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    Odd Odes, Weird Words and Loopy Letters
    Odd Odes, Weird Words and Loopy Letters
    Odd Odes, Weird Words and Loopy Letters
    Ebook126 pages59 minutes

    Odd Odes, Weird Words and Loopy Letters

    By Joan Crawford

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    About this ebook

    Amiscellany of verse, mostly tumorous, and odds and ends of prose, wind-up letters etc.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherXlibris UK
    Release dateNov 16, 2012
    ISBN9781479748884
    Odd Odes, Weird Words and Loopy Letters
    Author

    Joan Crawford

    I am married with a son and daughter I have written poetry all of my life, some of it based on incidents that have either amused or perturbed me. All names have been altered for obvious reasons. I no longer work but enjoy many varied handicrafts and hobbies. I love music, literature and art, having studied the latte for some years. I have travelled quite widely.I have many good friends and really enjoy meeting people.

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      Book preview

      Odd Odes, Weird Words and Loopy Letters - Joan Crawford

      ODD ODES,

      WEIRD WORDS AND

      LOOPY LETTERS

      Joan Crawford

      Copyright © 2012 by Joan Crawford.

      All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

      To order additional copies of this book, contact:

      Xlibris Corporation

      0-800-644-6988

      www.xlibrispublishing.co.uk

      Orders@www.xlibrispublishing.co.uk

      305363

      CONTENTS

      !.Hoover

      Hoover Once More

      Miss Ab‘ Fab’

      Abandoned

      Accident Prone

      Appliance Of Science

      Cat’astrophe

      Clarky’s Caulies

      Celebrity

      Curtains For Carmen

      Letter From Headmaster

      Diva + Superb

      Fact? Fantasy?

      Fairies 1-5

      Family Funeral

      Fifa

      Alternative World Sporting Venues

      Flu Review

      Employed

      Harvest Festival

      He Who Laughs Last

      Head Over Heels

      Headlines

      Heaven Forbid

      Musical Chairs

      Honourable Order Of Goodly Gentlemen

      How The System Works

      London 2012

      Loneliness

      Made Increwe

      Moonlight

      Mothering Sunday

      Nantwich

      Ode To Noses

      Doves? Peace?

      Pleats Highland Wear

      Poetry In Motion

      Racquets & Rackets

      Crewe & Nantwich

      Rain Forest

      Rustic Rebellion

      Salt City Inns

      Salt Of The Earth

      Short Changed

      Snow Bound With Mercedes

      Full Steam Ahead

      Goodbye Grand Junction

      Sundry Late Valentines

      Thanks For Nothing

      The Ashes

      The Episode On Tarbuck Road

      The Garden At No. Ten

      The Gypsy

      The Posty With The Mosty

      The Woore Hunt Cup

      Think Twice

      Vuvuzelas

      The Reign Of ‘Wackford Squeers’ & Co

      Wandering

      Waste Not, Want Not’

      Weightlessness

      Wendy’s Washday Blues

      Season Of Good Will

      !.HOOVER

      Hi Robert

      We noticed that you are having another stand at the Nantwich Show next Wednesday & we wondered if you could possibly help us out with a favour, please?

      To cut a long story short, last year Howard acquired a new family pet dog; a gorgeous little six week old Rhodesian Ridgeback cross Bull Mastiff puppy. To begin with we called him ‘Timmy’, the previous Christmas we had attended a performance of Dickens’ Christmas Carol & were very taken with ‘Tiny Tim,’ but now that our pet’s dimensions have increased tenfold with an appetite to match, we have changed his name to Hoover; he is about the size of a Shetland pony.

      Hoover doesn’t take kindly to being left alone in the house for lengthy periods, he becomes fretful &has, on several occasions, digested furniture, curtains & floor-coverings. Anyway, we have decided it would be kinder to bring Hoover to the show; the exercise will be very beneficial for him & provided his restraints are adequate he shouldn’t present any danger to the public.

      We are fully aware that Hoover will not be allowed in the International Cheese tent or any of the food outlets and it would be foolish to take him among the vegetable displays and WI flower arrangements so we rather hoped that you would agree to accommodate Hoover, perhaps by attaching him to one of your larger car exhibits while we have a wander around the show ground. We will of course provide an adequate amount of food for his din dins, a shovel & a Sainsbury’s bag in case of any minor mishaps. A Sainsbury’s bag does add a touch of class I always think.

      Au revoir then Robert, see you Wednesday

      J, H & Hooverxx

      HOOVER ONCE MORE

      Dear R……

      It’s as well Health & Safety regulations prevented you from minding Hoover for us at last Wednesday’s show. I suppose you couldn’t have avoided hearing the news of his escape? Please ignore all this week’s local press hype; I will now explain what actually happened.

      We managed to borrow a horse-box to accommodate Hoover and a very kind steward directed us to a quiet part of the showground, close to the sheep enclosure. There should have been some sheep-dog trials later on that afternoon.

      Anyway, we left Hoover asleep and went for a look round at the cattle pens; didn’t like the Limousin and Simmental breeds very much but the Holstein Friesians were in tip-top condition. We made our way past one of the show jumping arenas and entered the cheese marquee. No sooner had we tasted a sample of Double Gloucester with chives and some fantastic Stilton with apricots when we heard an almighty hullabaloo outside.

      Someone was yelling something about a wild animal in the food marquee; apparently, it was wolfing down exhibits on the Preston Pork Pie stand. No sign of it when we walked in there a few minutes later though everywhere did looked like the aftermath of a hurricane. The commotion had now spread to the arena where the ladies side-saddle event was about to be judged. Horses mounted by ladies wearing long frocks and top hats were leaping about in all directions and, to our profound horror, bounding amongst them, furiously wagging his tail & barking, was Hoover

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