The New Be-Attitudes: 68 Ways to Shift Your Life From Crappy ...to Happy!

Introduction

My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style.

MAYA ANGELOU

Everyone has something about their life or about themselves they would like to improve. The thing I don’t like about calling books like this self-improvement books is the unspoken supposition that there is something wrong with you in the first place. As you dive into this book you’ll understand a major part of my philosophy on why there is nothing wrong with you. My take on self-improvement books, memes, etc., is that they help you unlock potential that is already within you. Life is a continual process of being found, lost, and found again. Each time we find ourselves it isn’t like we’re a different person, it’s like we have become more ourselves. The purpose of this book is to help you find and express the very best parts of yourself and with it your destiny and life purpose.

This book stems from several phases of my life, and is the culmination of my efforts to find true peace and lasting happiness. By culmination I mean that this book is the system I created for myself to shift my own life from crappy to happy. Since I know it works, part of my journey and joy is sharing it with you in the hopes that you will find the same peace, happiness, self-love and freedom that I have. Or more. You can find a fuller description of my story in The Shortcut to Happiness: Your No-B.S. Guide to The Journey of Joy. Since this book is not really about me, and since part of the point was to keep it succinct, I’ll give you a short summary.

The first phase of my life was a painful childhood filled with all kinds of abuse and cruelty. Home, school and church—all those places that are supposed to be safe-havens and sources of learning—were war zones for me. Most of my time was spent in survival mode. I constantly made plans for running away. Hid myself away as often as possible. Sometimes I fought back, but my efforts to survive usually got me into more trouble. Needless to say, this childhood filled me with fear and self-loathing, and thrust me into a deep well of depression, anxiety, and darkness.

The second phase of my life was my struggle to heal from all the crap from my childhood. The crap had lodged itself deep in my mind and soul, to the point I was about to commit suicide. Staring my own death in the face made me realize I had never truly lived. I could see that all the truths that were supposed to bring peace and joy were exactly what had made me so miserable. They were lies, mistruths and partial truths mixed with myth. At the age of twenty-five I made a life-altering decision to leave those mistruths behind in order to find true truth—truths that brought true peace and happiness. For the next ten years I struggled along my own path of spirituality and soul healing. That path, and the lessons I learned, helped me crawl out of the deep, dark well and step into the light. The Life Truths I learned helped me understand that the troubles of my past were no reflection of my worth as a living being. I learned to love myself just as I was. My heart and mind found great peace, and my soul found the healing it so desperately needed.

This book represents the third phase of my life: Sharing the Life Truths I’ve learned. Knowledge truly is power: The power of peace, love, wisdom, integrity, and true strength of self. We all struggle to find peace and happiness. We all struggle against the darkness of this world. We all seek meaning and purpose. The goal of this book is to share some of the life-changing lessons I’ve learned in the hopes of helping people like you find the light and healing you seek. This book also shares the system I created for myself so that—should you choose to use it—your heart, mind and soul can find the peace and freedom they deserve.

The title of this book is not religious, but is a play on words from my religious upbringing. The original Beatitudes come from Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount—a section of the Bible so famous that Christians and non-Christians alike are familiar with it. Beatitudes is a nickname that stems from the Latin version of the New Testament. In The Sermon on the Mount, Jesus teaches eight or ten (depending on how you count) blessings, such as Blessed are the poor in spirit...Blessed are those who mourn…Blessed are the meek... The Latin word for blessed is beati which can be translated as happiness or blessedness. The reward attached to most of the beatitudes basically equates to entering the kingdom of Heaven after death.

Though I am no longer religious, religion has left a permanent watermark on my life, and I remain a deeply spiritual person. The title for The New Be-Attitudes is a twist on the original Beatitudes, but they share a common aim of helping people find happiness. The New Be-Attitudes is a modern response to age-old troubles of humanity. We live in a modern world with advanced technology, but most of the problems of two millennia ago are the exact same problems we face, today. Technology, despite its sophistication and power, has done nothing to solve the human problems of selfishness, fear and brutality. Technology itself cannot teach us peace and kindness, we must find that within ourselves.

Leaving religion actually allowed me to deepen my spiritual connection. My search for true inner-peace and happiness has taught me much about the human experience and our connection to the divine. I’ve learned enlightening truths I could not truly understand beneath the hood of religion. For instance, I have learned that Heaven and Hell are not far off places we go to after death. Heaven and Hell are right here and now. They exist in the hearts and minds of every person. The Heaven or Hell we create in our mind expands in our heart and manifests in the physical world around us.

