Josephine: Out of the Darkness Into the Light

Josephine

Out of the Darkness

Into the Light

Diane Chartrand

Dedication

I dedicate this book to Cyril who taught me life is about dreams and goals. You helped me regain my confidence. You taught me how to leave the past behind. You helped me realize that I am the only one who is in control of today, and what my future becomes.

You were present during my journey through challenging times. You were then, and always will be, my best friend.

Copyright Page

JOSEPHINE deals with sensitive matters.

READER discretion is advised

Copyright © 2017   Diane Chartrand

All rights reserved. This book or any portion of it may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the author except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner.  Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

Cover Design by Diane Chartrand

Photo of the Girl on the front cover

is by Oleg Gekman/Shutterstock.com

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Paperback ISBN-13:  978-1977972880

Paperback ISBN-10:  1977972888

Chapter One

Toronto, March 21st

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Josie glances up, through blurry eyes, at the starburst clock on the living room’s pale green wall. The early morning sun flickers shadows across its golden numbers.  The time is six a.m.

As her vision clears, a shadow on the sofa startles her. She gasps when she sees a male figure asleep there.

Josie struggles to sit up and looks around puzzled. Did I end up in someone else’s house last night after the party?  After a few more minutes, she realizes she’s still in Sid and Bailee’s living room. 

In a panic, wearing only baby doll pajamas, Josie looks with worry at the distance between her and her robe on a chair across the room. She starts to slide the zipper on the sleeping bag down one side, trying to be quiet.  She doesn’t want to wake the stranger on the sofa. 

Suddenly she hears a deep, cheerful voice, Morning, Josie. 

She pulls the sleeping bag back up to her chin, I thought you were asleep, she blurts out. Now perturbed, tells him, My name is Josephine.  Only my friends call me Josie.

He leans his head down, looks at her and says, Sorry if I frightened you, Josephine.

Josie glances up at him as she tries to keep herself covered. I didn’t hear anyone come in last night.  Where did you come from?

Sid picked me up after he made his last delivery.  We put my things in the back of his truck and arrived here around four a.m.

Excuse me, Josie says.  I need to get up off the floor.  Could you look away for a minute so I can go put my robe on?

Okay, no problem, he says and turns his head towards the wall.

Josie then sees him turn back slightly and says, Hey, you pervert, there’s nothing to see here.

I’m not a pervert, he says. But, whether there’s anything to see; that’s debatable.

As she struggles with her robe, now annoyed, Josie asks, Who are you anyhow? I’ve never seen you here before?

He replies, I’m Sid’s brother Andrew, but you can call me A.J.

Josie sees a man who appears to be younger than her, needs a shave and seems to be overconfident.  Although she has never met this man before, Josie feels a connection to him.

With her robe on, she ties it tight and asks, So, Andrew, are you here for a visit? 

No, he says, I'm supposed to start a new job on Monday.  I had hoped to sleep on the sofa for the next few months, but I see that may be a problem now.

Curious, Josie asks, What type of job will you be starting on Monday?

I’m a long-haul truck driver like Sid.  He helped me to get a job at the company where he works. This move will give me a fresh start since my marriage has ended.

Josie, without another word, walks upstairs.

********

In the shower, Josie’s tears mingle with the hot water as it flows over her body. She looks up at the ceiling and talks out loud, Josie, you need to get your shit together.  Yes, you’re grateful Sid and Bailee said you could stay until you find another job, save money to get a new apartment and get your belongings out of storage, but now what?

Josie knows that over the past few months her behavior has been bad.  She drinks every day, feels sorry for herself and never seems to be able to focus on any one thing. Now there’s a new problem to deal with; Sid’s brother is planning on living here.  While the tears continue to fall, she scolds herself.

Josie, you need to stop all your self-destructive behavior.  You need to stop running away and hiding from everything like a scared little girl.  Get a grip and stop your stupid crying.

Josie gets dressed and cautions herself to stay in control.  When she walks back downstairs, A.J. is still on the sofa.

Would you like some coffee or tea? she asks.

Sure, I'd love some tea but could you bring it to me over here? as he points to the table next to the sofa.

Man, the least he could do is get off his ass and come in the kitchen, she whispers under her breath.  Josie remembers it was late when Sid and A.J. got in last night. She decides it will be okay to wait on him just this one time.

Okay, it’ll be ready in a few minutes, she says with a cynical smile as she enters the kitchen.

Josie walks back into the living room and sets a tray down on the table. On it is a large, brown, owl-shaped cup with the string from a tea bag hanging off the side, a green sugar bowl, and matching creamer.

With her favorite, blue and white, unicorn-shaped cup in her left hand, Josie walks over to the rocking chair near the window and sits down.  She focuses out the window and envisions being somewhere else far away from A.J.

Josie feels a gentle touch on her shoulder then hears A.J. ask, So, what are you up to later today?  I’m going over to the flea market for a while.  Would you like to come with me?

Today is Saturday, and Josie looks forward to her plans with Sam to go on a two-day trip to New York in the tractor-trailer he drives.  She doesn’t remember much from her last trip two weeks ago, except that they talked, laughed some, drank a lot of vodkas and might have had sex on the bunk in the truck’s sleeper section.

Thanks for the invitation, she says, but I have plans for the weekend.  My friend will be picking me up soon.

Josie watches him slowly run his fingers through his carrot-red hair, smile at her and reply, Ok, maybe another time.

Someone walks in the front door and calls out, Hey Josie you ready to go?  I have to be at the yard in twenty minutes.  Josie turns back from the window and observes as the two men interact.

Hello, Samuel Jackson, A.J. says, with a concerned look on his face as he seems to remember something unpleasant.  When did you get out?

