Resilience

A Total-E-Bound Publication

www.total-e-bound.com

Resilience

ISBN # 978-1-78184-052-8

©Copyright Bailey Bradford 2012

Cover Art by Lyn Taylor ©Copyright July 2012

Edited by Claire Siemaszkiewicz

Total-E-Bound Publishing

This is a work of fiction. All characters, places and events are from the author’s imagination and should not be confused with fact. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, events or places is purely coincidental.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced in any material form, whether by printing, photocopying, scanning or otherwise without the written permission of the publisher, Total-E-Bound Publishing.

Applications should be addressed in the first instance, in writing, to Total-E-Bound Publishing. Unauthorised or restricted acts in relation to this publication may result in civil proceedings and/or criminal prosecution.

The author and illustrator have asserted their respective rights under the Copyright Designs and Patents Acts 1988 (as amended) to be identified as the author of this book and illustrator of the artwork.

Published in 2012 by Total-E-Bound Publishing, Think Tank, Ruston Way, Lincoln, LN6 7FL, United Kingdom.

Warning:

This book contains sexually explicit content which is only suitable for mature readers. This story has a heat rating of Total-e-melting and a sexometer of 2.

This story contains 263 pages, additionally there is also a free excerpt at the end of the book containing 9 pages.

Southwestern Shifters

RESILIENCE

Bailey Bradford

Book five in the Southwestern Shifters Series

Todd Benson almost died for the freedom to love Adam Soames. Now they face obstacles that once again place both of them in danger.

Todd Benson had figured he’d be alone forever. He had the best friend any guy could want in Gabe Staley, and Gabe’s partner Mika was okay, too. But a personal life and any kind of true happiness was out of the question. With Todd’s bigoted and violent parents, and the sheriff he worked for trying to torture animals and Gabe, Todd knew he’d do well just to survive his job as a deputy in the small town of Shasta, Texas.

Adam Soames needed to get away from the big city. His best friend had found his perfect man and moved away, and Adam felt lost in the city. The opportunity to have his own veterinary practice in a small town sounded perfect. He didn’t know he’d soon be living a life he’d only dreamed of—or the cost he and the man he loved would have to pay.

Together Todd and Adam face seemingly insurmountable odds, from Todd’s recovery from a vicious attack to the prejudices and trials many couples have. Then there’s the big shocker of finding out Gabe and Mika aren’t humans, exactly, but wolf shifters instead, and a whole new door is opened and trouble soon comes barrelling through it.

Dedication

For everyone who asked for Todd and Adam’s story.

Trademarks Acknowledgement

The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of the following wordmarks mentioned in this work of fiction:

Chevy: General Motors

GQ: Conde Nast

Midol: Bayer HealthCare LLC.

Prozac: Eli Lily and Co.

POP-TART: Kellogg NA Co.

Lucca Shoes: Lucca Couture

Oscar: Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences

National Geographic: National Geographic Society

The Exorcist: Warner Bros Studio

Nair: Church & Dwight Co. Inc.

Google: Google Inc.

PART ONE

In The Beginning

Chapter One

Todd Benson couldn’t begin to count the number of times he’d thought he was going to die. Probably, he guessed, every time his hell-and-brimstone preaching daddy had grabbed a belt, or a cane, or a switch. There’d been those two times with the crop, and another with the electrical cord. Those were just the times he remembered. Sometimes he wondered if he hadn’t blocked out even worse episodes of abuse.

But he’d survived the abuse, no thanks to most people in the small town of Shasta. As an adult, Todd knew now that everyone just about had to have been aware of what was happening to him when he’d been a kid. And as a member of law enforcement, a certified, bona fide deputy, Todd knew they knew.

Forgiving the people of Shasta for turning a blind eye to the abuse he’d suffered was something he was still working on. The only people who’d really tried to help him had been Mr and Mrs Staley, his best friend’s grandparents. That hadn’t really gone so well, but it had helped Todd, knowing there were people who didn’t think he deserved to be treated so badly. When they’d died, Todd had cried like a baby. Gabe, their grandson and his closest friend, had been devastated as well.

