Unemployed: How Desperation Led Me to the Worst Job Ever
()
About this ebook
Desperate and overwhelmed by the mind-numbing sameness of each day during ten months of unemployment and no interviews, our heroine Laurie slowly unravels as she lowers her employment expectations. Coming apart at the seams from the pounding boredom, she accepts a job she is extremely overqualified for, because she is willing to take anything at this point. Watch as Lauries flawed and negative thinking takes her anything job from bad to worse to intolerable. Based on a true story, Unemployed shows how Lauries family, including a crazy and outspoken mother-in-law, gets what theyre thinking about, for better or worse, each and every time. Like a swarming band of locusts, the family brings on nervousness, lack of money, a raucous trip in an inner tube, a whopping case of hemorrhoids, the pursuit of a replacement dog (just in case), the medicinal consumption of gallons of red wine, and some pretty lively dinner conversation. Lauries thoughts take one shockingly simple turn, and the door to the life of her dreams swings wide open. If youre unemployed, working in a job you hate, have the boss from hell, have a crazy mother-in-law, or you simply like to laugh, you will relate to Unemployed: How Desperation Led Me to the Worst Job Ever.
Laura Dolan-Hayes
The concepts in this book marries the Law of Attraction with the state the world finds itself in on the topic of obesity. I am an expert on the Law of Attraction based on my previous book Unemployed: How Desperation led me to the Worst Job Ever. I have personally returned to my state of normal weight using the concepts in this book. I want to share with the world how to return to this ideal state of natural thinness without diet or exercise. The current state of obesity is a phenomenon that has never taken place at any time during the course of human history. It is time that common sense prevail and we put this period of absolute destruction and negativity to an end. Laura Dolan-Hayes lives in Plainfield, New Jersey with her husband Ken and their loving pets. She was educated at Rutgers, The State University of New Jersey, with a bachelor’s degree in Information Technology an Informatics as well as a master’s degree in Communication and Information Studies. She is a success coach, author, humorist, and college professor with a burning passion for football.
Related to Unemployed
Related ebooks
Divorce Sucks: What to do when irreconcilable differences, lawyer fees, and your ex's Hollywood wife make you miserable Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5A Woman Overwhelmed: Finding God in the Messes of Life Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsHookers, Midgets, and Fire Trucks: An Invitation to Our Party Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsYou Don't Need Permission: Finding your path to a purely authentic life Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsShe Is an Overcomer: Real Women, Real Stories - Inspiring You to Overcome Your Challenges Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsLiving Sober Sucks (but living drunk sucks more). Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5When I Die, Take My Panties: Turning Your Darkest Moments into Your Greatest Gifts Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsDEFYING THE ODDS: Becoming the Best Possible You... No Matter the Cost Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsSnap out of It: An Unexpected Caregiver’s Way to Self-Care, Stability, and Survival Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Raped Me Once ~ Over & Over Again Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Vision of Hope - 2nd Edition Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsNo More Shame: A Survivor's Guide to Letting Go of the Past and Discovering Your Inner Strength Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsHow to Feel Better: A Guide to Navigating the Ebb and Flow of Life Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Girl from Pompey: Discovering the Key to Happiness and Fulfilment Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Unlucky Sperm Club: You are Not a Victim of Your Circumstances but a Product of Your Choices Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Confessions of a Thug and a Gentleman Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsFrom Passion to Leadership Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsRainbows and Lollipops: A Bridge to Resilience Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsDaddy's Maybe Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Jackie's Miracle Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsResilience: My Autobiography Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsInsights from the Heart Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsAutobiography of a Nobody: Stories from a Miracle-Filled Life Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Traffic Stop: Human Division Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsBorn Under a Bad Sign Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Napkin Series: A Thinking Man's Thoughts at the Bar Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Strength to Let Go: A Mother's Journey Through Her Son's Addiction Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsIt's Messy: On Boys, Boobs, and Badass Women Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Road to Visibility Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsRecipe to Empower Your Life Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratings
Humor & Satire For You
A Man Called Ove: A Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5I Will Judge You by Your Bookshelf Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Screwtape Letters Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Love and Other Words Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Swamp Story: A Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Anxious People: A Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Best F*cking Activity Book Ever: Irreverent (and Slightly Vulgar) Activities for Adults Rating: 2 out of 5 stars2/5Don't Panic: Douglas Adams & The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Big Swiss: A Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5I Can't Make This Up: Life Lessons Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5101 Fun Personality Quizzes: Who Are You . . . Really?! Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Killing the Guys Who Killed the Guy Who Killed Lincoln: A Nutty Story About Edwin Booth and Boston Corbett Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: the heartfelt, funny memoir by a New York Times bestselling therapist Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Mindful As F*ck: 100 Simple Exercises to Let That Sh*t Go! Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Go the F**k to Sleep Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Farrell Covington and the Limits of Style: A Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5And Every Morning the Way Home Gets Longer and Longer: A Novella Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Soulmate Equation Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Everything I Know About Love: A Memoir Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Solutions and Other Problems Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Plato and a Platypus Walk Into a Bar...: Understanding Philosophy Through Jokes Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Tidy the F*ck Up: The American Art of Organizing Your Sh*t Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Everything Is F*cked: A Book About Hope Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5My Favorite Half-Night Stand Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5How to Be Alone: If You Want To, and Even If You Don't Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Britt-Marie Was Here: A Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The 2,548 Wittiest Things Anybody Ever Said Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Sex Hacks: Over 100 Tricks, Shortcuts, and Secrets to Set Your Sex Life on Fire Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5
Related categories
Reviews for Unemployed
0 ratings0 reviews
Book preview
Unemployed - Laura Dolan-Hayes
Copyright © 2011 Laura Dolan-Hayes
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.
