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Wake Up! Based on a true story of abuse and betrayal
Wake Up! Based on a true story of abuse and betrayal
Wake Up! Based on a true story of abuse and betrayal
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Wake Up! Based on a true story of abuse and betrayal

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I only knew two things when I married Grey Andrews: one, I was in love; and two, I wanted to rebel against my parents.  For the first time in my life -- REALLY rebel.  I, however, wasn't prepared for the onslaught of negativity and abuse I encountered. 

Grey would  make sure I knew where I stood, with him, and with everyone else.  He of course, was allowed to go and do whatever,wherever he pleased.  Even during the rare times I would stand up to him, he would be sure that I knew I was nothing.
"You?  What man in his right mind would want you?  You are the biggest bitch I've ever known.  Not to mention, you are damaged."  Grey said as he wheeled around with that all too familiar sneer.  The last thing I heard was - - "I only married you out of pity."

 I felt like I had been punched in the gut! Did he really mean that?  I loved him so much and thought if I loved him enough, he would change.  Would he realize how lucky he was to have a beautiful wife and son?  Only time would tell.

LanguageEnglish
Release dateMar 2, 2015
ISBN9781507032480
Wake Up! Based on a true story of abuse and betrayal
Author

Hunter Marshall

Hunter Marshall is a native of Idaho.   She was born three months too early with a disability and wasn't supposed to be able to walk, talk, see, hear or have any semblance of a normal life. Her mother however, believed she was more than a disability.  She made sure Hunter did everything she was capable of to reach her full potential.   Coming from a big family, it was either keep up or get left in the dust.   It was because her love of reading and writing that Hunter knew, even at an early age, she was destined to be a writer.   Hunter went on to graduate high school much to the awe and amazement of the doctors who told her parents she would never amount to anything, get married and have  children.  She then succeeded in getting a degree in Social Work. Her knowledge of Social Work and concern for issues facing mankind have assisted her in many aspects of her life including raising a family and writing this novel. It is her faith and belief in a loving Father in Heaven that is a driving force in coming to terms with her past and learning that, although difficulties may arise,  there are ways to "get through" the times that seem impossible.  

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    Wake Up! Based on a true story of abuse and betrayal - Hunter Marshall

    Prologue

    I am a woman. I am a survivor of domestic violence and adultery. My name. . . Quinn Daniels. Recently I had a friend ask me if I am healed from the trauma that not only I, but my son, Tyler endured throughout my marriage to Grey Andrews. If she means by healing, do I still sometimes wonder what it would feel like to throw Grey's computer, his cigarettes, and bottles of Smirnoff into the bed of his pickup and set the whole thing ablaze? Then yes, I'm healed. If she means do I still have nightmares, PTSD, Anxiety and Depression due to his actions then no, I am not.

    I can't believe it! People actually think by writing my feelings on paper regarding the horrific acts I endured at Grey's hand is enough to heal me. Is that because even friends, who think they know me, really don't? Or others who look at me and say, Wow! You are doing so much better. You're married to a wonderful man and have such a great little family?

    What people don't understand is healing is a life-long process. There's no poof I am miraculously going to get over what happened. Don't get me wrong being married a second time isn't any easier than the first. This time around, although there isn't any verbal or physical abuse, we are two people, coming from very different circumstances trying to figure out where we fit with each other, with the children, and whether we have what it takes to make a second marriage work. Why would it when the first ones didn't? Blending a family isn't the easiest thing in the world to conquer either.

    Having four rambunctiously different children, three boys and a girl, coming from different backgrounds and households, lends itself to some creative disciplinary tactics. There are days that I'm not the favorite of any of my children.

    Coming from divorce himself and learning about all Tyler and I had endured doesn't make this healing process particularly easy on my sweetheart either. It wasn't until we started counseling last year that even I began to realize healing is possible.

