A Depth of Insight: One Man’S Discipleship with Christ

1

What’s Your Purpose—Exactly?

I had been a Christian for about twenty years. My career in telecommunications was on the verge of ending because of a miscommunication on my part. During a department-wide gathering, I publicly asked our vice president this: Since there is no clear vision or purpose for our new corporate division, how could you take the big bucks?

What I meant by the question was how could the department take the rather large budget thrown at us when we didn’t know what we were meant to do for the rest of the business. What everyone heard was that I challenged the officers for taking large salaries without knowing what they were doing. As one can imagine, I quickly became anathema throughout the organization.

Neither my boss nor his boss, the V.P., wanted anything to do with my apology or explanation of what I had intended when I misspoke. I soon found myself with no assignments and a lot of time on my hands. I was left at loose ends. I faced the irony that my statement about the organization’s lack of purpose now exactly described my situation. I was still being paid, but for all practical purposes had no way to contribute to the enterprise.

Though not sure why, I felt a strong desire to read the book of Ecclesiastes during this time. Being the analytical type, I read up on the different views of who authored the book and what its purpose or message was generally thought to be. I came away from this preparation with the expectation that Ecclesiastes is a summation of what Solomon, generally purported to be the wisest of men, found to be significant in human life.

Given that I was going nowhere fast, I figured this would be a good thing to know and that there was no better time to know it. I quickly found that all of the things central to the person I thought I was, Solomon considered to be meaningless: wisdom, pleasure, hard work, friends, advancement, wealth, legacy—all are wicked vanity and of no significance in his learned experience. According to Solomon, none of these things, which to a great extent drove my life, are a focus for meaning and fulfillment. He confesses that the righteous are as likely to die young, as the wicked are to live long and full lives. He says, The race is not to the swift or the battle to the strong, nor does food come to the wise, or wealth to the brilliant or favor to the learned; but time and chance happen to them all.¹

It was frustrating reading. The worst part was that I identified with the vanity motive. I thought, How negative and full of hopelessness. As I approached the end of the book, I kept thinking, "Lord, what is Solomon’s point? Every time he relates something positive about You, he takes it back as vanity to man. If all we do is motivated by our vanity, disguised or not, and all that happens in life is chance, then what is the point? What is the purpose of life? What is the purpose of my life?"

Finally, as I read the last half of the last chapter, there was a caption inserted by the editors of the Study Bible I was using: The Conclusion of the Matter. OK, I thought: Here it is at last! Let’s see if there is anything positive and meaningful in this life after all.

In that moment, I felt God’s breath as He leaned into me—Yes, here is the end of it all, the purpose of life. Here is meaning and fulfillment. And I read—

"Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep His commandments, for this is the whole duty of man. For God will bring every deed into judgment, including every hidden thing, whether it is good or evil."²

Here is the end of the whole matter. Here is the whole duty of man. It is my duty! It is my purpose! First and foremost I am to fear God and keep His commandments. I am to serve Him by letting His life flow through mine! With a degree of clarity and a force that I had never experienced, I immediately knew that everything in my life must flow from this purpose. If not, that life is truly meaningless—it is just my own vanity!

In truth, my life to that point was totally derived from my own ego; even my relationship with Christ. When I honestly consider it, I had been motivated more by what He could do for me than how I could serve Him. Even my desires to become like Jesus were because I wanted to be a better person—for my own sake, not for His. It was always about me.

Fear God. Honor Him. Serve Him. The entire world, all creation, every person shares this common purpose. It is the foundation of a meaningful life. This is the basis for a life that matters. Yet some have said to me, Just so. It is a common purpose for all. So, how relevant can it be? Its commonality makes it insignificant.

They say that to be meaningful, a purpose must be unique to each individual. Solomon says that unless life purpose comes from this one conclusive vision, that purpose is vanity indeed. It is driven by flesh. Does God give individuals unique life purposes and visions? Certainly He does—but not always and frankly, in my experience, not often.

This revelation was the beginning of my renewed relationship with Jesus. It is the focus that has been transforming my character and my life ever since.

For nineteen years, God had been a priority in my life—not always top priority, but always important to me. In the conclusion of Ecclesiastes, I saw that even if I always made God my first priority, I had still separated Him from other segments of my life—other priorities. It isn’t that God should be a priority, but that He should be everything. He is the center of my relationship with my wife and family. He is the reason for my career. He is the focus of my recreation. Realizing that everything I pursue outside of my purpose is foolish vanity has opened my life to Christ in ways that I could not and, still, cannot fully envision. I still bemoan the fact that I lost two decades of significant personal growth in my friendship with God the Father, my Savior Jesus, and the Holy Spirit.

