Ironsides, The Haunted Robot

1. Kate’s Fancy

My name’s Errol Waring and I live at 203 Summit Boulevard. That’s on the north side of Stokerton.

I think we’ve met before but if you don’t remember me don’t worry about it. Here’s my card. That’s right. Robots. I make them. I repair them.

Yes, I’m the same guy who wrote that book Not My Planet. Sure, it’s a stupid title and I told him so. Who? The book agent, that’s who. When I wrote it I called it Other Times, Other Places, but he said, I get books published and I’ve been doing it for a long time. Work with me, Errol. Your title isn’t going to do what we want. Your market is adults, not little kids. Trust me on this.

I’m an inventor, not a writer, so I just signed the contract. But trust him? What does he know? When I was younger we didn’t read. We played ball in the alley. Anyway, somebody out there is reading books because mine sold enough copies to make a little profit for the publishers. The agent got himself a new car. I got a check for 20 big ones.

So Kate and I used the money to renovate the house. We moved the workshop to a room over the garage and converted the basement into living space. Kate never liked having my workshop in the basement. My machines made the dishes rattle.

Then life took an unexpected turn.

I came home from work one day, stopped to talk to my little Ania playing in the living room, then walked into the kitchen. I heard someone going through the cupboards in there and I thought it was Kate. It wasn’t. I saw an old woman with her back to me and her head in the refrigerator.

Hello, I said. Where’s Kate?

The old woman closed the refrigerator and turned around. She dropped the plate she held. It didn’t break because it was plastic. I bent over and picked it up. But when I stood up again and saw her face I dropped the plate, too. The old woman and I stared at each other.

Errol? she said.

Mom?

Maybe you’re wondering why I was so surprised to see my Mom. I was more than surprised. She disappeared when I was six. Granddad told me she was dead. Years later I learned he had lied about that, but since I’d grown up without ever hearing from her I stopped thinking about it.

Now here she was standing in my kitchen. She’d changed a lot, but you don’t forget your Mom.

I cleared my throat, started to speak, then stopped.

Errol? she said. What are you doing here in Kate’s house?

It’s my house. Where’ve you been, Mom?

Right here. Is Kate a friend of yours?

More than that. I’m Kate’s fancy.

Fancy? You mean fiancé.

That’s right. I’m her boyfriend.

Is that baby in the other room yours?

Of course she is.

Then why aren’t you two married?

We’ve been busy. And Kate wants a nice church wedding.

As well she should. I’ll help her arrange it.

The baby crawled into the kitchen, wanting attention. Mom looked at the baby and burst out into tears. I have a grandbaby, she blubbered. She’s my own grandbaby. I didn’t think I’d ever get a grandbaby. She dug a tissue out of an apron pocket and dabbed at her eyes.

Ania was surprised by all the commotion and started crying, too. Mom picked her up, hugged her, and carried her upstairs.

They cried the whole way.

I sat down at the kitchen table to recover from the ordeal. I was still there when Kate came in the back door carrying a watering can.

Hi, lover, she said, big smile on her face. What’s that look for? What’s wrong?

Before I could say anything, Mom was back, but without the tears. The baby, she said, is taking a nap.

Viola, Kate was still smiling. This is Errol. Errol, honey, I have finally found our live-in nanny. Viola comes with wonderful references.

Mom and I exchanged a look. I cleared my throat. Kate, I think you should know that Viola Nomarrio ...

... Waring Nomarrio Martin Williams, Mom interrupted me.

I turned and looked at her. Martin Williams?

Richard Martin and Sydney Williams. Lovely men, may they rest in peace.

And Nomarrio?

Went back to Cordelia. They have five children. Might be seven by now.

Will you two stop! Kate said. Let me in on this. What’s going on? You know each other?

Kate, I said. Meet Viola Waring Nomarrio Martin Williams, my mother.

The watering can fell from Kate’s hand and headed for the floor. I wondered if it was empty.

2. Misadventures

We had spaghetti for supper. Conversation was pass the cheese and have another meatball.

When everyone was full of pasta and feeling calmer I said, So tell me, Mom, where’ve you been all these years?

In the city. Not this one. Emerson Bay. I was happy with Richard. I was happy with Sidney, too. They both died too young. Richard insisted on repairing broken appliances and finally electrocuted himself. Sidney died of the flu. I couldn’t get the man to stay in bed. Lordy, but he loved his piano. I’ll always say, it was the piano that was the end of him.

