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    Observations and Semi-Insane Ramblings
    Observations and Semi-Insane Ramblings
    Observations and Semi-Insane Ramblings
    Ebook109 pages1 hour

    Observations and Semi-Insane Ramblings

    By Rodney Ohebsion

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    About this ebook

    People, money, movies, TV shows, food, beverages, sports, cities, countries--Rodney Ohebsion has made numerous observations regarding these things, and he's written many of those observations down. In this book, you get many pages of those written down observations! What's more, you also get an assortment of semi-insane ramblings, also in written down form! You get both! You get the observations, and you get the semi-insane ramblings--in one book!

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherRodney Ohebsion
    Release dateMar 26, 2019
    ISBN9781386689348
    Observations and Semi-Insane Ramblings

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      Book preview

      Observations and Semi-Insane Ramblings - Rodney Ohebsion

      Observations and Semi-Insane Ramblings

      Rodney Ohebsion

      Copyright 2019 Rodney Ohebsion

      All rights reserved. This book or parts thereof may not be reproduced in any form, stored in any retrieval system, or transmitted in any form by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or otherwise—without prior permission of the publisher, except as provided by copyright law.

      For permission requests, or for information about special discounts available for bulk purchases, sales promotions, fundraising and educational needs, contact the publisher at www.rodneyohebsion.com

      Contents

      Introduction

      Observations

      Semi-Insane Ramblings

      About the Author: General

      About the Author: Jobs and Businesses

      About the Author: Artistic Endeavors

      About the Author: Eating Habits and Nutritional Philosophy

      TV Guide

      Linguistics

      Mathematics

      Government

      Impressive and Annoying People

      Popular and Unpopular Activities

      Propositions

      Conclusion

      Introduction

      ––––––––

      This book contains two parts. One is observations—as in, I observe stuff, I write it down. That’s part one of this book. Part two is me rambling is a semi-insane manner. I cover both bases. Observations and semi-insane ramblings.

      By the way—I’m an author. That being said, I’m not so sure I’m proud of that. I don’t like to associate myself with the label of author. After all—authors are not a high character group of people.  They have too much of a certain trait. And that trait is arrogance.

      Writing books is an activity that yields massive amounts of arrogance, as long as your books become so much as slightly popular. I mean, think about it. You write a book with 20,000, 50,000, 100,000 or even 265,222 words in it. And then some people say, Wow. That was great. I really enjoyed what you wrote. I read your book in one day. I could hardly put it down.

      Non-authors never get praise like that. Non-authors are never praised for 265,222 consecutive words. Imagine some guy coming up to you and trying to say 265,222 words. What would you do to that guy? Would you praise him and pay him $27.99? Or would you tape his mouth shut after the first thousand words, and then smack the guy upside the head? You’d definitely do the second thing.

      Here’s an even better example that illustrates my point. Let’s say you’re a man, you’re on your honeymoon, and your wife is the one talking to you. She’s the woman you love—and she’s talking nonstop and trying to get in 265,222 consecutive words over the course of one day. The first 10,000 words are like music to your ears. So are the next 10,000. And the 50,000 after that are also great. And the next 50,000 are pretty good. But by the time she gets to word 250,000, you’re fixing to hogtie this woman and then call up a divorce attorney.

      But with authors, the rules change. They do 265,222 words, and some people say, You know what? I give that 5 out of 5 stars. That was so great, that I’m gonna pay you more money so I can read your next 265,222 word book!

      James Joyce got a steady stream of remarks like that. And then I suppose he told his wife, "‘Puck Mulligan, panamahelmeted, went step by step, iambing.’ Those are just eight of the superb 265,222 words in my bestselling and critically acclaimed novel Ulysses. And his wife said, Well good for you, James. You wrote those 265,222 words. Now why don’t you iamb yourself out of this house, step by step, and take out the trash?"

      So, yeah. Like I pointed out earlier, even though I’m an author, I don’t like categorizing myself as an author. I don’t want to have the same arrogant attitude as that Joyce guy. No way. I write books—but I’m just as humble as anyone else. I write books primarily for one reason: I’m not qualified to do anything else.

      Well, I’ll give myself more credit, and I’ll throw in another motive. Yes, I write books because I’m not qualified to do anything else; but in addition to that, I write books because I’m an artist. I write books as an artist. That being said, I’m not so sure I’m proud of that. I don’t like to associate myself with the label of artist. After all—authors are not a particularly admirable group of people when it comes to quite a few things.

      Here’s a good way to illustrate that point.

      Do you know what the world has too much of? Observations. That’s why I wrote a book that’s chock full of observations. The world already has too many observations. So with this book, I’m gonna add to those observations with my own observations. It makes sense.

      Right now you might be thinking, Actually—that makes no sense at all. The thing is, you’re thinking like someone who believes in what genuinely makes sense.

      But this book is my work as an artist. And here’s the thing about being an artist. When you’re an artist, there’s no rhyme or reason to anything you do.

      Just look at Michelangelo. One day, he started painting the ceiling of a chapel. And people looked at him, and they said, Bro. If you want to paint pictures, we got plenty of canvases for you. How about you come down from there and you paint on a canvas? And Michelangelo said, How about you come up here and you kiss my Italian you-know-what?

      That sums it up for Michelangelo. And then many years later, there was this guy named Kurt Vonnegut. Just out of nowhere, he wrote a novel called Slaughterhouse Five. People asked him, "Why would you write the book Slaughterhouse Five before writing Slaughterhouses One through Four? So Vonnegut replied, Shut your mouth! You know what? Just for that remark of yours, I’m gonna write a novel called Breakfast of Champions." And he did!

      I’m just glad Kurt Vonnegut was a novelist, as opposed to an ear, nose and throat doctor. I mean, Vonnegut is not the kind of person you want taking a close look at your ear, nose, or throat. Think about it. You’re sitting there in a doctor’s office, ready for a checkup. And in comes Dr. Kurt Vonnegut—and he’s so artistic, that he has a Hawaiian lei around his neck instead of a stethoscope. Then he walks up to you, and he tells you, I am an ear, nose, and throat doctor. Each day, I do one of the three. Today I’m in the mood for nose. Open your nose and say ‘Ah.’ And you tell him, With all due respect, Dr. Vonnegut—I don’t think this is the proper medical procedure for examining someone’s nose. And of course, that’s when Dr. Vonnegut grabs a handful of tongue depressors and throws them at your face.

      So there you go. This is my book Observations and Semi-Insane Ramblings. But don’t call me an author or an artist.

      Observations

      Isn’t it weird when you’ve known someone for a while, and then you go to his home for the first time and you see him there with his family? No matter how well you know the person, you have no idea what to expect. Every single home has its own culture and own protocols that are different from anything you’ve ever seen before in your life. That’s why right before you go into someone’s home for the first time, you always think, Okay. What kind of lunacy am I gonna come across inside these four walls?

      Your

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