Everand Logo

Welcome to Everand!

  • Discover millions of ebooks, audiobooks, and so much more with a free trial

    Only $11.99/month after trial. Cancel anytime.

    Oral Sex Then and Now
    Oral Sex Then and Now
    Oral Sex Then and Now
    Ebook106 pages1 hour

    Oral Sex Then and Now

    By Serafina Conti

    ()

    Read preview

    About this ebook

    Some of history’s most famous figures make an appearance in these pages: Semiramis, Sappho, Socrates, Ovid, Lady Godiva, and more, not to mention several nameless people who must have been alive at some point, and a number of fictional characters who would be historical if there were any justice in the world. And what are they all doing? They’re having oral sex, of course! Don't look to this book for reliable information about the past. It's not a history, but a collection of twelve short stories that together will take you on a naughty romp through more than a hundred millennia, along the way celebrating oral sex in all its varieties.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherSerafina Conti
    Release dateDec 12, 2019
    ISBN9780463171172
    Oral Sex Then and Now
    Author

    Serafina Conti

    Serafina Conti has been writing and publishing for most of her life, and she’s been writing fiction for more than two years. Her specialties are dark romance, raw humor, horror, and adaptations of ancient stories. She lives in the Northeastern United States with her husband Daniel and a tank of tropical fish.

    Related to Oral Sex Then and Now

    Related ebooks

    Historical Fiction For You

    View More
    View More

    Related podcast episodes

    Related articles

    • Article

      Something Wicked

      Sep 24, 2019

      Something Wicked
      2 min read

    • Article

      Kinky earnings

      Jun 11, 2020

      Kinky earnings
      3 min read

    • Article

      Sex peg The Patriarchy

      Oct 29, 2021

      Luna Matatas is teaching me to eat pussy like a champ. Looking radiant in a purple top and matching lipstick, the professional sex educator is a fountain of fanny knowledge. In this fascinating workshop, she’s guiding me through everything from anato

      3 min read

    • Article

      HOW sexy TO FEEL

      Apr 30, 2020

      HOW sexy TO FEEL
      6 min read

    • Article

      My Secret Sex Diary

      Nov 21, 2020

      I’m bisexual, and while most of my serious, long-term relationships have been with men, I’m also really attracted to women and non-binary people. Before coronavirus, I had an active and interesting sex life. In the last few years, I’ve started going

      2 min read

    • Article

      Birthday Bang

      Jul 15, 2020

      Birthday Bang
      2 min read

    • Article

      Why Sex Never GETS OLD

      Apr 6, 2021

      Why Sex Never GETS OLD
      4 min read

    • Article

      Meet the HOLLYWOOD LOVE DOCTOR

      Oct 30, 2019

      Meet the HOLLYWOOD LOVE DOCTOR
      7 min read

    • Article

      What Women Need To Know About Orgasms

      Mar 23, 2020

      Female ejaculation does not always equate to an orgasm, but it does feel awesome. It is very seldom that you reach orgasm with just penetration, so as the sole receptacle of female pleasure, clitoral stimulation is crucial. An average orgasm lasts fo

      1 min read

    • Article

      Birthday Bang

      Jul 15, 2020

      Birthday Bang
      2 min read

    • Article

      Six Poems

      Jul 1, 2018

      When I said, to my mother, What was a goodthing about me as a child?, my mother’sface seemed to unfurl from the center,hibiscus in fast motion, the anthersand flounces springing out with joy. Oh you wereenchanting, she breathed. What do you mean—craz

      5 min read

    • Article

      Table Talk

      Jun 1, 2023

      Table Talk
      11 min read

    • Article

      How the Cicada Screams

      Dec 1, 2020

      How the Cicada Screams
      7 min read

    • Article

      Now That It’s Come to This

      Jun 3, 2021

      Now That It’s Come to This
      13 min read

    • Article

      Collins Ferry Landing

      Jul 1, 2020

      for my father Only rivers bottom out like this.Only rivers bottom out with this kind of conviction.Not humans, or, at least, not humans asindisputably human as you were,trapped in consciousness’s surplus, exilic,animalized absurdity, writhing in its