And, somehow, Todd had developed more of a backbone then. His father and mother had already condemned him to hell for being friends with Gabe since Gabe was one of those demon-possessed homosexuals. Well, Todd had news for his parents—he was too. He was just too scared to do anything about it. He was too scared to even talk about it, because if his parents found out? All those times he’d thought he was gonna die, well, those would be nothing compared to what would happen.

Todd had heard his parents rant before, and he’d been subjected to some severe beatings over being Gabe’s friend even once he’d passed the age of eighteen. It was, Todd knew even though it shamed him, very hard to break out of the cycle of abuse. He still hadn’t, he supposed, because it’d just been earlier in the day that his father had slapped him so hard Todd’s entire head throbbed. And here he’d been wearing his badge and…and he hadn’t done more than hang his head and leave.

At least he’d made his father stop hitting him otherwise, and he’d moved out. Those were two accomplishments, and Todd was intelligent enough to know he needed to give himself what positive reinforcement he could. His confidence was almost nonexistent and he had plenty of other problems, but he had to believe he’d get better. Maybe one day he’d move away from Shasta, because he’d need to get away from his parents if he ever wanted to be able to be himself.

But first he’d have to figure out who he was. That was just frightening, because Todd knew that, despite the badge on his shirt, he was a big old coward. If he wasn’t, he’d be out like Gabe, and he sure wouldn’t be letting anyone smack him around.

Get off your lazy ass and go see what you can find out about the new vet that’s moving in to the Duggart place.

Todd looked up from the papers on his desk. How long had he been sitting there staring blankly at them? Long enough for Sheriff Kaufman to catch him at it. Kaufman was only mildly better to Todd than his parents were.

New vet? Todd said, and, if he stuttered a little, oh well, Kaufman tended to scare him. The man was cruel on a whole different level than Todd’s parents were. At least even they didn’t get their rocks off abusing and shooting stray dogs like the sheriff did. Kaufman was a sociopath with a badge as far as Todd was concerned, and that was a combination that should terrify everyone, not just him.

Kaufman snorted and kicked Todd’s desk. Yeah, now get your lazy ass up and go check him out. I think he looks too pretty not to be one of those fags. We already got that Staley freak here, at least until I can run his fruity ass out of Shasta. Don’t need no more of ’em around.

Todd bit his tongue to keep from pointing out that Gabe didn’t actually live in the town of Shasta, but on the outskirts. He pushed away from the desk and grabbed his jacket and hat. Better that he not say anything to draw more attention to Gabe. Soon enough Sheriff Kaufman would catch on to what he was doing, and probably to the fact that Todd was helping him.

The first time Todd had witnessed Kaufman beating a stray dog to death, he’d been sick and terrified. He’d been frozen in shock and fear, having come around the side of old man Harrity’s barn when he heard a dog yelp, only to find Kaufman snickering as he swung a bat repeatedly. Kaufman had spotted him and ran his hand over the butt of his gun. Todd hadn’t said a word to him, but his conscience gnawed at him and he was haunted by what he’d seen and heard, and he turned to the one person he could confide in.

Gabe had wanted to confront the sheriff, but Todd had managed to make him see the futility in doing so. They’d come up with a plan to thwart Kaufman and protect as many strays as they could.

Together, Todd and Gabe had set about rescuing the stray dogs around the area. It was as close as Todd had come to making a stand, but he couldn’t have lived with himself if he’d sat back while Kaufman tortured some of the most noble creatures on earth.

So Todd tried to make sure he got the calls about strays, and he and Gabe would sneak out and rescue them. Sometimes Kaufman got the info first, though, and those times were just awful. Todd had ended up puking for a good couple of hours after the last time.

Sheriff Kaufman stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. Todd couldn’t quite look into the man’s squinty little eyes. You tell me if he’s a faggot, or an asshole who’s gonna shit bricks over our stray policy. I’ll handle him from there. He slapped Todd’s arm hard enough to bruise. A few tickets and a little roughin’ up and I bet he’d run off cryin’.

