The Fear Inside
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ralphmorrison_@hotmail.com
Ralph Morrison
Ralph Morrison lives in Kelowna, British Columbia, Canada. He fifty-one years old and has lived with the effects of bullying. The Fear Inside is his breakout healing book intended to be therapeutic for those who have been bullied. Ralph worked in construction for twenty-five years. A divorcee, he has three beautiful daughters and loves to paint and write poetry.
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Book preview
The Fear Inside - Ralph Morrison
The
Fear
I N S I D E
Ralph Morrison
US%26UKLogoB%26Wnew.aiAuthorHouse™
1663 Liberty Drive
Bloomington, IN 47403
www.authorhouse.com
Phone: 1-800-839-8640
© 2013 Ralph Morrison. All rights reserved.
No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.
Published by AuthorHouse 6/27/2013
ISBN: 978-1-4817-7094-1 (sc)
ISBN: 978-1-4817-7093-4 (e)
Library of Congress Control Number: 2013911643
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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.
Contents
Acknowledgements
Introduction
A World in Pain
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
You Called Me by Name
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Rear-view Mirror
Acknowledgements
I need to thank, first of all, my parents Doug and Irene for putting up with me and always trying to help me. I also would like to thank my brothers Randy and Gary, who were always there, even in my darkest times; my Uncle Ed and Aunt Reggie, for believing there was good inside my heart; and my three daughters, Keana, Kelsea, and Alexandra, who one day I hope will be able to say how proud they are of me. I love you all very much. Finally, I would like to thank my unseen angel for giving me the courage and support I needed to write this book. You know who you are, and you will always have a special place in my heart.
Introduction
I was a young boy growing up on a farm in Kelowna, British Columbia, Canada. Life was the same for me as for any young child. I had loving parents and two wonderful brothers. As I grew, I also had a secret that I buried inside myself. This is a story of how a bully can change and control your life, a story of what it’s like to hold a secret inside as it slowly eats away at your soul. I was too afraid to speak to the people that were close to me. From the age of seven to my present at age, fifty-two, fear controlled my life. This is not a success story. It’s a story of how fear can change you like a cancer spreading through you, constantly changing forms. My hope is that some who read this will be able to help themselves or someone they know to overcome and speak of their fears. Don’t do as I did. Don’t hold the fear inside, for it will destroy your heart and soul.
A World in Pain
Could anyone care for the words
I’ve held inside, nightmares unheard?
No one knew the fear inside.
I walked alone, without a guide.
The loving child that grew to hate,
Abuse and drugs had become my fate.
Every day, I prayed for death.
My world was black, I had nothing left.
Now an older man, not afraid to speak,
I share my story to help the weak.
Please don’t give up. Go share your fear
With someone close, someone dear.
We need to end this pain and strife
Before another soul takes his life …
Chapter 1
I grew up on a farm in Kelowna, British Columbia, Canada. I had loving parents and two older brothers. Life was great. We had a few cows, a horse, chickens, and a lot of room to play and explore. We spent most of our time outside playing and tending to the needs of farm life. Of course the chores weren’t so much fun, but we all needed to do our part. Like most parents in that time, our parents used farm chores as a punishment if we were out of line. Our parents never beat us or abused us. The farm was wonderful.
On special holidays, the neighbouring families all got together to celebrate. We went ice-skating on frozen ponds, had bonfires for Halloween, and had Easter egg hunts. There was always an adventure.
One of the neighboring families had eleven children. It was always easy to put a baseball team or soccer team together.
The youngest of the kids, I followed the older ones in all I did. I always looked up to my brothers and the others. Whether it was riding our bikes down the steep hills or riding the horses up into the mountains that surrounded our farms, I went along with their plans.
At one point my parents took my brothers and me aside to inform us they were taking in two more children as foster kids. They lived on another farm next to ours. I was too young to understand why, but I do remember a strange feeling when they joined our family. We now had a new brother and sister. I was still the youngest child.
My parents didn’t have much money, but they always provided everything we needed. My mother worked in a bank, and Dad worked at a boat-building plant. They worked at their jobs all week, and in the evenings and on weekends they worked on the farm, all of us helping where we could. My dad taught us how to care for the farm, and Mom taught us how to care for the home and ourselves. There was never a man’s job or a woman’s job; we all worked together to complete whatever tasks needed to be done.
We played different sports in the community—mostly baseball and soccer. I remember Mom and Dad coming to some of the events, but because of work they couldn’t attend all of them. In the farming community, a skating rink was built, and all the different families did their part to clean the ice and maintain the rink. It was outdoors in the fresh air. I always loved going to the rink.
We were a happy family.