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    Candide: with Illustrations by Jean-Michel Moreau
    Candide: with Illustrations by Jean-Michel Moreau
    Candide: with Illustrations by Jean-Michel Moreau
    Ebook226 pages3 hours

    Candide: with Illustrations by Jean-Michel Moreau

    By . Voltaire and Jean-Michel Moreau

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    "CANDIDE, OU L'OPTIMISME" is a French satire first published in 1759 by Voltaire, a philosopher of the Age of Enlightenment. It begins with a young man, Candide, who is living a sheltered life in an Edenic paradise and being indoctrinated with Leibnizian optimism (or simply "optimism") by his mentor, Professor Pangloss. The work describes the abrupt cessation of this lifestyle, followed by Candide's slow, painful disillusionment as he witnesses and experiences great hardships in the world. Voltaire concludes with Candide, if not rejecting optimism outright, advocating a deeply practical precept, "we must cultivate our garden", in lieu of the Leibnizian mantra of Pangloss, "all is for the best" in the "best of all possible worlds."Candide is characterised by its sarcastic tone as well as by its erratic, fantastical and fast-moving plot. A picaresque novel with a story similar to that of a more serious Bildungs¬roman, it parodies many adventure and romance clichés, the struggles of which are caricatured in a tone that is mordantly matter-of-fact. Still, the events discussed are often based on historical happenings, such as the Seven Years' War and the 1755 Lisbon earthquake. As philosophers of Voltaire's day contended with the problem of evil, so too does Candide in this short novel, albeit more directly and humorously. Voltaire ridicules religion, theologians, governments, armies, philosophies, and philosophers through allegory; most conspicuously, he assaults Leibniz and his optimism.

    As expected by Voltaire, Candide has enjoyed both great success and great scandal. Immediately after its secretive publication, the book was widely banned because it contained religious blasphemy, political sedition and intellectual hostility hidden under a thin veil of naïveté. However, with its sharp wit and insightful portrayal of the human condition, the novel has since inspired many later authors and artists to mimic and adapt it. Today, Candide is recognized as Voltaire's magnum opus and is often listed as part of the Western canon; it is among the most frequently taught works of French literature. The British poet and literary critic Martin Seymour-Smith listed Candide as one of the 100 most influential books ever written.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherWisehouse Classics
    Release dateDec 23, 2019
    ISBN9789176371077
    Candide: with Illustrations by Jean-Michel Moreau
    Author

    . Voltaire

    Imprisoned in the Bastille at the age of twenty-three for a criminal libel against the Regent of France, François-Marie Arouet was freed in 1718 with a new name, Voltaire, and the completed manuscript of his first play, Oedipe, which became a huge hit on the Paris stage in the same year. For the rest of his long and dangerously eventful life, this cadaverous genius shone with uninterrupted brilliance as one of the most famous men in the world. Revered, and occasionally reviled, in the royal courts of Europe, his literary outpourings and fearless campaigning against the medieval injustices of church and state in the midst of the ‘Enlightenment’ did much to trigger the French Revolution and to formulate the present notions of democracy. But above all, Voltaire was an observer of the human condition, and his masterpiece Candide stands out as an astonishing testament to his unequalled insight into the way we were and probably always will be.

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    Reviews for Candide

    4/5

    4,181 ratings122 reviews

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    • 5/5
      How droll.
    • 4/5
      I read this in university and enjoyed it a lot more than I thought I would, which I think happens to a lot of people when they read it.

      It's a crazy adventure story, with twists, and turns and even stranger characters. It revolves around Candide, a young man so named because he resembles a blank slate, for all the word and society to write on.

      There's so much to talk about within this book, even though it's so short I feel like Voltaire really crammed in some serious issues in the sparse number of pages he allocated himself. Some of the book has still stayed with me, and every once and a while I'll find myself quoting a line or two, or seeing Candide referred to in popular culture somewhere.

      His witty critiques and snarky comments helped to empower a population of people who needed a revolution.

