies on the island where I live. Sometimes I secretly hide a cd when I am riding around on my bicycle.

When I wanted to hide a cd; I suddenly turn off the road into the bush and make it look like I am really looking at something. Some of my best research work empowering the Bush Administration is buried on Siesta Key in Florida.

A digital cd has a one hundred-year life span; and I am a hard guy to follow on a bicycle. In the past month I feel like I have turned into the perfect spy. I have never been caught hiding one of my cd copies.

Sean has agreed to help me buy a bus ticket to Texas. I am going to leave everything I own behind with Sean; and go to see my friend Sarge in Texas. Then I will ride a bus home to my mom and dad’s in Canada.

My last two days in Florida feel painful and are very hard on me. This morning I awoke to the sound of many big black vulture birds in the front yard. The birds sounded strange to me.

I stood up in my bed on the floor; and when I looked out the window I could tell the government was angry with me for leaving Florida in the middle of the Enron crisis.

I can see five big ugly black vultures tearing a small cat apart on the grass. The black birds are tearing different parts of the cat; the big birds are eating the cat alive.

I know the government is trying to psychologically torment me because they know I love cats.

The government is telling me my cat is next and they are the birds.

Besides I told the government people in my television; who would ever believe I was the one helping them solve the finacial crisis and security crisis after the 911 attack.

I felt the pain in my heart watching the cat’s submission to death in the yard; and I know I am walking down a similar path.

I am almost out of cash; I am still trying to work with the government. I am starting to realize how powerful the government is and every day I feel more afraid of the government.

My government code name is the Northern Alliance; and I have chosen this name because I am from the north and I create strategies to help the rebels in Afghanistan align while they fight the Taleban.

I find the maps of Afghanistan region on television very useful to see; and I am slowly getting used to how the Don Rumsfeld and the people in the government he controls.

I hold my cat every chance I get; and every time I do tears fall down my face. I have tears in my eyes when I ask my landlady if she will adopt my cat; when I have to leave; and then I start to cry while I am holding my cat. I am speaking to my landlady; Ginger is a nice lady and she agreed to be my cat’s new family.

I am going to miss my old brown cat.

I hold my cat often and I cry like a baby being pulled away from its mother. My cat has been my companion for two happy years on the island. I cuddled my cat every hour; and I think he knows that I am going crazy. He watches me talk out loud to the television when I talk to the voices trapped deep inside my mind.

I may be only one man; however I have a large footprint; and when I leave if others fail to fill my footprint properly Enron will fall.

I miss being held by Kathy; she is my girlfriend; and I hurt inside my heart every time I think of not being with Kathy. My heart feels like it is tortured internally by my brain breaking into a thousand pieces.

I try not to show my emotions because I do not want the government to get that much satisfaction. The government has tried to break me psychologically; and when I look at my reflection in the mirror I think they have succeeded.

My mind feels like a broken crystal glass thrown onto a grey concrete floor. I am afraid the government is going to build a legal case against me and brain farm me locked away in a dungeon.

I think the government will want to put me on trial for the Enron scandal if it falls. I know that the government is trying to frame me for a crime I did not physically touch to commit. I think framing me for a crime is the only way the government can hold me in Florida; unless they believe I am insane; and then who wants to be around crazy people.

The last ten weeks have been very hard on me; and I no longer want to listen to the voices in my head telling me to work longer hours for the government.

In the beginning I wanted be like Napoleon Hill in nineteen forties; when he lived in the basement of the White House. I have quietly trained myself for years waiting for the opportunity to recreate history emulating how Napoleon Hill advised the generals and President on how to invade countries and build economies; and in doing so personally help orchestrate control of huge parts of the world.

I want to leave the covert spy job behind me in Florida. I am sure the government led by a jealous Dick Cheney has replaced me with one of their own people like Mr. Rove.

Besides government agents did not smoke marijuana all the time like me. Like I spoke out loud many times; who would ever believe a pot head is helping the President run the USA?

I feel psychologically triggered by pressure of shadow running the country; deep inside my brain; and this massive pressure is constantly pushing me to the edge of my abilities in my brain.

I have to get out of Florida and away from the government covert manipulations. I am speaking to Sean and he agreed to pack some of my belongings into a storage locker when I leave Florida.

Sean tried to talk me into staying at his house; and I declined Sean’s invitation because I know the government has bugged Sean’s home. I am too afraid of the government C.I.A knock program that never pays cash for my services.

I hear the doorbell ring and I answer the door for Sean.

I look up and I can see Kathy has tracked me down; and when Kathy looked at me; she had love in her eyes.

I stepped outside of the house; and into Kathy’s open arms.

I have shot my mouth off too often pointing out the security failures of the country; and now my mind is at war with the military hawks and Secret Service and C.I.A knock program; and Dick Cheney’s special team of the NSA.

Suddenly I remembered all of the love that Kathy and I have shared together. Kathy’s familiar perfume smells so good to me.

I tell Kathy that this is my last night in Florida.

Kathy grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me. Kathy asked me; what is wrong with you; why are you leaving me?

I pulled Kathy closer into my arms as tears rolled down my face. I told Kathy that she would not understand; I could see Kathy is trying to be patient with me.

Kathy and I went for a walk around the block with heavy hearts; and tears rolling down