Escape from Crazyville: Unraveling a Pact with a Pathological

Preface

Escape From Crazyville:

is a compilation of thoughts concerning Domestic Abuse issues. It is written as biographical narratives, definitions of behaviors often found operating within toxic relationships and colorful poetry. Throughout its contents, though not always marked as such, you will also find Safety tips as well. As a survivor/thriver of Domestic Abuse I sought help from various mediums and found the needed path to deliverance and hope. This book is a pragmatic example of how I utilized my discoveries to effect my circumstances for my ultimate good to God’s much deserved glory.

Domestic abuse is violence perpetrated by dominate intimate partners on their mega tolerant mates. It is estimated that 1 out of every 4 women will be violated in this manner within her life span. Four types of abuse are prevalent within domestic violent behavior:

1. Sexual abuse: Being forced to participate in sexual activities that are unwanted.

2. Coercive abuse: The use of weapons, signals, or verbal threats to make a partner cooperate sexually or physically.

3. Physical abuse: Exerting bodily harm on a partner to effect compliance.

4. Psychological abuse: To force compliance from a partner through reducing of their self-value.

Domestic abuse goes largely unreported. This silence helps to keep perpetrators out of harms way. Out of 12 women who leave their abusers, 11 return to their abusers. I courageously broke the silence on my 24 year stint with an abusive personality disordered mate. I finally told the proper authorities, about the abuse, because my life was in danger. For 23 years I was abused in 3 of the 4 areas mentioned above. In year 24, I was abused physically. Though I was choked only ‘one’ time, it was enough to effect the final wake-up call that was needed. I answered the call to freedom and never looked back. I am not an Android. I suffered deeply from the separation from my spouse and from the ultimate divorce from my companion of 24 years. Why, you say? Because there were good times mixed in with the bad ones. I loved him. What I did not love nor could I tolerate, was the abuse. Nor could I separate the two, that being him from his abusive actions. It reminds me of how the Incredible Hulk could not be successfully separated from his anger. If it were possible I would have changed him in a heart beat. None of my ultra tolerant characteristics, nor tenacious determination was enough to change his abusive behavior. But I did what I could do. That was to separate myself from a dangerous situation and concentrate on the one I could change, ‘me’.

The churches I attended ( in my former and present town of residency) each said to me (overtly) that they supported me in my decision to put my safety, above the marital vows I took to stay in my marriage for better or for worse.

I am very sure that the word worse in my vows were not referring to the unnecessary abuse I suffered at the hands of the man who promised to love, honor and cherish me within the vows he made to me and then violated those same vows.

Covertly, these churches’ opinion was that ‘one choke’ did not merit my leaving the marriage, thus they treated me disdainfully due to my decision to leave him. There opinion of me in my view was dogmatic. God has the following to say on the subject. A prudent person sees danger and takes refuge, but the simple keep going and suffer for it. Proverbs 22:3. I chose the counsel of God, rather than that of mere men, on the matter. Each individual will have to make their own choice. My hope and prayer is that this book will help folks make a wise one.

Disclaimer

* Please note the following: I am not licensed as a Health Professional, Mental Health Professional or Lawyer. I am a Domestic Abuse Enlightenment Coach, a licensed and ordained Minister of the Gospel, a Mental Health Para Professional and a Lay Counselor. I have collaborated with professionals within Domestic Abuse eradication entities who helped me navigate my own way from being a tortured, abused soul, to becoming a free to be me crusader for the eradication of Domestic Violence. The contents of this book are purely educational and inspirational. They are not attempting to present a diagnoses or a cure of any kind. They are merely attesting to the victorious impact that trusting in God and following in His steps has made in my life. Its content are not intended to substitute professional legal, mental health or medical advice. Please consult a professional legal, medical or mental health provider for counsel concerning your individual situation.

Acknowledgements

This book is dedicated to the global community of women and children who daily endure Domestic Abuse in all of its hideous forms and fashions. For you my sweets, deserve so much better than that. Shout outs of gratitude go to the many Domestic Abuse eradication entities for their help, in that they are in the trenches fighting consistently for justice for these women and children.

I would like to acknowledge Graphics Factory. Com for the use of the clip art in the poetry section of this book and Think Stock Photos. Com for the front cover images.

A huge shout out goes to Marcus Davis for his computer wizardry used to help organize chapters and to cure PC viruses more than once. To Chris Lee, and Evelyn and Bob Powers for their contribution of the back cover photo and for their hours of labor on additional projects which pertain to the promotion of this book, thanks a million.

I give praise, honor and glory to My Lord and Savior Jesus the Christ, for sustaining me throughout my life journey and especially for keeping me strong through the reliving of the incidents noted in this book while presenting them as life lessons and an overcoming victory from me to you.

Book Cover Description

One of the exercises utilized in my Domestic Abuse Life Coach Training was a lesson on boundaries. We all drew a house and established the boundaries in our pictures that we had relinquished within our relationships with abusive partners. When I then used this same exercise with a number of women inside of one of my Domestic Abuse Support Groups it really rang home. It stirred up a kaleidoscope of emotional flash backs among the participants. This was quite possibly related to some residual Post Traumatic Stress Disorder within the group dynamic.