      It looks intimidating, but I promise it's not as bad as it seems. In my opinion, it's worth it.
    • 1/5
      A man with a naive philosophy faces a series of tragedies around the world.1/4 (Bad).It's all bitter, derisive "wit" that reads like a summary of a novel. I don't understand what any modern reader would get out of this.
    • 3/5
      A very famous novel, it is, first published in 1759. I remember only a small number of incidents but they have stuck after a half century, so...I'll call it a good book about human behaviour. I believe I read this in French...but I could have been doing a reread after doing it in English translation first.
    • 4/5
      Absolutely hilarious, and extremely easy to read as well.
    • 4/5
      I saw this at the Guthrie Theater in the late 80s and it was great; the story still holds up.
    • 3/5
      Very enjoyable, especially for a philosophical stint. Definitely a book I will want to read several times over to digest, but for an initial reading it was fairly light.
    • 4/5
      If you’re looking for one of the most satirical, rollicking, odd, philosophical, and whimsical novels in history, then you needn’t go any further than Voltaire’s Candide. Voltaire’s canonical 1759 work examines the conflict between optimism and realism, between Old World and New World experiences, and between upper class and lower class conditions. But even these dichotomies are too simple for this work. The title character’s adventures begin when he kisses Cunegonde, a relative of the Baron Thunder-ten-Tronckh and is expelled from the estate with his mentor Pangloss. And then the real fun starts.Candide’s adventures through the great earthquake of Lisbon, the New World, and Asia Minor to be reunited with Cunegonde reflects just how sheltered he was raised. Pangloss, ever the optimist, explains that even though there is pain and suffering and loss in the world, we are living in the “best of all possible worlds.” Candide never stops being about things: it’s about first impressions, love, loss, culture, philosophy, foreign relations, religions, etc. Voltaire clearly has a lot to say, but luckily, this novella is just long enough to pack them all in without being too overbearing. Candide finally gives up on optimism, but the funny thing is, he never says what his new philosophy will be. That’s left for the reader to figure out. Much like Animal Farm and 1984, society as a whole is Voltaire’s fodder—he laughs at us all. And we all could use a good laugh. A delightful and witty book.
    • 4/5
      Finally got around to reading this - it is one part satire, one part comedy, and one part ethical quandary. And... it is quite short and easy to read. Here we have poor Candide - who spends his whole life following the advice of Dr. Pangloss. Poor Candide - he loves the Lady Cunegonde, and she loves him, which gets him in trouble with his lord, and sets him on the path of black comedy.This book isn't pleasant to read. At times, it is quite dark. Its written to demonstrate a point. Which is 'happiness isn't given to you - you make it'. There are also ethical quandaries about war and the the noble class. Poor Candide - he is an idiot- afloat in a sea spending.I do think that this book has layers upon layers of meaning - It will be a book I intend to re-read and see its meaning changes.
    • 3/5
      First of all, let me be clear of one thing: I do recognize the historical importance of this book, but what I'm about to write is a judgement based only on my view as a "casual" reader rather than a book critical or anything of that sort. I will state my opinion of the book regarding what I thought about it reading it as a fiction, not as a satire or a critique to the society and such. Therefore, I'm disregarding the historical background. As one of the characters said (though not exactly with his words), I only read what pleases me because I can actually have fun doing it. Difficult reading does not appeal me at all.

      That being said, I'll tell you that I was somewhat surprised. Since this book seems to be mandatory reading for some schools throughout the world, I was already expecting something horribly boring (and I'll admit some parts dragged very, very slowly), but the reading was less painful than I thought it was going to be. In fact, at the beginning of the book I was actually smiling, because the situations Candide got himself into were hilarious in a tragic way (and vice-versa). After a while, the occurrences start getting repetitive and somewhat annoying. Candide's naivety becomes tiring, but at least the other characters are pretty decent, always trying to put him back on the right way.

