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    Happy Tails: Hilarious Helpful Hints for Dog Owners
    Happy Tails: Hilarious Helpful Hints for Dog Owners
    Happy Tails: Hilarious Helpful Hints for Dog Owners
    Ebook168 pages1 hour

    Happy Tails: Hilarious Helpful Hints for Dog Owners

    By DVM, Dr. Gary L. Ailes and Joy Underhill

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    About this ebook

    Dog owners who have struggled with naughty, un-trainable dogs and puppies will now be able to learn why dogs do what they do from Hank, a dog whos a lot like yours. Youll also get some expert advice from Dr. Gary L. Ailes, DVM, to learn what your dog is trying to tell you and how to correct common misbehaviors.


    Read Happy Tails to learn why dogs
    Turn your flowerbed into an archeological dig
    Dislocate your shoulder every time you take a walk
    Gravitate toward the moldiest garbage can on the street
    Mistake antifreeze for green Kool-Aid
    Insist upon sniffing the nether regions of humans and animals alike
    Turn on the canine sprinkler at every mailbox post in the neighborhood
    Turn ordinary table legs into objects of affection


    Your dog is not human, but he does want to please you. Your job is to figure out what his actions mean, understand that some of it is just typical of dogs, and offer gentle but firm guidance toward good behavior.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherAuthorHouse
    Release dateOct 8, 2004
    ISBN9781418461539
    Happy Tails: Hilarious Helpful Hints for Dog Owners
    Author

    DVM

    Dr. Gary L. Ailes  is a veterinarian who has worked in the field since graduating in 1972. He is the 2003 President of the State Board of Veterinary Medical Examiners in the state of Nevada. He is a TPLO Certified Veterinarian, a member of the American Veterinary Medical Association, American Animal Hospital Association, Association of Veterinary Orthopedics for Research and Education, Veterinary Orthopedic Society and the Veterinary Surgical Laser Society. He performs such procedures as Total Hip Replacement, Tibial Plateau Leveling Osteotomy, Triple Pelvic Osteotomy, and other surgical procedures in his practice. Joy Underhill’s writing credits include articles in Eve, Life in the Finger Lakes, Business Strategies, and poetry in several local anthologies.  When not writing humor, she nurtures a long-time business-writing career, offering a wide variety of services.

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      Book preview

      Happy Tails - DVM

      Contents

      Section I

      Your Perfect Puppy

      My First Ultrasound

      From Runt to Grunt

      Hank’s Rules

      (Hank Rules)

      Puppy Tears

      How Not to Choose a Vet

      Puppy Paranoia

      Tripping Down Memory Lane

      Potty Training

      Section II

      Your Less-Than-Perfect Puppy

      So You Think Dogs Are Like Humans?

      Next Up on Reality TV:

      Choosing a Dog Trainer

      The Crate: Prison or Paradise?

      My Weakness is Hot Dogs

      Taking You for a Walk

      Section III

      Dastardly Dog Deeds

      Battle of the Bulge

      Oops! Not Again, Hank!

      The Canine Rap

      When Munchkin

      Came Along

      When Fleas Frolic on Fido

      Kitty Catastrophe

      Foot Fetish

      Achoo!

      I Go Where the Nose Goes

      Section IV

      If Men are from Mars, are Dogs from Pluto?

      What I Wish Mom

      Had Told Me

      An Avalanche of Words

      Quit That Barking!

      Prozac for Pups

      Jumpin’ Jack Flash

      Digging and Daffoldils

      Don’t Mix

      Boot-scooting the Carpet

      Ruling the Roost

      Learning to Play with the Dentally Challenged

      Section V

      Going Mobile!

      Road Trip

      Home Alone

      Check Me In at the Ritz

      Goodbye Starter Home

      When Goodbye is Forever

      Section VI

      Your Questions Answered

      Dr. Ailes has outdone himself once again. He is so multi-talented and his book is a vivid, humorous, entertaining, tale (or should we say tail?). In view of today’s uncertainty of how to properly care for animals, Dr. Gary Ailes, simplifies and enlightened the reader with a very informative, yet light reading book.

      - Lynda & Kirk Gillaspey

      The Gillaspey’s are volunteers at the Lake Tahoe Wildlife Care Rehab Center; they are licensed in caring and rehabbing wildlife and are also certified in homeopathic remedies for wildlife.

