Animal Grace: An Ethical Communication Workbook

Animal Grace

The Lessons Continue:

An Ethical Communication Workbook

Gabrielle Harris

Published by:

Kima Books

Denmark,

Copyright Gabrielle Harris June 2017

eISBN 978-87-93886-24-7

Publisher’s web site

Author's web site

World rights Kima Global Publishers. With the exception of small passages quoted for review purposes, no part of this publication may be reproduced, translated, adapted, stored or transmitted in any form or through any means including information storage and retrieval systems, mechanical, electronic, photocopying or otherwise, without the permission of the publisher.

Other books by this author

Touching Animal Souls (Kima Global Publishers 2010)

Dotkni se zvireci duše (Plot Publishing Czech Republic September 2017)

Seelen berürhen (Kima Global Publishers November 2017)

Dedication

To Jula, Sasha, Jack, Hermione and Cleo.  And so many more. 

Ever heard the story about the plumber who excels at his work in the field, but has terrible drainage systems in his home?  It is much the same with me.  Being a professional animal trainer means that animals who share our homes should be perfectly trained.  They need to be good examples of our skills.

This is not the case in our home.  There are no highflying dogs that hop to catch Frisbees.  Even common obedience is lacking.  Dogs jump to grab things off counters and horses turn tail and cheekily gallop away when asked to move through a gate; terrifying confessions, because when people come to visit whom I worry will judge my competency, I face a big choice.  The lessons learned, particularly from the animals named above taught me that choosing the moment is so much more interesting, satisfying and alive than living in response to the fear.  Thank you!  When that judge and jury visit, they sit on the couch with my whole family, animals and all.  Prepare to leave with an animal fur-cover on your clothing.

The creatures named in this dedication have all left the physical in the last couple of year, dear souls.  I have learned the hardest lesson of all from you.  You taught me about attachment.  Learning to let go has spurred me to continue to share the joy I find in relationship with animals and so with your lives.  Your lives are momentous; valued, treasured, loved souls.  Here is to peace on the other side.  Thank you for the true love on this side.  It will never fade.  I hope this book – which is filled with many lessons from you - honours and serves to enable more lessons to be learned from the blessed animal and natural realm.

Acknowledgements

I have enormous gratitude to my Czech friends.  Your attitude to animal care, welfare and training is true and pure, and I feel as though I have kindred spirits in this beautiful country.  I have Dr Frantisek Susta to thank for introducing me to this nation of angels.  Thank you, kind sir.

To Katka Lerlova (what an incredible soul ) who ably translates my words with passion and dedication to ensure animals are communicated with in an ethical and soulful manner.   Thank you beautiful Katka.

To Matej Bartak, who says yes.  Clearly dedicated to ethical communication with animals, he is a doer, and inspires me to do more.  I am very grateful for your support.

To my family – Darryl, Zac, Kai, Dad, siblings and extended loved ones.  Thank you for supporting my quirky passion.  Thank you for understanding that the words had to come out of my head and providing me the time to lay them on paper.  Thank you for understanding and in part agreeing that animals are a part of the fabric of the planet.  Thank you for allowing me to place them so highly on our priority list

To the support I receive at my place of work.  So grateful.

To my sister Julie for editing the words.  Thank you.

Thank you to my guinea pigs.  I trialled this book on a number of people around the world.  You said yes.  Nikeil Singh, Carl Schloms, Debbie Kuhn, Kathy Drummond, Katka Lerlova, Roy Chiltern, Sarah Pillay, Leanne Jamieson, Linda Erb, Robynn Ingle-Moller, Charmaine Davis, Jakub Beran, Sean Hensman, Presha Soogrim, Bilal Limbada, Paul Ziegler, Sean Parker, Kelly de Klerk, Arenea Sleeman, Peter Baloi, Elsie Briedenhann, Frantisek Susta, Matej Bartak, Christiane Thiere, Jone Porter, Dave Leslie, Jono Ellerbeck, Paul Creedy and Darryl Harris.  Thank you.

Thank you to the greater good.  The journey of writing this book was inspiring for me.  I lived with the concepts and learned a great deal about myself in the process. Thank you to Kima Global Publishers for doing it all over again.  Thank you Robin and Nadine.

Table of Contents

How to use this book

Relationships teach if we are teachable

Chapter by Chapter

Introduction

Preparation for playing this journey

You are the masters of this game

Pure energy

For-Giving is… Receiving and Giving

Find a Journal

Or –Play with an Angel

General Notes

Tasks for every Chapter

Exercise 1

Exercise 2 – NLP Candle or fist pump or…

Exercise 3

Personal Dedication

Memories of an Elephant

Instant gratification

The Devil is in the Story

Practice makes Perfect

What Drives me?