      Although it isn't my favorite kind of book, even if you read it as a regular fiction, Candide is somewhat a "light" reading. It's easy to understand, it's short (thank goodness) and it doesn't get lost in details and descriptions. Not bad.
    • 2/5
      Should be renamed Job. Geez, what else was supposed to happen to this guy? And everyone in his life kept getting killed and then turning up again. Not my cup of tea even as a satire.
    • 2/5
      Reading it for school.Not too bad, considering it's a satire about an era we do not live in (even if I'd studied it, and the notes explain the more obscure mocked ones).Too many farcical moments, where he does not press a point, but hammer it into oblivion.
    • 3/5
      A quick read... easy to follow. To get the most out of the book I went to sparknotes.com and for free was able to get synopsis of each chapter to help explain some of the satrical quips and the specific incidents or practices Voltaire rendered ridiculous.
    • 4/5
      Voltaire - this is the first work I've read from him. I was thinking it was going to be heavily intellectual - and it had some deep themes, but they were at the same time, very obvious. Overall, the pleasant surprise was just how funny he is - I hadn't been aware.
    • 3/5
      Absurd, impossible, vile, vicious and bawdy, Candide is a quick lampooning of Optimism, with a fine if simple final message: "We must go to work in the garden". And we must. All human ugliness is in this short book, but presented so shockingly it glances over your senses and remains in the absurd - so you can dwell in it at the time or think about it afterwards as much as you choose. Candide himself is good company on this short buffeting through horrible time. The horrors are diluted by the impossibility of characters' survival but the sense of witnessing people not learning is realistically frustrating!
    • 5/5
      It’s funny how many small coincidences there are in life. I picked up this book about a year ago with good intentions, only to let it sit on a shelf until I stuffed it into a box to move to Bracebridge. I was looking for something different to read a few nights ago and stumbled across it.In other news, I’m currently preparing to preach a series of “Meaningless Messages” on Ecclesiastes. Imagine my surprise when I realized that Candide was essentially a retelling of Ecclesiastes!Does life have a purpose? Do we live in the best of all possible worlds? What should we do in life?"Then I realized that it is good and proper for a man to eat and drink, and to find satisfaction in his toilsome labor under the sun during the few days of life God has given him—for this is his lot." (Ecclesiastes 5:18, NIV)"'Let’s work, then, without disputing,' says Martin. 'It is the only way to make life bearable.'” (130)For an old classic, Candide is surprisingly readable. If you want to rethink your position on the meaning of life, this is an interesting place to start.
    • 4/5
      I enjoyed delving into the theological wanderings of this 17th century philosopher; the backgrounds and criticisms also helped to give the book more depth and context. It was thrilling for me to "get to know" a writer so bold and unflinching in his views, who lived 400 years before I was even born. Candide was delightful--a tease for the brain as well as a story for the soul. I'd recommend.
    • 5/5
      Voltaire is still recognized as one of history's greatest satirists, and after reading Candide it's not hard to see why. Two and a half centuries later, it still has the power both to amuse and to shock.On the surface, as has often been noted, Candide is obviously a critique of the philosophy of Liebniz, and especially of the idea that this is the best of all possible worlds and everything is as it had to be in order for this to be so (in accordance, presumably, with the plans of an omnipotent and omnibenevolent Creator). Voltaire goes quite over the top in showing the misadventures and misfortunes that befall his befuddled hero, who at first whole-heartedly buys into this "optimism."Eventually, Candide's tale concludes with his advice that we should all just tend to our gardens--the precise meaning of which has been widely (and wildly) speculated about. Many take it to be a rejection of philosophy as such as being entirely useless, and we should just take a more pragmatic approach to life, though I find this interpretation untenable. More likely, given what we know about Voltaire as an Enlightenment thinker and from the content of Candide itself, it is simply a rejection of one philosophical school, namely that of rationalism. This is wider than just Liebniz, and Voltaire does target the ideas of other major rationalists (e.g., Descartes) as well. The message seems to be that philosophy is useless *when it has nothing to do with, and is in fact contradicted by, our actual experience.* The ending then suggests a much more practical sort of philosophy, like the one represented in America by Voltaire's contemporary Benjamin Franklin, but it is a philosophy nonetheless.In the end, this is a highly entertaining and thought-provoking story that is still very relevant in today's world, and should still be required reading for everybody.
