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    Fitting In Is Overrated: The Survival Guide for Anyone Who Has Ever Felt Like an Outsider
    Unavailable
    Fitting In Is Overrated: The Survival Guide for Anyone Who Has Ever Felt Like an Outsider
    Unavailable
    Fitting In Is Overrated: The Survival Guide for Anyone Who Has Ever Felt Like an Outsider
    Ebook280 pages3 hours

    Fitting In Is Overrated: The Survival Guide for Anyone Who Has Ever Felt Like an Outsider

    By Leonard Felder

    5/5

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    Currently unavailable

    Currently unavailable

    About this ebook

    To thine own self be true. But can you do that while still being a valued part of the wider community? Or must you always sacrifice your own inclinations and desires to fit in? For anyone who has ever felt like an outsider at work, in groups, in school, or even in your own extended family, help is on the way. Bestselling author Leonard Felder, PhD, has written the first book with advice on how to be successful personally and professionally when you think differently, live differently, create differently, or solve problems differently than those around you. 
    This wise and perceptive guide is neither about withdrawing into isolation and passivity, nor about spending every waking hour battling with others. Rather, it’s about choosing wisely when to speak your truth and saying it in a way that gets positive results. Dr. Felder shows exactly how creative, thoughtful, unique individuals can survive and thrive in situations that used to make them shut down or retreat into a shell. He provides actual examples from his own practice and precise techniques that will assure your good ideas, outsider perspective, and innovative solutions are respected and taken seriously, even by rigid people. 
    Both inspiring and practical, it offers soothing balm and useful answers for everyone who heard too often during adolescence or young adulthood that “you just don’t fit in”—and for the ones who love and counsel them, too. Even more important, it reveals how the very qualities that made you different can become your greatest strengths and most important gifts to the world.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherSterling
    Release dateFeb 7, 2012
    ISBN9781454902409
    Unavailable
    Fitting In Is Overrated: The Survival Guide for Anyone Who Has Ever Felt Like an Outsider

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    Reviews for Fitting In Is Overrated

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    • 5/5
      Alexei Panshin, I think, said that to be successful, a book need not be good; it must merely appear at the proper time. So, I have to say I have no idea whether this book is good or not: it just appeared, at least for me, at the proper time.I requested this book through my local library due to some material from it that appeared in our Employee Health Newsletter that just spoke to me. That was that if you have been treated like an outsider, the first thing you need to do is to work around the expectation of being blown off. That spoke so clearly to some of my experiences! Whether or not my reactions and way of presenting myself were responsible for the experiences of my 20s and 30s, I still react to situations based on expectations I formed at that time, and I was making things harder for myself than they had to be.Normally, sane people are rather suspicious of books that embrace the idea that one really could be dissed because of being outsider, being excluded. This is because, well, there's that whole "Oh poor me, everyone is against me" syndrome that we can all fall into, and which those of us who have experienced exclusion at an early age (say, in adolescent cliques) are more prone to. The idea is that if you as a person are *really* being excluded, there's generally a reason, right? And it's probably your fault. Or you aren't being excluded, you're excluding yourself. So, people and self-help books reason, the first step is admitting you *are* the problem, one way or another.The trouble is, once you've identified yourself as the problem, identified the way you present yourself and your ideas as the problem, it's not always easy to find a way to change the dynamic. And what if the dynamic doesn't change? It's hard not to get discouraged and bitter when you realize that the more you advocate for something you consider important, the less likely it is to happen.What I found especially attractive about this book (once I got past the discomfort of having the idea of experiencing social exclusion taken seriously) is that it doesn't have to require admitting you're wrong. What it does is give tools for addressing situations calmly, rationally, and surviving when things don't work out, as well as admission that sometimes things just don't change just because you want them to. It also talks about how to think about 'is this really something I want to pursue'? and how to see the people you're having trouble with as human.The author isn't asking people to try not to be an outsider, or to accept things as they are and "get over it." What he wants to cover are these points (I'm quoting from his introduction): * What held-back gifts, insights, and benefits could you as an outsider now bring forth. * What to say when someone tries to exclude you or cut you out of the loop. * How to avoid the self-sabotage that many outsiders fall into. * How to become an excellent mentor, ally, and team member for other outsiders. * How to make your circle the one that people want to be in.The book is full of vignettes, both of celebrities and ordinary people, some of whom have turned their lives around from being outsiders; some of whom have failed; and some of whom have tackled one particular exclusionary problem, or one particular personal issue, and were able to make headway. It's specifically not a 'feel-good' profile book though, as the author points out. Nor does the author suggest infinitely persisting in situations that don't work, or trying to make yourself someone you aren't.A story out of Judaic teaching that he relates touched me very much, even though when I followed up on it, the actual story is much less gentle, so I'll reproduce his version: ...a well respected but very human rabbi in Eastern Europe named Reb Zusya who has a dream one night in which he talks with the mysterious Divine Presence. He says, "At the end of my life, I suspect I will stand before You and be asked, 'Zusya, why couldn't you be more like Moses, the great teacher and courageous leader?" Then he hears a gentle, mysterious whisper in response. "Zusya, my one and only Zusya: at the end of your life you will not be asked why you were not more like Moses. You will be asked why you were not more like Zusya."A key strategy that the author (who is a psychologist with management experience) describes boils down to a method for reminding yourself that you are both a valuable, unique individual, and one individual among many, who doesn't need to be perfect, to be the fulcrum of the universe. Another mantra he suggests for one person dealing with difficult people is "I'm going to handle this with decency and integrity no matter what." (I know from my own experience that this often does help more than you'd think, and certainly more than my 20-year-old self, who took this up, would have thought.)Like I said, I don't know if this is a good book. I know that it hit a spot for me, and that I want my own copy. Maybe you or someone you know would feel the same about it. I'll leave you by quoting his suggestions for responding better to hurtful cliques. I know I'm doing him a disservice by disinterring these bullet points from the explanatory text, but if this book is for you, they might whet your appetite. Strategy #1: Find moments of service to offset the moments of discomfort. Strategy #2: Recognize that many excluders are secretly doing a cover-up. Strategy #3: Always be on the lookout for members of the inner circle who are flexible enough to make a side deal with you