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    In a Holidaze
    In a Holidaze
    In a Holidaze
    Ebook321 pages4 hours

    In a Holidaze

    By Christina Lauren

    4/5

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    This instant New York Times bestseller from Christina Lauren will wrap you “in its cozy, jolly embrace like a beloved holiday sweater” (Entertainment Weekly) as Maelyn Jones discovers what happens when Christmas wishes comes true.

    It’s the most wonderful time of the year…but not for Maelyn Jones. She’s living with her parents, hates her going-nowhere job, and has just made a romantic error of epic proportions.

    But perhaps worst of all, this is the last Christmas Mae will spend at her favorite place in the world—the snowy Utah cabin where she and her family have spent every holiday since she was born. Mentally melting down as she drives away from the cabin for the final time, Mae throws out what she thinks is a simple plea to the universe: Please. Show me what will make me happy.

    The next thing she knows, tires screech, metal collides, and everything goes black. But when Mae gasps awake…she’s on an airplane bound for Utah, where she begins the same holiday all over again. With one hilarious disaster after another sending her back to the plane, Mae must figure out how to break free of the strange time loop—and finally get her true love under the mistletoe.

    “Take one lovably flawed heroine, add a doting boy-next-door hero, and sprinkle in a cozy family holiday, and you have the recipe for a delicious time-looping romantic comedy” (Library Journal, starred review) that will make you believe in the power of wishes and the magic of the holidays.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherGallery Books
    Release dateOct 6, 2020
    ISBN9781982123956
    Author

    Christina Lauren

    Christina Lauren is the combined pen name of longtime writing partners and best friends Christina Hobbs and Lauren Billings, the New York Times, USA TODAY, and #1 internationally bestselling authors of the Beautiful and Wild Seasons series, Autoboyography, Love and Other Words, Roomies, Josh and Hazel’s Guide to Not Dating, The Unhoneymooners, The Soulmate Equation, Something Wilder, and The True Love Experiment. You can find them online at ChristinaLaurenBooks.com or @ChristinaLauren on Instagram.

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    Reviews for In a Holidaze

    4/5

    562 ratings41 reviews

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    • 4/5
      Clearly a little magic makes everything better because this book is on point!!
      I loved the found-family vibe, the cosy christmassy ambience and the "don't be afraid to ask for what you want" theme! The transition from friends to lovers was swift but cute and the combination of a brave female + sweet and kind male main character is absolutely delightful.
      I wasn't a big fan of the rushed proposal and of the idea of marriage as the only true happy ending in general but overall I had a lovely fun time reading this.
      For someone who strongly believes in the power of the Universe, this books is absolutely perfect.
    • 4/5
      The Christina Lauren duo are back with a holiday romcom. In this book, Maelyn Jones is at a cabin with her family and their friends over the holidays, as they do every year. Two of the friends are Andrew and Theo, Mae's childhood friends. This holiday went perfectly, except for that everyone is informed that the cabin is being sold and it ended with a kiss from Theo, when Mae has always had a crush on Andrew.

      Devastated, Mae wishes to be shown what makes her happy. That wish and a car crash throw her into a Groundhog Day situation, where she has to relive the vacation over and over until she finds what makes her happy. And she foes—by saying f**k it and being straightforward with her feelings and actions.

      This wasn't my favorite book from CL, but I did like it. Mae is a cute character, and it's fun seeing her figure out what makes her happy and what's right for her.
    • 5/5
      Romantically Festive in all the right ways!!!!! Love it so much!!!!
    • 3/5
      This is a novel for our times but for me that is not a good thing. There is all manner of social media involved. The main character is a single thirty five year old woman navigating her occupational, social and love life. Central figures are her boyfriend, mother and best friend. What bothers me is just how shallow these people are. There is no substance to them intellectually. I didn't like them and would run out the door to avoid them in a social setting. That said, the author is a capable writer and I was able to get through these vacuous characters without effort.
    • 4/5
      Who else finds the cover of Adults absolutely irresistible? Definitely a case of cover love here. But what about what's in between?Jenny McLaine is struggling with life. So much seems to be happening to her: she's split with her boyfriend, her mother is being her usual annoying self, her best friend doesn't seem to want to be her best friend anymore, there's trouble at work. In short, she's struggling with adulting. I have to say though that Jenny is rather immature a lot of the time so it's no wonder.As I started this book I honestly didn't know if I was going to like it, or rather if I was going to like Jenny. I generally don't need to like a character to enjoy a book but I found Jenny really provoked a reaction in me. She's completely self-centred and at one point I actually hated her, I really did. If she had been my friend I'd have dumped her too. But then there was a bit of a sea change, both in my thinking and in the way that Jenny portrayed herself and I started to realise that she was actually very damaged, both by people and by society.Adults is incredibly current. Jenny is obsessed with social media, in how she is portrayed on there. I think that so many of us in this digital age feel like that. As Jenny's mother comments to her"'So let me get this straight' she says. 'You're upset because someone you don't know might not like a version of you that doesn't really exist.'"Jenny over thinks everything. Even a simple like is far from simple. In Jenny's head there are deep likes and not so deep likes. To be honest, I think there's a little bit of Jenny in me but I hope to God I'm not as bad as her.From my unsure start I ended up absolutely loving this book. It reminded me of Fleabag in style: very honest, very stark, sometimes cringe-worthy and a little bit crude, definitely funny, and yet despite all of those adjectives, it's ultimately quite tender when you delve down into Jenny's true feelings. I got to the end feeling quite hopeful for her. The author has done an amazing job with this book. It's so well-written, completely addictive and a fantastic read.
    • 5/5
      If the stardust from Hunter S. Thompson’s burial rocket floated down and landed in the Instagram server room, you would get “Adults” by Emma Jane Unsworth.