If there is a Heaven or Hell after death, we get there by learning to create it here on Earth, first. Too many religions teach and too many people believe they can create Hell on Earth and still be welcomed into Heaven after. This is a great misconception and mistruth. The truth is, whatever we create here on Earth—Heaven or Hell—we bring with us. Those who hope to enter Heaven in the afterlife will only do so because they created Heaven on Earth first. That Heaven is peace, love, joy, compassion, kindness, fellowship, equality, and all the fruits of unconditional love. Those who create Hell on Earth will continue creating Hell in the afterlife, for all they learned in this life was to wallow in the muck of human fear and suffering.

As I searched for the light in my Second Phase of life, there were many great books out there with many great teachings, but none of them gave clear instructions on what to actually do or how to apply those teachings. None provided a clear plan or path for creating tangible, positive change in my life. Those seeds had to grow slowly and through making many mistakes. In the end, I had to create my own system and it changed my life dramatically. The New Be-Attitudes is meant to not only share some life-altering truths in an easy-to-grasp format, it gives you the system I used to turn my life around and to climb out of the darkness into the light.

I had three primary goals for this book. First, to give you a clear, systematic plan for creating Heaven and happiness in your life, starting immediately. Second, to make the book as clear and concise as possible. Since happiness is a topic which has spanned human interest for millennia, upon which countless volumes have been written, and since it looks somewhat different for each person, this was a major challenge. To achieve this second goal, I found that using analogies was the best way to illustrate some crucial points without saying too much. Concise writing means that you, the reader, must take the time to consider just how far and wide each concept and analogy extends.

The third goal for this book was that it be applicable to any person regardless of race, religion or lack thereof, gender, sexuality, age or location. Though this book stems from my personal spirituality, there is nothing New Age-y or woo-woo about it. My approach to spirituality is very practical. While crystals and incense are fun, I believe in sensible solutions and tangible effort. Spirituality to me is about how everything in this marvelous, miraculous Universe—including us—is connected.

There is a great peace that comes from feeling connected to yourself and to everyone and everything else. When we feel connected we no longer fear. When we feel connected to others, we no longer fear them. When we feel connected to the past, present, future, we no longer fear them. We can embrace them and flow with them in order to experience them to the fullest. When we feel connected it’s easy to be kind and have compassion for all, for we understand that what affects one affects all. When we feel connected to death we are able to embrace life and live it to the fullest.

The greatest suffering comes when we feel disconnected. When we feel disconnected from each other we fear and hurt each other. We fear death because we are disconnected from it. When we feel disconnected from the past and future we are constantly running from, or trying to control them. When we feel disconnected from ourselves we distrust ourselves, fear ourselves, spurn, hate and hurt ourselves. Spirituality, to me, is the process of healing all these hurts and returning the sense of connectedness to ourselves, each other, and all things. I have chosen the mechanism of attitude for this book because when we set our attitude to one of healing and connecting we will absolutely change the world for the better.

Since these ideas touch every aspect of your life, including your past and future, I encourage you to read, re-read and continually apply the concepts in this book. Nurture the seeds of peace and happiness daily so they flourish in your heart. If you practice The New Be-Attitudes consistently, your joy and peace will grow and the world around you will be filled with new light and beauty. Whether you are on your own journey from darkness to light, or whether you simply need an anchor to stay grounded in positivity, this book will help.

This book won’t solve your problems. You’ll still have to do that, but this book will give you many, powerful tools to do so. You’ll still make mistakes and have learning experiences along the way, but that is really the point of life. What this book will do is help you gain insight into yourself and your problems so you can navigate through them more quickly, and with greater awareness and confidence. The New Be-Attitudes will help you abandon self-defeating beliefs and behaviors, and replace them with positive, self-building ones. Practicing The New Be-Attitudes will help you mitigate Ego and act from a place of authentic intention rather than fear-driven reaction.

My hope is to help you create Heaven in your life every day for the rest of your life. If you feel like you’re living in Hell now, I and many others like us have been there. You are not alone. Though life feels dark, the light shines on you and within you. A star in the night sky shines bright, though it surrounded by darkness. The truth of your soul is one of light shining in a dark world. If you were to judge yourself by the darkness that surrounds you, you might feel cold, dark, and alone. Look closer and you will see that you are a bright soul, and floating in the darkness with you are other bright souls, shining. Seek the light and you will find it. Follow your heart. Listen to your intuition. Nurture every bit of light you find and it will grow into the freedom and joy you so seek.

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Shifting from Crappy

to Happy

If we don't change, we don't grow. If we don't grow, we aren't really living.

GAIL SHEEHY

Shift is a powerful word. Historically speaking, shifts in people’s mindsets have created global shifts in power. These shifts have won wars, crumbled entire nations and religions, and birthed new ones. Shifts in mindset have ended slavery, won women the right to vote, and found cures for rampant diseases. Personally speaking, shifting has the power to make your greatest dreams a reality. It has the power to lay your deepest, darkest fears to rest.