Todd waited until he was outside to shake his head. It was like an epic battle between good and evil or something, except the Bible had it wrong, because the devil couldn’t be as hateful and cruel as people were, could he? Sometimes—a lot of times—Todd thought Hell was right here on earth, and the little town of Shasta was at its epicentre.

He didn’t have time for philosophical bullshit, though. Right now he had to go warn the good veterinarian about the evil sheriff. Yep, good and evil, Todd thought, and smiled for the first time that day. Now, if the vet turned out to be a total douche, that’d skew Todd’s budding philosophy on religion and God and all that. Todd didn’t even worry about being sacrilegious anymore. His father had beaten it into him that God knew what was in one’s heart, and, if that was the case, and what Todd felt and thought secretly in his heart was wrong, then he was toast anyways.

But, if his father was wrong and God wasn’t the hateful being his father thought he was, then Todd figured he was going to be okay. His father and mother, on the other hand, were in for some hot weather in the afterlife.

Todd rolled his eyes at his thoughts. He spent too much time on stuff like that, but, considering the way it’d been drilled into him all his life, he reckoned it was understandable. It wasn’t like he had friends other than Gabe to hang out with and distract him from his own stupid brain, either. Todd was, as weird as it might seem, considering his job, so shy it hurt to talk sometimes. Plus, who could he trust in Shasta? No one, besides Gabe.

I really need out of here, Todd mumbled, then nearly wrecked his cruiser when he rounded the corner of Main and Brentwood. As it was, he hit his brakes a little too hard and the tyres screeched on the asphalt, and the man who was bent over digging through the back of his SUV stood up and turned around.

And Todd knew, then, there, in that second when his eyes met a pair of dark chocolate brown ones, that he was going to die. His father would kill him, because everything inside Todd was pinging with an awareness he’d tried so hard to suffocate, or at least hide until he was free. His father had always said Gabe was going to turn him gay, and, though Todd knew that wasn’t the case—he’d known what he’d felt for as long as he could remember, which was before Gabe ever came to town—there was no way his father would believe him. Todd was afraid that some switch had been flicked in him now, and that his darkest secret was going to be glaringly exposed. It was stupid, paranoid, but the power his parents, especially his father, had over him was not to be dismissed.

Then the dark-haired man smiled, and it made Todd dizzy, dizzy! He managed to put the car in park, he thought, and his lips did something weird, twitched or trembled or prepared to spew odes to the man’s beauty. Todd groaned then, because he was so dead. He wouldn’t ever get out of Shasta, wouldn’t have any of those wild hedonistic nights he fantasised about when he dared to let himself.

He wasn’t ever going to get very far away from the man now approaching the cruiser, not if he could help it. But—Todd shook his head slightly and the man stopped. Todd took a minute to study him. No designer clothes, no loose-hipped gait like Gabe had, no clues as to the man’s sexuality. Gabe and TV were about the only representations of gay men Todd had to go by, and this man didn’t fit any of those stereotypes. Not that Gabe was flaming or whatever, but he wasn’t exactly…not.

Todd told himself to get it together and unbuckled. He got out of the car and tipped his head at the man. And he tried to smile, or at least not look like he was as terrified as he felt. The stranger’s smile struck again and melted everything inside Todd.

Hi, the man said, offering a hand as he approached. I’m Adam Soames, the vet taking over Dr McIntire’s practice.

Todd’s hand was sweaty so he wiped it on his uniform pants before shaking Adam’s hand. He looked down at their hands. Adam’s was bigger than his, hairier, stronger. Adam’s voice was deeper, too, and Todd couldn’t classify him as anything other than a handsome man he’d be drooling over if he wasn’t careful. Adam was probably straight.

Is there a problem? Adam asked, and Todd realised he hadn’t let go of the vet’s hand.

No, he said as he whipped his hand back. I, ah, it’s… I j-j-j— Oh God, the stuttering was kicking in!