      The reader follows Jenny, a 35-year-old columnist for an online feminist zine, who finds her real and virtual existence unspooling at a rapid pace. It’s as if life went shopping at a boutique ceiling fan store, just to overpay for shipping, receiving and installation, then tap it off with the obvious tossing of sh*t into the spinning blades (made from sustainably farmed bamboo.) Unsworth’s wit sparks on each page as her main character simultaneously lives off and dies from the feeding tube of social media. It’s a battle we all recognize where we strive to be liked by others while failing to focus on whether we like ourselves.

      I find myself doubly lucky because I won this from a Goodreads giveaway and that I have discovered a new literary voice to become (safely, from a distance) obsessed with.
    • 4/5
      Grown Ups from Emma Jane Unsworth is one of the few books over the past year and a half or so that really has my ability to review and/or recommend tied up in knots. In the end, I think that is a good thing, it means that it isn't a simple and easily digestible story with typical characters and everyday scenes. That said, far more in here is relatable than we might be comfortable admitting.First, I will admit that much of the story is over-the-top. I think that is intentional and I also think it ultimately what helps the book to work. Jenny's actions, her prioritizing in life, her thoughts all seem at times to be caricatures of a social media obsessed millennial. I think that is both accurate and too narrowly defined. If we think of her as simply lampooning social media and/or millennials then we may miss the bigger point (or at least the bigger point I took away from the book). Namely, that most humans have at least one thing that we can effectively become addicted to, and many of us have addictive personalities in general. Couple that with the inherent desire for approval (even for those claiming to not be seeking it) and the instant gratification of social media and we have the perfect storm for people to fall down the rabbit hole Jenny tumbles through.While I do think this will speak more easily to young social media savvy readers, I think that the audience can and should be much wider. Many of the hows and whys of Jenny's situation will be familiar to most of us. Maybe not with social media but with something in our lives, past or present, that seemed more important than it really was/is. From substance abuse to a pathological need for attention and confirmation, we have all had our own little rabbit holes. How far down we went is likely dependent on the ready availability of whatever it was as well as the people we were surrounded by. It just so happens that in this historical moment social media is readily available and almost everyone uses it to some extent. So a person like Jenny can easily find herself out of control.If you can set aside what will likely be your initial desire to tell her to just effing stop, I think you will find a lot to both enjoy and relate to here. The other thing that might be a put off for some readers is the mixture of dialogues, emails, texts, and prose through which the story is told. But even that quickly becomes easy once you get into the book.I would recommend this to people who like to read fiction based on the potential pitfalls of contemporary life. The usual difficulties of human interaction which inform most fiction is here but filtered through the kaleidoscope of social media.Reviewed from a copy made available by the publisher via NetGalley.
    • 5/5
      5 stars








    • 5/5
      Lovely romance as usual from these 2 ladies. This story is warm and cozy. Perfect for the holidays indeed.
    • 5/5
      I love reading Christmas books during the holidays. This was a beautiful love story that just made me feel warm and happy. Is it a plausible story? Not really, but I loved it !
    • 3/5
      Lately, we seem to be in a time warp. We are stuck in the now, we have nothing much to look forward to and we are constantly upset that our lives are at a standstill.

      When we wake up the next day, we are at it again. We are stuck doing the same things, we are just moving from one room to another, have the same set of doubts and inhibitions and are constantly upset and annoyed about the circumstances we are stuck in.

      We wish we could change it. But, in vain. How many times we have asked ourselves and the Universe, what is it that would make us happy? Or give us an idea of what our choices should be to make up happy? Just imagine if the world was giving you chances to re-live your day or time frame all over again to correct the situation until you achieved what you wanted! Would you like it that way? Would it not get tiring and frustrating? Would you live through your time loop every now and then to correct your life and move on?

      Well, that pretty much sums up what In a Holidaze by Christina Lauren is about.
      Maelyn meets with her family and close family friends for Christmas every year in a snowy cabin in Utah. It is a ritual they have been following forever now. Their holidays are predictable - the same menu gets baked, someone in the family will be drunk, Christmas trees and decorations will be put up - there is warmth in the familiarity of things. But, familiar things can get boring. So Maelyn, who is frustrated with her job and boring life, in frustration, screams that she would like to know what makes her happy. Suddenly, Maelyn realizes that she was living a certain day or episode over and over again! She has lived through three out of six days, thrice! Every time she lives through this time warp, something goes wrong and interestingly, she gets another chance at correcting her situation. Finally, in her last repeat of situations, she actually does set the motion to make many things right. She is able to remodel the Utah holiday home and even finds true love. She finds confidence in quitting her boring job and being more open to actually doing what she likes to do and one that will make her feel happy.

