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    The Book of Snobs by William Makepeace Thackeray (Illustrated)
    The Book of Snobs by William Makepeace Thackeray (Illustrated)
    The Book of Snobs by William Makepeace Thackeray (Illustrated)
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    The Book of Snobs by William Makepeace Thackeray (Illustrated)

    By William Makepeace Thackeray

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    This eBook features the unabridged text of ‘The Book of Snobs’ from the bestselling edition of ‘The Complete Works of William Makepeace Thackeray’.

    Having established their name as the leading publisher of classic literature and art, Delphi Classics produce publications that are individually crafted with superior formatting, while introducing many rare texts for the first time in digital print. The Delphi Classics edition of Thackeray includes original annotations and illustrations relating to the life and works of the author, as well as individual tables of contents, allowing you to navigate eBooks quickly and easily.

    eBook features:
    * The complete unabridged text of ‘The Book of Snobs’
    * Beautifully illustrated with images related to Thackeray’s works
    * Individual contents table, allowing easy navigation around the eBook
    * Excellent formatting of the textPlease visit www.delphiclassics.com to learn more about our wide range of titles
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherPublishdrive
    Release dateJul 17, 2017
    ISBN9781786564641
    The Book of Snobs by William Makepeace Thackeray (Illustrated)
    Author

    William Makepeace Thackeray

    William Makepeace Thackeray was a nineteenth century English novelist who was most famous for his classic novel, Vanity Fair, a satirical portrait of English society. With an early career as a satirist and parodist, Thackeray shared a fondness for roguish characters that is evident in his early works such as Vanity Fair, The Luck of Barry Lyndon, and Catherine, and was ranked second only to Charles Dickens during the height of his career. In his later work, Thackeray transitioned from the satirical tone for which he was known to a more traditional Victorian narrative, the most notable of which is The History of Henry Esmond. Thackeray died in 1863.

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      The Book of Snobs by William Makepeace Thackeray (Illustrated) - William Makepeace Thackeray

      The Complete Works of

      WILLIAM MAKEPEACE THACKERAY

      VOLUME 38 OF 70

      The Book of Snobs

      Parts Edition

      By Delphi Classics, 2013

      Version 4

      COPYRIGHT

      ‘The Book of Snobs’

      William Makepeace Thackeray: Parts Edition (in 70 parts)

      First published in the United Kingdom in 2017 by Delphi Classics.

      © Delphi Classics, 2017.

      All rights reserved.  No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, without the prior permission in writing of the publisher, nor be otherwise circulated in any form other than that in which it is published.

      ISBN: 978 1 78656 464 1

      Delphi Classics

      is an imprint of

      Delphi Publishing Ltd

      Hastings, East Sussex

      United Kingdom

      Contact: sales@delphiclassics.com

      www.delphiclassics.com

      William Makepeace Thackeray: Parts Edition

      This eBook is Part 38 of the Delphi Classics edition of William Makepeace Thackeray in 70 Parts. It features the unabridged text of The Book of Snobs from the bestselling edition of the author’s Complete Works. Having established their name as the leading publisher of classic literature and art, Delphi Classics produce publications that are individually crafted with superior formatting, while introducing many rare texts for the first time in digital print. Our Parts Editions feature original annotations and illustrations relating to the life and works of William Makepeace Thackeray, as well as individual tables of contents, allowing you to navigate eBooks quickly and easily.

      Visit here to buy the entire Parts Edition of William Makepeace Thackeray or the Complete Works of William Makepeace Thackeray in a single eBook.

      Learn more about our Parts Edition, with free downloads, via this link or browse our most popular Parts here.

      WILLIAM MAKEPEACE THACKERAY

      IN 70 VOLUMES

      Parts Edition Contents

      The Novels

      1, Catherine

      2, A Shabby Genteel Story

      3, The Luck of Barry Lyndon

      4, Vanity Fair

      5, The History of Pendennis

      6, Men’s Wives

      7, The History of Henry Esmond, Esq.