      5 min read

    • Article

      Mrs Macarthur’s Secret Diary

      Jun 17, 2020

      Mrs Macarthur’s Secret Diary
      7 min read

    • Article

      Mrs Macarthur’s Secret Diary

      Jun 17, 2020

      Mrs Macarthur’s Secret Diary
      7 min read

    • Article

      Six Poems

      Nov 1, 2023

      loved best. Words I have neversaid. New sentence, at 80. Of coursenot more than his children, and their children. That goeswithout saying—but I want to lay down eachelement of love’s house. First,the hole, under—apple cellar, potato cellar,cellar to

      5 min read

    • Article

      Tuskers

      Jul 1, 2018

      Tuskers
      9 min read

    • Article

      The Plague Legends

      Dec 1, 2021

      The Plague Legends
      12 min read

    • Article

      Bundles

      Feb 15, 2021

      Bundles
      4 min read

    • Article

      Nick Laird

      Dec 15, 2017

      I was trying to write like an adult.I had children.I was at the end of something. As I waited at my table by the window for the coffee,I saw that the sirocco had depositeda scrim of dust on the sill overnight,and it was the dark red of powdered blood

      3 min read

    • Article

      The Inventions of Witches

      Oct 30, 2017

      The Inventions of Witches
      7 min read

    • Article

      Three Poems

      Nov 1, 2018

      at first, trying to reach the accused, i swallowed burnt matchsticks, her hair a tar tumbleweedin the room’s south-facing corner. i did this to pray & i did thisto feel. & then i swallowed my old chant—his name, his name—like i’m not madeof my oppres

      3 min read

    • Article

      Justice

      Mar 15, 2018

      I had been told that the interviewer was waiting for me outside in the hotel garden. The muffled oceanic roar of traffic rose steadily from the nearby road. She was sitting alone on a bench amid the raw planted beds and network of gravel paths, gazin

      22 min read

    Related categories

    Reviews for Oral Sex Then and Now

    0 ratings

    0 ratings0 reviews

    What did you think?

    Tap to rate

    Review must be at least 10 words

      Book preview

      Oral Sex Then and Now - Serafina Conti

      ORAL SEX

      Then and Now

      Twelve Short Stories

      by Serafina Conti

      Copyright © 2019 by Serafina Conti

      Smashwords Edition

      Preface

      These twelve stories are set in twelve different eras over one hundred and two millennia. Most of them depict historical figures engaging in oral sex. Allow me to point out, before an irate reader does it for me, that these historical figures never did the things they are shown doing here. This book is, despite the title, not a history, but rather straight-up erotica, written because I am amused (to cite just one example) by the idea of the oh-so-respectable Lady Godiva (who never rode naked through Coventry, by the way) performing in a bukkake scene. Also because I sincerely believe that whoever first came up with the idea that it would be fun and pleasurable to kiss, lick, or suck the genitals of another person made a great contribution to human happiness. I hope you enjoy this celebration of a few of the many varieties of oral sex.

      100,000 BC: First lick

      She had no name: names had not been invented yet. There are lots of things that hadn’t been invented then: not only cars, televisions, and cell phones, but also wheels, shame, clothing, and God. She and her people spoke a very simple language. There was, for example, a noun meaning saber-tooth cat, and this, by coincidence, was also a verb meaning run!—the world’s first homonym. There was also a word for woolly mammoth, and closely related words meaning grab your spear and time to eat.

      There was a special word, too, spoken only by women, meaning come fuck me, similar to the word a woman speaks even today when she’s naked, and her arms are wound about her lover, and her vagina is warm and wet, and she’s impatient to have his penis inside her. That word has changed hardly at all over the last hundred thousand years.

      The woman was speaking this word now as she reclined beneath a tree in the warm afternoon, legs spread to advertise her wares. She had very little sense of self, but she had a vague notion that she was young, pretty, and fertile, and a sort of expectation (hope had not been invented yet) that a man of the clan would soon heed her call.

      A nameless man was squatting with his back to her, banging at a piece of chert with an antler. He turned, looked at her briefly, and went back to his work. Neither disappointed nor discouraged, she said her word louder so that men farther off might hear and respond to her need.