      I quite liked The Unhoneymooners better, by the same author. It was entertaining, though cliched. It was predictable yet funny. It was an audio book I listened with pleasure. I quite had the same expectations of this one, but I can't say it was half as entertaining. Some parts of the story was fun to listen to, but some just dragged on. It did not completely live up to the Unhoneymooner's comedy style; a 3-star rating seems to be a decent score and totally okay to read or listen to it once.
    • 5/5
      I absolutely loved this story. I loved rooting for Mae and Andrew the whole time!!
    • 4/5
      Oh how I adored this. I read it in one sitting. It’s everything I want in a Christmas romance. It was soo beautifully cheesy, I couldn’t have asked for a better boom to put me in the Christmas mood!
    • 4/5
      Truly a fun, sometimes steamy romance. I Think I will add this to my read every year list for the holidays. I love the movie Groundhog day, so this is a perfect partner in my mind. This is a fast and easy read. The writing style is always amazing from Christina Lauren. Truly going to stick with me for the remainder of the holidays.
    • 3/5
      Cute Christmassy romance. I wish more had been made of the time loop as it seemed to be dropped about halfway through, but still fun and an easy relaxing read.
    • 4/5
      I received a complimentary digital copy of this book from the publisher and NetGalley in exchange for an unbiased review.

      This is a laugh out loud holiday romance which is perfect timing for this time of year when we could all use some humor. I couldn’t put it down once I started reading.

      It begins December 26 with the main character, 26 year old Maelyn Jones, exclaiming “call me a harlot” which sets the stage for what she describes as impulsive behavior leaving her hungover in the morning. All she remembers is a “drunk make out” with Theo Hollis who happens to be the brother of her crush, Andrew. She feels humiliated when Theo seems to ignore her in the morning.

      For years Maelyn’s family has spent the holidays with her parents college friends in a cabin in Park City near Salt Lake. Lisa and Ricky Hollis stayed in Utah where they welcomed their friends to their cabin. Her parents have been divorced 3 years but still maintain this holiday tradition together traveling from CA to Salt Lake. Her mother and Lisa were college roommates while her dad lived off campus with Aaron, Ricky and Benny.

      Over the years the group expanded to include Aaron’s husband Kyle Liang and their adopted twins from Manhattan. Benny remained single and eventually settled in Portland. Maelyn and her younger brother 17 year old, Miles, practically grew up with the Hollis brothers, Andrew and his younger brother Theo. Each year they anticipated the traditional schedule of playing board games and snowman contests.

      Somehow Maelyn’s life goes sideways when on the way home from the holidays the family is still processing the news that the cabin was being sold. Suddenly, she sees the car swerve and crash when she opens her eyes she is totally confused to find herself on an airplane. Dazed from what she recalls was a car accident, she is stunned to see her cell phone date is December 20th! They are actually on their way to Salt Lake and not on their way home on December 26th.

      She is flummoxed knowing that no one will believe her when she tries to explain that she has already experienced this week. Did she time travel what happened? She follows along and decides to avoid some of the mistakes she felt she made the first time. If only that were so easy, she has a series of mishaps of falling down stairs and having a branch fall on her only to wake up back in the plane. She found it amusing initially but soon she fears she will be stuck in this time warp forever.

      What would you do if you could have a “do over” of past events? How do you think you would handle such an experience? Maelyn finds herself not taking her life for granted and wanting to make changes with courage she didn’t know she had.
    • 3/5
      2.75