      8, The Newcomes

      9, The Virginians

      10, Lovel the Widower

      11, The Adventures of Philip

      12, Denis Duval

      The Shorter Fiction

      13, Elizabeth Brownrigge

      14, Sultan Stork

      15, Little Spitz

      16, The Professor

      17, Miss Löwe

      18, The Yellowplush Papers

      19, The Tremendous Adventures of Major Gahagan

      20, The Fatal Boots

      21, Cox’s Diary

      22, The Bedford-Row Conspiracy

      23, The History of Samuel Titmarsh and the Great Hoggarty Diamond

      24, The Fitz-Boodle Papers

      25, The Diary of C. Jeames de La Pluche, Esq. with His Letters

      26, A Legend of the Rhine

      27, A Little Dinner at Timmins’s

      28, Rebecca and Rowena

      29, Bluebeard’s Ghost

      The Christmas Books

      30, Mrs. Perkins’s Ball

      31, Our Street

      32, Doctor Birch and His Young Friends

      33, The Kickleburys on the Rhine

      34, The Rose and the Ring

      The Sketches and Satires

      35, Contributions to The Snob

      36, Flore Et Zephyr

      37, The Irish Sketch Book

      38, The Book of Snobs

      39, Roundabout Papers

      40, Some Roundabout Papers

      41, Dickens in France

      42, Character Sketches

      43, Sketches and Travels in London

      44, Mr. Brown’s Letters

      45, The Proser

      46, Miscellanies

      The Play

      47, The Wolves and the Lamb

      The Poetry

      48, The Poetry of William Makepeace Thackeray

      The Travel Writing

      49, Notes of a Journey from Cornhill to Grand Cairo

      50, The Paris Sketch Book

      51, Little Travels and Roadside Sketches

      The Non-Fiction

      52, Novels by Eminent Hands

      53, The History of the Next French Revolution

      54, The Second Funeral of Napoleon

      55, George Cruikshank

      56, John Leech’s Pictures of Life and Character

      57, The English Humourists of the Eighteenth Century

      58, The Four Georges

      59, Critical Reviews

      60, A Lecture on Charity and Humour

      61, Various Essays, Letters, Sketches, Etc.

      62, The History of Dionysius Diddler.

      63, Contributions to Punch

      64, Miss Tickletoby’s Lectures on English History

      65, Papers by the Fat Contributor

      66, Miscellaneous Contributions to Punch

      67, Spec and Proser Papers

      68, A Plan for a Prize Novel

      The Letters

      69, A Collection of Letters 1847-1855

      The Biography

      70, Thackeray by Anthony Trollope

      www.delphiclassics.com

      The Book of Snobs

      From 1837 to 1840, Thackeray reviewed books for The Times, and through his connection to the illustrator John Leech, he began writing for a newly created magazine called Punch, in which he published The Snob Papers, later collected and published as The Book of Snobs in 1848. This famous satirical work popularised the modern meaning of the word ‘snob’.

      The first published copy of ‘Punch’