Introduction task

Chapter 1: Being Clear on the Lingo

Task 1: Cube Clarity

Whose line is it anyway?

#1 Notes

It is in the Body Work

Are you Present?

Cultural Colouring

Pressure is in a request

My Son’s Coming of Age

Punishment using positive reinforcement

Other Confusion in the Operant Conditioning Cube

The Proof is in the Pudding

Punishment Fails

Negative reinforcement in action

Negative reinforcement gives back control

Choosing not controlling

Practical Session #1

Chapter 2: Run for Cover

Task #2

# 2 Notes

How the Stress Triangle Works

Reptilian Brain

Choice, Power, Safety – power-house primary reinforcement

Comfort Zone

How can we ensure that we are affording control?

Questions and Answers in action with a clicker

Questions and Answers in action with a negative reinforcement and horse fly spray

The Illusion of Control

Practical Session #2

Chapter 3: Doing for Being

Task #3

#3 Notes

Who can fill the gaps?

Lessons from Last Week

Attitude Follows Behaviour

Fundamental Attitude Influence

Harlow Monkey Puzzle

What is Right with the World?

What does this mean for the World?

What is Driving our Friends?

Choice is Control

Motivation on the Stress Triangle graph

Focus

The Balance of Reinforcement

The Intrinsic Value of Oxytocin

Oxytocin can occur in and out of training sessions

Enrichment and autonomy

Control during training

Does it mean we give away control?

Choose

Chapter exercise #3

Chapter 4: Are you a victim or a perpetrator?

Task #4

#4 Notes

What perpetuates distraction?

Short and Sharp

What is Empathy?

It is all in the head

There is no right or wrong

Development of Beta

Extrinsic motivation diminishes empathetic potential

So why is empathy important?

How do we get to the Moment?

What is with People is with Animals

Taking Responsibility for our situation

The Way of the Ego-free Yogi

Exercise 4: Victim or Perpetrator?

Chapter 5: Thinking, Talking, Listening, Healing

Task #5

#5 Notes

A practical people example

Reaction Model Explained

The Four Quadrants

How Fight, Flight and Freeze Works

Characteristics of Fight or Flight Potential

Relationship Game Time

Our Attitude Determines their response

You get what you give

Does no mean no or does it break the relationship?

Exercise #5

Chapter 6: Noble Attention

Task #6

#6 Notes Who’s got the power?

Creatures of Habit

We are all control freaks

Child Abuse

Familiarity can be abusive

Controlling Animals

ABC

Why does Problem Behaviour Exist?

Back to the Diagnosis of Problem Behaviour

True Relationship

Building their Faith

Learn the Lesson and Apply to People

Exercise 6

Chapter 7: Keeping it Real

Task #7

#7 Notes

Stress Limits our Ability to Change

Change would mean Success

Who is who in the problem?

Hard to Stop

Look to see with clarity

Look for Control

The Story does not end there

Natural Behaviour is the Outlet

The Tail Wagging the Dog

Look and you will see

Adjusting our Participation

Focus on what you want

Move

SLAMmed shut

Pried Open

Exercise 7

Chapter 8: Play for the Sake of It

Task #8

#8 Notes

Accept, Acknowledge and Appreciate

Accept to see ‘what is’

Acknowledge

Appreciate

Acceptance and ‘what is’

Surrender and Be

What does Attachment look like?

Scary Attachment

Surrender – Other Obstacles

Label Limits

Not what it sounds like

Exercise 8

Chapter 9: Projection

#9 Tasks

#9 Notes

One’s perception of reality is only relatively real

100% with Animals

Animals are at 100%

What is Projection?

Animals Suffering our Projections

Beautiful family

Animals Project Clear Purity

Where did they begin?

Animal Therapy

Feeling Judged

Judging generally

Emotion Signals

Focus on the Excuse

Listen to your own counseling and advice

Now What?

Noticing Projections in another

Why Bother being Concerned?

Out of the Coma

Exercise #9

Reflection Time

Chapter 10: A Door to Gratitude

Task # 10

#10 Notes

Avoidance through Distraction

Optimism is Happiness

From Acknowledgement to Appreciation

Growing up with Animals

Jula

Being a part of Something Beautiful

Ego is King

The Beauty of Jula

Sasha

Part of Something Bigger

A Part of Us

Saying Goodbye

Exercise #10

Conclusion

Conclusion Task

Conclusion Notes

Goal of Life

The Practice of Joy

Surprise

Find an Angel to support your ‘yes’

Play More

Adventure

Personal dates

Learn Something New – all the time

Change it up

Out of your Comfort Zone

Physical Activity

Get Over Yourself

Permission to relax

Lighten Up

Judgement, justification, Complaints

Generosity

Declutter

Turn negative speak into opportunity

Reflection time

How to Play in Relationship with Animals

Avoid Argument

It is not about the goal

Take Turns to Converse

Be Alert to our reactions as they are taking place

Be Honest with yourself and the animal

In conversation, there is no wrong or right

Back to your Heart

Intuitive Knowing

Keep Moving

Keeping it fun

It Changes who we are

Desensitisation

Focus on the Good

Use the Information to see your game

Final Conclusion

Exercise Conclusion

Bibliography

About the Author

How to use this book – prepare to play

Choose!

