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    Elias Zapple’s Rhymes from the Cabbage Patch: American-English Edition
    Elias Zapple’s Rhymes from the Cabbage Patch: American-English Edition
    Elias Zapple’s Rhymes from the Cabbage Patch: American-English Edition
    Ebook85 pages32 minutes

    Elias Zapple’s Rhymes from the Cabbage Patch: American-English Edition

    By Elias Zapple

    ()

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    About this ebook

    American-English Edition 

    Inside this book you will find, 
    Funny nonsense from my mind. 
    Zany rhymes and slimy tales, 
    Creepy crawlies leaving bloody trails. 
    And a clever slug that shocks, 
    Tales about Cinders and Goldilocks. 
    Cabbages, slugs and Elias Zapple, 
    What rhymes with Zapple apart from apple? 
    Fun and craziness! (You'll have a good time), 
    There's even some that do not rhyme! 
    Read the book, there's so much more, 
    Or my slugs and I will go to war! 
     
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherHeads or Tales Press
    Release dateFeb 28, 2018
    ISBN9788826416311
    Elias Zapple’s Rhymes from the Cabbage Patch: American-English Edition
    Author

    Elias Zapple

    Elias Zapple was not born in 1922, as some would have you believe. His date of birth is not really relevant anyway. What is relevant is that he arose out of a tulip that was growing in some old granny's garden in Camberwell. How he got to be in a tulip is not really clear, nor is it clear how he got out of the tulip, and years later wrote the smash hit musical, 'Love, be a Stranger', which was an international flop. After that success, he went on to work as a 19th century Victorian chimney sweep, when he was inspired to write the acclaimed series of books entitled 'Duke & Michel'. It is believed the fumes from the chimneys did so much damage to Elias, that it was a miracle he ever ate a cupcake again.  Later, he travelled back in time to the present, and went on a series of trips to many foreign and distant lands. During these travels, Elias met and listened to many interesting people, choosing to ignore all of them. He did, however, learn a couple of things: i) the earth is flat; and ii) you should never eat a banana when it's not ripe. Many questions are often asked by his adoring public. Are you human? How many chimpanzees can fit inside a fridge? What is that thing growing on the side of your head? To which Mr Zapple has always smiled, turned away and swum off into the sunset; having only once been bitten by an unfriendly shark. Elias Zapple continues to work towards the unification of Korea, and writing children's stories that parents will spend huge sums of money on. He wishes you all to know that every penny made from the books will go straight into his bank account, which he will then spend on a lavish, new tent.

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      Book preview

      Elias Zapple’s Rhymes from the Cabbage Patch - Elias Zapple

      Elias Zapple’s

      Rhymes from the Cabbage Patch

      By

      Elias Zapple

      American-English Edition

      Copyright

      © Elias Zapple, 2014

      Illustrated by

      Ilaeira Misirlou

      Disclaimer

      This book is a work of fiction and any resemblance to real persons/slugs, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

      Dedication

      For

      Lucky Marigold Raccoon

      Contents

      Title Page

      Copyright

      Disclaimer

      Dedication

      Foreword

      One - Odd Creatures, Slugs & Elias Zapple

      Duke

      Miss Tickles

      Little Miss Loopy

      Sweet Cherry Pie

      Weird Farmer Jack

      Slugs

      Steve the Slug

      Why Slugs?

      Clyde the Slug

      Creepy-Crawly

      Elias Zapple

      Ode to Elias Zapple

      Dieter and I

      Cabbages

      Two - Zany Nursery Rhymes

      Cinderella

      Humpty Dumpty

      Jack and Jill

      Jack and Jill (2)

      Goldilocks and the Three Bears

      Three Killer Mice

      One Vengeful Farmer

      The Three Little Pigs

      Little Red Riding Hood

      Who is Elias Zapple?

      Also by Elias Zapple

      A Request from Elias Zapple

      Foreword

      Ever since I was a little sprout I have enjoyed writing complete and utter nonsense that has bewildered, shocked and confused my many loyal slugs. Some of the disloyal, slimy slugs have simply gotten up and left, stating that they no longer wished to live in such a confusing environment where I’d spout any old nonsense. To those slugs I say this: Good riddance, and I hope my neighbor Dieter sprays you with pesticides.

      Now, I might be known the world over for my dashing good looks, my incredibly stylish moustache that I call Mr Snazzy, and my ability to hit Dieter’s noggin from over a mile away with a cabbage. (And of course, the Duke & Michel and Jellybean the Dragon series of books), but I should also be known for my poems. Some critics might say that my poems are nonsensical – which they are. Some critics might say that my poems are terrible – which they also are, and some critics might even say my poems are complete gobbledygook that should never see the light of day – which is also very true. However, to those critics I say Watch out!, as my army of loyal slugs knows where you live, and will be attacking you shortly.

      I have just received word that my slugs have indeed attacked those critics, leaving them slimed, sticky and eager to shower. All slugs have returned home… wait, no, one slug is down! Bob the slug is down! I will now observe a minute’s silence for Bob. Bob was a brave slug, always willing to listen to my nonsense rhymes, intentionally lose to me at chess, and never query me when miniature sticks of dynamite were attached to his back. Bob, I shall visit your final resting places and plant a tulip at each.

      Moving on, these rhymes (and

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