      CONTENTS

      PREFATORY REMARKS

      CHAPTER I — THE SNOB PLAYFULLY DEALT WITH

      CHAPTER II — THE SNOB ROYAL

      CHAPTER III — THE INFLUENCE OF THE ARISTOCRACY ON SNOBS

      CHAPTER IV — THE COURT CIRCULAR, AND ITS INFLUENCE ON SNOBS

      CHAPTER V — WHAT SNOBS ADMIRE

      CHAPTER VI — ON SOME RESPECTABLE SNOBS

      CHAPTER VII — ON SOME RESPECTABLE SNOBS

      CHAPTER VIII — GREAT CITY SNOBS

      CHAPTER IX — ON SOME MILITARY SNOBS

      CHAPTER X — MILITARY SNOBS

      CHAPTER XI — ON CLERICAL SNOBS

      CHAPTER XII — ON CLERICAL SNOBS AND SNOBBISHNESS

      CHAPTER XIII — ON CLERICAL SNOBS

      CHAPTER XIV — ON UNIVERSITY SNOBS

      CHAPTER XV — ON UNIVERSITY SNOBS

      CHAPTER XVI — ON LITERARY SNOBS

      CHAPTER XVII — A LITTLE ABOUT IRISH SNOBS

      CHAPTER XVIII — PARTY-GIVING SNOBS

      CHAPTER XIX — DINING-OUT SNOBS

      CHAPTER XX — DINNER-GIVING SNOBS FURTHER CONSIDERED

      CHAPTER XXI — SOME CONTINENTAL SNOBS

      CHAPTER XXII — CONTINENTAL SNOBBERY CONTINUED

      CHAPTER XXIII — ENGLISH SNOBS ON THE CONTINENT

      CHAPTER XXIV — ON SOME COUNTRY SNOBS

      CHAPTER XXV — A VISIT TO SOME COUNTRY SNOBS

      CHAPTER XXVI — ON SOME COUNTRY SNOBS

      CHAPTER XXVII — A VISIT TO SOME COUNTRY SNOBS

      CHAPTER XXVIII — ON SOME COUNTRY SNOBS

      CHAPTER XXIX — A VISIT TO SOME COUNTRY SNOBS

      CHAPTER XXX — ON SOME COUNTRY SNOBS

      CHAPTER XXXI — A VISIT TO SOME COUNTRY SNOBS

      CHAPTER XXXII — SNOBBIUM GATHERUM

      CHAPTER XXXIII — SNOBS AND MARRIAGE

      CHAPTER XXXIV — SNOBS AND MARRIAGE

      CHAPTER XXXV — SNOBS AND MARRIAGE

      CHAPTER XXXVI — SNOBS AND MARRIAGE

      CHAPTER XXXVII — CLUB SNOBS

      CHAPTER XXXVIII — CLUB SNOBS

      CHAPTER XXXIX — CLUB SNOBS

      CHAPTER XL — CLUB SNOBS

      CHAPTER XLI — CLUB SNOBS

      CHAPTER XLII — CLUB SNOBS

      CHAPTER XLIII — CLUB SNOBS

      CHAPTER XLIV — CLUB SNOBS

      CONCLUDING OBSERVATIONS ON SNOBS

      THE BOOK OF SNOBS

      PREFATORY REMARKS

      (The necessity of a work on Snobs, demonstrated from History, and proved by felicitous illustrations: — I am the individual destined to write that work — My vocation is announced in terms of great eloquence — I show that the world has been gradually preparing itself for the WORK and the MAN — Snobs are to be studied like other objects of Natural Science, and are a part of the Beautiful (with a large B). They pervade all classes — Affecting instance of Colonel Snobley.)

      We have all read a statement, (the authenticity of which I take leave to doubt entirely, for upon what calculations I should like to know is it founded?) — we have all, I say, been favoured by perusing a remark, that when the times and necessities of the world call for a Man, that individual is found. Thus at the French Revolution (which the reader will be pleased to have introduced so early), when it was requisite to administer a corrective dose to the nation, Robespierre was found; a most foul and nauseous dose indeed, and swallowed eagerly by the patient, greatly to the latter’s ultimate advantage: thus, when it became necessary to kick John Bull out of America, Mr. Washington stepped forward, and performed that job to satisfaction: thus, when the Earl of Aldborough was unwell, Professor Holloway appeared with his pills, and cured his lordship, as per advertisement, &c. &c.. Numberless instances might be adduced to show that when a nation is in great want, the relief is at hand; just as in the Pantomime (that microcosm) where when CLOWN wants anything — a warming-pan, a pump-handle, a goose, or a lady’s tippet — a fellow comes sauntering out from behind the side-scenes with the very article in question.

      Again, when men commence an undertaking, they always are prepared to show that the absolute necessities of the world demanded its completion. — Say it is a railroad: the directors begin by stating that ‘A more intimate communication between Bathershins and Derrynane Beg is necessary for the advancement of civilization, and demanded by the multitudinous acclamations of the great Irish people.’ Or suppose it is a newspaper: the prospectus states that ‘At a time when the Church is in danger, threatened from without by savage fanaticism and miscreant unbelief, and undermined from within by dangerous Jesuitism, and suicidal Schism, a Want has been universally felt — a suffering people has looked abroad — for an Ecclesiastical Champion and Guardian. A body of Prelates and Gentlemen have therefore stepped forward in this our hour of danger, and determined on establishing the BEADLE newspaper,’ &c. &c. One or other of these points at least is incontrovertible: the public wants a thing, therefore it is supplied with it; or the public is supplied with a thing, therefore it wants it.

