Adrienne: La Fayette's Sweet Fire

This book is protected by copyright. No portion of the author’s writing may be reproduced by any means without permission. Please cite, if any part of her work is quoted. All proceeds will be donated to libraries and historical societies. All photos that were used were found in the Public Domain after an extensive search. Any mistakes in this regard were unintentional.

It should be noted that on the cover, title page and first chapters of the book up to the Revolution, the name is spelled La Fayette. However, after the Revolution when the nobility were stripped of their titles, the family spelled the name, Lafayette.

September, 2020

ISBN: 978-1-0983377-2-8

Dedication:

To the memory of Adrienne Lafayette and all her strengths.

To my husband, Dorian Tolbert, supporter, discussant, and technical consultant in all my writings and most importantly, the love of my life.

To my life-long friends: Mrs. Geneviève Lalli Morgan, Mr. Victor Gramigna-Robertson, Dr. Margery Miller, Dr. Spencer Gibbins, Mr. and Mrs. Bud Disney and Mr. and Mrs. Don Horton, ---- who always encourage and inspire.

Acknowledgements:

Thanks to my husband, Dorian, for all his technical support and for his proof reading as well as his questioning and critical (though kind) comments.

Thanks to Dr. Margery Miller, for listening ad infinitum to my attempts to try to understand Adrienne and for encouraging me all the way through the process.

Thanks to Mr.Victor Gramigna-Robertson for his motivational push to write the story and get it out there!

Table of Contents:

Forward:

Hopefully, this account will celebrate the strengths of a woman (Marie Adrienne Francoise de Noailles, Marquise de La Fayette) whom I have come to regard with great admiration but also with a good deal of wonderment. As I read various biographies about her and read letters to and from her, my respect and my amazement became profound. She was indeed, a woman with ‘Sweet Fire’ in her heart, mind and soul. Her bravery and assertiveness during her place in history are awe-inspiring. She crossed and transcended the traditional roles of women of her era. Without question, she was in many instances the fire behind Gilbert La Fayette¹ (General Gilbert du Motier, Marquis de Lafayette) in terms of her intelligence, understanding, moral compass, compassion, diligence and determination. On many (if not most) occasions, she was the woman behind the man ---- behind the successful man.

While there are some fine accounts of Adrienne, they often include so many details about her husband that I felt she was almost lost in her own story. Somehow I feel history has cheated her of the praise and consideration that she deserves. That is not to say she was perfect. Nor is it to say that she didn’t have a weakness or made mistakes. In recent times, it seems that our/heroes/heroines are being torn down or judged to have clay feet, simply because they are human and make mistakes----sometimes grave mistakes. However, mistakes and unenlightened philosophies do not or should not negate their positive contributions to history. They should serve as a lesson in being human. The popular tendency today of splitting a person into all good or all bad is/ should be of concern. A person can perform tremendously good deeds and yet make mistakes. It would be so refreshing today to celebrate the good of our heroes/heroines or former heroes/heroines and to admit their mistakes and learn from them.

This is not the story of Lafayette’s accomplishments. It’s well known that he participated in the American Revolution because he loved the ideals and philosophies of our emerging democracy. He paid for the clothes, the food, the shelter and the weapons for his troops out of his own pocket. Up until the early to mid- twentieth century he was thought of as a war-hero by historians.² He was celebrated throughout America as a great champion of our victory in the American Revolution and of our ideals as a nation. His name was a battle cry in WW I for American soldiers. And, the United States Air Squadron, (Escadrille Américaine), was called Escadrille Lafayette by the French. They flew combat against the Germans (the Boche). And, indeed, he risked so very much when he acted on his political beliefs and philosophies for the United States and for France. However, more recently historians have taken a more detailed look at his military accomplishments. Many do not regard him as a great strategist. His stature in modern historical research has declined.³ What seems to be the more current thinking is that his contributions include: his emphasis on human rights and the belief that each individual should have equal and legal rights; his belief in the intelligence and capability of women whether in literature or in political forums; his anti-slavery stance; his support of advances and the need for skills in agriculture; his view that the economy was expanding beyond one nation into the global realm; and the trans-Atlantic nature of his extensive travels.⁴

This book is definitely not the story of Gilbert La Fayette but in order to tell Adrienne’s story it is necessary to consider his behavior in relation to her and his personality as it comes through in his letters and actions. Many modern researches have concentrated on his self-centered attitude; his deep need for approval from others and his demand for praise.⁵ Some have described him as a statue in search of a pedestal. His need for love/approval appears in many variations in letters to Adrienne, "(N’est-il pas vrai mon Cœur que vous m’aimez toujours?) Is it not true that you will always love me?" It is interesting to note that this question was never followed by a declaration that he would always love her!