    • 3/5
      A very thoughtful and socially relevant critique of certain philosophies. Bitingly funny at times, and quietly tragic at others, it is easy to see why it has become a classic. However, it doesn't seem to me to present any alternatives to what it criticizes - as much as the Leibniz-style optimism is unfounded and dangerous, it gave me a bit of an empty feeling when I was finished. If you deconstruct the fallacies of one or another worldview, you had better have your own worldview ready to bring forward. Candide is essentially a negative novel, it dismembers what is bad or false rather than affirming or promoting what is good or true. It is like an Anti-War rally rather than a Peace rally. While I think it was essential of Voltaire that he fight the forces of Absolute monarchy and rationalism, this is not a novel to build a society on.
    • 3/5
      Wish I knew what everyone sees in this one. I've known a few people who have claimed this as one of their favorite works, and to me, anyway, this book appears so slight when compared with other classical works. But then, allegory was never my favorite form of literature. I can completely understand Balzac, or Zola, or Flaubert. They were amazing writers, and you can get something new out of them with each reading, I think, depending upon what stage you are at in your own life. But it seems like there is a trend in French literature - the spare and esoteric work, the one that says, "this may not look like much, but it has Layers." I'm thinking especially of The Little Prince, this work, and possibly all of Camus. It may be very worthy. I'm sure the fault is mine here. But I just don't get it.
    • 3/5
      This is quite the silly book. It comes to more or less the same conclusions about happiness as Hermann Hesse's Siddhartha, if a touch more (okay, a lot more) cynically. That is, that life is best when one has a purpose, a way to spend their time. The plot in a nutshell: Candide desperately tries to retain his optimism as endless and increasingly unlikely calamities befall him and his cohorts. There are funny bits, there are disturbing bits, and there are bits that make you go "huh?" but all in all it's a decent read. And short enough that it isn't a chore to get through.
    • 3/5
      There is a great scene in the movie “Vacation” where Chevy Chase, who is on a manic quest to drive his family across country to an amusement park, stops at the Grand Canyon. After taking in the splendor for all of four or five seconds, he hustles the family back into the van to continue the trip, content that they have checked another “must see” landmark off their list.I felt a little like that reading this book. Having long been on my “must read” list, I found "Candide" to be a remarkably forgettable experience that provided little nourishment or pleasure. Its reputation as a classic of the Age of Enlightenment notwithstanding, this satirical novella is at once a slight and heavy-handed trifle. Voltaire’s well-established premise for writing the book was to tear down the philosophy of Optimism (“All is for the best in the best of all possible worlds”) that prevailed at the time and which he found to be distinctly at odds with the world he saw around him. However, this is a debate that is more than two centuries in the past and for all his scathing wit, the author offers little in the way of an alternative philosophy save the admonition that man should stay busy and have a purpose, no matter how menial.All that said, I did not dislike the novel but neither did I find it to be either memorable or thought-provoking. I’m happy to have finally read it—at little more than 100 pages, it certainly won’t take up too much of your time—if only to have checked it off my list once and for all.
    • 5/5
      Hilarious! Ever since reading The Baroque Cycle (or at least the first two books and the first half of the third one) I've loved this historical period, and it's clear Stephenson wrote it with Candide in mind. It's silly, clever, and risqué, and you can read it in an afternoon.
    • 3/5
      Classic modern fable exploring the once popular philosophy of 'everything now is exactly as it should be and for the best' with comedic results.
    • 5/5
      Dr Pangloss's assertion that "Everything happens for the best possible reasons" is severely tested in this novella of auto da fe, execution, extortion, slavery, cannibalism and sodomy. A classic from an age long since passed, it remains as witty and as relevant now as it ever was.
    • 3/5