Todd closed his eyes and took a deep breath, aware that his entire face had to be bright red. He opened his eyes and about died at the understanding look Adam gave him. Welcome to Shasta, Todd blurted out, relieved that he didn’t stutter it and mortified that he sounded like a thirteen-year-old boy going through puberty.

Adam’s smile actually turned up a notch and Todd felt sucker-punched. Thank you, Deputy Benson.

Todd was confused for a second until Adam tapped his badge, then he was just back to being mortified. Yeah, uh. Welcome. Now what? Todd wondered. What happened when you met the person you’d been waiting for, and they weren’t waiting around for you? There was no way Todd was good enough for a man like this even if Adam was gay. Todd gave himself an internal shake. He needed to get his act together, and maybe, if he tried hard enough, he could keep his secret hidden for a while longer.

Chapter Two

It was kinda crooked. Adam stepped back and tried his best to look, well, non-threatening, which he had a feeling in this case meant straight. I’ll just get back to unloading these boxes… He needed to tone it down, Adam chastised himself silently. It was obvious he was freaking the cute deputy out. The man’s freckles had vanished under the ferocious blush that’d swept over his face. It made his green eyes extremely vibrant, and Adam had always had a thing for green eyes, damn it. And hadn’t that caused him no end of trouble? It was a huge part of why he was settling in Fuckitall, Texas.

Although…his brilliant plan to remove himself from temptation might have backfired. But who’d have thought there’d be even one gay man in a town like this—well, besides himself, obviously—or that he’d be the culmination of Adam’s favourite fantasies?

Except the very sweet-looking Deputy Benson might drop dead of a stroke or something if Adam didn’t watch it. And dampen the flame. I promised to tone it down to nothingness.

Was there anything else, Deputy Benson? Adam asked, because Benson seemed to have rooted to the ground there. Adam’s heart did a slow lurch in his chest. Was that hunger there in those green eyes? Or was he projecting his own desires? But the way the deputy blushed and stuttered, and seemed loath to leave—

No, n-nothing, Benson mumbled, then quickly turned and headed back to his cruiser.

Okay, not so loath to leave after all, dumbass. Adam sighed and forced himself to turn away when all he really wanted to do was stand there and watch the handsome cop drive away. Yeah, and there’d be a rainbow over my head decorated with cute little hearts and sparrows and all that sappy stuff. Jesus. He could be a bit melodramatic.

And it wasn’t like Deputy Benson had really been looking at him like that. Adam was just too used to the horny guys at the clubs and such, where everyone seemed to be eye-fucking each other. He really had to get his head on right.

Adam snorted as he lifted a particularly heavy box. He also needed to get the fuck over himself. He was attractive, he supposed, but he wasn’t all that and a bag of chips too. He was just a guy, nothing standout-ish about him. It wasn’t like he was really tall and built or short and cuddly. He wasn’t a troll, but he wasn’t going to be on the cover of GQ in this lifetime, either.

He sure didn’t have freckles that looked like cinnamon sprinkles, or big bright eyes fringed in thick lashes, or—

Stop it! Adam would have stomped his foot just to jar himself if he hadn’t been lugging the box. As it was, he caught his heel on the last porch step and just kept from face-planting. Or being crushed by the box. What the hell had he packed in there anyway?

Adam made it through the front door then set the box on the floor. He pushed it into what would eventually be his office—he thought, he hadn’t quite figured it out yet—and was going to head back outside for more when something about the box caused him to pause. He really didn’t remember packing that damn thing into the vehicle. And there was no tape holding it shut, just the flaps folded under one another. Adam bent down and plucked at one, pulling it back just enough to get a peek at the contents.

I didn’t… Well, no, he definitely didn’t pack up that particular box. His best friend, Jameson, had helped. Of course, Jameson’s idea of helping looked like it took batteries. And a fuckload of lube. No wonder the box was so heavy. Adam had a feeling the entire box was full of helpful…things.