La Fayette’s self-centered attitude and egotism will hopefully come through in my writing of Adrienne’s story.⁶ Those traits are there in his responses to her, whether it was assigning her tasks; offering her his political views; discussing his successes, (military and otherwise); and even while mourning the death of his first child. He was in America when he wrote to his wife who had just lost her two year old daughter: Consider, my love, how dreadful it must be to weep for what I have lost! What about what SHE had lost? He never expressed an understanding of her loss as a mother.

Even when Adrienne was dreadfully ill, he expected her to continue to manage the family finances, to recover property confiscated during the Revolution and run from one government office to another to restore his status and that of his friends as a citizen of France instead of an émigré. At the same time he wanted his office and home arranged exactly according to his specifications. He complained that he also needed her company. One wonders how this woman was to accomplish all this. Not only did he expect her to conduct business and to supply his requests but even as a young man, recently married, he wanted things done quickly. In March, 1777 when he was traveling in England he wrote, I have been much put about, dear heart, at having received no news of you for two posts. Fortunately, I know you are not sick but only lazy, because I have heard from …friends who say nothing of you.

What is also astounding is that in the face of all that she did or could do Adrienne viewed herself as unworthy or not quite worthy enough of the man she adored. And, the word, adored, is correct here. Her desire for him in every respect, physically, emotionally, and intellectually was a huge part of the Sweet Fire that was her. In the 34 years of their marriage, Gilbert had mistresses. He cheated on Adrienne with his women friends ---- cheated physically, emotionally and intellectually. Adrienne accepted this as part of his privilege as a nobleman. She accepted it because of her deep love for him. She accepted it because she felt she was never good enough! And yet, on Gilbert’s part there was NEVER a question as to whether the marriage would last. It was most definitely until death parted them. He called her, dear heart, and he expressed great affection at times. And he most certainly was with her at the very end of her life.

The story of Adrienne is the story of Sweet Fire. She was kind and loving; gentle and caring: all the characteristics that one normally thinks of when the adjective, sweet, is applied to a person. She was charitable and always placed others before herself. But when necessary, she could ignite into a formidable force. She could be assured, assertive and confident. She faced nobles and kings. She starred them down and debated them successfully. She won her point. She faced the poor and the middle class. She not only made her point with them, but was accepted by them even though she was of noble heritage. She served time in prison simply because she was born into a noble family: the wrong family at her time in history. Then, she volunteered to go to prison to share life with the love of her life. And she was incredibly strong in the face of great sadness and loss and in the face of knowing that she was not quite enough for the man she adored.

In so many respects, this woman with the flaw (not thinking herself good enough) was the harbinger of the modern, independent woman: the woman of the 20th and 21st century. I think she would be very pleased with les femmes aujourd’hui!

Organization of This Book:

In telling Adrienne’s story, I have used the first names of the players after I’ve introduced them. This was not to be disrespectful of their status in French history or during their lives. It simply made the story easier to read and placed the emphasis on the people involved and not on their titles.

While telling Adrienne’s story many of the accomplishments of her husband and many of his political and military assignments and philosophies had to be mentioned. I tried to keep them at a minimum and to include only those that would contribute to her story and/or show their relationship. After all this is HER Story. However, this in no way should be taken to demean Gilbert Lafayette and his rightful accomplishments.

In certain chapters where the history of France/ the French Revolution / the rise of political parties had an important impact on Adrienne’s story, I wrote a brief background section before the actual chapter itself. This was to help those of us who needed a brief guide to French history of the period. To those who are very knowledgeable in that history I apologize for its brevity and simplification. These backgrounds were only intended to place Adrienne’s story in the correct political atmosphere.

I have based Adrienne’s story mainly on letters and remembrances from friends and family. I read some of her letters in French to get a feel for her language and thought. Each chapter is well foot-noted. One of the most fortuitous events in writing her story was the finding at La Grange⁷ in the Lafayette Library. This was the property where Adrienne and Gilbert would live in the last years of her life. It had belonged to her family and she was able to recover it after it had been confiscated during the Revolution. It has remained in the Lafayette family into the 20th Century. Rene de Chambrun, who was the last direct descendant of Lafayette through Virginie (the youngest child), inherited it. He and his wife decided to live there and to restore the place. One day in 1956 they were walking about the mansion and just happened to discover a wing on the third floor that had been closed up for years ---- for decades. When they entered, they believed that they had entered a fairy tale. The French historian, Andre Maurois⁸ (whose work was used extensively in this story of Adrienne) described their find most eloquently. They entered into the Lafayette library at the top of the northwest tower. Not a single object had been moved. The mail from the general’s last days was in the drawer, unopened. Handsome books offered to him by the American states were lined up on the shelves; the gold of their bindings gleamed brightly as if new. In the drawers they found the general’s seals, his dear recollections of Washington; in the attics of the Polish Corridor, thousands of letters written by him, by his relatives, by his wife, by their children and grandchildren. What a find, a gift, a benefit for history!