    Making our marriage work gets harder and harder as the years go by. I have been changing my overall outlook, and, in the process, have come to realize that I need emotional connection, especially to the one person who claims to love me. I need that security. I don't feel any emotional attachment from him and have been working for over a year with our counselor to help him get in touch with his emotions. It wasn't until he was called-out on it recently, that he realized he needs to Cowboy Up! I need to feel loved when he says he loves me. Or, when he gives me the look, I want to feel like a giddy school-girl. I want to know that he believes that I am an amazing, trustworthy, a drop-dead gorgeous woman and the children we have are the greatest blessings he could ever ask for. And, we all need to know that if push comes to shove, he wouldn't hesitate.

    1

    February 1998

    RJ and I have been together for three years. We became engaged my senior year of high school. Tonight, during our date he tells me he needs to date other girls to make sure I am the right one for him. I am now a heartbroken college sophomore, living less than ten minutes away from a man I had promised to spend the rest of forever with. Why has God done this to me? Why has he introduced me to such a good person, only to have him taken away with no warning? I want an eternal family and I struggle with the idea that RJ is not sure that is what he wants. Can't God let up a little and give me some mercy, some grace? I need a breather from RJ, God, and the whole plan so I decide to take matters into my own hands.

    April 1998

    For the next several weeks, I do not go anywhere; do anything, except school and homework. And even those hold no appeal for me. My best friend, Lindley has had enough. One night she calls me and tells me we are going out and there is nothing I can do to get out of it. We start off small, going to the bowling alley to play a few frames. Pretty soon, I find myself frequenting The Alley on a weekly basis. Rather than bowl though, Lindley and I both find the pool hall more inviting and, in no time at all, are awesome with a pool stick. It is because I start playing pool that some of the pain and rejection from RJ begins to ease. God works in mysterious ways because it is my new found love of pool that puts me into the direct path of a blonde-haired, blue-eyed, handsome cowboy named Grey Andrews.

    * * *

    Hey, sexy girl. What’re you doin'? Grey's eyes might pop out of his head if he stares any harder. He reeks of cigarette smoke and smells like a brewery mixed with Stetson cologne as well. I hate the smell of cigarette smoke, but combined with the cologne and alcohol it makes me want to gag. I am repulsed by him. I cannot believe he has the audacity to say something like that, especially since, last I heard, he was dating someone I knew from high school. What does it look like we’re doing?"

    Mind if I play with you?

    I have heard through the grapevine that Grey is not nice, but he seems okay to me. Doesn't hurt that he's cute either. Trying not to let the smell get to me, I agree to let him play. He is pretty good with the pool stick and teaches me a few tricks.

    Trying to keep up conversation, I ask, So, where's Kendyl?

    How do you know her?

    She went to high school with Lindley and me. Grey looks at Lindley like he is just noticing her.

    Well. We broke up.

    Oh? Why? I am curious now.

    She cheated on me.

    Oh. That sucks. I'm sorry.

    Oh well. Grey does not seem like he is hurt too bad over it. That's life.

    We continue to play regular Eight Ball, and then switch to Cutthroat as to include Lindley. She looks none too thrilled to have Grey hanging out with us, but I am enjoying his attention. As the night wears on though, Grey starts getting on my nerves as he gets cocky with every win. Every time he sinks a shot, he does the little victory dances like football players do when they make a touchdown. Can you say embarrassing? Not to mention, he keeps looking at me as if he wants to eat me for breakfast. He has an air about him that says I'm God's gift to women. Although he lavishes tons of attention on me, I am not sure if I like this side of him.

    We need to leave. Lindley says. I know she is right, but I am not sure how to make an escape without being rude. Finally though, I cannot stand Grey's stares or victory dances any longer. Trying to be nice, Grey, it's getting late and we really need to go.

    What? You have a curfew or somethin'?

    Yeah.

    "Oh. So you're one of the good little Mormon girls huh?"

    In an instant, Grey has gone from being nice, to degrading the very beliefs that keep me going. Beginning to hope that the rumors are wrong, I am angered by his comment and actions. What? You think you’re God’s gift to women, don't you? You’re not! You are an asshole! Saying nothing else, I storm out with Lindley laughing hysterically behind me.