Shifting is such a powerful concept because progress can be slow. Part of human nature is to cling to what we know and to resist change. We often refuse to change unless we absolutely have to. Our resistance to change runs so deep we will live in mountains of denial, put up with abuse, and live in deplorable conditions simply because they are known quantities. We fear the unknown, so we often put a death grip on things that are bad for us simply because we know we can survive in them. Even worse, they give us a sense of purpose.

There are several problems to resisting change. For starters, the very nature of the Universe is change. Nothing is the same from one moment to the next. When we try to hold on to what we know, we are actually fighting the very Universe itself. How smart does that sound? No matter how hard we fight or deny it, everything changes. The harder we resist, the more painful our life becomes. In the end, something has to give, and it is always us. This is why we encounter seemingly sudden, drastic, traumatic events in our lives. Despite our resistance, the changes of the Universe continued to flow, and like a dam bursting, those changes hit us with undeniable force.

Holding on to what we know creates the terrible by-product of waiting. We wait for the timing or circumstances to be just right before going after our dreams. We wait to live our passion because something keeps coming up we have to deal with first. Waiting to live our dreams or seeking our destiny is like tossing our dreams into that Cosmic Trash Bin called someday. Waiting is the great dream-killer, and in many ways the great soul-killer. Every day not spent on-track with our life purpose is a day spent letting our soul wither in the winds of time.

Part of our nature is to survive, but another part of our nature is to grow, expand, and thrive. The part of us that wants to survive is worried about what might happen if we let go of what we know and step into the darkness of possibility. The part of us that wants to thrive knows that the darkness of possibility is also where the light of our dreams shines. That place of something bad might happen is the same place where something great can happen. It is up to us to choose whether to stay safe in our imaginary bubble, or to step into the unknown and unlock the greatness within.

Learning lessons and changing circumstances doesn’t have to be a painful, traumatic process. Sometimes we just need enough of something until we are done with it. Eating, for example, is a pleasurable process until we’ve had enough. If we stop when we’ve had enough, we feel satiated and content. If we keep eating, we feel stuffed, bloated and even painful. So it is with other parts of life. We might outgrow a job, relationship, neighborhood or school. Or, these things may have simply run their course. If we resist the natural changes in our life, we become painfully pressed between a rock and a hard place. We might wait until the pressure is so painful, change is our only option. On the other hand, if we bravely flow and progress to the next stage, change can be an exciting adventure. Sure there are some scary emotions, but rollercoasters wouldn’t be fun if they weren’t a little scary. Shifting and adapting with life turns our zigzag from one painful extreme, constantly pushed to the limits of what we think we can bear, to an organic, fulfilling progression through life.

The power of shifting our lives is the same power that moves the continents and carves the Grand Canyon. After enough time, little shifts grow into great ones. The continents move about an inch each year. An inch a year seems insignificant, but in my lifetime the continents have moved about three and a half feet. Considering how massive the continents are, this is an immense change. If we apply the same principle of making little shifts in our lives, we can learn to ride the waves of change. As we flow with the waves and tides of life, we can use their power to shift our lives—and the world—for good.

If you wish to make big changes in your life, you may be cringing at the idea of what that will take. You might be staring into the void of possibility and dreading the thought of doing something different. Never fear, little shifts are here! Rather than waiting to make one giant leap into change, make one, small change. Then, do that again tomorrow. Rather than waiting for someday to make your life better, improve your life in some small way, today. Over time, you will be able to look back and see major shifts have happened and realize that it happened very naturally. You will notice yourself easily doing things and making choices that you once would have balked at.

The power of shifting is that you can do it a little at a time and still experience the benefits of it. The ultimate truth is that you and your life are already shifting, whether you are aware of it or not. Whether you like it or not. By consciously, actively participating in the development of your life, you can guide those shifts so you drift in the directions of joy, peace and fulfillment. All it takes is patience and persistence. Making positive changes in life requires consistency. Even if you take teeny, tiny steps each day, even if you make the effort and feel like you failed, you were a success because you did your best. Keep at it. Every attempt will get better than the last.

Shifting from crappy to happy means learning to love the moment you’re in, right now. Life satisfaction isn’t a someday event, it is a right here, right now event. Happiness doesn’t come from having or seeking riches and possessions. Happiness is not a means to an end. Happiness is available to all people, everywhere, at all times, and should be embraced and enjoyed for its own sake. Happiness comes from living your soul’s deepest desires in some way, today. It comes from loving yourself to your very best ability, right now. If you are in a crappy moment, it just needs your love. If you pour your love into the present moment you will, as a result, pour your curiosity, bravery, intuition, effort, and brilliance into that moment to make it shine. As you do this from moment to moment, those moments turn into hours, days, months and years. Soon, you realize happiness is not a thing you can possess, or destination you can arrive at—it is a way of life.