      Candide. It took me some time to read this book, even though it is very thin. Actually, since it was written in the 18th century, I expected some quaint old language and obscure grammer (like I found in Defo's 'Moll Flanders'), but the book was easy and readable. It contains a lot of dark humour, and a lot of darkness in any way. Murders, rape, disease, body mutilation, it is all there, and all this the main character goes through, while losing all his loved ones and all dignity and all throughout he maintains his motto that "all is for the best in this, the best of all possible worlds", which is also the philosophy which Voltaire mocks in this novel. I liked it, but wasn't too swept away by it. I would like to search for other works by Voltaire.
    • 5/5
      Edited 2-16-07My first review of this book was lukewarm, praising the physical book itself (the Penguin Deluxe Classics Edition) more than the content within. And so now I'm re-reviewing to right my past wrongs.Candide is absolutely still relevant and funny today. The first time I read it (and I am ashamed to admit this), I completely missed out on the sarcastic tone of the book, a huge, huge oversight that completely ruined it for me.However, I have since read it again, understanding both Voltaire and the issue at hand a little more, and it is indeed fantastic. It makes me wish I was around in 1759 to see the looks on the faces of those Voltaire attacked when they read it. Definitely worth your time and money.
    • 3/5
      Candide holds up admirably for being a couple centuries old. It is also one of the easier reads I have had in a while. The novel follows the life of Candide, a young man whose candid nature and inexperience leads him to a more adventurous life than any of us could hope for. From his homeland of Germany, to the Andean Mountains of Peru Candide follows a path that gives him some of the greatest highs and greatest lows. He loses and gains companions throughout his journey, yet ultimately comes to his own understanding of the world. The novel is full of outdated references, which the book was pretty good at explaining. But the humor is sometimes lost. The character development is there, but since the book doesn’t really go into detail its not exactly good. The characters are all amusing in their different perspectives and philosophical insights. Candide is definitely worth a read since its under 100 pages. It shouldn’t take more than a week to read, which is all easy. You don’t have to study over notes to understand what is happening at all. Probably a good books to get people interested in classics. Favorite Quote: “Why should you think it so strange that in some countries there are monkeys which insinuate themselves into the good graces of the ladies; they are a fourth part human, as I am a fourth part Spaniard.” (38)
    • 4/5
      Young Candide's story begins when a slight interlude with his lordship's daughter is witnessed from behind a screen leading to his butt quite literally being kicked from the household. From such an ignoble beginning we follow Candide through his journey of highs and lows, pains and pleasures, dark ironies and surreal coincidences. Through all of his journeys Candide endeavors to hold true to the highly held belief of his favorite and beloved philosopher, Pangloss: "Everything is good and everything is for the best."Starting off I was very worried that I would find this book impossible to understand and would be made to give up after only a couple chapters. To my great surprise I found this story to be really very engaging. Voltaire's writing is very caustic, sarcastic and tongue-in-cheek. In fact, in some parts it is downright risqué. Dark humor abounds and while I might not have laughed out loud, I certainly did my share of smirking, especially at parts that under normal circumstances I would not usually have found remotely funny. I would never have imagined such a colorful and irreverent piece of work to be considered a classic. Unfortunately being a more literal minded person myself, I am sure much of the subtle inferences and veiled jabs probably went right over my head, but even with that knowledge I still enjoyed it. This book has a plethora of wonderful quotes. One of my favorites was uttered by a man totally discontent with his life, despite all his riches: Fools have a habit of believing that everything written by a famous author is admirable. For my part, I read only to please myself, and like only what suits my taste.
    • 5/5
      A biting satire of early 17th century European culture, which is still surprisingly funny. I was also not expecting something quite so graphic from an old classic; queasy or uptight readers, be warned. This version sports a cartoon version of the story on the cover, which I could not resist. If you're a stickler for accuracy, however, you should be warned that some of the character names in the cartoon are incorrect, and there are other discrepancies.