      After a time that she thought neither long nor short, a young man emerged from among the trees, attracted by the word she had spoken—aroused, too, to judge by the condition of his penis. He approached warily—just yesterday a woman had boxed his ears for presumption when he’d tried to mount her. Inexperienced but learning quickly, he had made a mental note to look for signs of welcome before attempting to mount a woman again.

      This one simpered as she repeated her word still louder and spread her legs wider to show him her moist and engorged parts. He took these gestures as encouraging signs and came nearer, unable to look away from her damp pinkness, which she was rubbing now with three fingers of one hand.

      Not an arm’s length away, he squatted in front of her and sniffed, checking for the odor of estrus. Unsure, he bent closer, breathed deeply and grunted in satisfaction.

      If things had taken their normal course, the woman would now have turned around and presented her hindquarters to him so he could mount her.

      But at this very moment, somewhere near the edge of the village, a man shouted the word for woolly mammoth. This word is difficult to represent in writing: suffice it to say that if a man spoke it in your presence today, you’d feel an immediate impulse to pat him on the back.

      In response to the man’s call, men and women all over the village shouted this word, though with a subtle difference: they shouted it with a falling pitch ending in a sort of growl. Pronounced this way, the word meant grab your spear.

      The young man crouching between the woman’s legs froze in indecision. Hunting the mammoth was important: it would feed the clan for many days. On the other hand, he was feverishly horny, having had no sex for what seemed a very long time, and reluctant to abandon his current project.

      The woman was uncommonly bright (though the concept bright had not yet been invented) and immediately knew how to influence events in her favor. She grabbed him behind the neck and pulled his face down to her crotch, moaning grab your spear with a sexy growl (she had, by the way, just invented the metaphor—linguists and literary critics take note).

      With his face planted in her wide, wet cleft, the estrus smell was stronger than ever, and his penis pulsed with his arousal. He grabbed it, just as she’d told him to, and pumped himself as he breathed her in.

      Time to eat, she called, this being the woolly mammoth and grab your spear word, but with a rising pitch, ending in a shriek.

      Obediently, he opened his mouth and licked her slick and sopping wet slash from vagina to clitoris—and was instantly rewarded with a flavor so salty, so rich, so far exceeding the flavors of the grubs, nuts, and woolly mammoths that were the ordinary constituents of his diet, that he felt himself transported to new realms, he knew not where (thus was the first seed of religious devotion planted—theologians take note).

      The woman held his head in place with strong hands that had skinned mammoths and cracked the bones of antelopes. Yah! she cried, a whole new word meaning both feels good and eat me. Women continue to say this word to their lovers even today, and the meaning has changed little over the millennia.

      Sliding sideways away from the tree she’d been leaning against, the woman fell on her back and thrust her pelvis upwards, grinding her sex against the man’s mouth. The feeling of his lips sliding across her tender membrane, his nose and tongue jamming her clitoris, was so fine—and better yet, she was in control in a way she’d never been before, when men fucked her for a few seconds, came inside her, and left: now she could make it last as long as she wanted.

      The cries of the people pursuing the mammoth were receding into the distance by the time she came, a huge orgasm that tore scream after scream out of her as she bucked, pummeled his back with her heels, and tore at his flesh with her nails. Only when she was calm again did she turn and allow the somewhat shaken young man to mount her.

      Thus did a nameless woman invent cunnilingus. I rate her up there with Plato, Leonardo da Vinci, and Sir Isaac Newton for her contribution to human happiness.

      100,001 BC: The history continues

      The man and the woman started hanging out together. It wasn’t what you’d call a relationship—plenty of species at that time formed relationships, but homo sapiens wasn’t one of them. Rather, people lived in communities where men and women moved around freely, forming and dissolving couples as the mood took them, and the rompish little darlings ushered into the world by means of this bed-hopping were raised more or less communally.

      Over the year or so after their Great Discovery, the woman and the man began to take less and less notice of the other people in the village, instead keeping to themselves—at least during those hours when it was customary to fuck—which, come to think of it, accounted for most of the day. They were, in fact, in the process of inventing monogamy—a process, I would add, that is still ongoing, for

      Enjoying the preview?
      Page 1 of 1