Jameson, you perv. There weren’t many people Adam was going to miss, but Jameson had been his best friend forever, just about. If he hadn’t found his Mr Right and decided to move to Amsterdam, Adam might not have left, too. But it seemed fitting, the two of them leaving Dallas at the same time, even on the same day.

It also made Adam’s chest ache. He felt utterly alone. At least before, he’d had Jameson to talk to. Well, not as much once Steve had come along, but still. More than it’d be with Jameson in Amsterdam. They’d email, but it wouldn’t be the same.

Adam plopped down on his butt, overcome for a moment with a melancholy that, if he wasn’t careful, could turn into a mild bout of depression. It was something he had to watch out for. He opened the rest of the flaps and grinned when he saw the envelope in amongst all the sex toys—and there were things in there even he had never seen, which was saying something. He plucked out the envelope then tapped it in his hand, debating for a moment before opening it and unfolding the plain white paper. Jameson’s sloppy scrawl brought a watery grin to Adam’s face. He wondered how Jameson was doing with the man he’d fallen head over heels for, Luuk Visser. The two had moved to Europe when Adam moved to Shasta.

There wasn’t much to the letter; it was just a brief congratulations on purchasing the veterinary clinic and Jameson’s wishes for him to be happy.  Adam tucked the letter back into the envelope then folded it in half and put it in his pocket. He was going to miss Jameson a lot. Maybe, if he was lucky, he’d make a friend or two here. No one would ever take Jameson’s place, though.

Adam spared the box’s contents a last look before he got up. There were some things in there, like the padded cuffs and a soft, silky blindfold, he’d like to see against someone’s fair, freckled skin. He’d bet Deputy Benson’s blush would be a full-body one.

That’d be sexy as hell, Adam muttered. And great, now he had a major hard-on, which was going to make the rest of the unloading lots of fun. Oh well, at least he had some new toys to help take care of that problem later—although he thought his imagination and the memory of a pair of wide green eyes would be all he needed to do the job just fine.

* * * *

Todd was so shaken up by the brief meeting that he could hardly drive for his trembling hands. And arms, and every other part of himself, he thought, except his dick. That particular piece of him was trying to stiffen up even though Todd was feeling borderline panicked.

What was he going to do? Adam Soames, gay or straight, was going to make Todd’s cock hard, even, apparently, if Todd was busy embarrassing the crap out of himself by stuttering like an idiot. Try as he might, stuttering was something his dad hadn’t been able to beat out of him. Maybe if he’d been allowed to take speech therapy, but since his dad equated that to special education…

Thinking about his hateful father put Todd’s desire right out. It also stirred the embers of anger and resentment that were never far from the surface of Todd’s emotions. Sometimes he thought he would blow up from all the pain he carried around inside, all the fury. Other times, he thought if—

Todd shook his head. No use thinking that way, not at all. He needed to forget about the reaction he’d had to Adam Soames, and not freak out over the stuttering. It was just that he hadn’t done it in so long—to have it happen now undermined his confidence in a major way. And he knew it, but he wasn’t sure how to rectify the situation.

Rolling around in self-pity sure wasn’t going to help, but—Todd smiled—he knew something that might.

Fifteen minutes later, he pulled into Gabe’s driveway. He called in his lunch break then shut the cruiser off and got out. A couple of deep breaths and he already felt better than he had in a while. Something about visiting his friend always loosened that weird knot in Todd’s chest. Knowing he could just pop in anytime helped, too. It was nice to feel wanted, or at least something more than just tolerated.

Todd walked up to the porch, then tried to keep his steps light. If he could pull it off, he was going to sneak in and surprise Gabe. It’d probably result in Todd’s eardrums bleeding from Gabe’s shriek, but they’d both laugh about it afterwards.

Tiptoeing in cowboy boots sucked, but Todd did it. He got to the door. The screen wasn’t open but the wooden door was, as usual. Todd raised his hand to knock—and about had a heart attack when Gabe jumped out from behind the open door and shouted Boo!