    Book preview

    Candide - . Voltaire

    Notes

    PART I

    CHAPTER I:

    HOW CANDIDE WAS BROUGHT UP IN A MAGNIFICENT CASTLE AND HOW HE WAS DRIVEN THENCE.

    IN THE COUNTRY OF WESTPHALIA, in the castle of the most noble baron of Thunder-ten-tronckh, lived a youth whom nature had endowed with a most sweet disposition. His face was the true index of his mind. He had a solid judgment joined to the most unaffected simplicity; and hence, I presume, he had his name of Candide. The old servants of the house suspected him to have been the son of the baron’s sister, by a very good sort of a gentleman of the neighborhood, whom that young lady refused to marry, because he could produce no more than threescore and eleven quarterings in his arms; the rest of the genealogical tree belonging to the family having been lost through the injuries of time.

    The baron was one of the most powerful lords in Westphalia; for his castle had not only a gate, but even windows; and his great hall was hung with tapestry. He used to hunt with his mastiffs and spaniels instead of greyhounds; his groom served him for huntsman; and the parson of the parish officiated as his grand almoner. He was called My Lord by all his people, and he never told a story but every one laughed at it.

    My lady baroness weighed three hundred and fifty pounds, consequently was a person of no small consideration; and then she did the honors of the house with a dignity that commanded universal respect. Her daughter was about seventeen years of age, fresh colored, comely, plump, and desirable. The baron’s son seemed to be a youth in every respect worthy of the father he sprung from. Pangloss, the preceptor, was the oracle of the family, and little Candide listened to his instructions with all the simplicity natural to his age and disposition.

    Master Pangloss taught the metaphysico-theologo-cosmolo-nigology. He could prove to admiration that there is no effect without a cause; and, that in this best of all possible worlds, the baron’s castle was the most magnificent of all castles, and my lady the best of all possible baronesses.

    It is demonstrable, said he, that things cannot be otherwise than as they are; for as all things have been created for some end, they must necessarily be created for the best end. Observe, for instance, the nose is formed for spectacles, therefore we wear spectacles. The legs are visibly designed for stockings, accordingly we wear stockings. Stones were made to be hewn, and to construct castles, therefore My Lord has a magnificent castle; for the greatest baron in the province ought to be the best lodged. Swine were intended to be eaten, therefore we eat pork all the year round: and they, who assert that everything is right, do not express themselves correctly; they should say that everything is best.

    Candide listened attentively, and believed implicitly; for he thought Miss Cunegund excessively handsome, though he never had the courage to tell her so. He concluded that next to the happiness of being baron of Thunder-ten-tronckh, the next was that of being Miss Cunegund, the next that of seeing her every day, and the last that of hearing the doctrine of Master Pangloss, the greatest philosopher of the whole province, and consequently of the whole world.

    One day when Miss Cunegund went to take a walk in a little neighboring wood which was called a park, she saw, through the bushes, the sage Doctor Pangloss giving a lecture in experimental philosophy to her mother’s chambermaid, a little brown wench, very pretty, and very tractable. As Miss Cunegund had a great disposition for the sciences, she observed with the utmost attention the experiments, which were repeated before her eyes; she perfectly well understood the force of the doctor’s reasoning upon causes and effects. She retired greatly flurried, quite pensive and filled with the desire of knowledge, imagining that she might be a sufficing reason for young Candide, and he for her.

    On her way back she happened to meet the young man; she blushed, he blushed also; she wished him a good morning in a flattering tone, he returned the salute without knowing what he said. The next day, as they were rising from dinner, Cunegund and Candide slipped behind the screen. The miss dropped her handkerchief, the young man picked it up. She innocently took hold of his hand, and he as innocently kissed hers with a warmth, a sensibility, a grace—all very particular; their lips met; their eyes sparkled; their knees trembled; their hands strayed. The baron chanced to come by; he beheld the cause and effect, and, without hesitation, saluted Candide with some notable kicks on the breech, and drove him out of doors. The lovely Miss Cunegund fainted away, and, as soon as she came to herself, the baroness boxed her ears. Thus a general consternation was spread over this most magnificent and most agreeable of all possible castles.

    CHAPTER II:

    WHAT BEFELL CANDIDE AMONG THE BULGARIANS.