    July 1998

    It is the middle of summer. Today, my younger sister, Reghan is getting married. She is only 18. Why is it that Reghan always gets the boys and all the firsts even though I'm older? I have spent my entire life comparing myself to her. Not only does she get to do everything first, but she is taller, skinnier, and prettier to boot. As my mom and I help her get ready in the brides room, feelings of inadequacy, jealously and the stark reality that I am at the bottom of the Daniels Family totem pole start to overtake me. I will the tears that threaten to stay at bay at least until the reception is over.

    Are you nervous? I am doing my best to be the big sister.

    Yeah. Kind of. Reghan can tell I am having a difficult time, but does not bring it up.

    I love you, you know.

    * * *

    It is really late by the time we get everything cleaned up from Reghan's wedding. I still haven't shed any tears, not wanting people to see me in such a mess. I am not a drinker, but I at this point, will do whatever I have to in order to numb the feelings that are consuming every fiber of my being. I know RJ's older brother, Brax has a friend that is old enough to buy alcohol. Trying not to second guess myself, I call Brax. Hey. It's been a while. I try to sound happy. I have not left the reception hall yet and figure this is a good way to get the booze without my parents' knowledge.

    Hey. Quinn. What's up? I could tell Brax is not alone.

    Yeah. I'm not so swift. My sister's wedding was today and I am so. . . I cannot finish my sentence. I do not want him to hear me cry.

    Hey. Are you ok?

    Fine. But, I wish I could just numb all these feelings that won't go away! Why am I not good enough for anyone?

    You know that's not true. Brax is trying to make me feel better, but the more and more he tries, the more and more I want to get plowed!

    Out of the blue, I ask, Can your friend get some wine coolers for me?

    Are you serious?

    Yes. I want to get so drunk that I don't feel crappy anymore! I tell him where to meet me. At The Alley, of course.

    I am actually excited about getting drunk. This must be what rebellion feels like.

    * * *

    The next morning, as I crack open one eye to the blinding sunlight; I remember what I had done the night before. It only took three wine coolers to give me a feeling of euphoria or buzz. I did not throw up like I'd heard about. There is no massive headache either. I remember Grey being at The Alley and I remember flirting. Flirting with him and liking the attention he lavished on me. I remember those blue eyes and the heavenly smell of Stetson that permeated around him.

    Getting drunk does not make me feel any better. I still feel like a nobody. I still feel like I will never find my one and only. At least I was able to forget for a little while. And, having a hot cowboy hanging on my every word did not hurt either.

    October 1998

    Deciding I do not want to be alone for the rest of my life and believing RJ is never coming back, I start dating. I like Scott a lot, but he smokes and drinks and does not have the same ideations regarding marriage and family that I do. Going to The Alley almost every weekend, we run into Grey a lot. Grey and Scott don't seem to like each other much and Grey does not hide the fact he wants me for himself. Making Scott jealous becomes a favorite pastime. I don't exactly hate that he takes my time away from Scott either.

    2

    February 1999

    Scott and I only last a few months. Out of the blue, he stops taking my phone calls and even hangs up on me when he does pick up the phone. I am not sure what has caused this, but have learned that I cannot stop living although I don't know what is going on.

    I begin a job as a bridal consultant, taking orders for wedding invitations, napkins, cake toppers and such. I love this job, but with it, and school I have little time for anything else. What little time I do have I spend at The Alley. Grey, Hank, Lindley and I spend a lot of our weekends together. I am not sure if he and Hank come because Grey knows I will be there or because he is just hoping I will be.

    The last weekend in February though, Grey throws me for a loop. He shows up at the bowling alley with a girl I have never seen before. When he sees me however, his face lights up. Hey you, He says.

    Hey yourself. Hey, Hank. Hank is talking to the girl, but I can tell by the way she possesses Grey’s hand she is with him not Hank. After a few minutes of chitchat, and noticing Grey is not going to introduce us. Hi. My name’s Quinn. This girl is nothing like other girls I have seen Grey with. She is not skinny, nor is she the drop dead gorgeous type either.

