Keeper of Hearts

CHAPTER 1

In my car on the drive home I said to myself, Oh my goodness. I am going to be a softa, a grandmother, a Bubbe. How wonderful, surprising and miraculous!

When I pulled into the garage, and before the door had fully closed, I called my dear friend, Julia. I could barely wait for her to answer. I did not give a greeting or even a hello.

She answered, and I blurted out, Julia, Matthew, and Sara are pregnant!

Julia laughed, and we talked about babies and pregnancies and grandparents for another 20 or 30 minutes as I navigated into my house with the cell phone held next to my ear. Julia teased me about being a dating and doting grandmother. We agreed it was an odd combination. But what a blessing for our little family. I was still holding the phone after our conversation ended. I considered placing a call to Jacob, my plus one, but I changed my mind. I wanted to cuddle up with my precious poodle, Coco, and just enjoy the blessed news all by myself. After all, I would see Jacob later in the week, and we could talk about this life-altering event then.

CHAPTER 2

The boys were not very interested and never asked any questions about the Texas Instruments stocks given to me by my parents before their death last year. They both knew my parents had purchased 100 shares of TXN stock every year from 1966 to 1997. But neither thought the value would amount to much. Well, they were wrong. My broker and I did our calculations. Those shares are valued at $80,000 after stock splits and reinvested dividends. I decided to split the total between the three of us. Maybe Matthew can start a college fund for his baby when it is born. Anyway, I planned to get them together soon and give them this gift.

Jacob and I went to dinner at Chili’s on Park Blvd. the next Wednesday. While enjoying a bowl of salsa and tortilla chips, I shared my wonderful news with him. He was enthusiastic for Mat and for me. He also had something to discuss. Jacob suggested we should take a long weekend and go to New York and see some Broadway shows. He hadn’t scheduled the dates since our first travel together to Hawaii had some initial scheduling complications. We finished our dinner and went to my house for coffee and dessert. While enjoying our chocolate rugelach, we both took out our cell phones and checked our calendars. I mentioned there would be some baby showers coming in a few months, but for now, my calendar was open.

Jacob said, I know how much you like to see Broadway shows. Shall we look online and see what shows are there or are coming soon? Do you have a particular place you want to stay?

I laughed and said, No, surprise me.

Jacob tilted his head, and with his brown eyes twinkling, asked: Are you sure?

Jacob was concerned because he had planned our Hawaii trip with no interaction with me. He made reservations for us to stay on the Island and, even worse, in the same hotel where he and his ex-wife stayed on their honeymoon. Our first trip together was difficult for me. I made it perfectly clear to Jacob he had missed the mark. Obviously, Jacob did not want a repeat of that nightmare.

We scanned the various shows on and off Broadway: Thoroughly Modern Millie, Mama Mia, Sweet Smell of Success and Into the Woods were the Tony Award winners. Neither Jacob nor I were even mildly interested in any of them. We shook our heads and decided not to go to New York for now. We checked out Las Vegas for current shows. Only Cirque du Soleil stirred a little interest in us, and we didn’t feel we needed to go to Las Vegas to see just that one show. Jacob declared we were getting to be old fuddy-duddies.

Speak for yourself, I nudged.

Jacob rose from his chair and took a deep bow.

Fear not, sweet damsel. I will do more research and rescue you from your boring existence. Meanwhile, let’s get Coco and Mystic out for a walk around the neighborhood.

I got Coco ready and headed out the front door to meet Mystic and Jacob. As we maneuvered the dogs down the sidewalk, my neighbor, Rhonda, called out a friendly greeting. Coco and Mystic were pulling to get us started on our walk. Mystic, Jacob’s large standard poodle, listened to Jacob and politely sat at his right side. Coco, my tiny toy poodle, not as well behaved, was having none of it. I picked her up and asked Rhonda how Gerald was. We three chatted briefly. I finally put Coco down and let her get her way - as usual.

Before moving to Texas Rhonda and Gerald had lived in New Orleans. I haven’t been in a long time. How does New Orleans sound?

I asked Jacob.

