The Apology
By Eve Ensler
4/5
()
About this ebook
“A triumph of artistry and empathy.” -Naomi Klein
“A crucial step forward . . . This is an urgently needed book right now.” -Jane Fonda
“Courageous, transformative, and yes-healing.” -Anne Lamott
Like millions of women, Eve Ensler has been waiting much of her lifetime for an apology. Sexually and physically abused by her father, Eve has struggled her whole life from this betrayal, longing for an honest reckoning from a man who is long dead. After years of work as an anti-violence activist, she decided she would wait no longer; an apology could be imagined, by her, for her, to her. The Apology, written by Eve from her father's point of view in the words she longed to hear, attempts to transform the abuse she suffered with unflinching truthfulness, compassion, and an expansive vision for the future.
Through The Apology Eve has set out to provide a new way for herself and a possible road for others, so that survivors of abuse may finally envision how to be free. She grapples with questions she has sought answers to since she first realized the impact of her father's abuse on her life: How do we offer a doorway rather than a locked cell? How do we move from humiliation to revelation, from curtailing behavior to changing it, from condemning perpetrators to calling them to reckoning? What will it take for abusers to genuinely apologize?
Remarkable and original, The Apology is an acutely transformational look at how, from the wounds of sexual abuse, we can begin to re-emerge and heal. It is revolutionary, asking everything of each of us: courage, honesty, and forgiveness.
Eve Ensler
V (formerly Eve Ensler) is a Tony Award–winning playwright, author, performer, and activist. Her international phenomenon The Vagina Monologues has been published in 48 languages and performed in more than 140 countries. She is the author of The Apology, the NYT bestseller I Am an Emotional Creature, the highly praised In the Body of the World, and many more. She is the founder of V-Day, the global activist movement to end violence against women and girls, and One Billion Rising, the largest global mass action to end gender-based violence in over 200 countries. She is a co-founder of the City of Joy, a revolutionary center for women survivors of violence in the Democratic Republic of the Congo, along with Christine Schuler Deschryver and 2018 Nobel Peace Prize winner Dr. Denis Mukwege. She is one of Newsweek's “150 Women Who Changed the World” and the Guardian's “100 Most Influential Women.” She lives in New York.
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Reviews for The Apology
33 ratings2 reviews
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Author Eve Ensler imagines her deceased father in Limbo, finally ready to review and apologize for his many crimes against her, which include sexual, emotional and physical abuse. This brief, intense book may be triggering to victims of incest or parental cruelty, but others may find that it helps them to understand the multi-generational patterns that lead to extreme familial dysfunction. Highly recommended.
- Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Reviewed from an Advance Reading Copy.My first thought is that I sincerely hope this book helps Eve Ensler to heal and helps others like her on their paths through trauma and recovery.I'm a big fan of [book:The Vagina Monologues|104734], but this book with its conceit of an apology letter from her criminally abusive megalomaniac of a father is too odd, depressing, and difficult to digest. He is probably the most repugnant but eloquent narrator since Humbert Humbert. And while I understand this is the apology Ensler hoped he would give, it seems too much to me like letting him have the last word.This may be the single most stomach churning passage I have ever read:"Daddy's little girl, my sweetie pie. That's what I called you. I see how this now makes you recoil. It didn't once. Sweetie pie. Sweetie pie. A tasty crust with with delicious sweet warm fruit inside."
Book preview
The Apology - Eve Ensler
More praise for The Apology
Taut but heart-wrenching … The book is as much a powerful reckoning for [Ensler’s] father as it is for certain endemic strains of patriarchy that have necessitated that such characters always exist.
—San Francisco Chronicle
A remarkable book.
—Brian Lehrer, WNYC
The horrifying specificity of the abuse Ensler suffered is on full display, but so, too, is a kind of searing analysis of patriarchy as a whole.
—The Observer
A bold act of imaginative empathy … an incredibly brave attempt to make sense of what seems senseless.
—The Sunday Times
"The Apology is a powerful description of the apology that she needed to hear, but never did, from her father, who sexually abused her as a young child." —Psychology Today
Profound, imaginative and devastating … Horrifying and mesmerizing in equal measure, both in its depth of inquiry and its detail … There is a moving power and poetry to the prose that rouses Arthur from his grave and holds him to account.
—The Guardian
Ensler’s transfixing, appalling, revelatory, and cathartic performance deepens her mission of transmuting her pain into clarion stories that engender understanding, openness, healing, and liberation … Daring and resounding.
—Booklist, starred review
"At every turn, this project is a lesson in how the real work of atonement happens in the churn of the reckoning. The Apology shows all of us how to take a body back by imagining its freedom. This book is a gift to our collective liberation." —BOMB magazine
By reliving her own abuse through the eyes of her abuser, Ensler creates a powerfully cathartic work that sheds light on the toll that rape can take on one’s life. 5/5.
—BUST
This imagined voice of an abusive father from the limbo of the afterlife is as intimate as it is alarming, and in crafting a letter one survivor may yearn for, Ensler taps into a broader struggle, searching to hold perpetrators accountable … Those seeking a greater understanding of psychological manipulation will appreciate this potent examination.