Your whole life doesn’t have to be crappy to benefit from this book. There may simply be some things you want to improve, or parts of your life you would like to heal. You may want to go from a mediocre, everyday life to feeling like you’re on top of the world. This book can help! Ad you shift your attitudes from what they are to what you would like them to be, you will step toward the life you truly want from the bottom of your heart.

Set your focus, and go! Take steps toward your goals and dreams every day. Be patient and persistent. Do what you can, today. Even if it seems insignificant, every little bit contributes to the whole. You will make far more progress in life with frequent, little steps than by waiting to make a few, giant leaps. What you focus on expands because you move toward what you’re focused on. So again, set your focus...and go. You can do it!

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Attitude is Everything

Life is 10 percent what happens to you and 90 percent how you respond to it.

LOU HOLTZ

My Junior year in high school was a very enlightening year in regard to attitude. Like many teenagers, I hated school with a passion. But I got tired of dreading school. When I looked around, I noticed that not everyone was afflicted with the same sense of loathing. Some people actually loved school, which boggled my mind. Yet, it was enough to push me to a radical decision.

The summer before my Junior year I decided that my Junior year was going to be a great year. No matter what. To my great delight, it was! Not that circumstances were great, they weren’t. During this time of my life my parents got divorced and both got remarried giving me nine new step-siblings (talk about a triple-Brady-Bunch nightmare). Our parents used us kids as bargaining chips to viciously wage power wars against each other. We started bouncing back and forth with shared custody. I frequently fought with my step-brothers. To make matters worse my dad always sided with them, abandoning all loyalty to his own kids. He had lost his job and could only find work laboring at night. Not only were we stressed about money, rent and having enough to eat, that meant I got to parent my siblings, making meals, getting them ready for school and church, making sure homework and chores were done. I was experiencing clinical depression from a crappy childhood starting to catch up with me. I was also battling against my sexuality and the growing dread that God—and everyone—hated me because of it.

That year was an absolute hell. Yet by some miracle, that year was my best year of high school. I mean I liked it. I made it through the hells of that year without being dragged down. Nothing particularly good happened, so the miracle I experienced was the power of my own attitude. The fact that I had decided consciously and adamantly that nothing would drag me down allowed me to rise above the madness enough to keep my wits about me.

Why Attitude?

Your attitude determines your reality. Your attitude determines your perspective of, outlook on, approach to, and direction through life. Ever seen someone in great circumstances who always complains, or someone in crummy circumstances who was happy? The difference was attitude. An apt analogy for attitude can be found in aviation. In aeronautics, attitude determines the physical orientation of an airplane or other flight craft. The technical terms are roll, pitch and yaw which describe the plane’s three-dimensional position whether it be level with the ground, or angled up, down, left or right. In actual flight, a pilot navigates the flight path by controlling the plane’s attitude, moment to moment.

Imagine a plane that takes off from Los Angeles and plans to fly to New York. A pilot’s dream might be that she could set the plane on autopilot and fly in a straight line from takeoff to landing. However, the real story is that the plane will encounter many obstacles: changing wind directions, clouds and storms, mountains, strong gusts, even other planes. Despite flight control’s best efforts to choose a flightpath with minimal obstacles or diversions, there will be turbulence and other bumps along the way. The pilot’s job is to adjust the plane’s attitude in order to adapt to these obstacles in the best way possible, ensuring a smooth flight and a safe landing.

Life is similar to an airplane in flight. When we are born, everyone hopes for a good life, smooth flying conditions and a safe landing. But we encounter many obstacles along the way: illness, heartbreak, loss, disappointments, personal challenges, setbacks and countless other hurdles we can never anticipate. Somehow we must adapt to these challenges so we can overcome them and find our way again. Our attitude is our most powerful tool for conquering life’s challenges. By choosing our attitude we choose the direction we will take through life’s storms whether it be over, under, around or directly through.

There are three ways people tend to live regarding attitudes. These three approaches cause unnecessary pain and suffering in life. The first is having a bad attitude. Living with a bad attitude sucks, obviously. Life is a drag, everything is an imposition, life sucks, people suck, everything sucks. The sun rarely shines when we have a negative attitude. Even on a perfect day we can conjure clouds and summon storms with our bad attitude. But why would we choose to live this way? The mind-boggling thing about people with bad attitudes is that they usually know it and choose to stay in it. They justify their bad attitude by saying things like, I’m just being a realist. A bad attitude is a good way of dodging personal responsibility. With a bad attitude comes blaming everyone and everything else for our problems.

The second and most common way people tend to live is on autopilot. Most people tend to think that life is life and that is that. They pay no attention to their attitude thinking it is reality set in stone. As storms and adversity arise, they think their only option is to fight, wish, pray or hide their way through and hope they luck out. Some people luck out and go back into autopilot. Some are not so lucky