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The Beginner's (Idiot's) Guide to Long-Haul Flights

The Beginner's (Idiot's) Guide to Long-Haul Flights

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The Beginner's (Idiot's) Guide to Long-Haul Flights

Länge:
103 Seiten
1 Stunde
Freigegeben:
May 31, 2019
ISBN:
9781528958691
Format:
Buch

Beschreibung

Most travellers find long-haul flights far from enjoyable. Long queues, bustling airports, endless security checks, more queues and, finally, cramped seating with pretty average food.

Have you ever rushed through an airport, sweating to make a connection, only to find yourself sitting squashed between two people you would normally avoid at all costs and wondered 'There must be a better way'?

Or are you a long-haul virgin, daunted by your upcoming trip?

Then now is your chance to make the whole experience better.

From booking your flight to arriving de-stressed at your destination, this little book will guide you through your long-haul flight trauma, step by step, enabling you to at least escape with your sanity and, at best, perhaps spread out on an extra seat or two where you can relax, get fed first and enjoy an extra mini bottle of wine to soothe away your stress.
Freigegeben:
May 31, 2019
ISBN:
9781528958691
Format:
Buch

Über den Autor

As a real sea-going ship's Captain, the author has an excellent insight into the world of all things related to ships and the ports that they visit. His sailing experience extends to more than 60 countries, hundreds of ports and spans five decades since his first voyage in 1976. During a short break from the deep-sea life, he enjoyed, amongst a few other things, time as an auctioneer, as a gym owner, TV presenter and finally a motel owner in his adopted home country of New Zealand. His wildly varied life experiences ensure a vivid imagination, well suited to fiction writing.

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The Beginner's (Idiot's) Guide to Long-Haul Flights - Captain Jock

Epilogue

About the Author

Captain Jock really is an ocean-going captain, currently sailing the world as Master (Captain) of various ships. He has a long and colourful history of being what he himself calls ‘an aircraft geek’. Currently enjoying 12–18 long-haul flights annually, he relishes the whole process and has become very observant of the fickle, sometimes-erratic and often-humorous behaviour of the thousands of fellow passengers he encounters.

Now a granddad to two boys, he enjoys family time at home but is never far from the water; he is skipper of a commercial jet boat on the Waimakariri River, NZ, a couple of times a week whilst on leave!

About the Book

Most travellers find long-haul flights far from enjoyable. Long queues, bustling airports, endless security checks, more queues and, finally, cramped seating with pretty average food.

Have you ever rushed through an airport, sweating to make a connection, only to find yourself sitting squashed between two people you would normally avoid at all costs and wondered ‘There must be a better way’?

Or are you a long-haul virgin, daunted by your upcoming trip?

Then now is your chance to make the whole experience better.

From booking your flight to arriving de-stressed at your destination, this little book will guide you through your long-haul flight trauma, step by step, enabling you to at least escape with your sanity and, at best, perhaps spread out on an extra seat or two where you can relax, get fed first and enjoy an extra mini bottle of wine to soothe away your stress.

Dedication

This book is dedicated to my wife and family who have, over the years, had to endure frequent visits to airports, often tedious ravings about the latest versions of various aircraft, and who have risked serious eye damage whilst squinting into a sun-drenched sky as I point out the make and model of a passing airliner, travelling at 550 MPH, 36,000 feet overhead, wherever we may be.

I salute them and at the same time warn them that nothing is going to change anytime soon!

Copyright Information

Copyright © Captain Jock (2019)

The right of Captain Jock to be identified as author of this work has been asserted by him in accordance with section 77 and 78 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior permission of the publishers.

Any person who commits any unauthorized act in relation to this publication may be liable to criminal prosecution and civil claims for damages.

A CIP catalogue record for this title is available from the British Library.

ISBN 9781528907743 (Paperback)

ISBN 9781528907750 (Hardback)

ISBN 9781528958691 (ePub e-book)

www.austinmacauley.com

First Published (2019)

Austin Macauley Publishers Ltd

25 Canada Square

Canary Wharf

London

E14 5LQ

Acknowledgement

I must pass on my acknowledgement of all the thousands of cabin crew travelling the world in aluminium tubes who do an amazing job in very difficult circumstances and very rarely get much thanks.

Their ability to stay calm whilst dealing with some real blithering idiots is a marvel and testament to their excellent training.

Foreword

If I am being honest, this is the section of any book that I very rarely read.

It is usually written by a ‘close friend’ of the author or a spouse or sibling or child, all of whom are ridiculously biased in their praise of the writer. For example;

He or she was born into a wealthy/poor family, brought up in a thatched Cotswold mansion/dragged up on a council estate in the rougher part of some Northern town or other. Then he or she managed to overcome the rigors of a privileged/poverty-ridden childhood to become the famous, philanthropic genius to whom this ass-kissing tribute is dedicated.

Do you see what I mean?

Well, if you have got this far, you will realize that I am breaking with tradition and writing my own ‘foreword’ in an attempt to explain why I feel that I am in a reasonably decent position to be lecturing (OK, advising) you on how to get through the trials and tribulations of a long-haul flight or two.

With upwards of a billion long-haul passengers every year, and the number is increasing exponentially, there has never been more need for this publication.

I have seen and experienced more than most in numerous airports around the world and on flights totalling millions of miles. I currently enjoy between 12 and 20 long-haul flights annually. Consequently, I feel it is not only my pleasure but also my duty to help make your experience better, more manageable and above all, less stressful.

You might think long-haul flights are easy. Well, they can be, if you read this book. If you do not, then you will become one of the many millions of travellers who find long-haul flights stressful and, at times, upsetting.

Whether it is your first long-haul adventure or your 100th, keep this book with you for guidance whenever you decide to relocate around the world.

Whether it is a permanent move or just for a few days or weeks of holiday. Perhaps your travel is for work, to conduct business or to join a ship as crew or as a passenger. Whatever the reason is for your flights, you will find the information in here invaluable.

The following pages are some tips to get you and your fellow passengers through the ordeal in one piece, stress free, relatively sane and ready to face the new culture on the other side of the world. (You are on your own there, by the way!)

Captain Jock

Prologue

To convince you that I do actually know what I am talking about, you will need to know a little bit about me.

I am in my late 50s, well, pushing 60 if I am honest, and I am a very proud granddad to two boys, so far! These two facts make me almost, but not quite, fully qualified to call myself a grumpy old man. Some of this grumpiness may become apparent in the chapters ahead, and for that, I do not apologize one little bit! If you cannot, or do not, get grumpy at some stage during a long-haul flight, then there may well be something wrong with you!

I have been a traveller since before I was born; my folks proudly tell me I was on a ferry whilst still a large bump,

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