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    Career Defense 101: How to Stop Sexual Harassment Without Quitting Your Job
    Career Defense 101: How to Stop Sexual Harassment Without Quitting Your Job
    Career Defense 101: How to Stop Sexual Harassment Without Quitting Your Job
    Ebook168 pages2 hours

    Career Defense 101: How to Stop Sexual Harassment Without Quitting Your Job

    By Meredith Holley and Chrissy Weathersby Ball

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    About this ebook

    A trial lawyer’s guide to seven proven strategies that help end sexual harassment at work without retaliation—so you can focus on your job.
     
    Women are often told that the best way to handle workplace harassment is to ignore it. But trial lawyer Meredith Holley knows better. In Career Defense 101, Holley lays out eye-opening research and tools that are proven to end harassment and help women advance in their careers.
     
    As a trial lawyer and coach, Holley uses what she has learned from her own experiences of overcoming harassment, stalking, and discrimination, as well as her legal experience, to help her clients. Even women who do not want to bring a legal claim for their harassment are able to use these strategies to overcome sexual harassment and leave it behind for good.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherOpen Road Integrated Media
    Release dateFeb 5, 2019
    ISBN9781642791525
    Career Defense 101: How to Stop Sexual Harassment Without Quitting Your Job

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      Book preview

      Career Defense 101 - Meredith Holley

      Introduction

      Stunned

      When we first experience something offensive that starts to interfere with our careers, it is often hard for us to even wrap our brains around what is happening. When Anna came to me to see if she had a legal claim, she was working on a high-level business deal with a much older man who started harassing her. He invited her to stay in his home while she was visiting for business, and he soon began touching and propositioning her. When she was writing a description of what happened to her, she repeated over and over, I was stunned. I asked her to be more specific about whether she was afraid or just surprised, and she kept saying, I was just stunned! I was shocked. I couldn’t believe it was happening.

      I recognized in Anna what happens to almost all of the clients who come to me, as a trial lawyer and coach, with sexual harassment claims, and what happened to me early in my career. When we encounter harassment, our brains just do not compute what is happening. Is this really happening? Is this okay? Could this be legal? We are often so shocked that we can’t even respond in the moment. Sometimes, we don’t want to know the answer. We just want to ignore it until it goes away.

      Unfortunately, ignoring and avoiding inappropriate, harassing behavior does not make it go away.

      Ignoring It

      One of the first clients I worked with on a sexual harassment claim, as both a trial lawyer and coach, was Naomi. She had worked her way up from an accounts receivable position in a lumber yard to a position running the yard’s indoor store (though she didn’t actually get the pay or title she deserved for her work). In the meantime, as she was working her way up, the general manager was sexually harassing her. He was making comments about her appearance, propositioning her, having explosive tantrums, going through her cell phone, and even trying to take pictures of her in the bathroom.

      Naomi had decided to ignore the harassment and try to focus on her work. After all, the general manager would say he was joking about a lot of the comments, or he would apologize later, and she was tough. She was not a victim. She knew his comments were disrespectful and even threatening, not hilarious jokes, but she did not want to make a big deal out of something it seemed like she should be able to brush off. She loved her job and loved the authority she had in the store. Sometimes, customers, too, were inappropriate with her, but with them, she knew she had the power to make them leave, and they needed her expertise. She could shut that harassment down without carrying it home and worrying about it at night. The customers did not phase her, but when she was alone with the manager, she felt constant anxiety.

      Naomi felt her only option was to ignore the behavior and hope it would go away. She thought that if she did anything about it, even if she told anyone, it would become a huge situation and she would lose her job and her reputation. She believed that people would say it was not a big deal, and she should just toughen up. Or, she thought, they would think it was a big deal and she was lying about it. She and her partner were supporting a family, and she could not afford to lose her job or her reputation. She felt embarrassed, and, in the back of her mind, she wondered if she was doing something to cause the harassment.

      At first, even though she knew most of this man’s behavior was inappropriate, she did not identify it as harassment. Then, she invited a friend, Diana, to work with her, knowing it would be a great job opportunity for Diana, who was a single mom. When Naomi saw the manager doing the same things to her friend, suddenly it was different. She knew, watching the manager go through Diana’s cell phone pictures, snap her bra, and lift up her skirt, that none of it was okay. She knew that Diana had done nothing to deserve this treatment, and then her own situation became clearer as well.

      But, Naomi still felt trapped and did not know what to do. If there was nothing Naomi and Diana were doing to cause the harassment, was there anything they could do to make it stop? Diana quit the job, even though it was a huge blow to herself and her little daughter. She knew she could not raise her daughter to expect respectful behavior from men if she did not model that strength. Diana was willing to lose thousands of dollars to protect her daughter and avoid sexual harassment.

      Naomi stayed. She did not feel like she had other options, and she had invested eight years in this position. She wanted to continue to advance in the company where she had invested so much time and money.

      She came to me, wanting to find out if she could file a lawsuit for equal pay because she was paid less than her male colleagues. Mostly, she just wanted to present a legal argument to her company to make them listen and increase her salary to a fair amount. Equal pay claims can be very difficult, but I looked through Naomi’s meticulous documentation, and I was impressed. As we were talking, Naomi became more comfortable and started telling me about her general manager touching and propositioning her. She told me how she had gained weight, and now she was starting to lose her hair because of the stress. Eventually, in that conversation or one of the many others we had as she was processing her experience, Naomi told me how she had tried to ignore his threatening behavior, how she knew he had a gun at home, and she would worry about that sometimes.

      She decided to go through the difficult, painful process of reporting the harassment and filing a legal claim. Naomi was still working, while we were deciding how to go forward, and she sometimes had to be alone in the store with the general manager. She started having panic attacks as she pulled into her work parking lot, and her doctor decided to restrict her from going to work because of her increasing anxiety. During the course of the case, she became more and more anxious, depressed, and even agoraphobic. She was proud of herself for standing up to the harassment, but it took a huge toll on her health and wellbeing. Her partner was worried about her, and she had very little tolerance for their children’s difficult behavior.

      At the time, I did not have the strategies I use now with my clients, and watching Naomi’s process motivated me to find something better. It was not enough for me, although it was important, that I have the skills to advocate for my clients through the legal system. I wanted more for them. I wanted Naomi and the other women I was working with to see what superheroes they were and to get all of the success and respect I knew they deserved. I wanted them to walk proudly, free from harassment, and create the life of their dreams.

      Resilience

      While the law has done a lot to help women have more access to traditionally male roles, I am never shocked when a woman does not want to bring a legal claim for harassment. While I was working as a trial lawyer for a law firm, I always told clients, It is better to have a good job than a good legal claim. What I meant was that if my clients can successfully defend their careers from sexual harassment, they will probably save hundreds of thousands of dollars, not just in legal expenses, but in actual pay. Plus, lawsuits, while completely worthwhile and one of the last ways we have to create justice and safety in our communities, are very stressful and painful. Wanting a lawsuit would be like saying, I hope I can see someone drowning in the ocean and have the opportunity to jump in and save them. People who are willing to bring lawsuits do so to protect all of us from injustice and keep our communities safe, but the process itself is emotionally and physically difficult. Anything financial they get from a lawsuit almost never makes up for what they have experienced, but knowing they can make the community safer moves them

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