Positively Conscious: An Enlightened Look at Life

Contents

Introduction

Chapter 1

Seeds of Turmoil and Disharmony

Chapter 2

Happiness and Appreciation

Chapter 3

Relationships

Chapter 4

The Negative Effects of Stress

Chapter 5

Depression

Chapter 6

The Importance of Sleep

Chapter 7

Calm, Still and Conscious

Chapter 8

Positive Belief

Chapter 9

Intelligent Nutrition

Chapter 10

Conquering Illness : Part I

Conquering Illness : Part II

Chapter 11

Age Defying Beauty

Chapter 12

The Importance of Regular Exercise

Chapter 13

Massage and Healing Touch

Chapter 14

The Importance of Water and Salt

Chapter 15

Environmental Shifts & Dangers

APPENDIX

I dedicate this book to :

Lara

For the beauty, grace and joy you bring to each day

Hal E Chester and Judy Johnson

Two inspirational and indomitable souls

Everyone else who is part of the much bigger picture

Introduction  

‘An unexamined life is not worth living’ - Socrates

In contrast to our grandparents and great-grandparents who mostly experienced hardship in their struggle to survive daily life, we live at a time where never before have we enjoyed quite so much freedom of choice in so many areas of life. Many more of us are now in the privileged position of being able to choose not just how we live or where, which job we choose or choose not to do, or how we spend our leisure time and money. And this is after we’ve made our selection from the vast and often confusing array of foods and drink available for our weekly shop, or the apparent endless display of the very latest health and beauty products at our disposal. The choice of TV programmes and movies to view, the innumerable sports and leisure activities available to us, as well as all those fabulous destinations to visit next on vacation, along with the essential fashion accessories and wardrobe to go with, are choices that we make on a regular basis.

Much of the above is done online, at the click of a mouse. In 2007 in the UK alone, a recent poll showed that we spent more than £46.5 billion on online purchases, equating to 15p in every pound of retail being spent in this way. We live in a high-tech world where electronic devices practically think for us. Our dependence on mobile phones and computers has become so great that misplacing or merely being unable to access one can send stress levels soaring. Despite all this high-tech gadgetry however, statistics show that more and more people have become disappointed, disillusioned and dissatisfied with their so-called ‘privileged lifestyles’, with millions dependent on high doses of medication to stay alive and increasingly large amounts of alcohol and recreational drugs to get through the day. Obesity levels in the Western World have now reached epidemic proportions, with the UN recognising this condition and calling it ‘Globesity’. Diabetes Types 1 and 2, cancer and heart disease are also at their highest levels ever recorded, and this imbalance to our health threatens to worsen.

We may have multiplied our possessions, but somewhere along the way we appear to have reduced our values. Millions of people are heavily in debt, so caught up have they become in this hectic, rush-rush ‘must-have-now’ society. We live in a materialistic, over-populated world where the desire to ‘acquire’ appears to have taken precedence above everything else, compromising the emotional, mental and spiritual well-being of millions of people, and creating what can best be described as a ‘spiritual emptiness’ within. I believe that the biggest challenge we face today is to achieve spiritual harmony and physical balance in our lives, at the same time appreciating the material benefits that are available to us, and to nurture, rebalance and protect the planet that has sustained us so far.

It is not just populations that are suffering: whilst governments grapple with solutions to bring global climate under control, we continue polluting our beautiful planet to the point of endangering its ecological balance and survival. We continue with deforestation programmes, building more properties to accommodate expanding populations, buying faster cars and bigger houses and taking airplanes around the globe as though there is no tomorrow. Man has now patented over one million chemicals. We call this ‘progress’ but at the same time illness and disease have increased at the same rate as chemical production and exposure. Many of the discoveries, inventions and technological advancements made during the last 50-100 years now endanger our health and threaten the survival of our planet.

Few people appear to allow themselves the time to stop and think where they’re heading personally – let alone globally – and statistics show that the number of people suffering from stress and depression has reached its highest level ever. Increased stress in our lives can leave us feeling tense, irritable and exhausted, and if left unchecked impacts on both the immune system and the heart, leading to illness and a feeling of being ‘out of control’ with ourselves and the environment around us. A stressful person is usually quite easy to spot, as they are often quick-tempered and impatient, and generally display an unhappy, anxious demeanour.