I think that might be a fun trip. I’ll check out the travel dates and times and places to stay. We can talk more next week, Jacob responded.

Since Jacob and I had been running around White Rock Lake for over a year, we did not tire after a few blocks, but Coco was ready to turn around after four fire hydrants and a few dozen mailboxes. Jacob suggested we get her a stroller so she can be pushed when she doesn’t want to walk anymore.

I’ll probably be pushing a baby in a stroller soon, I responded.

If I didn’t know better, Jacob said shaking his head, I would be very, very worried.

He pulled me close, and we both laughed.

CHAPTER 3

During my lunch break, I checked with Matthew to be certain they had already met with Sara’s family and given them the good news. I certainly did not want to spoil this big announcement.

Mat said not to worry, they went to see Elysa and Harry Lehman after our anniversary get-together. He also said Sara was still ill most of the day. He admitted he felt so inept. He said he can only hold her hand when she feels sick, place a cool rag on her forehead and pull her long, curly black hair back from her face.

Mat said, When I am holding her hair back, I remember how gorgeous her long black curls used to be. Now when I hold her hair, it is sweaty and stringy. Oh my God, Mom, can you believe I said that? I miss Sara’s curls and my poor wife is throwing her guts up all day long!

Mat, you are just remembering how much you love her. You admired her luxurious curls, and you love her now with stringy wet hair, I said, trying to empathize with him.

Matthew sighed. He told me he hopes she will be over this morning sickness soon so she can enjoy their first pregnancy. He also shared with me they want to start shopping for a house, but, for now, that will have to wait. Sara is too exhausted to get out and house hunt after work. I told him I, too, hoped she would feel better soon. And I assured him if he was helping with meals and household chores, I knew she was appreciative.

Yeah, but a clean house doesn’t help her when her head is over the toilet. And she is not eating much and probably most of what she does eat doesn’t stay with her.

Aw, honey, it’s not fun. I just hope it’s over soon.

We chatted a little longer and then promised to see each other soon.

I found the contact info and called Elysa. She and I were both so excited about the impending arrival. In addition to sharing our joy and some thoughts on becoming a grandmother, we talked about planning a baby shower and helping the young couple get baby necessities. Elysa also remarked on Sara’s difficulties so far. She said she, too, had been sick with her last child and it lasted three miserable months. I asked her to give my congratulations to Harry, and we agreed to talk in the coming month to start planning baby things. Hmm – Saying baby things has a nice ring.

Then the phone rang, and I saw it was Jacob.

Hi, Bubbe!

Okay, that’s enough. I need to nip this in the bud. I am not your Bubbe, I reacted.

Jacob chortled and said, I know, and I’m so happy about that. We would really be deviants if you were my grandmother. But I think a little teasing is okay. Anyway, here are some of the things I’ve been considering for our New Orleans’s trip. The Hotel Omni Royal Orleans is a brief walk to the French Quarter, one block to Bourbon Street and a couple of blocks to great eating. I think we might want to take the New Orleans Steamboat ride. And visit the Audubon Butterfly Garden and Insectarium. I know you don’t like insects, but you do like butterflies. I haven’t made any reservations, but how do those ideas sound to you?

I like them. They all sound intriguing. Are you thinking about a long weekend or more? I like the idea of leaving Dallas Thursday after work and returning Sunday, I proposed. Oops, speaking of work, my other line is buzzing. Got to go, I said as I disconnected Jacob and answered a business call.

At the end of the workday, I drove home thinking about getting my boys together to distribute the money from our inheritance. My mind wandered to making a room in my home for my grandchildren. I could envision baby furniture, baby toys, and tiny baby clothes in the closet. When the traffic light turned green, I was still daydreaming. The car behind me honked, and I raised my right hand in an apology wave and drove home. I barely stepped in the back door when the doorbell rang. I rushed to the front door, and there was Malkie.

Mom, I am so sorry for not calling, but I just came over on a whim. I see you are holding your keys. Are you on your way out?

"No, no of course not. I just walked in from work. Can I fix you a tea

or coffee?"