    Lynese. She says, batting her eyelashes. Then she says kind of drawly-like, I’m Grey’s girlfriend. I am completely surprised! He has a girlfriend and he hasn't told me?! Well, it’s nice to meet you. I try hiding the jealousy in my voice. Where had that come from? I do not want to analyze this. Instead, I ask Grey, So, where did you meet her? Lynese is talking with Hank and it really does not look like she cares what Grey is doing.

    At Renegade. A local dance club that a lot of the college students and younger crowds like to frequent.

    How long have you been dating?

    A few weeks. Why? You sound jealous. Grey looks like he is about to laugh.

    Not jealous. Just curious.

    Do you like her? Why he cares what I think is anyone's guess.

    "I guess. What are you smiling at? Don’t you think you should be spending time with her and not over here talking to me?

    Oh. She doesn’t care. It’s not that kind of relationship anyway. I just think it’s cute that you’re jealous . . . and you claim not to like me!

    * * *

    Within two weeks, Grey breaks up with Lynese and the next time I see him he gives me a hug that lifts me off the ground and a kiss on the cheek that says This has promise! I decide right then and there, that I need to clear things up with Scott. I call and leave a message: Scott, this is Quinn. I don't know what is wrong, but I DESERVE to know what is going on with us. Unless I hear from you by Friday night, I will assume we are done. I won’t do this anymore.

    On Friday night I do not want to go anywhere after work. As I walk in the door, the phone rings. Hello?

    Hey sexy. It's Grey.

    How did you get my number? Eye-roll.

    Hank. I’ve had it for a long time, but something told me that I needed to call you tonight. What are you doing?

    I am going to kill that little. . . I stop before I say something I might later regret.

    Whoa, slow down there. I begged and begged until he finally gave in. Don’t be too hard on him. He is only helping out a desperate friend. Thinking I have not heard his question (I am actually ignoring it) he asks again. What are you doin' tonight?

    Nothing.

    Aawww. I can almost hear the devilish grin on his face. Why don’t you come to the bowling alley with Hank and me?

    I just want to stay home tonight. Alone. Emphasis on alone. I huff and roll my eyes as Grey continues talking. I know I am not getting out of this one.

    I don’t think so. I'm coming to get you. he hangs up before I can object. Deciding he will probably be good on his word, especially when it was something he wants, I change my clothes and wait for Grey. I am completely shocked when Grey comes to the door for me. I am not surprised though that Hank is with him. Hank is always with Grey.

    Do you think Scott will show up? Grey asks as we walk to his truck. No answer. I am not prepared for what happens though. Grey, Hank and I are shooting pool when Scott’s friend Carter shows up. I have never seen him before, but apparently he knows who I am.

    Are you Quinn? His breath smells as if something died in his mouth. I can tell he smokes by the nicotine stains on his teeth as well.

    Yes. My stomach roils. Do I know you?

    I'm a friend of Scott’s. He has a message for you.

    Okay. I draw the word out.

    He says it’s over.

    With fire in my eyes, I ask Carter where Scott is. Pushing past him, I head outside. When Scott sees me he guns his engine, spraying gravel as he speeds away. What a wuss! I stomp back inside. Grey notices my cherry red face and my ragged breathing. Are you okay? I push his six foot five inch frame out of the way as if he is no heavier than a feather.

    I am completely unaware that this particular night will change my entire future as I sit sulking on one of the empty pool tables. Grey knows that he can’t just come out and tell me he has feelings for me (I am not the type of girl he usually dates). I am a good girl. He tries getting me to play pool, but I shut down. I never blow him off if I have a chance to beat him at his game.

    A few hours later, Grey sees his chance. Hey there sexy. Are you okay?

    I look around as if he is asking someone else; roll my eyes and say, Fine. Why?

    You don’t look like you're okay.

    Oh yeah. How do you know how I feel? Besides, why do you care?

    We’re friends. Aren’t we?

    We are? He looks at me, hurt. Yeah. I guess.