      It was a cute Holiday read. Very sugary sweet. The one place Christina Lauren tends to loose me is in her story/ plot development. I loved the concept and the first 1/2 of the book where she was stuck in the time loop. However, the time loop doesn't occur again, nor is it really fleshed out. I did enjoy the characters and reading experience overall, so I am happy to give it a just shy of 3 star rating.
    • 3/5
      Funny or frustrating? 2 or 5 stars?Definitely funny, Obsess..ss..sive moments  are scripted as our gal Jenny McLaine decries life and all relationships in general, online. Inventively stealing others stories to make them her own ‘cause her own life’s in tatters even as she possessively clutches her one true prop, her phone—even during sex (and then wonders why her boyfriend Art moved out!)Working for an online magazine that sounds more like some sort of pop-up than a stayer, adds to the transient, ungrounded feel of Jenny’s life.Then there’s Jen's relationship with her mother, one that seems to have parented our 35 year old obsessor into being locked into inaction and stuck Alice like in a somewhere-too-young place on the never ending merry-go-round of life.I felt I was watching Bridget Jones on steroids. The angst and worry is EXHAUSTING!The urge for recognition, the attention to who’s following you on Twitter, and then maybe not, watching for those little microcosm boosts of acceptance. ? Be it likes, or hearts or whatever!Oh my!I was overwhelmed, as was Jenny.I really liked the switches between writing modes from descriptive to texting and somewhere in between.And just maybe in between is how I feel about this novel. I didn’t really relate with Jenny's world  but I do accept the brilliance of its description. So depending on your point of view this will be either a two or a five star read.I’m giving it 2 for my ability to relate (which I suspect is more a comment about me) and 5 for the amusing, frenetic writing style. All that psychedelic energy!So I’ve landed in the in between 3 star zone. Mmmm! There’s that 'in between' concept again!I did love the piece of writing around The Croissant! Great!! I was actually transfixed! Maybe I was hungry?I’m sure others are going to just love this book  and find it a wonderfully cynical comment on life in the Millennial Lane! or maybe it's just Sex in the City moments updated?The big question is, "Does our Jenny come of age?"A Gallery Books  ARC via NetGalley
    • 4/5
      His breath comes out warm against my neck, voice shaking. "It never occurred to me that you might be mine"Describe this book in three words: Cute. Hallmark. Christmas.I would've liked to see Maelyn complete the time loop/groundhog day-ness at least one more time (just because I live for drama and angst). But I cant really complain, I enjoyed this book.
    • 4/5
       I’m not a big fan of the Groundhog’s Day premise And at the beginning of this one I thought it was going to get old fast. Fortunately, it got away from the repetitive nature of that gimmick and was just the fun Thanksgiving weekend read I want it. Benny was a great supporting character and the two main people had great chemistry. A fun read for the holidays for sure.
    • 4/5
      {stand alone, romance} (2020)A light, fun romance. All her life, Maelyn Jones has spent Christmases at her parents’ university friends’ cabin and the whole group meet at least once a year there. And half her life, she’s had a crush on one of their sons - but this Christmas she kisses his brother and then it feels like everything is going wrong. Even the cabin, centre of all their lives, is going to be sold. So Mae asks the universe to show her how she can be happy; and suddenly she’s reliving the same week over and over again.If she can get it right, maybe everyone will get their happily-ever-afters.3.5 stars
    • 5/5
      Such a good, happy, fun read. I laughed out loud in many parts.
    • 3/5
      Overall, the plot was cute and kind of fun. But, the initial part of time travel where Mae kept reliving the same day, I found it kind of boring. I was so glad when the story moved on.

      The entire family bonding throughout the book as well the development of Mae and Andrew’s relationship from friends to lovers was great. I loved the banter and the relationship between Mae and her Uncle Benny.

      With an ending so sweet and lovely, it does make for a good cozy holiday romance read.
    • 4/5
      I have heard so many great things about Christina Lauren. I have been meaning to read one of their books for awhile now and just haven't. I love time travel and time loops so this really got me excited when it came out. I was hoping to be immediately grabbed and pulled in to the characters and story. Unfortunately this didn't happen. I guess it was was the high hopes of it. Mae was a fun character with really great development and Benny was also one of my favorites. I did enjoy the closeness of the families and their traditions. I think maybe I was a little put off in the beginning due to Theo and Mae's encounter. I understand that was a pivotal point for Mae though. I wish it had addressed the end of the time loop though. I know Mae leaves with Andrew instead of going to the airport with her family so I guess her family didn't get into an accident since she wasn't there? That day just wasn't addressed at all in the end. I found it odd. Otherwise I did enjoy the ending and the epilogue. I always love when authors give a little update on the couple.
    • 3/5
      This was a fun, quick read. Not a ton of substance and honestly the plot line was kind of thrown together just to get the ending the authors wanted. Not enough well tied ends for me. Stayed up all night to finish it because I wanted to know the ending, but was honestly disappointed. Definitely didn’t have a stay up all night ending. But not a horrible read (obviously, since it still got me to stay up all night haha). Enjoyed the atmosphere the book created around the characters but also I didn’t get “Christmas cheer” or “Christmas magic” so much as winter wonderland. For that reason, I think you could definitely get away with reading it any time of the year for a quick winter pick me up.
    • 5/5
      Couldn’t put it down. Read the whole thing in less than 24 hours.
    • 4/5
      Maelyn's family and their family friends have always spent Christmas at their cabin in Park City, Utah. For over a decade, she's had a crush on Andrew, the family friends' elder son, but this time, she drunkenly kisses the younger brother Theo. The holidays are generally underwhelming, and as she leaves, she makes a wish to the universe that she can find what makes her happy. On the drive home, her family gets into a car crash, and she wakes up on the plane to relive the Christmas week over again, still with little idea of what happiness might be for her.I thought that this was cute and seasonal! It definitely took me a bit to warm up to the story--I generally really like Groundhog-Day-like tropes, so that was fun for me; at first I found Maelyn a little annoying, but that got better later in the book. Cute and seasonal!
    • 4/5
      In a Holidaze by Christina Lauren is a 2020 Gallery Books publication.Cute, whimsical holiday romance! We have all done things we immediately regret- things we wish we could take back. Unfortunately, we have no other choice but to live with the consequences of our actions. This holiday season, though, Maelyn Jones gets a second chance miracle... Or two…. Or three… If she can right her wrongs Mae could face a brighter and more promising future for herself. She also has an opportunity to tell her long-time family friend, Andrew, how she really feels about him.This story takes a familiar setup-Ala-‘Groundhog Day’, and gives it a fun holiday spin. As Christmas is only a week away, I am quickly running out of time on finding the right festive stories to fit my 2020 mood. Thankfully, I have finally uncovered a winner or two- this being one of them! This is a playful, romantic, and occasionally hysterical story, but the family dynamics, the great memories, and the touching conclusion give the story just the right amount of the warm and fuzzies. I’m giving the Rom-Com genre a wide berth at the moment because the market is glutted at the moment, and trends aren’t my favorite. However, I’m glad I made an exception for this one! 4 stars
    • 4/5
      I've been reading Christina Lauren since fanfiction days. I am unabashedly proud of that. Ha. This said, I enjoyed this cute Christmas story. Loved the family elements, nostalgia, and the kids to adult relationship. The Back To The Future element was a great touch. One of the things about Christina and Lauren's writing is their banter is so authentic and organic. Flowing like a conversation should, be it awkward, painful, or casual. This is so hard to do and they do it well. For a cute Christmas romance, this is a winner in my book. Cant wait to read what books they have coming in 2021!
    • 4/5
      Pandemic read. Light holiday reading that had no epidemic in it.

