Christmas Grift: SILVER HILLS COZY MYSTERIES, #4

A CORPSE, A CANTANKEROUS camel, an entertaining array of suspects, and a yule tide of problems along the way...it must be a Flo and Agnes Christmas!

Who would have guessed Agnes would rub Penelope the cranky camel the wrong way? Or that Flo would find herself ankle-deep in camel dung while fending off a masked murderer? Or that TC would, once again, get on the wrong side of her handsome detective in an attempt to help her friends? Why...anybody who’s been to Silver Hills before...that’s who!

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CHAPTER ONE

A nd we have a winner ! Agnes said as she crossed the lobby.

Flo barely glanced her way. What are you on about, fool?

Pointing at the tangle of wire and plastic in Flo’s hands, she grinned. "I assumed you were going for the world’s largest ball of Christmas lights. Or maybe a spot in the Book of Records for most twisted strand of lights."

Flo grimaced, her fingers tugging unsuccessfully on the giant knot. She looked up at Agnes and her eyes went wide. Don’t tell me you’ve been corralled into cleaning up camel poop?

Agnes snorted. Corralled. I see what you did there.

Shaking her head, Flo threw the knotted strand to the ground in a burst of temper. Her fingers ached from trying to unbind them. We need to throw these out and get new ones.

The couple of strands of untangled lights Flo had managed to wind around the thirty-foot tree in the lobby flickered and an icy graveyard breeze skimmed past. Vlad floated to a spot near Flo and scowled up at the tree. Now, Mrs. Bee, we discussed this. Silver Hills doesn’t have new lights in the budget this year. We have to make do with what we have.

She lifted a brow, giving him her best substitute teacher glare. Then I suggest you find a way to pay for them because this isn’t working. My fingers are going numb from the effort.

He shook his head, looking at her as if she were too simple to understand basic commands. It’s not up for negotiation, I’m afraid. We spent the last of our Christmas budget getting that bumpy critter with the nasty temper for the crèche.

Agnes narrowed her gaze. Yeah, about that. Who did you have to bite to get the camel? The kids are gonna love him.

"He’s a female from what I understand. Vlad grimaced, his long, pale face fixed in the sour expression he’d worn since the day they’d started planning for the annual Christmas Festival of Lights. Clearly vampires didn’t appreciate the season of giving. Flo figured they were probably more into the season of taking. And I didn’t bite anybody. But I’m confident that spitting monstrosity with the roller coaster spine will do some biting before this is all over."

I don’t know about biting, Agnes said, looking at the shovel as if it were made of snakes, but it certainly knows how to poop. There are mountains of the stuff out there already and it’s only been with us for four hours.

Flo pushed to her feet, brushing dirt off her bum where she’d been sitting on the floor. How did you get stuck with poop doody, Flo asked with a smile. Alphonse should be in charge of that. After all, he’s the janitor. It’s his job to clean stuff up.

Agnes snorted again. Doody. Yeah, I see what you did there. She sighed. "Alphonse won’t go near the camel. Apparently he’s terrified of them. Something to do with an ill-fated circus when he was five years old. There was a clown, a tiny car and a woman with a beard mixed into the story somewhere. He was unclear on the details. But the gist of it is that he’s not going near the camel or its droppings and, since I’m heading the clean-up crew for the festival, that left me holding the...erm...shovel."

Vlad looked down his long nose at Agnes. Seems fitting somehow.

Don’t you have a screaming damsel to drain somewhere, Vlad?

The man’s thin lips tightened into lines on his pale page of a face. He seemed to be considering giving Agnes the what for, his usual restraint having been loosened by the recent theft and wanton destruction of his wife, Morticia’s herbs by someone who might or might not have been Agnes. But in the end he apparently decided discretion was the better part of valor.

Or else he didn’t want to telegraph his rage in front of witnesses in case he decided to go all Vlad the Impaler on Agnes later.

I’ll leave you ladies to your work. I don’t want to hold you up. You’re already moving at a snail’s pace. He floated away, his back ramrod straight and his slicked-back head held high.

I wonder if camels eat vampires, Agnes mused happily.

Flo cast her gaze over the tangled strands of lights on the floor, trying to decide which train wreck to tackle next. I wouldn’t feed her Vlad unless you want to clean up oily black camel poop.