    If you want to talk, let’s get out of here and go for a drive.

    "You don’t really want to talk and you know it. I can see right through your friend-like facade. All you really want is to, let me see, how have you put it? Get in my pants?"

    I’m not like that anymore. he says. I have noticed he doesn't have the same fowl mouth as when we first met. Nor does he smoke, drink or smell like a brewery when I'm around.

    I don’t know. I don’t feel much like being nice and I have no intention of pretending like I’m okay.

    Who says you have to be nice or pretend? It is pretty late and I decide that a drive is not in the cards for me. I ask Grey to take me home, but not before promising to spend the next day with him. And, of course, Hank.

    Later, as I am getting ready to call it a night, my brother, Derek knocks on my bedroom door. For the first time in 20 years I have my own room, my own space. I am sure I like being alone. What you doin’? Derek asks.

    Nothing. Why?

    What’s the matter? You look like someone just killed your best friend.

    Remember that guy I was dating just before you came home?

    "Yeah. Scott, right?

    He dumped me tonight.

    Are you kidding me? That is so wrong!

    You’re telling me. He didn’t even have the decency to tell me himself. He sent his friend, Carter, to break the news.

    Whaaa? Derek is so stunned he can’t even finish his sentence.

    Yup.

    Well, what about that guy who came to get you? Who’s that? Wink, wink.

    Oh. You mean Grey? He’s just a friend. We play pool sometimes at the bowling alley.

    "Huh. The way he looked at you did not say, Hey let’s be friends. It said more like You are HOT. I want to eat you for a snack!

    I don’t think so Derek. You’ve been out of the dating scene far too long.

    No. Really, Quinn. He couldn’t keep his eyes off you. You two are going to get married, he says in a sing-song tone.

    What? No! Are you crazy?

    Some seem to think I am sis, but the way he was watching you . . . I can see you two being more than just casual.

    You have lost it bro! All that hot air in Spain must have taken what was left of your smart brain cells.

    I am beginning to wonder if maybe Derek is right. Grey HAD done a total 180 and does not seem like the same person I met when he was dating Kendyl. He says he has been going to church and reading The Book of Mormon. I fall asleep dreaming of a tall, blonde haired, blue-eyed cowboy, with a smile tugging at the corners of my mouth.

    As I promised the night before, I spend the next day with Grey. Having only seen the outside of Grey’s house I am totally unprepared for the clutter and dust that cover almost everything in the house. Because I haven't met Grey’s family and want to make a good impression, I don't even flinch. Hey ma! Grey hollers as we walk into the house. Hey sis. He says to a woman sitting on the floor watching Zina, the Warrior Princess.

    Upstairs, in Grey's room, it looks more like an apartment than a bedroom. He has everything from a television and DVD player to a mini fridge with snacks. Grey and Hank decide to watch Terminator, but because I am emotionally exhausted from the night before, I quickly fall asleep next to Grey. Sometime later, I wake up to hear them talking. Grey says, Isn’t she the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen? I smile, not letting on that I am awake.

    If you hurt her. . . Hank threatens. "I will kill you. She’s been through a lot and doesn’t need to deal with your reputation. I hope for your sake you aren’t jerking her around."

    April 1999

    There is not a huge announcement when Grey and I start officially dating. Nor does it surprise anyone, especially my parents, when Grey announces that we are going to look at engagement rings. I'm shocked, however! Here we are, only a month into our courtship and he wants to go ring shopping? I am scared. Thrilled, but scared. I have talked with my mom about this at length, especially after Reghan announces she is expecting her first baby. Of course, more of my not enoughness surfaces. You know. my mom says. There is nothing wrong with being married civilly and making a temple marriage something you aspire to. As long as you and Grey want the same thing.

    It scares me Mom. What if this fails too? I don't think I can take that again. My mom then repeats something she had been telling me my entire life. You need to pray about it. I do. I feel this is something I am supposed to do.