Jesus! Todd barely kept from screeching it, or maybe he didn’t, hard to tell with his pulse pounding in his ears. He stumbled back and caught himself on the porch rail as he gawped at Gabe…the laughing bastard!

Gabe’s eyes were practically glowing as he bent and grabbed his stomach. Ohmigod, you should see your face!

Todd blinked then scowled and shut his mouth. He saw his face every day when he shaved. He knew exactly how goofy he could look contorting his features around. Ha ha. Then Todd’s pique morphed into amusement at his own expense and he laughed. "I was gonna scare you."

Gabe stood up and leaned against the doorframe. He nudged the screen door open with his foot. Yeah, but you about made me piss myself sneaking up on me out back last week. You want lunch?

Todd shrugged. He didn’t care if he ate or not, he just wanted the warm companionship. Wanted, for an hour, to not feel like such a loser.

Gabe straightened up and moved to hold the screen door open with his hand. Well, come on then. I’m not gonna stand here all day holding the damn door open. I do have websites to design and all that fun shit.

Todd tried not to blush. He’d seen some of the websites Gabe had designed. One in particular had stirred up all kinds of fantasies. Rick’s Rockin’ Rods, that was it. Todd had only caught a glimpse of some of the things on there, but it’d been enough to make his cock so hard his eyes had crossed. He’d had to beat off in Gabe’s bathroom. Fortunately it hadn’t taken long at all, the fear of discovery merging with a weird excitement and a flood of horniness that’d brought Todd to his peak in a few short minutes.

Hey. Todd stopped right inside the doorway. The screen door popped him on the backside but it didn’t hurt and he didn’t notice it much because Gabe caught his arm. Gabe looked at him in a way that Todd knew too well, that mix of pity or sympathy, it was the same thing to him, and a dose of caring that was more precious to Todd than his own pride.

Gabe narrowed his eyes and reached up with his other hand to touch Todd’s cheek. Before he could think better of it, Todd sucked in a sharp breath and turned his head. He’d forgotten about his father slapping him earlier. Todd wondered if Adam had seen the bruise that must have been there. Either that, or Gabe was psychic.

He did this? Gabe growled, then he rolled his eyes. Of course he did, unless your mother did it. Fucking assholes, both of them! Gabe stroked over his cheek once more then stepped away and glared at Todd. One of these days I am going to lose my shit all over your father! Guh! He threw his hands up in the air and stomped down the hall, still bitching. And your mother? Oh. My. God. Someone needs to hold her down and give her an IV of Midol! Or Prozac. Something, she’s just… She’s just mean! If my grandma were still alive, she’d go smack some sense into your mom and set your dad straight, let me tell you!

Todd almost smiled at that. He liked it when Gabe got all protective of him. Made him feel like there was at least one person in the world who cared. Sometimes he thought it’d have been nice if he and Gabe were attracted to each other, but then he shook the idea away. Gabe was too much like a brother to him. He listened as Gabe kept ranting, or tried to listen, but his mind kept drifting off as he wondered about Adam Soames. Why would a young, attractive man want to move to a small armpit of a town? Was he running from bad memories or…or was he a shitty vet who couldn’t do any better than a town like Shasta?

Earth to Todd.

Todd blinked when Gabe snapped his fingers in front of Todd’s face. What?

Gabe huffed and set a plate of Pop-Tarts in front of him. There. Lunch. You weren’t listening to a word I said. Gabe gave him a look that brooked no argument, not that Todd was going to deny the accusation.

Sorry. Todd picked up a Pop-Tart, warm and toasty. He took a bite and moaned a little, he couldn’t help it. Gabe couldn’t have been too pissed off about Todd’s lack of attention, otherwise Todd would have got cold Pop-Tarts. And he sure wouldn’t have got cherry, his favourite. Todd loved the childish treats, unhealthy as they were. He hadn’t been allowed anything like them growing up, and he refused to buy them now, or else he’d eat nothing else and weigh a ton in no time.

Gabe sat down across from him and took a