In my thirties I endured prolonged periods of stress and depression that affected me at the physical, mental and emotional levels. It was an undesirable place to be, but through my own research and personal experience I have formulated a working knowledge of many life-enhancing tools and strategies that have helped enormously in rebalancing my own well-being, health and happiness. As I move through my forties, I am aware more than ever before that no matter how things may appear on the surface, life can be harrowing and tough for many people, no matter what stage they are at in life. Whilst I am neither medically qualified or claim to be the latest Life Coach or Health Guru, I hope that what I am able to share with you will make a positive, interesting and healthy difference to your life.

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Chapter 1

Seeds of Turmoil and Disharmony 

‘The soul would have no rainbow, had the eyes no tears’

- John Vance Cheney

Some years ago at a dinner party in the South of France I found myself sitting next to Helen Gurley Brown, former editor-in-chief of US ‘Cosmopolitan’ magazine and author of ‘Sex and the Single Girl’ and ‘Having It All’ - the international bestseller she had written in the 1980s about love, success, sex and money. At the age of seventy, Helen was a charming and vivacious guest at the dinner party and it had been a real pleasure talking to her. During the course of our conversation I asked her if she thought that ‘Having It All’ automatically led to happiness. She turned to look me directly in the eye, and replied: ‘Honey, with your good looks and a husband who clearly dotes on you (referring to the man sitting to my opposite side) you have nothing to worry about’. Her remark amused me somewhat and I accepted it in the kind nature that had been intended.

At the time of our conversation however, the man sitting to my opposite side was no longer my husband (following a rather sad divorce two years earlier) and although I was just in my early thirties and - according to Helen Gurley Brown at least - looked in pretty good shape on the outside, inside, another story was beginning to unfold. Despite the divorce, my ex-husband and I had managed to remain on good terms - testimony to this fact was that we had flown together to the South of France to attend the dinner party and still enjoyed each other’s company. Meeting my husband for the very first time had felt like a comfortable reunion with a rather old but familiar soul.

We shared a deep spiritual connection and although marriage had not been in my plans at all at the time, we ended up tying the knot more because of his persistence and desire to do so, above anything else. The attachment we formed was strong and he would often tell me ‘I love you more than life itself’. I guess that in the beginning I just went along with what he had wanted and walking away from the marriage had taken tremendous strength. Whilst the strings had become loosened, they were none the less still attached, and leaving had been the hardest thing to do.

During the divorce I had foolishly become involved with the lawyer who had taken charge of my divorce proceedings, and in doing so was rapidly becoming an emotional mess. The lawyer was a most charismatic man: British, just over six feet tall, dark haired, handsome, oozing sex appeal and power, with sparkling blue eyes and a wicked sense of humour. He was extremely successful in his law practice and in life generally, and was without a doubt quite used to ‘Having It All’. With the most vibrant personality, and wicked sense of humour, I found him to be extremely interesting, amusing, witty and completely charming. We had both fallen hopelessly in love and in other circumstances would probably have lived together happily ever after. Unfortunately however, the charming, handsome lawyer with the wicked sense of humour was married - with three beautiful and rather needy teenage daughters.

It was not the first time that he had enjoyed an ‘extra-marital’ affair. I believe however that it was the first time he had fallen for someone quite so deeply and evidently this had not been in his plans. As well as being his client and doting on the legal advice he was giving me, I was deeply involved in what had become a passionate and physically addictive relationship, which I had no idea how or where it would end. We would go through the trauma and motions of ending the relationship - because of the many complications surrounding it only to thwart our own efforts by simply seeing each other again, where everything would quickly revert to where it started. The emotional feelings and physical responses were very powerful indeed and I genuinely did not know how to escape the turmoil we had created.

The affair continued, with he becoming a master juggler. I would ask myself repeatedly ‘How did I allow myself to get into this situation?’ as well as question ‘How on earth could the wife tolerate her husband’s actions?’ The fact was that she was quite used to his behaviour and had turned many a blind eye to his indiscretions over the years, as long as he did not stray too far. She had also enjoyed a string of boyfriends, one whom had recently joined her on a family holiday with husband and children in tow, the summer before I had been introduced to the husband. This was certainly not a woman ready to give up anything, especially as she too was used to ‘Having It All’.