All of us had escaped metaphoric castles turned dungeons. Our circumstances varied, but our outcomes were unanimous. Everyone of us had unilaterally escaped from Crazyville. In my own personal situation, Crazyville was not just the place I called home, it was also the misogynistic world view of a church, a town and more pointedly the masochistic disposition of a rural Southern legal system. Hope was not offered to me by the very legal entities sworn to justly adjudicate on my behalf. But hope showed-up. It burst on the scene when I availed myself to the tried and tested armament of prayer and fasting. It was this form of consecration that won me the victory. And you can began to chart a course to your own victory with the guidance available to you in the pages of this book. For I know the plans and purposes I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ( Jeremiah 29:11 )

Introduction

Escape From Crazyville is a compilation of biographical narratives, poetry, Domestic Abuse and safety precautions. All of which I used in the unraveling of a pact with a Pathological. It reflects and documents the daily thoughts of an educated, former wife of a psychopath, malignant narcissist as she races down the path of self discovery, armed with knowledge of the cause and effect of involvement with and the permanence of pathology in a narcissistic partner.

Its intent is to give the reader an inside view into the aftermath of a relationship with a destructive multi-faceted pathological. It is also presented to show women who are my sisters in this struggle and who feel trapped in an abusive relationship, that I feel you. To you women seeking ways to flee abusive relationships, it can be done. And for you women who have made the transition from abusive relationship bondage and are considering going back to him, note, the majority of both Personality Disorder and Biblical research done on Pathologicals and Fools has pointed to the belief that his mental state is permanent and can only unleash inevitable harm on you and your loved ones. (In other words, don’t return to Crazyville.)

Based on my experience, you would do best to decide to come out of, you would do best to carefully, with appropriate help make arrangements to get out of, and once out, it is in your best interest to fight the good fight of faith to stay out of these nonproductive toxic love relationships.

The world is at your disposal. I’m talking about a great, gentile, abuse-free zone where you can reach heights never allowed you, during your citizenship in la la land. This new world is yours for the taking. But you will have to take it. It will not be relinquished to you without strategical effort. Get prepared to tenaciously take it back by appropriate tactical force. Remember this, you are in the fight of your life. Take this herculean task very seriously. You owe it to yourself and those who love you the most to live long and prosper. Discretion will protect you and understanding will guard you. Wisdom will save you from the ways of the wicked men, from men whose words are perverse. Proverbs 2:11-12.

Note, Domestic abuse effects: the global community. Most incidents of Domestic Abuse occur as men abusing women. However abuse effects the family dynamic as a whole. Abuse has been cited in same sex unions as well. Abuse and abusers, are not gender specific. I have personally suffered abuse in a narcissistic heterosexual relationship and in Misogynistic religious institutions. And those are the stories a recite in this publication.

Author’s Bio’

Billie J. Garrett was born in Madera, California on February 24, 1956. She is the youngest of nine siblings, born to parents who were reared in the South. She has two children, a daughter and son. She is the Grandmother of two grand sons. She has certifications in Education, Social Science, Child Development, Lay Counseling and Life Coaching. She is a licensed and ordained Minister of the Gospel, and a 3rd Degree Black Belt in the Martial Arts. She is a member of the National Association of Professional Women. She is a survivor/thriver of Domestic Abuse. Her passion is to expose Global Domestic Abuse for the scourge that it is on the Global Community, and the carnage it creates in its aftermath. Her methods are poetic, direct, colorful and to a degree graphic. But it is her intent, to always and above all, educate.

She is the Executive Director of Cope Outreach Services. Her website is: copeoutreachservices.com. Her e-mail address: bb@copeoutreachservices.com. She currently resides in South East Arkansas. She is available to present at: seminars, retreats, support groups, at various speaking venues both church and secular and for one-on-one enlightenment coaching. She is a songstress/poet and her debut recording is scheduled for availability on her website in 2011. The recording bares the same title as this book Escape From Crazyville.

Contents

You Learn

In Love Or Entrapment

Domestic Abuse Terminology

Defining Psychopathy Or Anti Social Personality Disorder

There Are 8 Signs That Indicate Your Mate May Be Pathological

Liars And Cheaters And Beaters, Oh My!

What is Narcissism?

On Domestic Abuse 101

On Relationship Abuse( Otherwise Known As Intimate Partner Abuse)

Can Leaving My Abusive Partner Be A Good Thing?

Plan Your Departure And Implement Your Strategy

Look At Me Now! ( The Scoop On Misogyny)

Knowledge Is EmpoweringOh, That’s What’s In His Head!

What Does Pain Have To do With Love? Absolutely Nothing!

To Divorce Or Not to Divorce, That Is The Question

Aren’t We Lucky We Had Them, Good Times?(Intrusive Thoughts Equals Head Havoc)

Cognitive Dissonance

He Swung His Tongue Like A Pendulum

On Cult Relationships

Occupational Hazards(The Invasion Of The Cluster B s)

Life’s Lesson’s Part 1

Smart Women Get Punked Too!

Heart Ache 101

Forgiveness Is Rehashing and Refreshing

MF( Malfeasant)

Emotional Collision

What’s In A Name?

This Deadly Cocktail Working Inside Of Me

I Thought I Had A BMW (A Black Man Working)

I Thought I Saw A Pretty Cat

Sharp Shooter

Trait ‘em And Bait ‘em

Pimp Minister

Beans Greens And Chicken

Just Because

Living Out Loud WithPoetry

Utopia Tapioca

Misogyny

Large In Charge

Jazz Gave Way To Gyrators

The Violin Of The Violator

Cranks In Christian Clothing

Love Shot Out Of A Cannon

I Don’t Feel Like Dying Today

A Parting Of The Way

Finding A Way To Segue

Undercover Under Estimators

Toys No More

Violent Take It By Force

Puppet Master

Message In The Madness

Magilla Warfare

Life’s Not A Gimmick