Balboa Press
A Division of Hay House
1663 Liberty Drive
Bloomington, IN 47403
www.balboapress.com
1-(877) 407-4847
Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.
The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.
Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.
Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.
ISBN: 978-1-4525-3246-2 (e)
ISBN: 978-1-4525-3244-8 (sc)
ISBN: 978-1-4525-3245-5 (hc)
Library of Congress Control Number: 2011908709
Balboa Press rev. date: 1/18/2016
Contents
Preface
Acknowledgements
Chapter 1. Desperation
Chapter 2. On-the-Job Training
Chapter 3. Good Vibrations
Chapter 4. Disappointment and Embarrassment
Chapter 5. Good News, Bad News
Chapter 6. Taking Off Like a Shot
Chapter 7. Nasty Grams!
Chapter 8. Monster Taxes
Chapter 9. Stupid and Incompetent
Chapter 10. Shock and Loathing
Chapter 11. Exhaustion and Comfort Food
Chapter 12. Losing It
Chapter 13. Sweet Relief
Chapter 14. My Dogs Are Barking
Chapter 15. Everything I Didn’t Want
Chapter 16. Adapting to Changes
Chapter 17. Cha Cha Cha Changes
Chapter 18. Management by Freak-Out
Chapter 19. The Scales of Justice
Chapter 20. Betrayed
Chapter 21. Taking the Plunge
Chapter 22. Pretty Please With Sugar on Top and a Cherry!
Chapter 23. Final Nastiness
Chapter 24. Desperation Part Deux
Chapter 25. Rebirth
Chapter 26. Put Me in, Coach
Chapter 27. Coincidence? I Think Not
Afterword
Conclusion
About the Author
Final Thoughts
To Ken, Lindsey & Matthew
May your thoughts bring you all the things you desire in life
Preface
In February of 2007 while I was unemployed, I was watching The Oprah Winfrey Show, as was part of my regular daily routine. Little did I know that this would be a life-transforming day for me.
The topic of the show was Rhonda Byrne’s newly released book The Secret, which instantly became a runaway best seller. After watching the entire hour, I was left absolutely confused and perplexed as to what this Law of Attraction is and how it works. The story you are about to read, based on a true story, takes place only months after watching The Oprah Winfrey Show on the Law of Attraction. During the experience I had with my former employer, I was voraciously studying The Law of Attraction, reading anything I could get my hands on, and listening to The Secret CD in my car on my commute back and forth to that awful, horrible job.
One of the things I realized fairly quickly is The Law of Attraction has been written about throughout history, and its properties are taught and discussed in all major religions. The Law of Attraction in and of itself is not a religious principal, but one based in science and quantum physics. If you want to know more about the scientific nature of this Law, I recommend reading Travis Taylor’s The Science behind the Secret: Decoding the Law of Attraction.
The premise behind The Law of Attraction is that your thoughts create your reality. In this book, you will see how my flawed thoughts brought me a reality nothing close to what I really wanted out of my life. The good news is you don’t need to understand the quantum physics behind The Law of Attraction to make it work for you … just like you don’t need to know how electricity works in order to turn on a light.
Please enjoy this lighthearted story of how The Law of Attraction managed to get me into the worst job ever due to my failed thinking, and how with a simple turn of my thoughts, I have attracted into my life everything I’ve ever dreamed of.