The lowest point in my relationship with the lawyer came when his wife called me a few days before Christmas to let me know that he and his family were preparing to leave for Thailand for the holidays and would be away for around three weeks (a trip that had apparently been planned several months beforehand). She felt it only fair that I should know this, as the lawyer had somehow not had the courage to tell me himself. She was of course absolutely right to let me know. After her call however, I did not get out of bed for the next few days and when I eventually pulled myself together, I looked and felt a hundred years old. By the time he came back from Thailand and called me wanting to meet up as usual, I had planned my escape.

I had decided to leave London and move to France, to begin a new life abroad, which is exactly what I did. Within a couple of months however, and shortly into his family summer holiday, the lawyer had again caught up with me. Despite the huge physical effort I had made to move on, we were once more in each other’s arms. The outcome of this time together is the beautiful daughter we have today, now fifteen years old and as equally charismatic and strong in character as her father. Highly intelligent, intuitive, thoughtful and caring, she is also sportive and physically strong, with her father’s wicked sense of humour and knowing grin. She is in fact the embodiment of all that is good in us and does not seem to have inherited any of our weaker traits. Whilst we experienced a happy interlude where we lived together as a family (I had chosen to remain in France and had enlisted our daughter in the local French school) the relationship did not survive more than a few years.

We lived in a house perched on a hillside, nestled between two medieval villages that were close to the pre-Alps and not far from a beautiful fresh-water lake. We were totally immersed in and surrounded by nature and at times life appeared idyllic. But we did not do ‘long-distance’ very well (he continued with his law practice in London, with long weekend visits and summer holidays together in the South of France) and my daughter and I would travel back to London whenever we could. With my priority and attention focused firmly on this newborn child however, I did not enjoy the best relationship with the three confused, angry and resentful teenage daughters when they came to visit. These were the real victims of the messy situation we had created, and each daughter in turn - at moments more acutely than the preceding - would feel the effects of and react to their family life falling apart.

The eldest daughter in particular had the most difficult time with her parents’ break-up and her father’s relationship with me, and was the one that I least got along with. During our first meeting, she accidentally on purpose drenched me with a glass of water, such was her anger and confusion towards me and the situation she found herself in. Whilst over the years things between us appeared to improve on the surface, there remained underlying resentment and dislike towards me and everything that I represented. It was a very difficult time for all of us. However, of these three daughters who are now grown up, it is the eldest who gets along with my own daughter particularly well, which is quite wonderful - considering how very much she has disliked my own presence in her father’s life. They are all stunningly beautiful girls with strikingly different personalities and looks, and in my own daughter I see a different part of each of them as she grows up.

Although their mother had been careful to protect her three daughters (especially in as far as her own indiscretions were concerned) they were most aware of their father’s ‘philandering’ and it was not too long before they were able to unleash all the anger, frustration, disappointment and bewilderment that they clearly felt. The target was of course myself. The wife, although by now in another relationship, was still very much ‘available’ to her husband, organising various family ‘get-togethers’ and trips. One such trip was to Edinburgh to settle their eldest daughter – who was already there – into University. Instead of taking a flight or the fast train, they drove up together, taking three days to arrive and stopping at various hotels on the way, the receipts for which had been carefully placed in the passenger door of his car. Throughout this time he would not answer any of my telephone calls, but during my next visit to London on the journey coming in from the airport, I alighted on the evidence of their trip before we had pulled up outside our flat.

The lawyer and his wife had been married a long time, they had worked hard together to create a business, a home, a family and a social life and her whole identity was entwined with his. After ‘Having It All’ it is after all, very hard not to have it at all. Had I known her in her youth, I would probably have compared her to a gazelle or some equally exquisite creature, with her long limbs, fine bone structure and mane of red hair. She is in fact a very special person, whom it would be difficult to dislike.

