Funny Thing I Heard At The Doctor's Office
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About this ebook
The title of this book is actually a misnomer. What I have heard at doctor offices in the past four or more years -- I would NOT call comical. If there was comedy generated -- it was by me and some of the patients I engaged in conversation.
These comments came mostly from the attending doctors themselves. While it is true that some of them had a sense of humor-- for the most part there was nothing remotely comical that came from their mouths.
Some of these comments I actually laughed about-- at first. Later when I reflected on the impact of these statements -- a sober mood set in.
What is that old saying--- "Laughter is the best medicine"?
Apparently these doctors never met Patch Adams!
Despite the movie about "Patch Adams" -- medicine is NOT about comedy. Medicine is a very serious business!
Yet the antithesis of laughter in medicine is not a promising proposition either.
At first I thought about entitling this book : "The 101 Kraziest Things I Heard At The Doctor's Office" Another title I considered : "The 101 Stupidest Things I Heard At The Doctor's Office".
I opted for a less harsh title instead."
Why?
To imply doctors are crazy or stupid would NOT be accurate or Fair.
Fair?
Yes I want to be Fair.
I endeavor to be fair because: I saw an episode on "60 minutes" a year ago. John Hopkins hospital made tution free for medical students-- a historical move. The narrative about student loans and the enormous amount of student debt-- made me more appreciative of what doctors do.
Namref H. Tims
Namref H. Tims email : namrefhtims@gmail.comWho am I?.A creative spirit.Depends on your perspective.For one I was a sorry " S.O.B,"Another compared me to Jesus.One called me "Cretin" ( Female National Merit Semi- Finalist)Another beheld "pure genius". ( Different Female National Merit Semi-Finalist)I am athletic yet clumsy.Am sensitive yet at times mindless.Truth : I am all that is enlisted .Have a degree in Accounting, although I never worked a day as one. I served in the US Army Security Agency for four years as a Morse Code Interceptor. I have worked for the U.S. Postal Service and also a major refinery.Met and verbally sparred with Muhammad Ali.Competed in the 100 yard dash against the co-holder of the world record. Ran the 40 yard dash in 4 seconds flat.Competed for a short while in world long drive competition. When I saw the disparity of pay between Open division and Senior Division ( $135,000 for first place Open division and $9800 Senior Div.) I retired even though I was hitting balls on the driving range (with limited flight golf balls) farther than the best in the world in my age group.Sent an email to harass Marilyn vos Savant that my IQ was higher than hers. In her column she tells you : " Use the highest score ". My highest score was 235. For the story on that you will have to read my upcoming book, "Extraordinary Performances In Sports And LIfe-- The Numbers That Influence Them".In 1972 I experimented and achieved success with Telekinesis. Later In 1972 I abandoned pursuit of these abilities.In 2014 I resumed experimenting with paranormal abilities. Mainly because, I read about the James Randi org, which offered a 1 million dollar prize to someone who could demonstrate these abilities exist.As of 2015 this prize no longer exists.Sporadically now I practice paranormal abilities, since there is no longer a substantial prize incentive. My objective : If I can use them to heal people, I will put them to great service.I have beaten and drawn top rated computer chess programs at blitz chess-- Famed Grand Master Lev Alburt told me this was IMPOSSIBLE for an amateur player of less strength than a super GM rated 2650 Elo.World Infamous "Woe- Class" Psychic Maria Duval told me : " You Are Sent By The Supreme Forces Of The Universe..."I write mostly for fulfillment not edification.Most writers don't make much money. This so far, holds true for me.
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Funny Thing I Heard At The Doctor's Office - Namref H. Tims
" Funny Thing I Heard At The Doctor’s Office"
By Namref H. Tims
Copyright 2020
Table Of Contents
Foreword
Part I Assorted Statements And Comments Made By Doctors
Chapter 1 Patient Has An Unusual Countenance And Stare
Chapter 2 Is There Some Invisible Excrement On My Body?
Chapter 3 I Found My Doctor At BustedMugshots.com
Chapter 4 The Trouble With Doctors: Personality , Race or IQ?
Chapter 5 Silence Is Not Always Golden
Part II How To Deal Effectively With Insurance Companies
Chapter 1 United Health Care
PartIII The Tale Of Two Hospital Visits
Chapter 1 Anatomy Of A Heart Attack – Hospital Visit Number One
Chapter 2 Home Again—Sleep Tight Don’t Let The Bed Bugs Bite
Chapter 3 Hospital Stay Number Two—A Virtual Nightmare
Part IV Home Health Care
Part V The Need For A Diagnostic Department In Hospitals
Chapter1 Is There A Doctor House In The House?
Part VI The Lord Works In Mysterious Ways
Chapter 1 Did I Really Save Chuck’s Life?
Chapter 2 More About Zoll And The Life Vest
The Functional Appendix
Chapter 1 Complete Letter To The Plan Administrator Re: United Health Care
Chapter 2 Doctor , Doctor I Have Paranormal Abilities But I Have Throbbin’ In My Noggin
Chapter 3 The Power Of Touch + Intention = Healing?