      I have long gone about with a conviction on my mind that I had a work to do — a Work, if you like, with a great W; a Purpose to fulfil; a chasm to leap into, like Curtius, horse and foot; a Great Social Evil to Discover and to Remedy. That Conviction Has Pursued me for Years. It has Dogged me in the Busy Street; Seated Itself By Me in The Lonely Study; Jogged My Elbow as it Lifted the Wine-cup at The Festive Board; Pursued me through the Maze of Rotten Row; Followed me in Far Lands. On Brighton’s Shingly Beach, or Margate’s Sand, the Voice Outpiped the Roaring of the Sea; it Nestles in my Nightcap, and It Whispers, ‘Wake, Slumberer, thy Work Is Not Yet Done.’ Last Year, By Moonlight, in the Colosseum, the Little Sedulous Voice Came To Me and Said, ‘Smith, or Jones’ (The Writer’s Name is Neither Here nor There), ‘Smith or Jones, my fine fellow, this is all very well, but you ought to be at home writing your great work on SNOBS.

      When a man has this sort of vocation it is all nonsense attempting to elude it. He must speak out to the nations; he must unbusm himself, as Jeames would say, or choke and die. ‘Mark to yourself,’ I have often mentally exclaimed to your humble servant, ‘the gradual way in which you have been prepared for, and are now led by an irresistible necessity to enter upon your great labour. First, the World was made: then, as a matter of course, Snobs; they existed for years and years, and were no more known than America. But presently, — INGENS PATEBAT TELLUS, — the people became darkly aware that there was such a race. Not above five-and-twenty years since, a name, an expressive monosyllable, arose to designate that race. That name has spread over England like railroads subsequently; Snobs are known and recognized throughout an Empire on which I am given to understand the Sun never sets. PUNCH appears at the ripe season, to chronicle their history: and the individual comes forth to write that history in PUNCH.’

      I have (and for this gift I congratulate myself with Deep and Abiding Thankfulness) an eye for a Snob. If the Truthful is the Beautiful, it is Beautiful to study even the Snobbish; to track Snobs through history, as certain little dogs in Hampshire hunt out truffles; to sink shafts in society and come upon rich veins of Snobore. Snobbishness is like Death in a quotation from Horace, which I hope you never have heard, ‘beating with equal foot at poor men’s doors, and kicking at the gates of Emperors.’ It is a great mistake to judge of Snobs lightly, and think they exist among the lower classes merely. An immense percentage of Snobs, I believe, is to be found in every rank of this mortal life. You must not judge hastily or vulgarly of Snobs: to do so shows that you are yourself a Snob. I myself have been taken for one.

      When I was taking the waters at Bagnigge Wells, and living at the ‘Imperial Hotel’ there, there used to sit opposite me at breakfast, for a short time, a Snob so insufferable that I felt I should never get any benefit of the waters so long as he remained. His name was Lieutenant-Colonel Snobley, of a certain dragoon regiment. He wore japanned boots and moustaches: he lisped, drawled, and left the ‘r’s’ out of his words: he was always flourishing about, and smoothing his lacquered whiskers with a huge flaming bandanna, that filled the room with an odour of musk so stifling that I determined to do battle with that Snob, and that either he or I should quit the Inn. I first began harmless conversations with him; frightening him exceedingly, for he did not know what to do when so attacked, and had never the slightest notion that anybody would take such a liberty with him as to speak first: then I handed him the paper: then, as he would take no notice of these advances, I used to look him in the face steadily and — and use my fork in the light of a toothpick. After two mornings of this practice, he could bear it no longer, and fairly quitted the place.

      Should the Colonel see this, will he remember the Gent who asked him if he thought Publicoaler was a fine writer, and drove him from the Hotel with a four-pronged fork?

      CHAPTER I — THE SNOB PLAYFULLY DEALT WITH

      There are relative and positive Snobs. I mean by positive, such persons as are Snobs everywhere, in all companies, from morning till night, from youth to the grave, being by Nature endowed with Snobbishness — and others who are Snobs only in certain circumstances and relations of life.