Whilst the lawyer and his wife regularly enjoyed extra-marital affairs during their long relationship, none had come between them in such a way as my relationship had with her husband and the breakdown of their marriage was quickly apportioned to myself, most especially in the eyes of the wife’s staunch Roman Catholic family. I regretted very much becoming involved in this situation, but unfortunately lacked the necessary strength to extricate myself from it. Being rather sensitive, the guilt that I felt at a deep sub-conscious level affected me for many years afterwards, and it took a long time to understand that such feelings have nothing but a negative impact on our own consciousness and health, and serve no real purpose but to erode away at our own confidence, energy and vital life-force.

The emotional stress I subjected myself to in having this rather complex relationship, which had begun at the time of going through a stressful and sad divorce, played havoc with my health and emotions, but did not affect me until much later. During my relationship with the lawyer it seemed that very little was private or sacred. At times I felt as though I was living in front of a two-way mirror, where every little upset, argument or incident would quickly be relayed to the wife, mother, mother-in-law or daughters, as though we were all connected by some kind of human high-speed fibre-optic cable. My husband, whom I had married when I was very young and who was much older and wiser than me, would often say ‘Let go of the edge of the swimming pool!’ referring to my natural shyness, apprehension and inexperience of life. At this point in time, I felt that I had plunged into the very deepest part of the pool and was slowly drowning.

One autumn morning in France, after yet another sleepless night where I could not reach my daughter’s father by phone from early the previous evening till quite late the following morning, I felt that I could not take any more. I had plunged into a very deep depression and felt that I could no longer survive emotionally in the relationship with so many webs spun around it. We still loved each other a good deal and the lawyer eventually asked me to marry him, but alas, it was by now too late and I made the difficult decision to opt out. My daughter was at the time five years old and after spending a short period living in the States, we eventually returned to live in London, where she sees her father on a regular basis. They clearly dote on each other, sharing many similar interests and pastimes. They enjoy spending time together whenever possible, they travel abroad whenever they can together and I have not seen a better father/daughter relationship anywhere. He and I continue to get along very well, if mostly at a distance. With age and experience have come emotional maturity and wisdom, and there remains a sparkle in those mischievous blue eyes. But we each know that neither one of us could go back to those chaotic, unsettling times.

The effects of emotional stress are well documented, although it took time before they began showing in me. My hair first started to turn grey, I suffered from panic attacks and pains began moving through my body. I was having problems with my neck, shoulders and hips and felt so emotionally wiped out that I had gone into a deep depression. My health and vitality were at an all-time low and I felt so very out of control at times I wanted to die. Not only did I feel that I was losing my mind and sense of self, my body was also showing signs of breaking down.

As far as I could see there was only one direction for me to take and thus began my journey in regaining my health and reclaiming my life. As I have a natural aversion to visiting the doctor’s surgery and taking any kind of chemical medication, I began researching how and why people become ill and also experimented in trying out various alternative health practices, products, treatments and remedies. My wish is for more and more people to take greater responsibility for their own individual health and well-being, so that their enhanced awareness and renewed connection to nature may possibly be extended, to transform and rebalance our polluted, exploited and exhausted planet. This is what this book is ultimately about: I hope you will find it interesting, enlightening and useful.

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Chapter 2

Happiness and Appreciation 

‘Knowledge of what is possible is the beginning of happiness’

- George Santayana

Do you remember the TV advert ‘Happiness is a cigar called Hamlet’? If only the key to happiness was as simple as that! Most of us strive to be happy or to at least enjoy some form of happiness in our lives. This is very much part of human nature and of course the level of happiness or whatever it is that we perceive happiness to be, is quite different from one person to the next. I have personally experienced moments of utter ecstasy where everything around me felt just wonderful, everything seemed to ‘fall into place’ and I was at one with the world. At other times I have experienced feelings of absolute despair and despondency to the point of not knowing where to turn. I am happy to tell you that these days, most of the time, I am somewhere ‘in the middle’.

F. Scott Fitzgerald described happiness as ‘the relief that comes after extreme tension’ and I am sure that we can all relate to this. Just imagine for example how happy and relieved a person who is living in a war-zone may feel after surviving the day without being blown-up or killed. That person may experience deep happiness from just being alive for another day. A child living in the western world however may feel desperately unhappy that he or she hasn’t yet been given the latest ipod or iphone. I think therefore it is safe to say that the state of ‘happiness’ is relative.

A well-known film producer,