This book provides options.  It is aimed at people who wish to improve their ability to communicate effectively.  Effective communication is clear and ethical communication.  This is simply how it works.  One cannot truly be effective in communication unless one is being ethical.  Hopefully, this message will be clear at the end of the journey.  This book is a workbook.  It is focused on illuminating communication by providing opportunities to gain insight from our animal friends.

Relationships teach if we are teachable

If we have a relationship with animals, whether we like it or not, we are training them.  Just as we condition the behaviour of people around us through our conscious and unconscious responses. We are affecting the behaviour of animals around us, training them, even if we do not call ourselves animal trainers.  You will learn more about the theory animal training in this book.  If you are an animal trainer, this book will assist you to fine-tune your skills.  I do not believe it is possible to improve your skills without becoming more ethical in your approach.

For me, this occurs when I become more aware of my own personal motivation, fears, and concerns.  These principles are what stand in our way of being in a true relationship with pure being – where we are able to do what needs doing in the moment.  Animals are certainly my teachers.  If we apply the lessons they teach us in this book to the rest of our lives – we will become better people – not only with other people, but in our world.

Chapter by chapter

So, this is how I suggest you use this book.  Every chapter begins with a practical exercise that you are encouraged to do.  The exercise is generally focused on a relationship with your animal friends.  It may include some animal training lingo. It will be explained. For the accomplished, you may want to skip over the definitions.  They are there to ensure clarity.  The practical exercise will require some activity for you to participate in, which is directly related to being with the animals in your life.  Thereafter, there is a supportive narrative.  At the end of the written section, there is another exercise for you to complete.  This requires you to be a little reflective and is strongly recommended.

Participating in the exercises is a supportive process as they are designed to provide practical insight into who you are.  The exercises also provide the opportunity for you to do things a little differently every day.  This in itself is a fun opportunity.  As will be outlined, the most dangerous place in the world is being deep in our comfort zone, so becoming unstuck is the possibility here.  Play!

The other option is to simply read the book.  The awareness it brings may help you look at interactions with animals and life from a different perspective.

Introduction

I dare you to move like today never happened before.

Dare you to Move by Switchfoot

Preparation for playing this journey

Rule number 1 – There is no right or wrong way to play this game! No rules.

Rule number 2 – Remember Rule number 1 – AT ALL TIMES!

Embark on this journey out of choice.  Don't embark on it to achieve something.  Remember the old adage – enjoy the journey without the destination in mind.  Trust the process.  Because that is all you have at any given time.  The only way to trust the process – is to trust yourself.  What is your motivation to participate?  What will you say or feel when you are done?

Answers to these questions will cue you on what to be real about.  Be fully responsible for your actions and choices.  Don't do anything without first choosing to do it.  So – if ever the language comes up that makes it about another – e.g., I have to do ….. Stop, and be aware that you have just made yourself a victim in the process.  Go back and say – I choose to…

If at any point you disagree with an exercise or activity – that is okay.  Then just choose if you are going to do it anyway, or not; not to be a rebel.  This may be a pattern in your life.  Look!  If it feels like you are avoiding something and a little anger comes up, or judgement, perhaps push on through and do it anyway.  Forgiving yourself for whatever the judgement is that arises.  You never know.  It may be the start of changing a pattern.

Why change patterns?  Because in doing so, we provide ourselves with the opportunity of experiencing more than the limitations that we have defined around our living.  Patterns – whether they are belief systems or ‘the right way to do something’, or simply a coping mechanism – in general terms, they are our self-imposed limitations.

You are the master of this game!

So what should we expect the outcome of playing this journey to be?  Who knows?  For each of us, it will be different.  This experience has been designed as a result of a fair amount of research as well as a number of experiences and realisations I have had on my journey.  The journey will not end as long as I breathe air in my relationship with animals.