As for my career situation, I now know that I had no assignments because the corporation’s officers were deciding on the best way to get rid of me. Their solution was to give me an impossible assignment: Find a way to double the profit of the corporation. However, it turned out to be the beginning of an exceptional opportunity for me. God showed me that doubling profits was more than possible. I became directly involved with the officers of the parent corporation in an unprecedented project that resulted in international recognition for me and global impacts on how the telecommunications industry operates—but that is another story!

Everyone has purpose in this world. As long as you draw breath, you have purpose. Fear God and obey His commandments. Love God with all your heart and soul and love your neighbor as yourself³. Do this and Christ will be glorified. He will be seen in your life.

For those who want or require a more specific or individual purpose, perhaps you just aren’t hearing what you want to hear. There is nothing more specific than this statement of purpose. There is nothing more individual or personal than the challenge of making everything in your life subject to the Creator God. Make a commitment to this one life purpose and vision and you will see other purposes flow from it; purposes that match your maturity, gifts, and abilities at the appropriate time.

Still today, when I find my mind drifting to what could have been and what things of the world I might have or might yet pursue, the Holy Spirit clearly nudges me with: So, what’s your purpose, exactly?

Lord Jesus, may you always help me keep the appropriate perspective about the purpose for my life. May You always reveal the truth of my motives and help me to never forget my eternal purpose. May You be seen in my life. I ask this in Jesus’ Holy name. Amen.

2

Do You Trust Me?

God, what do You want from us? My wife, Dena, was crying out to God in frustration, anger, and fear! Indeed, what did God want? Hadn’t we sought Him in spirit and truth? Hadn’t we obediently and expectantly walked away from everything we knew to serve Him? Hadn’t we gone where our flesh didn’t want to go for His sake? Hadn’t we tirelessly given our time, money, and resources to His ministries? Didn’t we take care of our physical health? Weren’t we good stewards of all that He had given us? And yet here we were, disabled, unemployed, uninsured, no church home, our family in disarray, isolated and alone. Indeed, what did the Lord want us to do?

I was 58 years old. For more than a year, we had sought God for direction in our lives. As a result, we had disconnected from our spiritual family and church home of more than ten years. We moved out of our apartment and into a 240 square foot cabin at a Youth With A Mission base on the Olympic Peninsula. We obediently, expectantly, followed the Lord as He led us away from everything we knew. We were excited to be working as volunteer cooks at a YWAM missionary training base.

Our first two weeks had been exhausting. We worked doubly hard as we sorted out the facilities with which we had to work and figured out our routine. We learned to develop weekly menus, create, and fill shopping lists and then make three square meals a day for students and staff. Fortunately, we had weekends off (we prepared weekend meals in advance). The first weekend we cleaned out our just vacated apartment and fit everything into an already full storage unit (and ended up renting another). The next weekend was fully consumed cleaning the apartment until it sparkled.

Finally, we were spending our first real weekend off. My sister, Beth, had let us use their beach place on Hood Canal. We were really looking forward to some quality time of peace and quiet.

But Friday night, just after going to bed, a blood clot blocked my anterior coronary artery at its source. This is the artery which provides blood to most of the muscle that is the front half of the heart. Because it took more than two hours until I actually got onto the operating table, the majority of the front portion of my heart died from lack of oxygen. Two surgeries and five days later, I was out of the hospital and recuperating back at Beth’s beach place.

It was a couple of days later, when we were finally alone, that my overwhelmed wife let loose on God. Yes, I thought, empathizing with Dena, What do You want, God? In response, I clearly heard, I only want one thing: Will you trust Me? As I sat there considering the answer, I knew that there were huge parts of my life with which I did not trust God. Thus began an eighteen month process in which the Lord showed me what it is to have trusting faith.

While I continued to recuperate from my health problems, the medical bills were approaching six figures. I began to find out the seriousness of the damage to my heart and what that could mean to our life style. With help from a dear friend, Dena went back to YWAM to finish our obligation there. Things were no longer certain for us. We wouldn’t be able to work with YWAM over the long long term and would have to move out of the cabin in which we were staying. It was doubtful that I would be able to work for some time. By the world’s standards, we were in the worst place of our lives.

In the middle of all this uncertainty, it seemed that every time I read a scripture, a devotional, or spent some quiet time with God, I would end up hearing the question, So, do you trust Me? God took me through scripture after scripture pointing to trusting faith as the key to a right relationship with Him. It is my faith that saves me from my sin. It was because of faith that God credited Abraham with righteousness. It was faith that purified the hearts of the apostles and elders. It is faith that sanctifies believers. Faith is the source of obedience and righteousness. Christ’s suffering, death, and resurrection have reconciled me to God—when I continue in trusting faith. Faith heals. The scriptures just kept coming. God’s Word continually points to trusting faith as the thing He values, desires, and wants.⁴

Why this one thing? I thought. And back came, What is the basis of every successful and fruitful relationship? It is trust—having faith in the other. Unlike people, God’s Love for us is eternal, unfailing, and unconditional. We can do nothing to stop it. His Love will always be there for us. All He wants from us is that we exercise faith in Him.