    Book preview

    In a Holidaze - Christina Lauren

    chapter one

    DECEMBER 26

    Call me harlot. Call me impulsive. Call me hungover.

    No one ever has before, but someone absolutely should this morning. Last night was a disaster.

    As quietly as I can, I slip out of the bottom bunk and tiptoe across the freezing floor to the stairs. My heart is beating so hard I wonder if it’s audible outside of my body. The last thing I want is to wake Theo and have to look him in the eye before my brain is warmed up and my thoughts are cohesive.

    The second step from the bottom always creaks like something out of a haunted house; it’s been victimized by nearly three decades of us kids run-stomping our way up for meals and down for games and bed in the basement. I stretch to carefully put my foot on the one just above it, exhaling when I land with no sound. Not everyone is so lucky; that loose board has busted Theo sneaking in late—or early, depending on how you look at it—more times than I can count.

    Once I’m in the kitchen, I worry less about stealth and go for speed. It’s still dark; the house is quiet, but Uncle Ricky will be up soon. This cabin is full of early risers. My window of opportunity to figure out how to fix this is narrowing quickly.

    With a barrage of memories from last night rolling like a mortifying flip book through my head, I jog up the wide stairway to the second floor, ignore the mistletoe hanging above the landing, round the banister in my candy cane socks, sneak quietly down the hallway, and open the door to the narrower set of stairs leading to the attic. At the top, I nudge open Benny’s door.

    Benny, I whisper into the chilly blackness. Benny, wake up. It’s an emergency.

    A gravelly groan comes from across the room, and I warn him, I’m turning on the light.

    No—

    "Yes." I reach over, flicking the switch and illuminating the room. While we offspring have long been relegated to bunk beds in the basement, this attic is Benny’s bedroom every December, and I think it’s the best one in the house. It has pitched ceilings and a long stained-glass window at the far end that projects sunlight across the walls in brilliant stripes of blue, red, green, and orange. The narrow twin bed up here shares the space with the organized clutter of family heirlooms, boxes of decorations for various holidays, and a wardrobe full of Grandma and Grandpa Hollis’s old winter clothes, from back when buying a cabin in Park City wasn’t a laughable financial prospect for a high school principal from Salt Lake. Since none of the other families had girls when I was a kid, I would play dress-up all alone up here, or sometimes with Benny as my audience.

    But now I don’t need an audience, I need a kind ear and a cold, hard shot of advice because I am on the verge of hysteria.

    "Benny. Wake up."

    He pushes up onto an elbow and, with his other hand, wipes the sleep from his eyes. His Aussie accent comes out hoarse: What time is it?

    I look at the phone I have gripped in my clammy palm. Five thirty.

    He stares at me with squinty, incredulous eyes. Is somebody dead?

    No.

    Missing?

    No.

    Bleeding profusely?

    Mentally bleeding, yes. I step deeper into the room, wrap myself up in an old afghan, and sit in a wicker chair that faces the bed. Help.

    At fifty-five years old, Benny still has the same fluffy sandy-brown hair he’s sported my entire life. It reaches just past his chin, wavy like it was permed for years and at some point decided to stay that way. I used to imagine he was a roadie for some aging eighties rock band, or an adventurer who led rich tourists to their doom out in the bush. The reality—he’s a Portland locksmith—is less exciting, but his jangle of turquoise bracelets and beaded necklaces at least lets me pretend.

    Right now that hair is mostly a tangled halo of chaos around his head.

    With each of the twelve other bodies in this house, I’ve got deep history, but Benny is special. He’s a college friend of my parents—all of the grown-ups in this house attended the University of Utah together, except Kyle, who married into the group—but Benny has always been more friend than parent figure. He’s from Melbourne, even-tempered and open-minded. Benny is the eternal bachelor, the wise adviser, and the one person in my life I know I can count on to give me perspective when my own thoughts are swerving out of control.