      For instance: I once knew a man who committed before me an act as atrocious as that which I have indicated in the last chapter as performed by me for the purpose of disgusting Colonel Snobley; viz, the using the fork in the guise of a toothpick. I once, I say, knew a man who, dining in my company at the ‘Europa Coffee-house,’ (opposite the Grand Opera, and, as everybody knows, the only decent place for dining at Naples,) ate peas with the assistance of his knife. He was a person with whose society I was greatly pleased at first — indeed, we had met in the crater of Mount Vesuvius, and were subsequently robbed and held to ransom by brigands in Calabria, which is nothing to the purpose — a man of great powers, excellent heart, and varied information; but I had never before seen him with a dish of pease, and his conduct in regard to them caused me the deepest pain.

      After having seen him thus publicly comport himself, but one course was open to me — to cut his acquaintance. I commissioned a mutual friend (the Honourable Poly Anthus) to break the matter to this gentleman as delicately as possible, and to say that painful circumstances — in nowise affecting Mr. Marrowfat’s honour, or my esteem for him — had occurred, which obliged me to forego my intimacy with him; and accordingly we met and gave each other the cut direct that night at the Duchess of Monte Fiasco’s ball.

      Everybody at Naples remarked the separation of the Damon and Pythias — indeed, Marrowfat had saved my life more than once — but, as an English gentleman, what was I to do?

      My dear friend was, in this instance, the Snob RELATIVE. It is not snobbish of persons of rank of any other nation to employ their knife in the manner alluded to. I have seen Monte Fiasco clean his trencher with his knife, and every Principe in company doing likewise. I have seen, at the hospitable board of H.I.H. the Grand Duchess Stephanie of Baden — (who, if these humble lines should come under her Imperial eyes, is besought to remember graciously the most devoted of her servants) — I have seen, I say, the Hereditary Princess of Potztausend-Donnerwetter (that serenely-beautiful woman) use her knife in lieu of a fork or spoon; I have seen her almost swallow it, by Jove! like Ramo Samee, the Indian juggler. And did I blench? Did my estimation for the Princess diminish? No, lovely Amalia! One of the truest passions that ever was inspired by woman was raised in this bosom by that lady. Beautiful one! long, long may the knife carry food to those lips! the reddest and loveliest in the world!

      The cause of my quarrel with Marrowfat I never breathed to mortal soul for four years. We met in the halls of the aristocracy — our friends and relatives. We jostled each other in the dance or at the board; but the estrangement continued, and seemed irrevocable, until the fourth of June, last year.

      We met at Sir George Golloper’s. We were placed, he on the right, your humble servant on the left of the admirable Lady G.. Peas formed part of the banquet — ducks and green peas. I trembled as I saw Marrowfat helped, and turned away sickening, lest I should behold the weapon darting down his horrid jaws.

      What was my astonishment, what my delight, when I saw him use his fork like any other Christian! He did not administer the cold steel once. Old times rushed back upon me — the remembrance of old services — his rescuing me from the brigands — his gallant conduct in the affair with the Countess Dei Spinachi — his lending me the 1,700L. I almost burst into tears with joy — my voice trembled with emotion. ‘George, my boy!’ I exclaimed, ‘George Marrowfat, my dear fellow! a glass of wine!’

      Blushing — deeply moved — almost as tremulous as I was myself, George answered, ‘FRANK, SHALL IT BE HOCK OR MADEIRA? I could have hugged him to my heart but for the presence of the company. Little did Lady Golloper know what was the cause of the emotion which sent the duckling I was carving into her ladyship’s pink satin lap. The most good-natured of women pardoned the error, and the butler removed the bird.

      We have been the closest friends over since, nor, of course, has George repeated his odious habit. He acquired it at a country school, where they cultivated peas and only used two-pronged forks, and it was only by living on the Continent where the usage of the four-prong is general, that he lost the horrible custom.

      In this point — and in this only — I confess myself a member of the Silver-Fork School; and if this tale but induce one of my readers to pause, to examine in his own mind solemnly, and ask, ‘Do I or do I not eat peas with a knife?’ — to see the ruin which may fall upon himself by continuing the practice, or his family by beholding the example, these lines will not have been written in vain. And now, whatever other authors may be, I flatter myself, it will be allowed that I, at least, am a moral man.

      By the way, as some readers are dull of comprehension, I may as well say what the moral of this history is. The moral is this — Society having ordained certain customs, men are bound to obey the law of society, and conform to its harmless orders.

      If I should go to the

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