I’m so sorry, Viola, said Kate.

Thank you, my dear. Losing them was hard for me, especially Sidney. I’m not sure I would have survived his death if it weren’t for that nice Dr. Kuchenmitnussen. But no matter. She sat up straighter and smiled at us, That was many years ago and I have adjusted to being alone. I earn my keep by taking care of babies.

Why do you have to do that? I asked her. What happened to Granddad’s money? He told me there was a lot of it somewhere. Since you’re not dead after all ...

I took what he owed Don when I left. That’s all. I thought you got the rest.

Wasn’t much. Enough to buy the house with not a dime to spare. What did he owe Nomarrio for? As if I didn’t know. Granddad, with my friend Harcourt and I, had robbed the man. But my life as a thief is long behind me and Mom didn’t know about my role in Nomarrio’s robbery.

I will not discuss it. As far as I’m concerned your Granddad’s misadventures were buried with him.

So what happened to it?

To what? You mean the money I gave to Don? We spent it. We were young.

I see, I said. And I did. Don Nomarrio had probably spent all of Cordelia Blatt’s trust funds as well. I was puzzled, though. Do I understand you right? Did Granddad have more stashed away? More than you gave to Don?

Oh, my goodness, yes. A lifetime of ill-gotten gains? He was rolling in it.

LATER THAT NIGHT KATE and I lay cozy in bed, talking quietly.

Kate said, So there’s a treasure buried somewhere?

Don’t count on it. Granddad told me Mom took everything he had. Mom now says he had plenty more. I had what I needed, growing up, but nothing extra. If we were rich, I never knew it. Doesn’t matter now.

I’m just teasing you, lover.

I’ve got two more questions for Mom, though. First, how did she recognize me? I was just a little kid when she left. And second, who do the ashes in the urn belong to? Granddad always insisted it was Mom and that I should take good care of the urn.

Maybe he buried the treasure in the urn.

I laughed out loud and Kate shushed me but there was no sound from Ania in the next room.

As for your first question, honey, she’s your mother, after all. She probably checked up on you regularly, from a distance. I’m sure she’s got a scrapbook full of your grade school pictures.

And my mug shots from the wanted posters?

Hey, I’ve got those, too.

Kate!

I was a police officer, you remember. You look real mean in those pictures, especially with that buzz cut.

I felt real mean. I was looking at five to ten in the slammer when they took them. But you should get rid of those things before Ania finds them. The gun, too.

Tomorrow, first thing. By the way, where’s the urn?

At Emerald Moss Gardens where it belongs. Forget about it and go to sleep.

I WAS UP AT SUNRISE and found Mom whistling cheerfully in the kitchen as she set the table for breakfast.

Good morning, Errol, she said. Go put a shirt on.

I did not go put a shirt on. I grabbed a pastry and sat down next to her. Her face got red but she didn’t say anything more about it. Kate came into the kitchen, got a pastry and sat down with us. Did you like the room, Viola? Is there anything else you need?

We’d given Mom the basement bedroom. It’s not like Harcourt left it. We had sold all the junk and fixed the place up nice when doing all the renovations to the house.

Thank you, Kate. It’s a very pleasant room. Perhaps farther from the baby than I’d really like to be, but I’m not complaining. And having to walk outside to get into the house proper is not a burden. It really isn’t. If I have to come in here after dark the walkway is well lit. Except for one small area. But I can use a flashlight there ... she rambled on about it for a while. Kate sat quiet, a strange look on her face.

When we heard Ania yelling from her crib Mom went up to get her.

Kate looked at me. Wow, she said. I’ve heard about them. Mothers-in-law. Please slap me if I ever start talking like that.

Like what?

Go take your shower, buster. You’ll be late for work.

3. A pinch of cloves

Iquit the job on Monday but did not tell Kate about it. Plenty of time for that. It was Tuesday morning and I’d have had the day off from work anyway. I went out to the shop and started making little robots. Every once in a while a customer bought one.

Mom followed a customer in. Kate’s giving the baby a bath and I thought I’d come up to see this place.

Glad to see you. Sell a robot to that customer over there.

She didn’t move. I had another customer in front of me, waiting to be rung up. I bent over the cash register, poking the keys.

Mom said, You’re terribly slow, Errol. You shouldn’t keep this nice gentleman waiting.