Acknowledgements
I would like to take this time to thank a number of people who have either influenced me or made it possible for me to write this book. I would like to thank Wendy Goldman Rohm, Literary Agent, for her help in bringing out the best humor in me. I do appreciate all the extra time you spent urging me to write what was on my mind, and to do it in an over-the-top way. Thank you to my former employer for providing the perfect storm of a horrific employment situation so I could write about it.
Thank you to my husband Ken, and my children Lindsey and Matthew, and Michael, my daughter’s boyfriend for both enduring the worst job ever with me, and for supporting me in writing this book. It means more than you will ever know. Thank you to my mom and step-dad, Bette and Harold Hartley for your support from The Villages in Florida, and Mom, especially for listening to me vent my frustration when I thought this book wasn’t going to happen. Thanks for being my mom, and thank you for being the very first funny woman in my life.
Thank you to my friends who stood beside me, especially when belief in myself began to waver, most notably Lori Jeffers, Carrie Chavers-Wills, Kamini Sanghvi, and Nitasha Beverly. Thank you to my mother-in-law Terry whose dialog I rarely had to embellish. Thank you to the late great Erma Bombeck for teaching, through her example, my comedic timing, and for pushing me hard, even from the grave to keep the promise I made to myself when she died. Thank you Erma for your essay My Turn
which found itself in front of me when I was ready to give up, and gave me the fuel to keep going. Thank you to Carol Burnett, one of my idols, who demonstrates there is enormous grace in being funny.
A special thank you goes out to all of the Anne’s, Ann’s, Anna’s Ana’s, Annmarie’s, and all my friends whose middle names are derived from that beautiful name, who make my life so wonderful. I know I’m surrounded by Grace.
Thank You to all of the authors that have come before me who have written about The Law of Attraction, to name a few: Louise Hay, Cheryl Richardson, Martha Beck, Eckhart Tolle, Esther & Jerry Hicks, Jack Canfield, Michael Bernard Beckwith, Travis Taylor, and so many others. Thank you to Oprah Winfrey for providing a worldwide showcase on this most important topic.
Thank you to Bill Szoke of S & S Appliance Repair, The Best Appliance Guy Ever. Thank you for your wisdom, your gruffiness, your kindness, and appliance magic. You are the best.
Thank you to Lilia Carney, my makeup artist and hair stylist, for making me look great for my picture, and big thanks goes out to Dave Rossi who managed to take a terrific picture of me! I clean up pretty good! Thank you to Jamie Lee Curtis, the Queen of Scream, and Yogurt spokes model extraordinaire. Your scream has inspired me. Thank You to the late Mae West for blazing the trail for strong, independent, and sassy women. You were one helluva broad. When I grow up I want to be a great broad like you.
A special thank you to the entire staff at Balboa Press, whose help and guidance made this book take wing.
Chapter 1
DESPERATION
Everything that surrounds you right now in your life, including the things you’re complaining about, you’ve attracted. Now I know at first blush that’s going to be something that you hate to hear. You’re going to immediately say, I didn’t attract the car accident. I didn’t attract this particular client who gives me a hard time. I didn’t particularly attract the debt.
And I’m here to be a little bit in your face and to say yes, you did attract it. This is one of the hardest concepts to get, but once you’ve accepted it, it’s life transforming.
The Secret
I crack open one eye as the early morning light filters through the mini blinds in a prism of color that makes me squint in pain. As I adjust to the light, my eyes open and I look around to try to figure out what day of the week it is. Funny how that isn’t automatic anymore. I scan the familiar landscape of my bedroom and see the celery-green walls and the white billowy curtains that are supposed to give the feeling of Jamaica on a warm summer evening. Instead of feeling Jamaica, my eyes scan to the top of the curtain rod and I see all of the accumulated dust. Funny, I didn’t know dust bunnies had wings. Still lying down, I can see the top of my dresser with all of The Spouse’s clutter, like loose change, bank receipts, pens, and oddly, a candle on one side and my jewelry box on the other. Above the dresser is a floral swag of purple and yellow flowers that’s hanging awkwardly by a thread. You see, my cat, Eli Manning, likes to stand on my jewelry box and bat at the swag with his paw. No matter how many times I fix it, Eli Manning will yank it down, so now it’s permanently crooked because, frankly, I gave up. I turn over on my side and look at the alarm clock. It’s 6:12 a.m.
I sit up