Jocularity Alert : Ode To The Pompous Ass Physicist
Chapter 4 Biorhythm Theory And My Very First Day At Home
Chapter 5 The Flawed Scientific Method
Chapter 6 Cultivate A Healthy Relationship With Your Pharmacist—It Could Save Your Life
Chapter 7 What To Do About Inappropriate Behavior By Doctors
Chapter 8 The Good Doctors—Texas Woman’s Hospital
Chapter 9 The Bad Doctor I Never Saw—Dr. Denise
Afterword
Foreword
The title of this book is actually a misnomer. What I have heard at doctor’s offices in the past four years-- I would not call comical. If there was comedy generated –it was by me and some of the patients I engaged in conversation.
These comments came mostly from the attending doctors themselves. While it is true that some of them had a sense of humor—for the most part there was nothing comical that came from their mouths.
Some of these comments I actually laughed about – at first. Later when I reflected on the impact of these statements-- a sobering mood set in.
What is that cliche – Laughter is the best medicine?
Apparently these doctors never met Patch Adams!
At first I thought about entitling this book : The 101 Kraziest Things I Heard At The Doctor’s Office
. Or perhaps : The 101 Stupidest Things I Heard At The Doctor’s Office.
I opted for a less harsh, critical title instead.
Reason?
To imply doctors are crazy or stupid would NOT be accurate or Fair.
Fair?
Yes I want to be Fair.
In this vein I will NOT give the doctor’s actual name. Instead I will invent a name or in some cases use the doctor’s actual initials. I will give the hospital or hospital system.
I endeavor to be fair because : I saw an episode on 60 minutes
a year ago. There is a medical hospital in New York that offers free tuition for medical students. Of course, this is an historic occasion. The narrative about student loans and debt made me more aware and appreciative what doctors do.
For me to criticize without a thorough examination would be total hypocrisy on my part.
Yet --- I have seen much that disturbs me in my microcosm of the medical world.
But before we begin—my pulmonologist actually did tell me a joke recently:
A man in a white coat kept bumping into the revolving doors at the entrance of a hospital. An onlooker inquired what was going on.
An astute observer quipped : "Oh he’s a doctor... thinks he is God.... He cannot figure out why the door will NOT move for him."
Actually , I am not sure that is the way the joke was supposed to go. I am terrible at telling jokes-- sometimes just recalling the punch lines.
But I think you get the gist!
My motivation for writing this book :
I am writing this First-- for the benefit of the consumer-- the general public – but also I am hopeful that some in the medical profession actually read this book.
The doctors put on display represent the following institutions
St. Luke Hospital of Houston, Texas
Memorial Hermann Hospital System of Houston,Texas
UT Physicians of Texas
Gulf Coast Medical Group of Webster, Texas
M.D. Anderson of Houston, Texas
The VA Hospital of Houston, Texas
Zoll and The Life Vest-- Beware !!
United Health Care
Medicare
Memorial Hermann Home Health Care (services in affiliation with Memorial Hermann)
Doctor’s VIP Program
The James Randi Org.
The Flawed Scientific Method
The Pompous Ass Physicist
Carl Jung Center of Houston, Texas
Texas Woman’s Hospital – The Good Doctors !! **
Texas Medical Board ( Pending report)
Texas State Optical—An optometrist actually asked me to mention him in one of my books by name. Perhaps I will—If so he will be one of only one or two.
So without further adieu—let’s begin our journey!
Part I Assorted Comments And Statements Made By Doctors
Doctors are like Teachers : They can inspire you--Or They can injure you for life!
Namref H.Tims Feb. 23, 2020
A Frown Keeps Others Away-- So Smile Freely
Panda Express
February 23, 2020
(message in their signature cookie)
Chapter 1 Patient Has An Unusual Countenance And Stare
( Dr. Card
at St. Luke Hospital in Houston)
Translation : I am tired of you questioning my professional ability.
I did not actually hear this at the doctor’s office. I read it at home. After my annual visits to my cardiologist I always requested records of my visit. In 2016 after my left catheter procedure, I had a follow up office appointment. A week after the appointment , I was looking at the notes from the cardiologist -- Dr. Card . Along with other technical medical information was this curious statement :
Patient has an unusual countenance and stare....
At first I was taken aback at this statement. I actually laughed and joked a bit about it with my ex wife who was at my home at the time.
After a while it settled in and I began to wonder why would he make such a statement.
Was it true?
If so-- what was his point?
Why did he not mention this to me ?
This statement sounded like something perhaps either a psychologist or psychiatrist might make—not a cardioligist!
Of course, my ex wife would agree with him. Over the years she would from time to time draw my ire and when I reacted she would sometimes say :
Your face looks like an
African mask..."
To top that off my youngest son once told me :
It looks like you have a smirk on your face....
Both of these statements shocked me when I first heard them.
From the ex wife—OK.