Sam turns with surprise towards the sofa.  I didn’t see you there.  A.J., what are you doing in town?

A.J. glares back at Sam and replies, I’m starting a new job on Monday at Casey Trucking, so I’ll be staying with Sid for a while.

That’s where I work, Sam says.  He turns, gives his keys a vigorous shake to get Josie’s attention. We better get on our way.  See you later in the week, A.J.

As Josie gets up off the rocking chair, A.J. asks if he can speak to her for a moment, alone.  Sam, somewhat reluctant to leave without her, goes outside to his truck and waits.

What do you want to talk about, A.J.?  I don’t want to keep Sam waiting.

I know we just met but how much do you know about Sam?

As much as I need to, she states in a harsh voice.  Sam and I have gone together on trips several times before.

I’ve known Sam for a long time, and it isn’t safe for you to be alone with him.  Please listen to me Josie, please don’t go with him.

Josie heads for the door and stops part way. She turns back towards A.J. and says, Yes, you and I just met, and what I do is none of your concern.  Josie walks out and slams the door.

********

Having been a couple of weeks since Josie’s last trip with Sam, she feels depressed, restless, and alone.  This mood causes her thoughts to drift all over the place as she sits in the rocking chair near Sid’s front window and reflects.

I don't eat; I smoke too much; I drink too much, and nothing I do matters anymore.  Why am I like this God? she begs.  Please, please tell me why? as a new flood of tears run down her cheek and slips onto the floor.

Josie’s children from her first marriage are still in the care of their grandparents, and her two adopted children are back with Children’s Services in Sioux Lookout.

Anguished, she cries, What kind of mother loses custody of her children twice in one lifetime?

Josie knows she shouldn’t drink all the time, but when she gets sober, the memories flood back and overwhelm her.  All the fear and pain return as she remembers, in detail, the horrible things that happened to her since she was eight.  Josie needs a better way to deal with her painful memories, but she no longer knows what’s safe.

Josie has managed to avoid A.J. and his inquisitive eyes the past couple of weeks.  Sometimes, when he looks at her, she feels like he can see right into her soul, and knows all her innermost secrets.  Logic tells Josie that isn’t true, but it still causes her to cringe.

Other times, Josie gets a comfortable sensation as if A.J.’s always been her best friend and confidante, and she can trust him with anything.  Josie is confused but knows she can never trust anyone again.

All considerations or crazy thoughts of any relationship with A.J. must be off the table. That would just be one more disaster to add to her pile.  Josie hears someone call her name.  Startled, she looks around the dark room frightened.

Is someone there? she calls out.

Hi Josie, it’s me, A.J. Why are you sitting in the dark? 

A light comes on, and in the brightness, she sees A.J. in the leather wingback chair across from her.

I just needed time to reflect on all the things that have gone wrong in my life.  I never realized how dark it was in here.

A.J. slips off his jacket.  Where is everyone?  I thought Sid, Bailee, and the children would be here, being close to supper time.

Bailee’s at her sister Martha’s in Sioux Lookout and Sid took the kids to your mother’s because he has to work this weekend.  A new trail of tears runs down her face, and she wipes them with her sleeve. 

A.J. stared into Josie’s emerald eyes.  I’m a good listener if you need someone to talk to.

Josie tenses up.  She has already experienced what happens when she tells anyone about her past.

After a few moments, A.J. suggests, Want to go with me on my trip this weekend, so you won’t have to be here alone?

I won’t be here alone over the weekend.  I have plans with Sam to go to Long Island.

I guess you’re going on my trip, after all, Josie.  Sam and I are both going to Long Island this weekend, but we’ll be traveling in separate trucks.

Josie looks at him, not sure what to think.  She leaves the room to wash her face before she meets Sam at Tim Horton’s.  After the last time, A.J. and Sam were in the same room; she doesn’t want to witness a repeat of the tension she felt between the two of them.  Josie hopes that things will be calm when the two of them must spend tonight in the same truck stop.

Josie thinks a lot about A.J. during the fifteen-hour trip to Long Island.  Every time she glances out her window when Sam’s truck passes A.J.’s on the highway, his face comes into view for a few seconds.  She sees the concern in his eyes as he looks back.

The two trucks stop only once for fuel.  Josie doesn’t get to talk to A.J., but their eyes meet a few times, and she feels her pulse rise.  She’ll try and speak to A.J. once they stop for the night.  Josie needs to get a grip on what she’s feeling and convince A.J. that she’ll be okay with Sam.

"After all, we don’t need a chaperone," she thinks.

Once they both finished their deliveries, Sam made a quick stop at the liquor store in town and purchased two bottles of vodka.  He then drove the few miles to the truck stop and parked for the night.

********

Josie hears someone climb onto the small step below the door of the truck and knock twice.

Come on in A.J., Sam says.  Josie and I are just having a couple of drinks.  Can we pour you one? Sam then lets out a deep laugh.

No thanks I’m good, A.J. replies as he takes a seat on the passenger side in the front of the truck.  Sam and Josie are seated behind him on the bunk in the sleeper section.

I can see why the two of you didn’t show up for supper at the restaurant, A.J. says.

After about a half-hour, Sam opens the second bottle of Vodka and pours Josie another drink.  Josie can feel Sam’s hand on her partially covered breast and catches a quick glance of A.J. as he watches.  A scene from her past fills her head.  Josie quickly takes a large swallow of the drink in her hand so that the image will go away.

A.J. speaks up.  Sam stop touching Josie like that. You shouldn’t take advantage of her while she’s drunk.

A.J. you need to get the fuck out of my truck, and mind your own business.

A.J. hesitates for a moment, looks at Josie, opens the door, looks back once more with concern and leaves.

********

"Sam, where in the hell are