Malkie joined me in the kitchen and sat at the table. We didn’t say much until I placed two mugs of steaming chai on the table with a couple slices of honey cake.

So darling, what’s on your mind? I inquired.

I came by tonight because Dave has a late shift at the police department, and I could get away unnoticed. RoseAnne, David and I decided to get ourselves tested for Ashkenazi genetic diseases. I am sure you are aware there are many more prevalent among the Ashkenazim than the general population. Dave is familiar with Tay-Sachs disease because our friends, Josh and Lena, have a Tay Sachs baby. Both Josh and Lena carried the gene. They did not get screened until after Noah’s birth. Baby Noah is not showing extreme signs of the disease, but he is only four months old. The JScreen tests for Tay-Sachs, Bloom syndrome, cystic fibrosis, ML4, and several others; but I am having second thoughts. If we do test positive and if we discovered we created a baby with one of these various diseases, I will not abort, Malkie stated firmly.

She sighed and took a sip of her tea, leaned back against the cushioned kitchen chair and waited for a response.

Have you discussed this with your husband? I asked cautiously.

I have talked to Dave about this. I want to have children with David. I don’t want this to be a divisive argument between us, but I am totally inflexible on the idea of abortion. RoseAnne, I am not against abortion, but I am against it for me.

"If you test positive for one or more of these genetic diseases, you could consider In Vitro fertilization. Abortion is certainly not your

only option."

David told me he wanted us to have our babies. Not a baby created from some other woman’s eggs or some other man’s sperm. Not a baby gathered from spare parts from a junkyard of unwanted body parts. Can you believe he said that? Well, he did! And he won’t consider adopting.

I sat back and tried to digest the entire conversation I was having with my lovely, young daughter-in-law.

Malkie, this is too important a topic for me to comment without further knowledge. Have you set an appointment for the screening?

Mom, JScreen is at-home saliva testing. We sent off to the Norton and Elaine Sarnoff Center for a kit. It should be in our mailbox any day.

Oh, well okay. Let me think about this situation, and I’ll call you tomorrow. I assure you I totally understand the timeliness and your stress level.

Mom, this is just between you and me. Not my parents or David.

Right. Well, for now, it is just between us, but at some point, you and David have to really talk this thing through.

Malkie stood up and smoothed her skirt. She reached out for me, and I could feel her body shaking as she tried to pull herself together. I continued to hold her in an embrace. She looked at me with glazed, teary eyes.

RoseAnne, is this the end of our marriage? Malkie asked.

Oh, my goodness. Let’s not get in front of ourselves. Why don’t you go home and have a relaxing shower? By the way, do you know if Sara and Mat took these tests?

I don’t know, and it’s so personal, I don’t feel right asking Sara. I can’t relax. I am frightened, worried and yes, stressed. Thanks for listening to me.

With my arm around Malkie’s shoulder, we walked to the front door together. I turned her toward me and kissed her cheek. We will talk tomorrow. With her head down and shoulder’s stooped, Malkie climbed into her car and took a U-turn in front of my house to take the shortest route back home.

I felt unsettled and totally unprepared to discuss this subject. I didn’t feel like I could reach out to Julia or Jacob. This is my son’s very private business. I went into my office and logged into my laptop. I started what turned out to be an extensive search of ‘How to Have a Healthy Baby.’ It grew dark in the room, but I turned on the overhead light and continued to read until my eyes could not remain open. I collected Coco and dragged myself to my bedroom. I placed her on my bed and washed my face and brushed my teeth. I thought back to when I was pregnant with my sons. I never considered that I might miscarry or have a baby with medical issues. I guess, in a strange way, those were simpler times. When I scrambled into bed and said my Shema, I asked for His guidance. Even as distraught as I was, I fell asleep quickly. When the alarm went off, I felt I had not slept at all. I followed my usual morning routine and left for work.

I had an overflowing inbox. My day moved swiftly, and I had no time to worry about family issues. At 5:30, I turned off the light in my office and walked down the hall to the elevators. Once I was comfortably ensconced