My youngest son—Had just revealed something very personal-- I was a bit embarrassed-- was pondering how I should respond. He interpreted chagrine as a smirk!
So I suppose what Dr. Card wrote was feasible.
Yet—my best friend for years had told me :
You always have a smile on your face..
In fact he thought I was probably too friendly with people.
So to some extent-- it is a matter of how people perceive you.
At either rate it seemed inappropriate for a cardiologist to make such a statement.
The next puzzling element : I had been a patient of Dr. Card now for over twelve years! Never before had he made such a statement before.
Although I felt the statement was unwarranted –I began to analyze why it may have been made. With my annual visits to Dr. Card there was always a large discrepancy in the blood pressure readings I got at home and the blood pressure readings at the office.
Of course, I had heard of white coat hypertension.
On this particular visit I brought my blood pressure kit from home.
Dr. Card checked my blood pressure with the mercury blood pressure unit mounted on the wall. He got 170/90 ! Which was much higher than what I was getting with my cuff model. I was puzzled. I mentioned this to him.
He said jokingly : Is it me making your blood pressure go up?
I responded No
but I was still puzzled.
Dr. Card decided he would send a colleague in to make sure I was taking my blood pressure properly. I guess he wanted to take himself out of the equation ( but also maybe my countenance and stare was bothering him—all of which I was unaware of at the time).
When Dr. Card walked out, I checked my blood pressure – I got 130/80. Of course, I was still puzzled how the results could be so dramatically different. The colleague came in. He instructed me to always place my arm over my heart when using the wrist model. He observed me and walked out. What he did NOT do : document the number with the cuff model and then take my blood pressure with the wall model.
Dr. Card returned again. He checked my blood pressure again with the wall monitor—again he announced 170/90.
Again I told him of the lower number when his colleague instructed me.
Dr. Card tried to keep a calm composure but I could discern he was a bit perturbed with me. Little did I know how perturbed with me until I read his statement.
I felt the statement was unwarranted but now upon reflection – I understood why it was most likely made.
What You And Your Doctor Do Not Know
About Blood Pressure Kits
Could Kill You !
But there was yet another problem – The discrepancy between the blood pressure readings. After a discussion about Dr. Card with my PCP( primary care physician) – she recommended I get a reliable cuff model rather than a wrist model.
So I bought an Omron cuff model from CVS.
I kept my wrist model however. I also read an online article at Consumer Reports. I found that even with some of the top cuff models, there were sometimes discrepancies in blood pressure readings. I began to compare my cuff model readings with the wrist model readings. The wrist model readings were invariably lower than the cuff model readings—sometimes much lower !
I did not stop there. I took my wrist model to CVS , Walgreens and Sam’s. Sometimes the wrist model agreed –sometimes it did not. Consumer Reports says kits need to be re-calibrated. Supposedly they do this on a routine basis at CVS, Walgreens and Sam’s.
Home blood pressure kits are NEVER re-calibrated!
Of course—the Gold standard is the mercury wall monitor—but not even all cardiologists have mercury wall monitors.
What To Do About Doctor Card?
As previously mentioned , I had no previous complaints or issues with Dr. Card. I originally met him by referral. I was trying to become a patient of a cardiologist who had workd with Dr. Michael De Bakey.I was scheduled for an appointment with him – was told he was booked solid. Like many patients I was trying to get the best
available. This particular doctor –partly because of his association with Dr. De Bakey was reputed to be top notch.
He was unavailable and I was scheduled with Dr. Card. Dr. Card however, seemed quite capable and appeared to have what people call a good bedside manner
.
Dr. Card made some
of the right calls. He brought in a colleague to take himself out of the equation. What he did NOT do was – Be thorough. He should have patiently waited—observed me with the wrist monitor—note the results. Then four to five minutes later observe me with the mercury wall monitor. He would have then seen the discrepancy that I saw.
Instead he grew frustrated with me. He was old and tired of me questioning his numbers. Did I say old?
Yes he is like me—Old? In fact he is two or three years older. In 2016 I was seventy years old. Dr. Card was either 72 or 73. How do I know? I googled him.
When I discussed Dr. Card with my PCP—she gave me a recommendation. It was a cardiologist two blocks away from her office. I called Dr. Card and left word that his services were no longer required.
What About Dr. Card’s Statement?
When I posed this question to my PCP
she just looked at me with a non-committal stare
. She would not confirm or deny what Dr. Card said. So I pressed the issue.
If I did have an unusual countenance or stare... how would you tell me this... I am getting older now.. when people get older they can suffer from dementia... Alzheimer’s etc... how would you communicate this to me rather than write it in a report like Dr. Card....
?
I cannot recall her saying anything definitive. She was very careful not to criticize Dr. Card. She simply gave me the new recommendation.
I did get a small chuckle from her after I made this statement and laughed :
Sounded to me like he thought: I am looking at a psycopath ....
She actually loosened up and laughed with me.
Doctors are very careful about criticizing their colleagues—unless they feel in competition with them or feel threatened by them somehow.
So after over twelve years