The cash drawer popped out and hit me in the stomach. I gave my customer a big grin full of pain as I took his cash. I pushed the cash drawer closed. Mom, I said, would you take care of the register here? It would be a big help.

I would love to, she smiled and stepped up to the register.

A couple of hours later when I closed the shop she wasn’t smiling. Her hair had started to come loose. Her glasses were smudged. She rubbed at her forehead and swayed on her feet from fatigue, even though I’d put a chair next to the register.

We’re closed now, Mom. Let’s go get something to eat. I led her out the door and locked up.

The toy robots are nice, Errol, she said. but I’ve seen the catalogs you get in the mail. There are some interesting things you could sell here. Little wooden nutcrackers. Silk flowers. Pictures would do a lot for those bare walls.

I don’t have the extra cash for all that. Not yet.

And the garage is wasted on your truck. There is more space down there for a proper store. You could leave your machinery where it is, above the garage, and have the store downstairs. Just park the truck in the driveway.

I’ve considered it but I don’t have the cash for that, either, Mom.

You should hire an experienced cashier, too. I never return to a store where the cashiers are slow. I refuse to wait in long lines.

I smell pork chops. Kate is cooking pork chops and I love pork chops.

I don’t smell cloves. She should add a pinch of ground cloves to the pork. I’ll be sure to give her my recipe first thing tomorrow.

I stopped on the porch outside the kitchen and looked at Mom.

Do me a favor and just tell her thanks for a wonderful dinner.

AFTER DINNER, ALONE in our bedroom ...

You did what? You quit?

Yes, sweetheart. Taking care of the shop and working those long hours as an inventor for ...

Oh, what a relief.

... unh ...

I’m so glad, lover. Come here and get in bed. Kiss me.

But ...

Kiss me!

So I did, and we stopped talking for a while. Later on, half asleep in each other’s arms, I asked her why she was glad to hear I’d quit my job.

Because, she whispered, I want to go back to teaching. There’s an opening at Stokerton Academy. And your customers ask me questions about robotics that I can’t answer. You should be there.

What about Ania?

Ania adores her grandmother. They get along great. They’ll have fun. And Viola will have complete freedom with her recipes, cloves and all.

Cloves?

Just a pinch.

4. Until death do us part

Building the bigger robots was more interesting. I worked up the design myself after doing repairs on the ones my neighbors were bringing to me. They sold OK. Not as fast as the toys.

I lost track of one once. I think it went off on its own to water the plants around the house and got stuck somewhere. A customer brought it around and asked if it was for sale. Sure, I said. I didn’t ask where he’d found it, but I’d have to be more careful.

It was Saturday morning when Kate found me at the shop.

Close it up, lover, and go take a shower. We have to be at the chapel by 2 p.m.

"What for? I’ve got two more of these to repair. Ouch!" I rubbed my arm where she’d punched me.

I’ll lock up here, she said. Go shower and put on the tux we rented.

Oh, right. I’d forgotten about the wedding. Mine and Kate’s at the Summit Chapel down the road.

Mom, Kate and I were dressed to the teeth, but the guests had been told they should come casual since the reception was outside on the grass. When Mom first heard about this her eyes narrowed with irritation, I cannot imagine such a thing. People know better than that and they will come in formal attire.

That may be true in Emerson Bay but it wasn’t true here. Stokerton is a casual town. Mom sniffed and wiped at her eyes through the whole ceremony and I’m sure it’s because she was the only one in the chapel not wearing jeans. Except for me and Kate.

Kate was an angel in her new white gown. Her red hair was tied up under a veil, and her wide, smiling green eyes locked on mine as she came strolling down the aisle. Two local girls, daughters of a neighbor, followed with baskets of flowers, hurrying to keep up with the bride’s long-legged, impatient stride. The pianist in the back corner banged eagerly on the keyboard, ignored by everybody.

As soon as formalities were over and we were outside for the reception I put a drink in Mom’s hand. After two of those she forgot about the dress code and had a good time. I got a little loose myself.

We couldn’t afford a real band so we rented a jukebox. We were still dancing when it was too dark to see much. Not good when some of the guests lost their chairs and sat on the grass, but nobody was seriously hurt.

By the time we got home the nanny had eaten half the food in the refrigerator, but had at least found the time to empty the baby’s potty and take out the trash. And the