      A humorous, cartoonish, and informative account of a dog’s life from the dog’s perspective, including mention of many of the important issues that arise for dogs and their owners. Throughout the book, Dr. Gary chips in with helpful and accurate veterinary advice. This is a fun book that adults and children will enjoy as they learn more about how to care for their pup.

      - Nicholas H. Dodman

      Director of the Behavior Clinic

      Tufts University School of Veterinary Medicine

      Author: The Dog Who Loved Too Much; Dogs Behaving Badly; and If Only They Could Speak.

      Dedicated to all dogs who have given their unconditional love and wonderful memories to their owners.

      002.jpg003.jpg

      Introducing…

      Hank, Terri, Ron, Munchkin, and Sissy.

      Dog, Mother, Father, Baby, and She-Devil Cat-from-Hell.

      Notice the structure of this family. Memorize it. Never forget who’s the boss and we’ll get along just fine.

      Ready to learn more?

      Hank

      Ever since our gifted species crawled near your campfires, we of the canine persuasion have been trying to communicate with you. In my own pack, I’d almost given up hope. It’s incredible to think that ye of such impressive cerebral cortex could be so hopelessly ignorant about your most loyal of companions.

      I know you love me. Putting fake antlers on my head at Christmas is a sure sign that you think I’m a member of the family, but can you honestly say you understand me? Can you tell by a simple tail wag if my inner pup needs attention or if my bladder is nearing capacity?

      If not, keep reading. If so, keep reading anyway. You’ll be sure to see yourself—and your pup—on some of these pages.

      Terri

      The best thing about Terri is that she’s easily trained. She’s the one to feed me, check the water bowl, take me to the vet, and let me walk her. All I have to do is utter the meekest whimper and she’s looking for clues, wondering what I want.

      Terri’s into home décor—shabby chic with a touch of feng shui, to be exact—and her only vice is sneaking a handful of Hershey’s Kisses around 4:00 every afternoon. She likes to work out to yoga tapes, which makes for interesting viewing from my perspective. When Ron’s out and the baby’s asleep, she’s apt to curl up with a book and light a half dozen candles. She calls it aromatherapy. I call it a good cover for all the lived-in smells I love around here.

      Ron

      Ron thinks he’s king of his castle. Terri and I know otherwise, but why spoil his fantasy? We let him putter around with his big yard machines and he stays happy. Seems like a fair trade for letting us run the show.

      In fact, the yard is his main passion, after chicken wings doused in Rigor Mortis hot sauce. Over the years, he’s stuffed the garage with two riding mowers, a hedge trimmer, leaf blower, weed whacker, edge trimmer, three rakes, and four thousand trash bags he got on sale. He’s also got a good start on his own Ortho chemical factory

      Just one thing, Ron. Dogs and fertilizer don’t mix. This should be a no-brainer, but Ron didn’t think about how I go barefoot… and then lick my paws… and then pace at the door with a wicked case of the runs.

      Please Ron. Turn on the sprinkler and get that fertilizer soaked in well. Save your cream-colored carpet from my onslaught.

      Munchkin

      I have only one question about undersized humans: Why do you bother having them? Can’t you just pick one up partially grown, like you do at the animal shelter? You must have incredible patience or be the world’s biggest suckers to raise your litters.

      Terri and Ron are just enamored with this little pest. They have at least a dozen pet names for him that will be highly embarrassing if they’re still using them when the kid’s sixteen. Imagine… the poor boy brings home his first date and they wave goodbye, saying Don’t be home late, Little Poo Poo!

      I guess they have to like him in order to pass along their designer genes, but I can’t find much endearing about him. I keep walking up to him with a Frisbee in my jaws, but the kid just drools on the carpet. For right now, he’d rather nibble on my kibble—or my right ear! —when his parents aren’t looking.

      Sissy

      Oh yeah, the cat. I hate cats.

      If I threw up hairballs on a regular basis or brought home the liver of some poor chipmunk as a trophy, I’d be evicted in a heartbeat. The only thing she’s mastered that I haven’t is the ability to make deposits in the loo. I get crazy with envy whenever she scores points with Terri.

      I just hate cats.

      Section I

      Your Perfect Puppy

      004.jpg005.jpg

      Love at first sight !

      My First Ultrasound

      Yep,

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