    When I was a kid, I would save up my gossip until I saw him over the Fourth of July weekend or Christmas break, and then unload everything the moment I had him to myself. Benny has a way of listening and giving the simplest, most judgment-free advice without lecturing. I’m just hoping his level head can save me now.

    Okay. He clears some of the gravel out of his throat with a cough and brushes a few wayward strands of hair out of his face. Let’s have it.

    Right. So. Despite my panic and the ticking clock, I decide it’s best to ease him in gently to this conversation. Theo, Miles, Andrew, and I were playing board games last night in the basement, I start.

    A low Mm-hm rumbles out of him. A standard night.

    Clue, I stall, tugging my dark hair over my shoulder.

    Okay. Benny, as ever, is blissfully patient.

    Miles fell asleep on the floor, I say. My younger brother is seventeen and, like most teenagers, can sleep on a pointy rock. Andrew went out to the Boathouse.

    This Mm-hm is a chuckle because Benny still finds it hilarious that Andrew Hollis—Theo’s older brother—finally put his foot down with his father and found a way out of the infantilizing bunk bed situation: he moved into the Boathouse for the duration of the Christmas holiday. The Boathouse is a small, drafty old building about twenty yards from the main cabin. What cracks me up is that the Boathouse isn’t anywhere near a body of water. It’s most frequently used as an extension of the backyard in the summer and most assuredly not set up for overnight guests to the Rocky Mountains in December.

    And as much as I hated not seeing Andrew Hollis in the top bunk across the room, I honestly can’t blame him.

    No one sleeping in the basement is actually a kid anymore. It’s been well established that Theo can (ahem) sleep anywhere, my brother, Miles, idolizes Theo and will go wherever Theo is, and I put up with it because my mother would murder me barehanded if I ever complained about the Hollis family’s abundant hospitality. But Andrew, nearly thirty years old, was apparently done placating the parents, and took a camping cot and sleeping bag and strolled his way out of the cabin our first night here.

    We’d all had a couple drinks by then, I say, then amend, Well, not Miles, obviously, but the rest of us.

    Benny’s brows lift.

    Two. I grimace. Eggnog.

    I wonder if Benny knows where this is going. I am a notoriously wussy drinker and Theo is a notoriously horny one. Though, to be fair, Theo is just notoriously horny.

    Theo and I went upstairs to grab some water. I lick my lips and swallow, suddenly parched. Um, and then we were like, ‘Let’s drunkenly go for a walk in the snow!’ but instead… I hold my breath, strangling my words. We made out in the mudroom.

    Benny goes still, and then turns his suddenly-wide-awake hazel eyes on me. You’re talking about Andrew, right? You and Andrew?

    And there it is. With that gentle question, Benny has hit the nail on the head. No, I say finally. Not Andrew. Theo. That’s me: harlot.

    With the benefit of sobriety and the jarring clarity of the morning after, last night’s brief, frantic scramble feels like a blur. Did I initiate things, or did Theo? All I know is that it was surprisingly clumsy. Not at all seductive: teeth clashing, some feverish moans and kisses. His hand basically latched onto my chest in a move that felt more breast-exam than passionate-embrace. That’s when I pushed him away, and, with a flailing apology, ducked under his arm and ran down to the basement.

    I want to smother myself with Benny’s pillow. This is what I get for finally saying yes to Ricky Hollis’s boozy eggnog.

    Hold on. Bending, Benny pulls a backpack up from the floor near the side of the bed and retrieves a long, thin one-hitter.

    Seriously, Benedict? It’s not even light out.

    "Listen, Mayhem, you’re telling me you made out with Theo Hollis last night. You don’t get to give me shit for taking a hit before I hear the rest of this."

    Fair enough. I sigh, closing my eyes and tilting my face to the ceiling, sending a silent wish to the universe to obliterate last night from existence. Unfortunately, when I open them again, I’m still here in the attic with Benny—who’s taking a deep inhale of weed before sunrise—and a bucketful of regret settling in my gut.

    Benny exhales a skunky plume and sets the pipe back in the bag. Okay, he says, squinting over at me. You and Theo.

    I blow my bangs out of my face. Please don’t say it like that.

    He raises his eyebrows like, Well? You know your mom and Lisa have been joking all these years… right?

    Yeah. I know.

    I mean, you’re a people-pleaser, he says, studying me, but this goes above and beyond.

    I didn’t do it to make anyone happy! I pause, considering. I don’t think.

    It’s a long-standing joke that, since we were kids, our parents hoped Theo and I would someday end up together. Then we’d officially be family. And I suppose, on paper, we make sense. We were born exactly two weeks apart. We were baptized on the same day. We slept together in the bottom bunk until Theo was big enough to be trusted not to jump off the top. He cut my hair with kitchen scissors when we were four. I covered his face and arms with Band-Aids each time we were left alone together until our parents got smart and started hiding the Band-Aids. So that we could be excused from the table, I used to eat his green beans and he’d eat my cooked carrots.

    But all of that is kid stuff, and we aren’t kids anymore. Theo is a nice guy, and I love him because we’re practically family and I sort of have to, but we’ve grown into such different people that sometimes it seems like the only things we have in common happened more than a decade ago.