—Kirkus Reviews
"This bold, brutal, and ultimately healing narrative by playwright Ensler exposes the origin story of her ground-breaking play The Vagina Monologues through searing reflections on incest and abuse … A powerful and disturbing story that Ensler writes with grace and aplomb." — Publishers Weekly
"The scourge of sexual abuse is very much at the forefront of the cultural conversation right now. The Apology promises to be a potent and extraordinarily compassionate addition to it." —Omnivoracious
"The Apology is profound and theatrical, literary and sometimes funny, as all of Eve Ensler’s work is, and it goes without saying, it’s courageous, transformative, and, yes—healing." —Anne Lamott
Wisdom and insight that will be passed around as long as there are human hearts beating on this broken planet.
—Thandiwe Newton
Accusation and punishment of the guilty is one critical step in reckoning with abuse. Eve Ensler offers another crucial step forward: the deep self-reckoning and accounting that a true apology requires. This is an urgently needed book right now.
—Jane Fonda
In this triumph of artistry and empathy, Eve Ensler leaves us with a transformative question: What if the words we most long to hear from another can be located within ourselves? Navigating the rocky rapids between intimacy and annihilation, contrition and forgiveness, autonomy and interdependence, this is a book like no other. Few will emerge unchanged.
—Naomi Klein
As only she can, Eve Ensler shares the story of her father’s ultimate betrayal with both unflinching candor and immeasurable grace. Through sheer creative force, she takes us on her own journey to healing. Though Ensler’s story is deeply personal, its lessons are universal.
—Anita Hill
"The Apology is a brave step toward radical healing—not just for Eve Ensler, but for all those who accept her invitation to confront the trauma of sexual abuse and find the apology they might never hear. But Ensler’s book can also be seen as an invitation to men and a road map for the apologies that need to be made." —Tony Porter, CEO, A Call to Men
This is one of the most original and profound books of the decade. For anyone who has ever been hurt by somebody they love, it will be deeply transformative. Twenty-five years ago, Eve Ensler transformed how women think about their bodies. With this book, she will change how all of us think about our souls.
—Johann Hari, author of Chasing the Scream and Lost Connections
Both an excoriation and an act of startling forgiveness. Even as it depicts jaw-dropping cruelties, it probes the complexities and layers that underlie what could, in lesser hands, appear as the opaque surface of pure evil. Eve Ensler unflinchingly increases our understanding of the human experience even at its darkest, which is quite possibly a writer’s, any writer’s, most significant contribution.
—Michael Cunningham
Eve Ensler’s book is for people like me who find apologies to be perfunctory and unsatisfying, even infuriating without a clear-eyed reckoning of why the hurt was done. Here is a guide for those who have not received the apology they deserve, and for those who know there is one they’ve yet to give.
—Kimberlé Crenshaw
Extraordinary … altogether magnificent.
—Maria Popova
FOR EVERY WOMAN STILL WAITING FOR AN APOLOGY
BY THE SAME AUTHOR
The Vagina Monologues
In The Body of the World: A Memoir of Cancer and Connection
I Am an Emotional Creature: The Secret Life of Girls around the World
Insecure at Last: Losing It in Our Security-Obsessed World
The Good Body
Necessary Targets: A Story of Women and War
Vagina Warriors
CONTENTS
Begin Reading
Acknowledgments
A Note on the Author
I am done waiting. My father is long dead. He will never say the words to me. He will not make the apology. So it must be imagined. For it is in our imagination that we can dream across boundaries, deepen the narrative, and design alternative outcomes.
This letter is an invocation, a calling up. I have tried to allow my father to speak to me as he would speak. Although I have written the words I needed my father to say to me, I had to make space for him to come through me.
There is so much about him, his history, that he never shared with me, so I have had to conjure much of that as well.
This letter is my attempt to endow my father with the will and the words to cross the border, and speak the language, of apology so that I can finally be free.
Dear Evie,
How very strange to be writing you. Am I writing to you from the grave or the past or the future? Am I writing as you or as you would like me to be or as I really am beneath my own limited understanding? And does it matter? Am I writing in a language I never spoke or understood which you have created inside both of our minds to bridge the gaps, the failures to connect? Maybe I am writing as I truly am, as you have freed me by your witness. Or I’m not writing this at all but simply being used as a vehicle to fulfill your own needs and version of things.
I don’t remember ever writing you a letter. I rarely wrote letters. For me to write a letter, to reach out to others, would have been a sign of weakness. People wrote letters to me. I would never let anyone know they were significant enough to me to write a letter to them. That would make me less, put me at a disadvantage. Even saying this to you feels odd. This is not something I would normally know or say unless you had entered my mind. But I would not argue with it. It feels true.
You always wrote me letters. I found that peculiar and strangely moving. We lived in the same house but you were writing to me, your little-girl handwriting attempting straight lines but wandering all over the page. It was as if you were trying to make contact with some aspect of me, a part you could not find in the heated moments