    CANDIDE, THUS DRIVEN OUT OF THIS TERRESTRIAL PARADISE, rambled a long time without knowing where he went; sometimes he raised his eyes, all bedewed with tears, towards heaven, and sometimes he cast a melancholy look towards the magnificent castle, where dwelt the fairest of young baronesses. He laid himself down to sleep in a furrow, heartbroken, and supperless. The snow fell in great flakes, and, in the morning when he awoke, he was almost frozen to death; however, he made shift to crawl to the next town, which was called Wald-berghoff-trarbk-dikdorff, without a penny in his pocket, and half dead with hunger and fatigue. He took up his stand at the door of an inn. He had not been long there, before two men dressed in blue, fixed their eyes steadfastly upon him. Faith, comrade, said one of them to the other, yonder is a well made young fellow, and of the right size. Upon which they made up to Candide, and with the greatest civility and politeness invited him to dine with them. Gentlemen, replied Candide, with a most engaging modesty, you do me much honor, but upon my word I have no money. Money, sir! said one of the blues to him, young persons of your appearance and merit never pay anything; why, are not you five feet five inches high? Yes, gentlemen, that is really my size, replied he, with a low bow. Come then, sir, sit down along with us; we will not only pay your reckoning, but will never suffer such a clever young fellow as you to want money. Men were born to assist one another. You are perfectly right, gentlemen, said Candide, this is precisely the doctrine of Master Pangloss; and I am convinced that everything is for the best. His generous companions next entreated him to accept of a few crowns, which he readily complied with, at the same time offering them his note for the payment, which they refused, and sat down to table. Have you not a great affection for— O yes! I have a great affection for the lovely Miss Cunegund. May be so, replied one of the blues, but that is not the question! We ask you whether you have not a great affection for the king of the Bulgarians? For the king of the Bulgarians? said Candide, oh Lord! not at all, why I never saw him in my life. Is it possible! oh, he is a most charming king! Come, we must drink his health. With all my heart, gentlemen, says Candide, and off he tossed his glass. Bravo! cry the blues; you are now the support, the defender, the hero of the Bulgarians; your fortune is made; you are in the high road to glory. So saying, they handcuffed him, and carried him away to the regiment. There he was made to wheel about to the right, to the left, to draw his rammer, to return his rammer, to present, to fire, to march, and they gave him thirty blows with a cane; the next day he performed his exercise a little better, and they gave him but twenty; the day following he came off with ten, and was looked upon as a young fellow of surprising genius by all his comrades.

    Candide was struck with amazement, and could not for the soul of him conceive how he came to be a hero. One fine spring morning, he took it into his head to take a walk, and he marched straight forward, conceiving it to be a privilege of the human species, as well as of the brute creation, to make use of their legs how and when they pleased. He had not gone above two leagues when he was overtaken by four other heroes, six feet high, who bound him neck and heels, and carried him to a dungeon. A court-martial sat upon him, and he was asked which he liked better, to run the gauntlet six and thirty times through the whole regiment, or to have his brains blown out with a dozen musket-balls? In vain did he remonstrate to them that the human will is free, and that he chose neither; they obliged him to make a choice, and he determined, in virtue of that divine gift called free will, to run the gauntlet six and thirty times. He had gone through his discipline twice, and the regiment being composed of 2,000 men, they composed for him exactly 4,000 strokes, which laid bare all his muscles and nerves from the nape of his neck to his stern. As they were preparing to make him set out the third time our young hero, unable to support it any longer, begged as a favor that they would be so obliging as to shoot him through the head; the favor being granted, a bandage was tied over his eyes, and he was made to kneel down. At that very instant, his Bulgarian majesty happening to pass by made a stop, and inquired into the delinquent’s crime, and being a prince of great penetration, he found, from what he heard of Candide, that he was a young metaphysician, entirely ignorant of the world; and therefore, out of his great clemency, he condescended to pardon him, for which his name will be celebrated in every journal, and in every age. A skilful surgeon made a cure of the flagellated Candide in three weeks by means of emollient unguents prescribed by Dioscorides. His sores were now skinned over and he was able to march, when the king of the Bulgarians gave battle to the king of the Abares.

    CHAPTER III:

    HOW CANDIDE ESCAPED FROM THE BULGARIANS, AND WHAT BEFELL HIM AFTERWARDS.

    NEVER WAS ANYTHING SO GALLANT, so well accoutred, so brilliant, and so finely disposed as the two armies. The trumpets, fifes, hautboys, drums, and cannon made such harmony as never was heard in hell itself. The entertainment began by a discharge of cannon, which, in the twinkling of an eye, laid flat about 6,000 men on each side. The musket bullets swept away, out of the best of all possible worlds, nine or ten thousand scoundrels that infested its surface. The bayonet was next the sufficient reason of the deaths of several thousands. The whole might amount to thirty thousand souls. Candide trembled like a philosopher, and concealed himself as well as he could during this heroic butchery.