    More importantly (read: pathetically), I’ve never been into Theo, primarily because I’ve had a crazy, silent, soul-crushing crush on his older brother for what feels like my whole life. Andrew is kind, warm, gorgeous, and hilarious. He is playful, flirty, creative, and affectionate. He is also deeply principled and private, and I’m pretty sure there’s nothing that would turn him off a woman faster than knowing she made out with his younger, womanizing brother while under the influence of eggnog.

    Benny, the only other person in this house who knows about my feelings for Andrew, watches me expectantly. So, what happened?

    We were tipsy. We ended up in the mudroom, the three of us: me and Theo and his tongue. I shove the tip of my thumb into my mouth, biting it. Tell me what you’re thinking.

    I’m trying to understand how this happened—this isn’t like you at all, Noodle.

    Defensiveness flares briefly but is almost immediately extinguished by self-loathing. Benny’s my Jiminy Cricket, and he’s right: that isn’t like me. Maybe it was a subconscious shove: I need to get over this stupid Andrew thing.

    You sure about that? Benny asks gently.

    Nope. … Yes? I’m twenty-six. Andrew is twenty-nine. Even I have to admit that if anything was ever going to happen between us, it would have happened by now.

    So you figured, why not Theo? Benny asks, reading my thoughts.

    It wasn’t that calculated, okay? I mean, he’s not exactly hard to look at.

    Are you attracted to him, though? Benny scratches his stubbly chin. That feels like an important question.

    I mean, lots of women seem to be?

    He laughs. That isn’t what I asked.

    I guess I must have been last night, right?

    And? he asks, grimacing like he isn’t sure he wants to know.

    And… I wrinkle my nose.

    Your expression is telling me it was terrible.

    I exhale, deflating. So bad. I pause. He licked my face. Like, my entire face. Benny’s wince deepens, and I point a finger at him. You are sworn to secrecy.

    He holds up a hand. "Who would I tell? His parents? Yours?"

    Have I ruined everything?

    Benny gives me an amused smile. You are not the first two people in history to have drunkenly made out. But maybe this was a catalyst in a way. The universe is telling you to move on, one way or another, where Andrew is concerned.

    I laugh because this feels genuinely impossible. How does one move on from a man so kind of heart and fine of ass? It’s not like I haven’t tried to get over Andrew for, oh, the past thirteen years. Any idea how?

    I don’t know, Noodle.

    Do I pretend like nothing happened? Do I talk about it with Theo?

    Definitely don’t ignore it, Benny says, and as much as I was hoping to get permission to put my head in the sand, I know he’s right. Avoiding confrontation is the Jones family’s biggest vice. My parents could probably count on one hand the number of times they’ve maturely discussed their feelings with each other—which is probably what their divorce lawyer would tell you. Go wake him up before the day gets rolling. Clear the air.

    He glances out the window, at the sky that is reluctantly brightening, and then back to me. Panic must be bleeding into my expression, because he puts a calming hand on mine. I know it’s your nature to smooth out problems by avoiding confrontation, but it’s our last day here. You don’t want to leave with that lingering between you. Imagine coming back to that next Christmas.

    You’re the most emotionally intuitive locksmith alive, you know.

    He laughs. You’re deflecting.

    I nod, tucking my hands between my knees and staring down at the worn wood floor. One more question.

    Mm-hm? His hum tells me he knows exactly what’s coming.

    Do I tell Andrew?

    He rebounds a question right back: Why would Andrew need to know?

    I blink up to his face and catch the gentle sympathy there. Oof. He’s right. Andrew doesn’t need to know, because he wouldn’t care one way or another.

    chapter two

    I’m praying that everyone is still asleep when I sneak back out of Benny’s room, and for the most part, the house is silent and still. My plan: Wake up Theo, ask him to come talk to me in the kitchen—no, not the kitchen, too close to the mudroom—before anyone else is up. Clear the air. Make sure we know it was a fluke, nothing to be weird about. It was the eggnog kissing! Definitely nothing anyone else needs to know about.

    Am I being too paranoid about a sloppy kiss and a boob grope? Without a doubt. But Theo is like family, and these things tend to get messy. Let me not be the proverbial stick of dynamite in this comfortable chosen-family dynamic.

    Look back on a hundred other mornings here, and I’m usually awake in the kitchen, quietly cheating at solitaire while Ricky, Andrew and Theo’s dad, munches on cookies and zombie-sips his coffee, slowly coming to life. Maelyn Jones, you and me are two peas in a pod, he’ll say once he’s verbal. We both wake up with the sun. But this particular morning, Ricky isn’t up yet. In his place is Theo, bent over a giant bowl of Lucky Charms.

    It’s still disorienting to see him with short hair. For as long as I can remember Theo had dark, wavy surfer hair he’d sometimes pull into a short ponytail, but it’s gone, cut off only days before we all arrived at the cabin. Now I stand in the doorway, surrounded by strands of metallic garland and tissue paper holly the twins and Andrew hung up yesterday morning, staring at the top of Theo’s short-haired head and thinking he looks like a stranger.

