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    The Customer Is Always Wrong: Funny Stories and Tales of Horror from My Life in the Food Service Industry
    The Customer Is Always Wrong: Funny Stories and Tales of Horror from My Life in the Food Service Industry
    The Customer Is Always Wrong: Funny Stories and Tales of Horror from My Life in the Food Service Industry
    Ebook100 pages1 hour

    The Customer Is Always Wrong: Funny Stories and Tales of Horror from My Life in the Food Service Industry

    By Adam Ballarino

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    About this ebook

    This book is proof that most people dont know how to act in public. If you have ever worked in the food service industry you will identify with most or all of these stories . If you have not worked in the food service industry then you might realize that the moron I am writing about is actually you . These are all real stories and they will sound familiar to both groups of people.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherAuthorHouse
    Release dateNov 5, 2012
    ISBN9781477277621
    The Customer Is Always Wrong: Funny Stories and Tales of Horror from My Life in the Food Service Industry
    Author

    Adam Ballarino

    This is Adam Ballarino’s first book. It is based on the ten years he worked in the food service industry. The ten years he refers to as “The most miserable of my life.” Adam lives with his wife Shelley and their dog Fast Eddie in the same small town he grew up in. He is currently a supervisor for a third party logistics company.

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      Book preview

      The Customer Is Always Wrong - Adam Ballarino

      The

      Customer

      Is Always

      Wrong

      Funny Stories and Tales of Horror From My Life In the Food Service Industry

      Adam Ballarino

      US%26UKLogoB%26Wnew.ai

      AuthorHouse™

      1663 Liberty Drive

      Bloomington, IN 47403

      www.authorhouse.com

      Phone: 1-800-839-8640

      © 2012 by Adam Ballarino. All rights reserved.

      No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

      Published by AuthorHouse 10/23/2012

      ISBN: 978-1-4772-7761-4 (sc)

      ISBN: 978-1-4772-7760-7 (hc)

      ISBN: 978-1-4772-7762-1 (e)

      Library of Congress Control Number: 2012919275

      Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

      Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

      Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

      Contents

      Preface The Customer is Always Wrong

      Introduction Let’s Get This Out of the Way Now

      Chapter 1 What the Hell is a Cinema Pub?

      Chapter 2 The First Story

      Quickie # 1

      Chapter 3 Bad Boys, Bad Boys, Whatcha Gonna Do

      Quickie # 2

      Chapter 4 I’m an Asshole

      Quickie #3

      Chapter 5 Bruschetta Biiiiiiiiiitch

      Quickie #4

      Chapter 6 Racist Bastards

      Quickie #5

      Chapter 7 Sorry, I Don’t Know the Score

      Quickie #6

      Chapter 8 Wrong Cinema Pub Asshole

      Quickie #7

      Chapter 9 Urination Deja Vu

      Quickie #8

      Chapter 10 Thanks for Your Concern Officer

      Quickie #9

      Chapter 11 Butch Lesbians

      Quickie #10

      Chapter 12 Rubber Gun

      Quickie #11

      Chapter 13 Daughter’s Birthday

      Quickie #12

      Chapter 14 Do I Have a What?

      Quickie #13

      Chapter 15 What the Fuck Happened to You?

      About the Author

      For Jennifer

      My sister Jennifer worked in the food service industry for close to twenty years. Jenbal, as her friends called her, saw and heard more ridiculous things from customers than anybody could ever imagine. If I used any of her experiences in this book it would be thicker than War and Peace. Although these are all my own stories, my conversations with Jennifer were a driving force in me documenting them all.

      I started writing all this to deal with my anger towards all the ignorant people I dealt with everyday. A couple months after I started I ran into the proverbial wall and just couldn’t finish a thought without getting frustrated and frazzled. Then, one day a tragic thing happened.

      Jennifer lost her long battle with cancer. I promised myself this book was going to be completed as a tribute to my sister and friend Jenbal.

      This book is completed because of Jennifer. This book is mine to have forever because of Jennifer. This book is here for you to enjoy because of Jennifer. She will forever be in my heart and hopefully yours also. Jen I miss you and I love you.

      Unfortunately, common sense is not all that common.

      -Eric Cusson, Close friend

      Preface

      The Customer is Always Wrong

      I spent ten years working as a manager in the food service industry. They were the most miserable ten years of my life. Every day I would think to myself that today would have to be better than the last. There is no way it could get any worse. Yet, every day I was proven wrong.

      Just when I thought that I had dealt with the most ignorant person on the planet, the actual holder of The Most Ignorant Person on the Planet heavyweight belt would walk through the door.

      Considering I have what some people would classify as a bad temper it is a miracle that I lasted that long without going Postal (My apologies to all the fine men and women working for The United Postal Service. But if the shoe fits, wear it).

      The main reason I made it that long is that I found by coming home and writing about the absolutely ridiculous, ignorant, stupid, absurd, misinformed, inbred, mental midgets, (insert your favorite adjective here), helped me deflect a lot of the bitter anger and disgust that I would build up on a nightly basis.

      The ages old saying of The Customer Is Always Right is the biggest bunch of bullshit that I have ever heard. It has about as much truth to it as when Monica said No Mr. President, of course I won’t keep the dress. By the way these are great cigars, thank you.

      If you ask anyone who has ever worked in the industry they will either agree with me or they are a liar. The simple fact of the matter is that based on the extensive scientific studies I have conducted on this social epidemic (No public funds were used for this research. I applied for a grant but was told the money was earmarked for the old Butter vs. Margarine debate) the customer is wrong nine out of ten times.

      The majority of the time it is just some miserable son of a bitch that just wants everybody else to be just as miserable as they are. Misery Loves Company is the motto they live by and they plan on having as much company as they can. Other times it is just a person (word being used loosely) that feels that the fact they are spending money means they own the person they are handing that money to.

      Whatever the back story with these assholes is, nothing makes it right. If you’re an unhappy piece of shit keep it to yourself. Don’t take it out on somebody that’s trying to make a living but is unfortunate enough to be the first person you see after you receive the letter informing you that

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