Pure Energy

Animals are a pure energy.  Sometimes that energy becomes confused. Perhaps because of the disparity between their natural history and the expectations that we have of them.  However, every time we put down our expectations their pure light will shine through.  If they have been abused, or upset, it may take a little longer for the light to come through, but it will.  Perhaps dimly at first, but eventually they too can shine – if we allow.  This is why they are healers.  If we wish them to glow, we are encouraged by their glimmer to be pure in our relationship with them.  Then we practise giving light.   Forgiving.  For-Giving – we are taken back to our centre.  From here we can experience unconditional love.

For Giving is… Receiving and Giving.

So, the game is to assist us to find our own light and that is why we will all experience it differently, because to date, as we have – generally speaking – been socialised and taught to do, we have spent our lifetimes customising a cloak to dim our radiance; and the customised cloak is different for each of us.

Some of the exercises in each chapter will take longer than others.  If you are choosing to play this journey rather than simply read the book, it is suggested that you read one chapter at a time and do the exercises per pre-decided timeline.  One per week is a good time line.  Once you have decided on a period per chapter, work to stick to that time-frame.  The design has been put together to work over 12 weeks.  Take one set time a week to focus on planning the work for the week.  Time-out to read the chapter and do the exercises.

Find a journal.

A journal is something in which you can document your experiences you have as a result of the exercises and games that you choose to play.  What you put into this journal is up to you.  An A4 file or folder is suggested, but once again  there are no hard and fast rules.     Whether it is hard cover or soft cover it is all up to you.   Elaborate or plain, it is your call.  Neat or untidy, you choose.  Named, labelled and colour coded, you decide.  It is strongly suggested that the journal is not digital.  Actually work with your hands to create your product.  This has been found to be more effective at assisting us to change our patterns.  Make sense in a world where many of us are fixated on screens.

Your journal rules:  Unless you decide otherwise, it is for your eyes only!  No rules.

Or – Play with an angel

If you wish to be supported by another person and play this journey alongside them, it will be effective.  You will be ‘angels’ for each other.  There are pretty strong guidelines here to assist you to honour each other’s experience.

  *Provide NO advice or reasoning to the other.

  *Your only role is to be an angel that simply ‘holds the space’.  What does holding space mean?  It is providing your angel with the space to be themself; whether they are happy, sad,   angry or any other feeling.  You provide no judgement, simply focused attention on their experience.  You are there at the pre-determined time to do the work together.

  *As an angel, your job is to simply speak your own truth in your own personal journey.  Then you listen without judgement to your associate angel.  Any judgement you have of the other in this process is not shared.  If for example, you feel that the other is not being open-minded enough, you cannot divulge this.  It is your judgement to own!  All you can do to counter their experience is breathe deeply and be even more open-minded yourself.  This may incur the benefit of your angel feeling safer to be open-minded.  It may not.

  *Some will. Some won't. So what. Who's next (Stephen Norval) 

  *Remember that every time you feel reactive, a button is being pressed in you.  This is an opportunity to look more deeply at yourself.  Not to project your belief onto your angel.  We are all different.  We all operate at different depths.

  *You will more than likely not achieve the same insight as your angel during this process.  But you can support them by believing they are doing just great; because they are.  They are showing you a space inside yourself.  Appreciate the support they offer you.

  *Sympathy is a cop-out.  If you find yourself feeling sorry for your angel, look at that.  There is judgement there that you need to consider.

  *Empathy, on the other hand, is just fine.  Feeling with someone is very different to feeling sorry for someone.  We only feel sorry for those   we feel are less worthy than ourselves.  I believe that empathy is possible in the moment.  Sympathy is fear-based.

  *Keep light.  Feel, but have fun.

  *Be brave.

  *You still do the exercises yourself.  In your own time, and with your own feelings.  You do not ask the other’s opinion.  You simply hold each other to complete in a certain time, and where you wish, share your findings.

  *Beware of justifications.  Whenever you are in discussion with your angel, make sure you are not trying to get them to agree with you.  If you find you are, look at why you may not be fully believing in yourself.

General Notes

For everyone playing the game, most important; be kind to  yourself.  Commit to this process for your own good.  Remember that the world is filled with teachers.  Animals may be the greatest teachers of all.  A teacher is by definition someone who points the way to the truth.  When we are taught it is our job to look at the truth.

In truth (here is the cosmic joke) there may be nothing to learn.  So, commit to this game just for fun. Without expectation.  Why not?

Tasks for every chapter

It would be very valuable to do the following three exercises for the duration of the period that you read this book.  These would be exercises that are extra to the exercises per chapter.

Exercise 1

At the end of every chapter before you begin your homework:

Summarise your thoughts about the chapter you have just read.  It could be just three sentences.  It could be pages if you found it triggered something worth noting that you can relate to your personal experiences.  Don’t try and be right or wrong.  Just