This is an artist’s drawing of La Grange.

Chapter One: The Very Unique Adrienne

The future Madame de La Fayette was born on November 2, 1759⁹ into a family of wealth and privilege. Their home, more correctly their estate, at the Hôtel de Noailles¹⁰ in Paris, was elegant and lavish.¹¹ Adrienne grew up in comfort and luxury! But more importantly for a young girl of her intelligence, she was raised by a Mother with very progressive ideas on women. The Duchesse Henriette Anne Louise D’Aguesseau¹² (Henriette d’Ayen) had views ahead of her time and place in history. She wanted her daughters to be strong, educated, and competent women. She certainly did not want them to have unhappy marriages like her own!¹³ In no way, did she want her girls to be simple extensions of their husbands.¹⁴ And, she freely admitted her own mistakes so that they might learn from them. She taught them to have high moral standards and to observe the world around them and to draw their own conclusions.¹⁵

This is a recent picture of Adrienne’s home at the Hôtel de Noailles.

Adrienne was the second oldest of Henriette’s five girls: Louise, Adrienne, Clotilde, Pauline and Rosalie.¹⁶ Though she loved all her sisters and her parents deeply, she had the closest bond with Louise.¹⁷ Historians as well as her contemporaries and family have described Adrienne as: pretty, brunette, incredibly smart, moral, religious, kind, tenacious and loving.¹⁸ Henriette noted very early in Adrienne’s life that she had a very creative imagination: an imagination that her Mother would try to direct toward simplicity and truth.¹⁹ Yet, she could and would challenge her Mother and her tutor on ideas: I must seem very disputatious because you allow us to present our objectives, but you shall see, Mamma, when we are 15, that we shall be more docile than other girls.²⁰ Adrienne was noted to have the habit of arguing even as a very young child.²¹ In reading and researching her life, it doesn’t seem that Adrienne ever became docile in terms of political ideas, philosophies, religious beliefs and defending/protecting her loved ones. Her family and future husband should be very glad that she did not and that when needed her fire could easily be kindled!

Adrienne and her sisters seemed to have had a beautiful and tranquil childhood. They had a skilled and educated old nurse to help their mother in raising them. They were very lucky in having her presence in their young lives. She could easily win affection from her charges. She was educated and could teach in a way that made any lesson pleasant. Above all, she was very respectful of their Mamma and followed her intentions exactly.²² In addition, the girls had the lovely gardens around the Noailles mansion for them to explore.²³ They played for hours among the trees and flowers there. The young ladies played games of loto.²⁴ Life, however, was not all games and woodland adventures! Henriette or Mamma, as Adrienne called her, made it her mission to instruct and tutor the girls. The five girls and their Mamma met for breakfast and a morning meeting each day. Most afternoons around 3 pm they would all eat dinner together. This 3 o’clock dinner would only rarely be canceled if Mamma had another appointment or commitment. After dining, the girls would join their mother in her bedroom and have their lessons. Everything was done for us ---- all her faculties were bent on accomplishing our welfare and on preparing for our future happiness.²⁵ This is how one of Adrienne’s sisters would describe it. …after the meal (she) took us with her to her bedroom. This was very large and hung with gold-fringed crimson damask. The bed was immense. The duchess (Henriette) sat down in an easy-chair, with her snuffbox, her books and her sewing within easy reach, and her five daughters grouped about her in a circle, the elder ones on chairs, the younger on stools, quietly nudging and pushing in an attempt to get as close as possible to their mother. The talk was of the lessons of the previous day, then of the small events of the moment. Nothing could have been less like lesson-time, yet when it was over what they had learned stuck in their minds.²⁶ If there was any disruption in these pleasant afternoons they may well have come from Pauline. She has been described as a very angry child given to fits of rage. Mamma, however, could and would control them.²⁷

Unlike many of the French aristocrats of her time, Henriette did not put the responsibility of rearing her children mainly on others. She wanted to encourage intellectual growth and to cultivate her own children. The sisters learned grammar, history, geography and the catechism of the Catholic Church.²⁸ Pauline would later write that they were taught "to fear even the appearance of evil,