    * * *

    On ring shopping day, Grey surprises me by driving to Temple Square in Salt Lake City, only thirty-minutes from Springville, where we live. I cannot help but wonder if we are moving too fast. I am not sure I’m ready to hope that another engagement does not fail. What’s the matter? Grey sees the worried expression on my face.

    Oh, just thinking.

    If that's all you're doing, you wouldn’t have that I want to barf look on your face. Now spill.

    I’m scared.

    Of me?

    Yes. No. I don’t know. I think I’m scared that this engagement will fail like with RJ. Or, maybe I’m afraid it won’t.

    That doesn’t make any sense. I am not RJ, nor will I EVER do what he did.

    Walking around Temple Square I can almost believe that nothing will mar what Grey and I have. However, the matter of being sealed in the temple brings all my fears and doubts to the surface again. We talk about this too, and Grey reassures me that, although he has issues he needs to resolve, he wants the same thing.

    I do my best to put my insecurities out of my mind as we look at wedding sets at Diamonds Are Forever in Salt Lake. I wonder why he needs me there to find the perfect ring. Grey doesn’t spend much time looking at rings before he picks one. It is the smallest and cheapest of the rings we look at, but I don't care. Since we are already there I decide to peruse the men's rings and get an idea of which I want to buy him. Of course, I am going to get it when he isn't with me. More surprise that way. Because Grey has bad credit and no job we end up using my credit to set up a payment plan and I put down the down-payment on my own engagement ring. This bothers me a little, but not enough to draw attention to it.

    * * *

    Over the next several weeks, I find myself wondering why Grey has not given me the ring. When I ask him, he says things like, When I’m ready. or Not today. At the end of April, we, along with Hank and Lynese (yes, the same girl Grey introduced as his girlfriend) decide to attend Cabaret at BYU. Going dress shopping with my mom is a lot of fun. We find a dress at JC Penney in the mall that Mom and I deem Grandma’s curtains. At first glance, I am almost repulsed by all the colorful flowers that are splayed all over the lacey overlay. No way. That looks like something Grandma would hang in her windows!

    Just try it on. I am pleasantly surprised at what I see when I look in the mirror. Definitely not grandma's curtains.

    * * *

    Now, here I am, sitting in a chair with mom putting my hair up and expertly doing my makeup. I wonder what Grey will think. Hopefully, he won’t see Grandma’s Curtains as I had. His reaction though, is nothing like I expect.

    Wow. You look beautiful. He cannot look at anything else, but me!

    Thanks. I have butterflies in my stomach. Nerves? Where have those come from? It's only Grey for Pete’s sake. He has never made me nervous before. The nerves are good nerves though as I realize that I am falling hopelessly, head-over-heels in love with this guy. After RJ I didn't think it was possible, but here I am doing exactly that!

    We don’t want to wait in line for pictures at the dance so, my mom being a professional photographer, take our pictures right in the house. Lynese and I decide to go to McDonalds and make a Happy Meal picnic up Provo Canyon in a beautiful spot we'd scouted out the week before. We get talking, laughing and joking together so much that we don't notice the time until after the dance had started.

    As Grey and I dance to the song Here I Go Again by Whitesnake, I look up into the face of the blue-eyed cowboy I swore I would never fall for. How did this happen? I think to myself as we sway back and forth. The night wears on in pure bliss. We dance, laugh, walk around and talk about everything and nothing. I am in heaven.

    * * *

    The Friday after Cabaret, I am at work when I start feeling sick. Knowing what the cause is I ask to leave early. After arriving home, I take some medication and fall asleep on the couch. A little while later, on the edge of sleep I hear my mom say, I won’t wake her up Grey.

    But I need to see her. he says.

    At this point, I am awake. Hey. I say sleepily.

    Are you ok? I called your desk and they said you’d gone home sick.

    I’m fine. I just don’t feel good. I lay back down and Grey sits next to me with my feet up on his lap. We decide to watch Meet Joe Black, a movie we both want to see. While watching, Grey picks up my left hand and slips the engagement ring onto my finger. Here. is all he says. I can’t believe he has FINALLY given me the ring, but at the same time, am

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