The essence of the word faith is trust. It isn’t what we believe or understand intellectually. It isn’t what we say or parrot with our mouths alone. It isn’t faith unless it contains the bedrock of solid assurance and trust. It is definitely not our theology. That is a mental and intellectual arena; one in which our heart is often very fickle and double-minded (and therefore unstable in all its ways). God showed me that I don’t honestly expect to see the tenets of my faith manifested in my life—and so they aren’t!

As I struggled with this, I began to see that it is easy to trust in doctors for healing—to trust insurance policies for provision of those doctors and labs and hospitals—to trust in our savings to see us through—to trust in everything but God. While God often uses such resources to take care of us, He is still the source. He can meet needs in ways that I can never imagine. He knows my true needs better than I do. Most of what I see as needs, He knows to be wants.

So, I asked God how I could build and strengthen my faith. His response was that He is the only real and effective source in my life. Even this faith comes from Him. He is the author and finisher of my faith⁵. I always have sufficient faith for my circumstances because His Grace is always sufficient. It is not His will that any should perish but that all should have everlasting life⁶. I must exercise the faith that He has given. I have the faith. It is my choice to use it or not. I must choose to believe and trust Him rather than worldly logic about my circumstances. This is the one thing that I can and must do: Choose. Choose life over death. Choose God over Mammon. Choose Christ in the midst of worldly suffering and despair. I must choose!

As I began to relax in my faith and to choose to trust Him, He immediately gave me peace—and things began to happen. The hospital forgave us more than $68,000. Other labs & services and the ambulance company followed suit. Soon, only the doctor bills remained. The Lord provided for almost half of that with gifts from His church. Our savings were able to cover what remained.

Still, I remained very weak and was not improving. After attending a Wednesday night service at a church new to us, the pastor stopped us. It turned out he had just had some major heart issues and asked about my meds. After going through the list, he suggested that I might be over medicated. That had happened to him. When we got home, I got a second cardiologist’s opinion and it turned out that the pastor had been right. After stopping half the meds, I finally began to regain strength. God truly is faithful!

As we dealt with the issues of our lives, God remained faithful. When we had to leave the YWAM base, He provided the perfect place for us to stay. We were able to house-sit for some friends who were going to the mission field for a year. It was a beautiful, quiet, and peaceful lakefront home—a great blessing! As the time of our friends return approached, we sought God about where to go next. His response was always, Do you trust Me? In the end, He miraculously provided a new home in North Carolina close to our son Jeff’s family. As always, He continues to be faithful. Even now, it is a rare day when I don’t hear Him ask, Do you trust Me?

"Lord Jesus, God of Mercy and Grace, I thank you that You are the author and finisher of my faith! Please never cease reminding me to choose You and to walk in trusting faith in the truth of who You really are. It is in Your Holy name, Lord Jesus, that I pray."

3

Don’t Let My Gift of Discernment Be Judgment

We had recently finished another move. After settling into our new house, my wife Dena and I had begun to look for a local church home and were attending services at different gatherings. We enjoyed the worship at some, the messages at others and both at still others. Yet, we didn’t feel that any of these churches were where God wanted us to be. We were, however, drawn to one church even though we didn’t really enjoy being there. The church had a hundred or so members and the people seemed cliquish. There was an animosity and defensiveness that pervaded each service. Worship was stilted rather than free and joyous. The messages were out of the Word, but were given with a negative, almost castigating spirit. It was a thoroughly dysfunctional body of believers. Yet, it seemed that God was telling us that this was where we should be.

After much prayer and debate with God, we began to attend this fellowship regularly. As we got to know people, it became apparent that a major struggle for control was under way among the members. There were three groups: the pastor and a number of families who had joined the church over the past few years, the families who had founded the church twenty years before, and those few who wouldn’t take sides. As newcomers, we firmly settled into this last group.

We sought God as to why He would put us in this place. He began to show us the spiritual forces and principles that were at work. The opposing groups were using certain doctrinal principles to justify their positions. One side rested firmly on the ground of pastoral and spiritual authority and leadership; the pastor was responsible to God for the welfare of the flock. The other group believed God had led them to establish this local church. They felt it was their responsibility to ensure it remained true to the form and style of worship, function, and organization from which it was formed. Though we knew none of the history, God began to show us how pride, ego, and self were driving these two groups.

As we began to talk individually with people, God gave me very strong and clear understanding of the motivations behind what people were (and weren’t) saying to us. They were behaving out of very selfish and worldly motives. The old-timers not only wanted things done their way (starting with the worship), but they behaved as if the facilities and resources of the membership were their own and not God’s. Over the previous dozen years or so, they had run a succession of men through the pastoral position. Each only lasted a couple of years before being pressured to leave.

On the other hand, those in the pastor’s camp were all about the authority of leadership