    I know he knows I’m here, but he doesn’t acknowledge me; he’s feigning a deep fascination with the nutritional information on the cereal box in front of him. Milk drips from his chin, and he swipes it away with the back of his hand.

    My stomach turns to stone. Hey, I say, folding a stray dish towel.

    He still doesn’t look up. Hey.

    You sleep okay?

    Sure.

    I cross my arms in front of me and am reminded that I’m braless, in pajamas. The linoleum floor is freezing beneath my bare feet. You’re up early.

    One bulky shoulder lifts and drops. Yeah.

    When I blink, I suddenly see what’s happening with clear eyes. I’m not dealing with Lifelong Friend Theo right now. This is Next Morning Theo. This is the Theo most girls see. My mistake was in assuming that I’m not most girls.

    I move to the coffeepot, stuffing a filter in, filling it with dark roast, setting it to brew. The deep headiness of coffee fills my head, and, for only a breath, it distracts me from my angst.

    I glance at the empty Advent calendar on the counter—empty not because yesterday was Christmas but because Andrew loves chocolate and finished it five days ago. His and Theo’s mom, Lisa, made some sort of cookie bars on the first day of vacation, but they’ve barely been touched because nobody is willing to risk a tooth after watching Dad crack one of his.

    I know every dish in this kitchen, know each potholder, towel, and place mat. This place is more precious to me than even my own childhood home, and I don’t want to tarnish it with stupid, eggnog-soaked decisions.

    I take a deep breath and think of why we come here: To spend quality time with our chosen family. To celebrate togetherness. We drive each other crazy sometimes, but I love this place; I look forward to coming here all year.

    Theo drops his spoon onto the table, clattering me back into this tense, loaded room. He shakes the cereal box over his bowl, refilling it.

    I try to engage again: Hungry?

    He grunts. Yeah.

    I give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he’s embarrassed. Lord knows I am. Maybe I should apologize, make sure we’re on the same page. Listen, Theo. About last night…

    He laughs into a bite of cereal. Last night was nothing, Mae. I should have known you’d make a huge deal out of it.

    I blink. A huge deal?

    Briefly, I imagine hurling the closest object within reach at his head. What the hell is that— I begin, but footsteps stop my tirade and save Theo from getting brained by a cast-iron trivet.

    Ricky comes into the room, letting out a gravelly Mornin’.

    He grabs a mug, and I grab the pot, filling his cup when he reaches out expectantly, and we shuffle toward the table: our familiar little dance. But then Ricky falters, unsure where to sit with an unexpected Theo in his chair, and he pulls out another one, sitting with a relieved groan, inhaling his coffee.

    I wait for Ricky to say it. Wait for it. Maelyn Jones, you and me are two peas in a pod. But the words don’t come. Theo’s created a pocket of cold silence in the ordinarily warm space, and a tiny flicker of panic sparks beneath my ribs. Ricky is the King of Tradition, and I am the obvious heir to his throne. This is the one place in the world where I’ve never questioned what I’m doing or who I am, but last night Theo and I went off-script, and now everything is weird.

    I glare across the table at him, but he doesn’t look up. He tucks into his Lucky Charms like a hungover frat boy.

    Theo is a dick.

    I am suddenly blindingly furious. How can he not even have the balls to look at me this morning? A few drunken kisses should be nothing to Theo Hollis, a scratch that’s easily polished. Instead, it feels like he’s deliberately gouging deeper.

    Ricky slowly turns to look at me, and his questioning expression penetrates my peripheral vision. Maybe Theo is right. Maybe I am making too big a deal out of this. With effort, I blink and push back from the table to stand.

    Think I’ll take my coffee outside and enjoy the last morning here.

    There. If Theo has half a brain—which is presently up for debate—he’ll take the hint and follow me outside to talk.

    But once I’m sitting on the porch swing, bundled up in a down coat, thick socks, boots, and a blanket, I’m cold from the inside out. I don’t want to shake the foundation of this special place, which is why I’ve never been tempted by Theo’s flirtation, or admitted to anyone but Benny that I have real and tender feelings for Andrew. Our parents’ bedrock friendship is far older than any of us kids.

    Lisa and Mom were roommates in college. Dad, Aaron, Ricky, and Benny all lived together in a ramshackle rental off campus; they gave the old Victorian the incredibly creative name of International House of Beer, and from photos it looked like something out of Animal House. After graduation, Aaron moved to Manhattan, where he met and married Kyle Liang and they eventually adopted twins. Ricky and Lisa stayed in Utah, Benny roamed the West Coast before settling in Portland. My parents put down roots in California, where I was born and, eventually, Miles—the Surprise Baby—when I was nine. They divorced three years ago, and Mom is happily remarried. Dad… not so much.

    Aaron has often said that these friendships saved his life when his mom and brother died unexpectedly in a car accident during junior year, and the group rallied around him to celebrate the holidays together. Even with all these ups and downs in life, the tradition stuck: every December twentieth we give ourselves over to Ricky’s highly specific and detailed Christmas itinerary. We haven’t missed a single year as long as I’ve been alive, even the year my parents divorced. That year wasn’t comfortable—strained is an understatement—but somehow spending

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