Sighing, Agnes nodded. He’d probably give the poor thing the runs anyway.

The exterior doors slid open with a sigh and Flo glanced over to see who was coming in. She grinned, clapping her hands when she spotted their friend TC, the activities director of Silver Hills Single and Senior Residence.

TC was carrying two enormous plastic bags.

Please tell me those are new lights, Flo said happily.

TC’s green gaze sparkled. They are. But don’t tell Vlad. He lectured me for twenty minutes this morning about how he’s not going to buy new ones. I think he’s trying to punish those of us who think Christmas is a good time to give joy.

Flo shook out her achy fingers. Don’t I know it. An unhappy thought shoved pleasure aside. Trisha Colombo, please tell me you didn’t pay for these yourself?

TC dropped the bags next to Flo. Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth, Flo.

Sighing, Flo looked longingly at the brand-new boxes of lights. I really should reject your gift...horse.

TC giggled. But you won’t, because they’re a donation from my mom. She wanted to do something to help and she’s not quite up to coming down here this year. TC’s smile dimmed.

Flo touched her slender arm. How is your mom, hun?

TC shrugged. Tired and frustrated. She feels like she’s losing her life.

Alzheimer’s is an ugly disease, Agnes said kindly. I hope she’s going to get to come out tomorrow night. The light show is even better this year than last. It would be a shame for her to miss it.

TC nodded, blinking away tears. I’m going to bring her myself. I’m planning on taking her out to dinner afterward. We’ll make a night of it.

On an impulse, Flo pulled her friend into a hug. I know she’s sad about the memories she’s lost, but you’re doing the right thing. Create new ones. And when she loses those create newer ones. You’re making the most of the time you two have together. That’s the best you can do.

I know. The three of them stared at the twinkling lights on the bottom of the enormous tree and then TC sniffed, scrubbed tears off her cheeks and reached for the bags. Come on, let’s get these boxes out and stuff the old lights in the bag. I’ll take them to the dumpster before Vlad comes back.

I love that plan.

Well, I’m off to scoop poop, Agnes said almost cheerfully. I’ll just pretend it’s a giant litter box. How hard can it be?

The television in the bar erupted in cheering and Flo turned to see what the ruckus was about. A massive tree dominated the picture with the mayor’s mansion in the background and a podium in the foreground. A tall man with sandy blond hair that was just starting to thin stood behind the podium, his smile a bit strained. I don’t know about you all but I’d say this year’s tree is more spectacular even than last year’s. Mayor Richardson pointed to the tree and clapped half-heartedly. He was quickly joined by the crowd. A moment later the mayor of Silver City spoke again, wishing the people of Silver City a safe and merry Christmas.

Flo smiled, feeling happy. She’d always loved Christmas and her memories of the season were still good. Since moving to Silver Hills, she’d been pleased to be able to take part in the residence’s yearly festival. She’d volunteered to work on it every year for the five years she’d lived there.

Would you like some help with these lights, a young woman who’d just walked up asked Flo.

Flo gave the woman a smile. Why yes, that would be wonderful. Thanks so much, hun.

The woman settled down on the floor and started pulling out boxes, handing one to Flo and taking one for herself. I’ve always loved Christmas lights.

Me too... Flo cocked her head. I don’t believe we’ve met.

The woman offered Flo her hand. Sadie Richardson.

Flo’s brows flew skyward. Any relation to the mayor?

The young woman grimaced. Distant cousin. There are actually a lot of us. I don’t even know some of my cousins. They live way down in Southern Indiana and keep pretty much to themselves. Besides... She grimaced. My side of the family and the Mayor’s have been at odds for a while. There was some stupid disagreement over money fifteen years ago and the two sides have been on the outs ever since.

I’m sorry to hear that, hun. Especially at this time of year. Is there any chance you can mend things? I hate to hear about families being at odds.

Doubtful. I’ve talked to my mom until I’m blue in the face but she’s adamant. Shaking her head, Sadie stood up and started pulling lights from their plastic clips.

Sounds like it’s up to you, then, Flo told her gently.

The woman blinked, frowned slightly and shook her head. I couldn’t. I’m not sure they’d even know who I was. And they’d probably think I was after their money.

Flo tugged her strand free of the plastic board. You won’t know unless you try.

Sadie shrugged. "Would you mind if I stole this strand? There’s a small tree in the