    At length, while the two kings were causing Te Deums to be sung in their camps, Candide took a resolution to go and reason somewhere else upon causes and effects. After passing over heaps of dead or dying men, the first place he came to was a neighboring village, in the Abarian territories, which had been burned to the ground by the Bulgarians, agreeably to the laws of war. Here lay a number of old men covered with wounds, who beheld their wives dying with their throats cut, and hugging their children to their breasts, all stained with blood. There several young virgins, whose bodies had been ripped open, after they had satisfied the natural necessities of the Bulgarian heroes, breathed their last; while others, half burned in the flames, begged to be despatched out of the world. The ground about them was covered with the brains, arms, and legs of dead men.

    Candide made all the haste he could to another village, which belonged to the Bulgarians, and there he found the heroic Abares had enacted the same tragedy. Thence continuing to walk over palpitating limbs, or through ruined buildings, at length he arrived beyond the theatre of war, with a little provision in his budget, and Miss Cunegund’s image in his heart. When he arrived in Holland his provision failed him; but having heard that the inhabitants of that country were all rich and Christians, he made himself sure of being treated by them in the same manner as at the baron’s castle, before he had been driven thence through the power of Miss Cunegund’s bright eyes.

    He asked charity of several grave-looking people, who one and all answered him, that if he continued to follow this trade they would have him sent to the house of correction, where he should be taught to get his bread.

    He next addressed himself to a person who had just come from haranguing a numerous assembly for a whole hour on the subject of charity. The orator, squinting at him under his broad-brimmed hat, asked him sternly, what brought him thither and whether he was for the good old cause? Sir, said Candide, in a submissive manner, I conceive there can be no effect without a cause; everything is necessarily concatenated and arranged for the best. It was necessary that I should be banished from the presence of Miss Cunegund; that I should afterwards run the gauntlet; and it is necessary I should beg my bread, till I am able to get it: all this could not have been otherwise. Hark ye, friend, said the orator, do you hold the pope to be Antichrist? Truly, I never heard anything about it, said Candide, but whether he is or not, I am in want to something to eat. Thou deservest not to eat or to drink, replied the orator, wretch, monster, that thou art! hence! avoid my sight, nor ever come near me again while thou livest. The orator’s wife happened to put her head out of the window at that instant, when, seeing a man who doubted whether the pope was Antichrist, she discharged upon his head a utensil full of water. Good heavens, to what excess does religious zeal transport womankind!

    A man who had never been christened, an honest anabaptist named James, was witness to the cruel and ignominious treatment showed to one of his brethren, to a rational, two-footed, unfledged being. Moved with pity he carried him to his own house, caused him to be cleaned, gave him meat and drink, and made him a present of two florins, at the same time proposing to instruct him in his own trade of weaving Persian silks, which are fabricated in Holland. Candide, penetrated with so much goodness, threw himself at his feet, crying, Now I am convinced that my Master Pangloss told me truth when he said that everything was for the best in this world; for I am infinitely more affected with your extraordinary generosity than with the inhumanity of that gentleman in the black cloak, and his wife. The next day, as Candide was walking out, he met a beggar all covered with scabs, his eyes sunk in his head, the end of his nose eaten off, his mouth drawn on one side, his teeth as black as a cloak, snuffling and coughing most violently, and every time he attempted to spit out dropped a tooth.

    CHAPTER IV:

    HOW CANDIDE FOUND HIS OLD MASTER PANGLOSS AGAIN AND WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM.

    CANDIDE, DIVIDED BETWEEN COMPASSION AND HORROR, but giving way to the former, bestowed on this shocking figure the two florins which the honest anabaptist, James, had just before given to him. The spectre looked at him very earnestly, shed tears and threw his arms about his neck. Candide started back aghast. Alas! said the one wretch to the other, don’t you know your dear Pangloss? "What do I hear? Is it you, my dear master! you I behold in this piteous plight? What dreadful misfortune has befallen you? What has made you leave the most magnificent and delightful of all castles? What

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